Hi Asja,

Yes, there are good men in the world.

That said, you staying with your husband isn’t working. That’s what you say, and it should be the only thing you say: “It’s not working”. At the very least get your own place and only meet with him in public. This will cut down on any nonsense. He should go to Anger Management for at least a year if he has any hope of one day working it out with you. This is non-negotiable.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Missxm,

I akin throwing tantrums like this to a bad habit. You can clearly control this as you don’t act this way in front of your boss, strangers, or, say, your mother. Pretend your loved one is a person you just met last week and you are on your second date. Then when these feelings come up you can squash them with sheer politeness.

Try it! It works! My husband and I have been on our “sixth date” for twenty years!

Best,

Inky

Hi Katie,

I must be missing something because I dated my college roommate’s brother and OF COURSE I would date her brother! Why wouldn’t I??

To me her dating someone you used to go out with is egregious. Not dating a friend’s brother!

It sounds like you need to change your whole crew of friends.

And no, you have every right to dislike her. Why would you like her? You just have to be polite with his family, but you don’t have to like them.

And if he’s a Senior, your time together will (in all likelihood, sorry) be coming to an end soon. At a certain point it’s kind of weird for a guy to still be dating a girl from high school (happened to my daughter, and she understood).

Shed the girlfriend and keep the boyfriend for now.

Best,

Inky

Hi Kylee,

Girl Code dictates that two friends should never be intimate with the same guy. Did you guys know the other one had been with him a few years ago? Or did you both come across this knowledge? If you slept with him first she should never have gone there. If she slept with him first you should never have gone there.

It doesn’t matter that you both proclaimed that you weren’t serious.

Now she is hurt.

It is a vacation/visit and I’m assuming this guy would just be an occasional occurrence. That said, you have to be SUPER sensitive about your friend. No more parties where it is a group thing. See him on your own (a big maybe). Never mention it. And never mention him again. If she brings it up, shrug and say you haven’t heard from him in a while or that you ran into him once.

If you want to see him as a boyfriend, it has to be serious, and you would probably be sacrificing a friendship for it.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi bob,

When a woman is done, she’s done.

It doesn’t matter that she chased you in the past. It doesn’t matter that she wanted to get married right away, or was clingy.

Even though you bought the ring, even though you had a deep bond, even though you finally realized you loved her, it doesn’t matter now.

She made the decision. She’s done.

If she is indeed gorgeous, I’m not surprised she found another guy so quickly. The other guy was probably lurking in the background this whole time, patiently waiting for the relationship’s demise, alluring her with the promise of a better match.

Dude, if you truly want her back, your best bet right now is to back WAY off! Don’t contact her again for at least a year. Every time she decides to ignore your or says “No”, that is only working to solidify her decision in her mind. This time you wait for THIS relationship to fail. THEN go to her (remember, still go no contact until 2019) THEN say, “How are you doing?”

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Newlifestartsnow,

I wouldn’t talk to her. But if she dares ask for your notes again, simply say, “No” with no explanation. The awkwardness will fall squarely back on her. It sounds like the friendship is on the outs anyway if you feel like you are friends only when it suits her.

It would be different if she made it to class most of the time.

If you’re too scared to be direct, just say one of these each time she asks: “I wasn’t in class that day”, “My pen ran out”, “I’ll get those notes to you later” (not), “I can’t find the notes!!”, “I fell asleep in class!!!”, “I was talking to this hot guy during class and didn’t exactly write anything down!”, have the notes be illegible, have the notes be in shorthand.

Oh my goodness, you can fun with this!!! She will quickly learn that it’s actually easier to get to class. If only to befriend someone else to give her their notes or to meet the imaginary hot guy!

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Jasmine,

If he left just because of a little stress, it’s better you found this out now rather than years from now. View it as a blessing! You need someone strong enough to handle everyday life, not some wilting violet personality.

Best,

Inky

Hi musician16,

Here is a thought which may or may not be true: I could see someone cheating with one person. I could even (maybe) see someone cheating with two. But four? Unlikely. The next time you think of the four girls, laugh and say (while laughing), “Yeah, right!”

If you, he, or someone brings it up, say, “I’ll tell my seventh lover he says hello!”

The little dude must have had some kind of anger or size problem to even attempt to cheat on you with four (FOUR!) other people.

My advice to you is not to believe it. The reality is probably closer to one he actually cheated on you with, one he had an emotional affair with, one who made out with him while drunk, and a model who said “hi” to him once.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Inky.