You’re not going to like my advice, but, you will be so much happier not living with your boyfriend. I’m not old, but I’m old-fashioned. A group of girls sharing rent don’t get this as much as “Dude, we’re faaammmiiilllyyy!!!”

That said, having to kick the renter/house guest out happens to the best of us. My solid, middle-aged, best friend and husband took a YEAR to jettison their sad panda renter turned house guest.

My own parents moved on purpose to an impossibly small house after twenty years of my step-brother getting back on his feet.

My friend is still stewing in anger when I told her “No” a few years ago. She would still be here rent free!

And my God, your renter came back!! Bad omen!

I would move. Or, play the Bad Blame it on the Girlfriend Card, because, at the end of the day, you’re NOT family, which is the only other “Out” I can see out of this situation.

Hmm, that’s a tough one as you are wanting him to go against his nature. What me, myself and I would do is go Random.

(It looks like I’m @Jasmine-3’s comedy relief, so here goes ;))…..

1. Take a playing card deck. Shuffle. Draw. Most important rule ~ Don’t tell him you are playing!!!
2. Spades are Disappear/Radio Silence Days. Number cards are days. i.e. Jacks are 11, Aces 1
3. Hearts are Love Days. 2s are mere hand holding, Aces are XXX, fill in the blanks in-between 😉
4. Clubs are Bonding Days. Do bonding type activities. 2s are a mere two word text up to Kings Deep Talks
5. Diamonds are Out and About Days. 2 coffee shops, up to Kings ~ Diamond shopping!

Between the hot and cold, the disappearing acts, wild intensity, whatevery feelings, the guy will, *SHOULD* go nuts!! He will flee in confusion or terror. OR he will track you down when you’ve been gone for ten days and ravish you!!

Variety is the spice of life to stoke his fire!

Good Luck,

Inky

There’s a Podcast called Things Your Mother Never Told You. I think it’s great. One show I was entranced with was on “Crazy” Women. A lot of women have been through this:

“Why did you break up?”

“Oh, she was Crazy.”

“Crazy” dismisses women. You might have real concerns, but God forbid you show any emotion, or you are written off as “Crazy”.

Good for you for deleting your FB. You will have more peace in your life.

At the office/around town act normal. And when asked say, “I’m not crazy. He MADE me crazy!” and laugh it off. Apologize as needed.

I am sorry he is “friend poaching”.

All adults come to this cross roads of the mind at some point.

Read The Bhagavad Gita.

There is the Buddhist mind where all is acceptance, and then there is that ego thing. The thing that wants us to DO this, BE that, HAVE the other.

The Gita talks about Action. Acting in your Nature. If it is in your nature to make music, then do that. If you don’t feel like making music today, and like to meditate, do that.

There is also the idea of Dharma Yoga. You have something you want to Be, Do or Have. Fine. Release ALL attachments to the outcome, and just ACT. Don’t look at who’s a better musician, what you have to do to make it, or any of that. Just play the music.

There are articles, books and, of course, the Gita text that explains this way more eloquently.

See yourself swimming in a sea of Perfection, and have fun in this life!

I think a lot of marriages has something like this cross its path. It’s not *un*natural, but who needs that energy around? Especially with little kids and working, etc.

1. May I recommend the book Kosher Adultery. It’s already ten years old, but it still rings true. Coupled with Kosher Lust. They tell all about this phenomenon and also remedies. They go into passion, jealousy, spouses, reasons, the way men and women think, and basically how to have a love affair with your spouse!

2. Here’s a story which contains many ways you could look at it:

My DH hates to hold hands. Hates it. Hates PDA. Hates it all. However! One fourth of July we’re at a party. An old friend of mine from High School was there. We were never together, but back in the day people would try to set us up. This one really would be like dating a brother (ew). DH meanwhile is all threatened! He starts, wait for it ~ holding my hand!! He says, “Let’s take a walk”. We take a mile long walk on the beach. He is still holding hands! Won’t let go!

The irony? HS friend wasn’t the one he should have been jealous of! A few years before another friend felt an intense emotional connection ~ with me! Like this girl. Emails. Confessions. “I love you”. I told DH. DH snorts and says, “Phht, he’s fat!” I’m all, “No, this is serious.” DH laughs.

Which character do you see yourself as? Are you sure about that? Can you change it?

3. Practical Advice: Have your own Mystique about you. Act happy! Look good! Sing! He will wonder what is going on with you! Entice him with your newness, your vibrancy! The girl? Don’t mention her at all. Leave the kids with him while you go out with girlfriends. Come back happy! Go on retreats of your own! Day trips! Come back inspired! Continue. You get the idea.

Your husband won’t rest until he finds out what (or who!) flipped the switch in you! Truthfully say, “No one.” Then have a long, deep talk. Say (in your own words!!!) the email confession back to him. That he is more than a husband, he is your Brother, your Twin Soul. That yours is the deepest connection ever.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Absolutely add Chapters. It sounds like going after her now might backfire. BUT Maybe leave the ring and a note with her family members/parents so everyone knows you are serious. Apologize to the family. They are the ones who might have a talk with her, get through to her. But when you give the fam. the ring, say, “This is all I can do; I am gracefully withdrawing.” 1 in 100 chance she comes back? You will have to dump whatever girlfriend you currently have.

OK, now date other girls. Good Luck!