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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 766 through 780 (of 2,508 total)
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  • December 7, 2017 at 4:46 am in reply to: Need help ending this non-friendship #180897
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Talia,

    I had something like this. I think these guys keep trying to contact us because they’re bored or they honestly believe that at one point they’ll wear us down. I mean nothing will happen now that you live several hours away.

    What I would do is casually not answer his calls. AND THEN RETURN HIS CALL. He will hate that you broke the “rules”. Say, “Tough. These are my rules now. When you call and I’m unavailable I WILL CALL YOU BACK.” Better: Contact his wife and say, “Your husband tried to call me??”

    What’s he going to do? You live several hours away! And bonus! You’re showing him what a real friendship looks like!

    Keep it Real,

    Inky

    December 6, 2017 at 4:51 am in reply to: My impossible sister #180759
    Inky
    Participant

    They ate my post!! Argh! It was amazing!!!!

    TV Guide Version:

    1. Instead of giving her advice, ask leading questions over the glasses of wine. “Do you see yourself with him forever?” “Have you seen a chiropractor for your back?” etc. rather than “Leave him!” “See a doctor!” etc.

    2. You are the younger sister and have never had kids too early, gotten kicked out, had bad relationships, got cancer and broke your back. So of course now that her life is somewhat “together” she is NOT going to hear it from you, her little sister who gives advice and jokes with her as if you were her equal, or, as anita said, a superior. She is so sensitive to that that she is seeing it everywhere.

    3. Stop communicating with her through FB, text, etc. If you talk to her, keep it short. If you visit her, arrive late and leave early.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
    December 5, 2017 at 5:36 am in reply to: Lost myself in my relationship #180593
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Anastasia,

    Your BF is The Lazy Lover! You have to ask to see him but you don’t want to have to ask nonetheless!

    So (and I know this will kill you!) if you don’t contact him, I’m wondering how long it would be for him to contact you? Seriously, I’d be very curious!

    After Christmas (when things in general quiet down) casually stop contacting him and be a lady-in-waiting until February. If he gets nervous and contacts you after that make sure you are dating another fellow. Say, “I never heard from you so I assumed you weren’t interested!” He’ll be all, “You could have called me anytime!” Then you be all, “I’m the girl in relationships and I’m used to guys chasing the girls! I don’t want you to be the girl in a relationship! Anyway, I’m going out with Steve now, sorry!”

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    P.S. And lose the friend, I don’t trust her! Don’t bring her around your guy, you two already have problems!

    December 4, 2017 at 12:14 pm in reply to: Small Victory! #180523
    Inky
    Participant

    Nothing like the vision of a military family during a Pipe and Drum Ceremony is all I’m saying. LOL

    (Sorry for drifting into Social Redemption Fantasies…!!)

     

    December 4, 2017 at 12:04 pm in reply to: Small Victory! #180519
    Inky
    Participant

    Well, if I were reading this post and I attempted to give a Best of Inky, I suppose I would say something like, “Have someone with you, and seek sanctuary in politeness”.

    To address how and why he makes me react this way, clearly it has to do with my Dark Origin Story. Like if I resolve this then I energetically resolve that. And if I can’t resolve this then my youth continues to be unresolved as well.

    I do wish my son, all decked out in his military uniform, was there that day. Not that I  parade him about like a show pony, but then I could be all (unspoken but louder than words)”See? SEE?? I am a real person! I raised this cadet!” and hold my head up.

     

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Inky.
    December 4, 2017 at 10:16 am in reply to: Toxic relationship – told I am 'impossible' #180499
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rachael65,

    I wonder what would happen if you (for once!) never back down and don’t apologize ever again, by word or gift. I wonder what would happen if you say (calmly, and with no tears) “Actually, you are the impossible one.” If you said, when he berates you, “No one else I know would get this upset”. What would happen if you withheld kisses and treated him like you were a polite stranger and then withheld anything sexual.

    “My dear, if we are not affectionate publically, then I’m not feeling sexual privately. Interesting. Why are you getting so upset? None of my past boyfriends ever got so worked up. You are being a tad impossible, don’t you think?”

    Of course, he’s all “I’m ending it with you.” But no man who conveniently breaks up on Valentines Day, Christmas and your birthday (twice!) would ever be out of your life for long.

    I suggest contacting him (give it a month and a half) by text or letter as if YOU are breaking up with HIM (you are): “I hope you are doing OK. I just wanted to let you know that I met someone.” (Impossible!! he’ll exclaim to himself.) “I wanted you to hear it from me first. I think it is best if we leave the past in the past, so this will be the last communication between us. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Good Luck in all your endeavors!”

    Then block his number and return to sender any letters. Lock down any social media accounts, but leave a maddening picture of you with an attractive guy as your Profile Pic.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    December 3, 2017 at 12:14 pm in reply to: Small Victory! #180407
    Inky
    Participant

    Sometimes you need an outside ear/input so you don’t think you’re crazy! 🙂

    December 3, 2017 at 8:42 am in reply to: Being Destroyed/ Made Expendable – Coping? #180383
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Again Stephanie,

    I don’t know if you’re still reading this. And I’m sorry I skipped out before the dialog was over!

    Please don’t take anything anita said as a personal attack. She was trying to help you and honestly, another person might look at her advice and take comfort from it. As in, “You know what, on some level maybe I DID abandon him!” and thus feel less abandoned themself.

    Take care of yourself!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Inky.
    December 3, 2017 at 6:12 am in reply to: Why do the men that love me turn into hating me #180367
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Nicole,

    As I’m reading your long post, I almost miss, because it’s almost as an aside: “I’m raising three boys on my own.”

    THAT is what the post should be about. It should be: “Help! I lost my job due to drug addiction and I’m raising three children on my own!” NOT “I don’t think my mom loved me and all my BFs broke up with me when they found out I wasn’t perfect.”

    1. Get yourself into treatment/see a doctor/get a support group

    2. Find a job ASAP!

    Then when the boys are all adults and you have the time to ruminate, THEN you can work on resolving your origin story and romance side stories.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Inky.
    December 2, 2017 at 6:12 am in reply to: Trying to move forward but always coming back #180301
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mae,

    Have you ever interacted with him and NOT had sex? Like, you guys go to a movie or out to dinner and you kiss only and he goes home?

    I think the poor boy is confused. Clearly he was awkwardly and passively flirting because he wasn’t confident that you would say YES. Then you bluff saying you want Friends with Benefits. He says “OK?” and takes you at your word. You cut it off. You say sorry and it’s back on. Because you’re afraid if you ask for more he’ll say NO.

    Unfortunately, the relationship dynamic has already been set. Yes, you can change it, but it might be difficult.

    Just ask him to an event, dinner/movie or party (“hey I was just thinking about you, do you want to go to…”)  and see if he says YES… but NOT have sex this time. See what happens.

    Then wait for him to text you first and take it from there.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    December 1, 2017 at 5:10 am in reply to: Do I keep on trying or let him go? #180193
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi riley,

    Your quasi-BF expecting you to be faithful to him when you aren’t technically going out is a little over the top. Friends with Benefits doesn’t mean you get to be a sexual place-holder for him, pining for him, waiting for the phone to ring. Of course you will have other partners, romances and relationships!

    Sure, you kicked him when he snored in Japan, but the next time he asks to see your phone, show him! Brian’s texting you, Cyrus is your other lover, Sven is calling you and Zack is taking you out to dinner!

    It’s time to forgive yourself and cut it off with this boy.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Inky.
    November 30, 2017 at 4:25 am in reply to: A big shout to big hearts! #180033
    Inky
    Participant

    Thanks Everyone!!

    **hearts**

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Inky.
    November 29, 2017 at 4:27 am in reply to: Hurt From Partner #179853
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Brooke,

    You have to understand, on a deep level, that your BF was NOT punishing you. Some people are very sensitive and will run and hide at the first hint of abuse. What he did was actually pretty healthy.

    Another thing to keep in mind is all relationships have Honeymoon periods. When you blacked out and called him names, he might have thought, “Finally I am seeing her shadow side and it doesn’t look good. Deep down this girl is bat-**** crazy!”

    The only way to truly move on is to vow never to touch alcohol again. Get yourself in a support group. He didn’t deserve to be called idiot and loser just because you can’t handle your liquor.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 28, 2017 at 5:23 am in reply to: He Needs Space #179687
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi LotusLove,

    The whole purpose of dating is to see if you are compatible. After two attempts, you have discovered you are not compatible. You CAN move back into your family home because there will be no more back and forth. Because from now on you will no longer live with a guy, especially this one. It’s best to find your own apartment, with platonic roommates. Then when/if it doesn’t work out romantically with someone you won’t have to pack up and move. Keep your living situation and your romantic life separate.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 27, 2017 at 9:34 am in reply to: How to put your negative thoughts out of your mind about him #179573
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jenny,

    I have a blanket rule not to sleep with someone unless you are in a Viable Relationship (available, appropriate, loving and local). They say thoughts influence your feelings, but it works the other way too. Feelings can influence your thoughts. When you are intimate with someone, all the chemicals and hormones that are activated (bonding, attachment) can make your emotions worse if you are in something long distance and undefined.

    I vote you cut your losses and move on.

    Best,

    Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 766 through 780 (of 2,508 total)
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