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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 451 through 465 (of 2,508 total)
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  • November 26, 2018 at 8:49 am in reply to: Ex or new guy #248613
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi VLC90,

    You have only been broken up for a relatively short time. It’s not like he’s had time to TRULY change for the better. It’s just that he’s figured out that he better play better with others or he’ll be lonely.

    While I don’t condone dating a workmate, just tell your ex-boyfriend: “I’ve met someone”. That’s it. No further discussion.

    By the way, instead of choosing one or the other, why don’t you choose YOU?

    Best,

    Inky

    November 25, 2018 at 5:27 am in reply to: Seeking clarity and wisdom. #248411
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Tahlullah,

    My goodness, I’m here once a day and anita is here quite a bit. Give it a DAY. People are enjoying the holiday weekend with their families (in the U.S.). I also went to bed!

    As for this guy, he is a fixture in your life and it sounds like he took your undefined relationship (somewhere between love and friendship?) for granted.

    Take Care,

    Inky

    November 24, 2018 at 6:10 am in reply to: Cannot Move ON #248325
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Ed,

    Might I suggest running. Or walking, at the very least.

    Go online or get a book with running plans. I go to the Jenny Hadfield website where there are 30 plans, anywhere from walking a 5K to Ultramarathon.

    It gives me a focus, I see fitness results, AND I feel so incredibly GOOD when I’m done! You have no idea!

    As a perk you see familiar faces on the trail or in the gym. There are even running clubs!

    I’m going through a bit of a situation right now myself.  I could see myself getting super depressed about it  IF I wasn’t doing this! But since I am it’s “no biggie” emotionally. Thank you, Endorphins!

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years ago by Inky.
    November 24, 2018 at 6:02 am in reply to: Seeing an ex happy #248323
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Again,

    The friend could have said “fine” because she wants to stay out of it and spare your feelings. Who knows?

    Speaking of feelings, we can never REALLY know what your ex was/is/will feel, so best not to torture yourself.

    Inky

    November 23, 2018 at 5:38 am in reply to: Seeing an ex happy #244801
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jean,

    First of all, of course she is looking happy on social media! Why would anyone post anyone looking sad? Think about it.

    Second of all, she was probably feeling GUILT as you did make plans and had to explain herself to her cousin.

    Seeing recent ex’s happy is the worst. Just keep in mind they’re not as happy as they let on.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 21, 2018 at 7:39 am in reply to: Stuck in an unhealthy relationship #240019
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Perla,

    A man doesn’t have to leave bruises for you to be in an abusive relationship.

    Ordinarily I would tell someone in your situation how to verbally stand up for yourself (i.e. after making you the butt of jokes for you to make a public scene three times worse than the original infraction. He would get the idea that it’s simply NOT WORTH IT to disrespect you. Ever!). The problem is you didn’t nip this in the bud. AND NOW IT IS A BAD HABIT HE CAN’T GET OUT OF.

    Also, the scene at the campground scares me for you.

    If I were you: Gather up all necessary documents. Clean out your joint checking account AND/OR open up a new account IN YOUR NAME. Do this SECRETELY. Drop the cat off at your mom’s. Forget your clothes and stuff. Go to a Women’s Shelter. You need one.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    November 20, 2018 at 6:26 am in reply to: Struggling with a recent breakup… but it feels so much more complicated. #238637
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Madeline,

    The best advice I can give is simple: She wants space. OK, so you give her all the space in the world. Radio silence space. Let HER come to YOU. But here’s the thing: DON’T put your life on hold.

    If she comes back in, say, a year, hopefully she will have worked everything out and you can give HER another chance. Great!

    But if she comes back and you happen to be in another relationship, then that is a good life lesson for her. Again, great!

    Best,

    Inky

    November 19, 2018 at 9:43 am in reply to: do i get over him? #238457
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi seashell,

    How convenient for him! He has two long distance relationships. Why would he give those up? It’s the perfect set up! He doesn’t have to deal with either of you… until he does, which he’s finding is not so easy.

    You upended his real life fantasy. Now he has to hunt for another long distance relationship!

    Let him.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 18, 2018 at 6:12 am in reply to: He left me for someone else #238249
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sierra,

    This feels like a classic case of Dump Her before she Dumps Me.

    The moment you said you “lost feelings” was the moment you gave him permission to check out other options. The male ego is a tremendous, yet fragile thing. And God forbid he leaves the fate of the relationship in your hands. (This is all going on subconsciously.)

    Enter Girl #2!

    End of story. She could literally be anyone.

    DON’T call him. DON’T chase him. DON’T meet up with him for HIM to dump you. If he catches you on the phone, just say, “This isn’t working”. BOOM! DONE! You broke up with HIM, and now YOU are officially the One That Got Away!

    Maybe Next Year, Buddy. Maybe.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 17, 2018 at 5:18 am in reply to: Losing my good guy friend? #238143
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Katie,

    Your friend was mad at you BECAUSE you were in an abusive relationship that you say you will probably go back to. But he can’t express TOO much anger or else THAT would be abusive.

    Your friend is legitimately concerned about you AS A FRIEND. Whether he secretly loves you or not is irrelevant now.

    He is not what you should be posting about. You should be posting about how you can STAY BROKEN UP WITH your EX abusive boyfriend!

    Best,

    Inky

    November 16, 2018 at 5:25 am in reply to: In love with my professor!!!!!? #237113
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Newlifestartsnow,

    It is very normal for students to have crushes on their professors. I’m sure you’re not her only fan, and even if she somehow found out, she would be a pro at handling it. Nothing to be embarrassed about, unless you do embarrassing things.

    AFTER you are a student, and IF you’re quite sure she swings towards girls THEN make your feelings known. MAYBE.

    I would view her as a rock star or movie star that you will never actually know in your everyday life.

    Best,

    Inky

    November 15, 2018 at 5:33 am in reply to: How to be brave to breakup? #236947
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi crazy,

    If you’re going to break up with her, do it NOW, or well after Valentine’s Day. Otherwise you’ll be “That Guy” that broke up with her during the holidays! Why give her one more thing to lament about? There is no perfect time, but some times are better than others. If you’re too chicken to do it NOW, then this time will put the pressure off you for a time.

    Also, break up with her on a Friday or during a long weekend. (NOT during a vacation). Then her work won’t suffer as much. She’ll have the weekend to cry and vent to her friends.

    Tell her parents or a best friend who can keep a secret to casually stop by her house at a certain time (right after you break up with her) so she won’t be alone. Also, you’ll want that person to take her out to dinner or invite her to crash at their house and be taken care of that weekend.

    After you’ve done the dirty deed, DON’T contact her for a year, even if she tries to contact you. It will only prolong her suffering.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years ago by Inky.
    November 14, 2018 at 8:13 am in reply to: My cousin tells me I need a nose job all the time #236835
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Katie,

    There are several options here.

    1. Carry the “NO” button from Staples. Whenever she mentions your nose, press the button: “NO!” I actually did this with my mother one Thanksgiving when she started harping on half the family’s weight. She never did it again after a few of those!! An airhorn works as well.

    2. Say, “Are you OK?” She’ll immediately get defensive, but if you make it like you’re legitimately worried about her fixation on noses and she sees you whispering to others about it and everyone’s suddenly concerned she’ll knock it off.

    3. For every nose comment take a dozen selfies (and even three-quarter and side shots!) and post them all over your social media. When everyone says how gorgeous you are she’ll eventually feel ridiculous.

    4. Don’t answer the phone when she calls, don’t respond to her texts and avoid her when you can. When she starts talking noses leave the room to go to the bathroom or for the proverbial pack of cigarettes. Don’t come back.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    November 13, 2018 at 12:18 pm in reply to: How to cope with unrequited love #236741
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi citygirlbythewater,

    I’m not asking you to forget him, and I’m not asking you to join a dating site, but I will suggest two things:

    1. Don’t reach out to him. Let HIM initiate all texts, calls, visits, social media communication. In short, HE gets to do all the work. He will become more interested in a relationship he has to actually work on. Or, the relationship will naturally ebb down by itself.

    2. You don’t have to seek love, but IF love seeks YOU, please give it a chance. That is a Message from the Universe! IF a cute/nice/happy/normal/and/or smart guy asks you out, say “YES”! You don’t have to marry him or anything, but enjoy the sensation of being courted, pursued, given a cup of coffee. This will CHANGE YOUR ENERGY. Girl, all my ex’s contacted me from hundreds of miles away as soon as I put on lipstick to go out (even with reluctance) on a date.

    Worked for Me!

    Inky

    November 12, 2018 at 6:29 am in reply to: Help – how to proceed? #236505
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sona,

    You’ve been divorced for such a short time! I think he is (wisely) giving you space. There is nothing skeevier than a guy who tries to jump in your life the second after you break up! He doesn’t want to be That Guy.

    Maybe sometime next year playfully bump into his shoulder and put your arm around him. This physical contact gently shows him that you are open. But if he doesn’t feel the same way he can also gently let you know. (i.e. If he only side hugs you back with a few pats).

    Anyway, that’s how I would proceed.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years ago by Inky.
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