Hi sparkle00,

The thing to internalize is that you will be fine (and are fine!) whether your boyfriend leaves you or not. That if a skanky ho steals your man, that he let himself be stolen and that there’s something wrong with him if he is attracted to skanky hos. That no woman is woman enough to take your man. And if it ever appears that way, then those are not real women but skanky hos that only loser men are attracted to, and that just means he is not ready for YOU, the Next Level of his life! And that if he dares to mess up that you won’t have any trouble dumping him and choosing the most likely guy already waiting in the wings for you.

This you have to internalize.

The first step is to remain silent about your crazy fears and complaints. So you hold your head up and enjoy him!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Inky.

P.S. The next time they see you, you then say,”….I still can’t get over that chicken comment you made in front of the WHOLE FAMILY. You must be really embarrassed. I can’t believe you said that….”

Then bring it up Every. Time. For. Thirty. Years. For. Every. Insult.

Believe me. You will be THAT relative. And it will feel great.

Good Luck!

Hi sunbeams,

You are doing GREAT (considering)!!

You are so wise not to chase after him. GOOD. This is the best way for him to “get real” with his own thoughts and second guess his decision. He might have been half expecting you to chase after him. But you’re not. Keep it up!! If he comes back (they always do in some way) you DO have a shot!

I know you’re not ready to hear this right now, but maybe at the beginning of the New Year dust yourself off a little and start dating again. When he sees you dating other people, taking him at his word, and moving on with your life, he will REALLY re-evaluate his decision and THIRD guess himself.

Good Luck!!

Inky

Hi mallllh,

This sounds like a personal challenge for you. You are taking all your inner discomfort out on your poor boyfriend. He is expected to process all your emotions. He can’t do it. No one can do it!

Tell him you are going to be in silence for one day. No talking. It will almost kill you. But if you can handle that without screaming, then next week tack on two days. Or go away for a weekend without the phone. Once you are comfortable with your own inner discomfort, then you can connect better with your boyfriend.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi sombrita,

He already knows he doesn’t do well with long distance relationships. Add grad school on top of that? Well, this is better for you two than if you never saw each other and he’s too busy when you do.

For what it’s worth my daughter is a grad student “dating” another grad student long distance. Seeing each other three or four times a year does not a relationship make, in my opinion. But it is hard, and it is her life. The reality stinks, but at least she’s too busy to mind it too much.

What I’m concerned about is your feeling that you are “not enough”. I felt that too. It’s an awful, icky feeling. Listen to me: You ARE enough. You are enough for a man who already has his life together and is ready to be in a solid relationship. This guy isn’t there yet. You are his Next Level in Life.

Best,

Inky

Hi Katie,

The trick is to make the decision to break up with your boyfriend whether the new guy existed or not. And by the way, YES! I think you SHOULD break up with your boyfriend ANYWAY! This relationship has run its course. You are worth so much more than being treated like you were an unwanted consolation prize.

The other trick of it is to be OK if the new guy doesn’t actually choose you as a girlfriend once you break up with the old boyfriend. Otherwise you can be totally resentful. I would keep him as a friend forever regardless of how far it goes with him.

This new guy has come into your life to show you how you SHOULD be treated. Thank God! Better you find this out now than at 30 when you find yourself in a loveless marriage.

Best,

Inky

Hi sypshnius,

I wouldn’t take what she said personally. That said, I wouldn’t be so quick to pick up the phone/social media/text when she contacts you again. Keep her hanging, about three days. Then have your response be shorter than her initial communication. Even though you’re not taking it personally (I hope!) you DO have to teach people how to treat you!

Good Luck,

Inky