Hi Joe,

You could make One Big Grand Last Gesture. Say, “I have a ring waiting for you. You ARE the love of my life! What is Eternal can never be destroyed by the mere temporary. I was young, drunk (add that maybe!!!) and stupid. If I don’t hear from you in (X) amount of days I will move on and wish you all the love, joy and success in the world. Thank you for the best years of my life. If you choose me I promise to give you 50 of the best years of yours.”

If she ignores or it’s a “No”? Then know that you have done everything you can after The Mistake. Then, five or ten years later, you can come back older, wiser, possibly richer, possibly even better looking, with tons of charisma and character, and blame it on Stupidity and Youth. Once again, she is the One that Matters, the One Soulmate.

Meanwhile, honor all the new women in your life as new Chapters. You haven’t left the Overarching Storyline of your Soul Mate, but you are allowed to have other Chapters, Scenes, and even Part 2 of the story.

This could have been a post written by me 20 years ago.

There are a few things going on:

1. People view you as “safe”, so when you (to them suddenly) speak up, set boundaries, they (suddenly) feel that they have lost you as their safe zone.

2. People can have the barnyard mentality. They never actually pick on the “dead dog”, but they will pick on you if they are lower down on the totem pole. You asserting yourself makes them think “Even she’s alpha over me! I don’t think so!” True Queen Bees or Kingpins don’t act this way. But the Wannabe’s and Toadies do!

Example: Everyone was telling me how supportive everyone is at the local Triathlons. I enter and my bike gets brake problems. So little by little I see that I am falling behind! (I am coasting on the bike now). Everyone who would place under 2 hours were great and supportive. But the people placing over 2 hours were terrified that I would beat them! It was beyond the natural competition. It was more, “OMG, I’m going to be beat by the middle-aged mom, oh no, not that!!” Whenever I would pass this one girl I’d hear her swear! She would pass me. I would pass her. Swearing! etc.!

I think what you’re experiencing is a “dominance” thing.

3. It’s easier to say “No’ once. Believe me.

4. They don’t speak to you again? Great! That means that they are actually afraid of you now! They know the jig is up! That you see right through them!

5. Now you are free to find better, quality friends. The more strong, respectful people you interact with, them more these other types will fade away.

I know my approach seems manipulative, but it really isn’t. That’s how we teach children politeness. “You should do this/People do that/Don’t forget to..”

Just tell him and lead him to what you want. Eventually it will be innate in his nature.

Hi Sherry,

You have to train these guys. There are four ways.

1. Your best girl friend and/or her husband calls him on his cell and says, “We have to do something for Sherry/the girls for Valentines Day/Mother’s Day!” Social Pressure. Win.

2. Cry. “I can’t believe you forgot Valentines/Mother’s Day AGAIN!” Then go into a depression for three days.

3. The day before plan to visit your mother, his mother, the ex, any mother. Go to a Sunday church service (their Mother’s Day service, usually a full house). Say, “I expect coffee in bed”. When your kids run to you while in bed say, “It’s Mother’s Day”. Young as they are, they will panic and produce a card. Or, just don’t get out of bed. Be waited on, or at least don’t do anything. Do this with Valentines too.

4. The elementary schools usually do *something* in honor of these days. Have your kids ask dad, “What are we doing for Mom for Valentines/Mothers Day.

Oh my goodness, she has what most women secretly want but would never, ever admit: A Harem! I mean, what woman *wouldn’t* want two men pining over her?? For her, this is great!

I say, yes, love her, (as in feeling, not actively) AND ~ let her chase you. Don’t initiate any texts/calls/visits. And when she does call/text/see you, if she brings up the other guy’s name, end the date, text, or convo. abruptly. Then radio silence. Be “That Guy” ~ not too much of a jerk that she’ll never speak to you again, but enough of one that she’ll wonder what she did/said wrong. Go out with other girls so you, she, and your own subconscious doesn’t think she’s the only one out there..

The worse case scenario is she “chooses” the boyfriend. Good. Let her. But if you dump her first, YOU will be the one that got away. Ponder that, if you will.

When she’s alone and single you can revisit the whole situation. When she calls you. Protect your heart.

For what it’s worth, regarding the ex husband, it’s all about control. If you’re happy, he can’t stand that. From what I’ve seen, it can get worse before it gets better, BUT ~ 9/10 times the fathers will suddenly “give up” once they get a new girlfriend or when the children hit middle school.

Judges don’t look too fondly on dads who neglect child support. Don’t worry. They see this sort of thing every day. Every. Day. Even if they do award joint custody (HA), they will do it with the kids living with him on weekends and holidays. They try really hard to keep the kids in a normal lifestyle.

Ex Boyfriend ~ don’t talk to him at all. It’s too much right now.

Kids ~ they are only getting older and will get more and more helpful and need you less and less for certain things. Praise them for everything they do well and whenever their behavior is good. Think of all the money you’ll save too!

Good Luck!!

Yes, I have. I used to delve right into the yucky emotions. I spent all my free time listening to hopeless, gorgeous, depressing, brilliant songs/vids on YouTube. It’s as if I had to fully wallow in it 100%. Then, suddenly, I woke up one day and I was Done. I had no emotion left concerning It. I was, in fact, sick of It. Then, of course, I got new information concerning It that made me fell sorry and above Them.

But seriously, get the book. I think it’s great.