Hi Patricia,

Yes, I did go back as my kids were in the Quaker School. But, like the train analogy, there were other stations. We moved to the north of our town, so we naturally went more to a closer church. Then when I went back, all I could do was remember godmother/mentor/aunt. To make it worse, they spread her ashes at the Meeting House! So it’s more like visiting a gravesite to me ~ to remember her, not worship. It also represented a phase of my life, my 20’s and early 30’s. So I totally get the feeling!!

The tenants of Quakerism we carry inside us, anyway. My mom also was brought up by the Friends. Grandpapa was an Elder. Family history ~ after moving from PA, they found this Meeting House wasn’t Gwynedd (what is?) so Mom worshipped in her own way.

I recommend A Quaker Book of Wisdom if you can get a copy.

OK, Big SNIFF!! (I miss that woman!) Yes, and cry too, that helps!!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Single parent with two kids who is organizing her own event?? George Clooney could be in the room and I honestly would never notice. Wait ten or twenty years when things calm down with this one.

Hi Patricia,

The deaths are pretty recent. Dogs are harder to lose than cats (and I’m a cat person!).

Why don’t you try a new, different form of meditation? You would still be meditating, but in a different way. Like, Mantra Chanting, for example. Or guided meditations in the car or in nature?

What you could do is put a picture of Rook (the favorite, let’s be honest! lol) in a pendant, so he is with you when you want to meditate in your old way.

Getting new puppies is a great idea too!

I know the feeling of “It’s Just Not the Same”. I went to a Quaker meeting house for years and years. When my godmother/mentor/”aunt” who also went there died, I just Could. Not. Go. To. Service. There. Again. Be gentle with yourself. There are a hundred ways to meditate and be in nature if it’s too hard right now.

Moongal is spot on with her advice.

And consider this:

Can you skip the last week of your internship for Medical reasons, and fly out to see him for a week, (meanwhile get your dentist, OBGYN checkup, physical and/or eye appointments done lol)! The tail end of internships everyone is wrapping up anyway. And you could at least spend a week with him!

Or, you guys could pick a cool destination at a halfway point, and it could be for a long weekend. If he’s saving up for a house and working, one weekend excursion shouldn’t make or break it forever!

Some people think they have to do A, B, and C before they can be with each other. Most of the times if you’re with each other A, B, and C will be waiting for you when you get back or will work themselves out!

I don’t know the details, but just thoughts!!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Jobebee,

Usually I would have a light hearted response. Or even a spiritual response. But all I have to say is:

Move.

Please, for the love of God(dess)(es), Move.

You are not on audition to be his wife. You are his girlfriend. He wants to talk about roles? How about he should be wooing, courting, and being his best self trying to win you over. Not pick on you for his definition of “normal” sex and the dishes.

If he was unfaithful to you, he has no leg to stand on in any arguments about housework. Ever. And what crazy STDs could he have brought home?

I don’t care if he was the richest man in the world, the poorest, or if you were a super model or the fat woman in an old time circus. NO, this is NOT OK!

You are a student. That is your job. Arguing about “Roles” you do with a pre-marriage councilor. If you’ll have him. I wouldn’t.

I apologize to everyone for an “unskilled” response, I am so angry right now reading this.

Hi Zita,

Let’s say the mental box he had put you in was “This girl needs help”. If he’s the one helping, he must know what he’s doing, right?? LOL

Now, clearly, you don’t need help, but he has to be in the power position, so he texts to see how you “are”. Again, LOL.

Our Primal Selves always seek balance. You wanting to show him, “I don’t need you, numb chucks!” is just you instinctively seeking balance. In the reality, when you tell him or when he sees that, his common reaction will be to think, “Yeah, right!” to protect his mental status-quo. What he resists, persists, too! It goes both ways!

Mother Nature, Time, Karma, Dharma, common friends even down to FaceBook stalking will eventually, inexorably, put him in his place: Of no account in your reality.

Good for you for not replying!

Inky

Brooke, if your boyfriend is as loving towards his family as that, then hopefully the apple doesn’t fall far from the common tree. That the brother will pay rent consistently and timely. But the reality is, that is not happening.

Just make sure that you are not committing financial suicide simply because your boyfriend is afraid to say “No” and the brother doesn’t mind taking advantage. If the Real World in your place is easier than the Real World Out There, then why wouldn’t he take advantage? I’m not saying the brother thinks that way, but look at his actions.

It sounds like staying at the mom’s is an option, and you wrote that now he has a job, correct? ~ so you’re not being selfish.

Once you take care of your basic needs (even if it’s alone), then you can more easily help others.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.