Hi Jackie,

One day the tipping point will come. The morning you enter work and find him drunk/drugged and flirting with girl #72. The moment he becomes a HUGE turn off. The day when saying “NO” is all too easy.

Hang Tough!

You Got This!

Hi Penguin,

Forgiveness is an inside job. It is actually HIS job to ask forgiveness of YOU! There can be no true forgiveness without a modicum of redemption from the other person, IMHO. So let that crap go. YOU don’t HAVE to do anything! No, not even forgive. HE has to EARN it!

He probably is a different person by now. (I should hope so!) If you are brave enough, look him up. If you find out that he’s married and has a daughter I would contact him and say pointedly, “I hope the boys in your daughter’s life one day don’t treat her the way you treated me.” He will get flustered and defensive. Then simply remind him of THE TRUTH. You bet you’ll get an apology. If not, say, “In the words of Elenore Roosevelt ‘Life gets easier when you accept an apology you didn’t get’.”

Then hang up.

Best,

Inky

Hi Cat,

I know he blocked you, but in this situation he needs to know the truth. Or HE’LL internalize it. Have a mutual friend tell him that you couldn’t handle your daughter’s father’s suicide and your parents’ impending (?) divorce. That YOU had a breakdown. Truly. That is what it was. You just acted it out by abruptly breaking up with him.

Ask a professional how you can handle telling your daughter the truth about how her father died when she asks. She WILL ask. Would you rather her to find out through the internet, gossip, or from you?

Best,

Inky

Hi Jenny,

I love how some men can do and say the right thing…… and then proceed to dig their own graves, shoot themselves and bury their own body. *headsmack*

Go to Staples or online and get the “NO” Button. It is a button that says a very startling “NO!” when pushed. I used it with my mother one Thanksgiving when she started talking about how half of us in the family should lose weight.

Him: “… blah blah blah… Infinite Love…”

You press the NO Button: “NO!”

Him: *startles* “What I MEANT to say was…”

You: *presses NO! Button*

Him: *mentions the skanky hoe and Infinite Love*

*NO!*

Anyway, not to minimize the problem, but it worked with my mother after a very awkward fifteen minutes. She never talked about weight loss/diets/other people’s bodies again! You may not be about to fix his mentality, but you can teach people how to treat you.

Best,

Inky

Hi noted,

Throughout your post you report again and again feeling numb. This may have nothing to do with the boys. It could be a sign of depression. Could you check in with your doctor about that at your next physical?

It could also be helpful to say to yourself, “I am not my father”. (Where else would this be coming from?) You are not evil. You are not even manipulative. You are silent because you don’t want to hurt these guys’ feelings. Your actions and non-actions are coming from a good place, actually.

You are young! No need to be tortured by your relationships! Enjoy them! (The good ones)

Best,

Inky

Hi Holly,

Nothing’s wrong with you. Well. I don’t like the throwing up because of anxiety. THAT is your problem. Not the boy.

You are only seventeen! Why all this pressure? You should be pressured into upping you SAT score, getting into a good college and figuring out how you and/or your family can financially swing it. And if you’re not planning on continuing your education, THAT’S your problem.

And if you do go away to college, this boy would be a long distance relationship anyway. Unless he follows you. Then THAT’S your problem.

Seriously, tell him that you like him a whole lot, but that it’s your Senior years and you should have Fun!!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Hi knowlegeispower,

The trouble with sex is everyone pretends to be cool about it. Here’s the thing: NO ONE is actually cool about it! Not you. And no, not even him.

It’s going to be awkward around Christmas. I’m not going to lie. Him not responding to you is only making it worse. You reaching out to him is only making it worse. This is not two cool people who had sex (one for the first time) and are cool about it (remember, no one is actually cool about it!). This is a Pit of Awkwardness.

I advise you say, “Hi Simon (or whatever his name is).” And say it in a one part questioning, one part “Are you OK?” and one part “Why are you not cool with this” tone. Greet him as if his name really was Simon. Then sit down in class and have HIM come to YOU.

And lastly, make a vow TO YOURSELF that you will ONLY have sex after you are in an established loving relationship.

You are worth so much more than this.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Inky.

Hi Lindsay,

Sometimes our subconscious minds hijack our current reality. What’s better: moving away from true love or moving away from someone you just had a falling out with? The former part is more heartbreak but the latter part is a relief. Also, you both were REALLY fighting about the move, maybe.

You did your part in rectification. She is the one who is moving. You might never see her again, who knows? Let her do her part in rectifying things. IF she wants to!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Inky.