Hi Again!

IS she suffering, though? Is she coming home complaining? Or is she going to the happy hours of office culture with a skip in her step and picking up the boss’s dry cleaning with a smile on her face?

At any rate, this is bothering you more than her. For your sake, let her go and tell her you’re available for a relationship when her job is a 9 to 5, weekends and vacation time off, sane.

Inky

Hi Sophie,

I agree, he’s 22 and has to (basically) figure out what he’s going to do, where he’s going to live, and how he’s going to support himself without Mom and Dad. This year!

Age 22 (or 23 if a late bloomer) is a huge one, I don’t know how you guys do it. My daughter’s doing Age 22 right now and she’s more grown up than I am. She has to be. I did it and I don’t remember (or could explain) what the heck happened!

He didn’t even need all those flimsy excuses. He could have just said, “Listen. I’m freaking out right now. I have to revamp and start over with everything. Including you. Consider us the starter relationship because I’m not in the space right now to be the boyfriend (fiancé, husband) you deserve.”

Please give him space. And don’t take it personally. I know, it’s hard.

Best,

Inky

Hi Nazar,

Not telling him that she has a boyfriend when she does is a major red flag here.

Why does “I’m not interested” sound better than “I have a boyfriend”? Maybe it does (to her). Maybe she needs this other guy to know that the decision is coming from her. THEN she’ll tell him about you. Maybe if she told him about you right away he wouldn’t take you (or her) seriously?

In any case, she cares way too much about what he thinks. OR you two aren’t as serious as you think you are.

Best,

Inky

Hi Ana,

You are putting all this pressure on yourself to be in this long distance relationship.

And you don’t want to lose him because he’s the only friend you have in your hometown?? Like that’s a factor???

Let me tell you something, I don’t care if you have 100 friends in high school. You could have 50 from your home town in college, 25 in your twenties, 12 in your thirties, etc….. BECAUSE ALL THE KIDS LEAVE THE HOMETOWN. They just. DO!

I would cast him loose and say, “Let’s have a good time WHILE we’re together. Let’s not define it!”

Ironically, once you say that, he won’t get enough of you!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi cranberry,

Valora’s advice is spot on.

At best, he has a passing interest in you or is socially clueless. At worst, he is grooming you to be “chill”, to be the girlfriend that never questions, or you won’t be “cool”.

Either choice, or the nebulous spectrum in between isn’t for you.

I would go radio silence until he calls or texts…. and then call/text him the next day. The next time he flakes, say “I don’t like that” and then not see him for a while.

When he sees you are busy, serious and unattached, his act should clean up, or he will be gone.

Either outcome is good.

Inky

Hi Reina,

I don’t know how old you are.

If I had to guess, are you recently out of school, just starting out in adult life?

The thing as we get older is: It’s harder to make friends. And not only that, once we do make friends, no one has time for friends. Everyone is busy with their own lives! Your younger sisters are no longer your peers, as you have little in common with them now.

You may think you are the only one initiating. Guess what? Everyone else feels that way too! When you invite them out or over to your house, they appreciate it, BELIEVE ME. They even think, “Hey, I should really invite Reina out to…” They really do think that. But then….. Life!

Don’t take it personally! Live your own life, be happy in your own company. Keep reaching out to people to see them, NOT to get anything back in return. One day you will (probably) be married with kids and will legitimately have no time for those active friendships where you see each other all the time.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 12 months ago by Inky.

Hi paullyt,

I wouldn’t look at it as “She loved me” or “she didn’t”.

The sending of the nude photos for money (while she had a job) and the getting pregnant with another man’s baby the minute she had unprotected sex (while she knew she could easily get that from you) REEKS of a woman struggling with desperation.

But the mental illness of it is (there, I said it) is that there is no REASON for her to behave this way. It’s not like she was broke. It’s not like it’s Life During Wartime (when these kind of random pregnancies occur).

Listen, my friend: SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER.

This breakup is a blessing.

Don’t get sucked into raising her baby. (The next illogical step)

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 12 months ago by Inky.

Hi Shelbyville,

After the holidays I would encourage you to “get out there”.

You CAN travel. You CAN buy your own home. You CAN find love again. You CAN date again.

Yes, you will always have a special place in your heart for him. “Always” gives you permission to keep feeling whatever feels you may have for him. “Place” means just that: a PLACE in your heart. Not the entire heart. Not even close. You have a long life ahead of you, with new, more, and better characters to meet and adventures to be had.

Let your family and friends take care of you this holiday, and then grasp 2019 with two hands!

Best,

Inky