Hi Roohi,

I would wait, but not for long. Meaning, the next time (for instance) you two plan to meet some of his old friends (one or two he had had flirtations with) then you can say, “Oh by the way, now that we’re alone in the car together, tell me about your relationship with them. You never bring your past up? Why do you think that is, handsome?” Be light hearted when you bring it up, never confrontational!

With DH I would say, “You were kind of a playboy, weren’t you?”

He would blush, smile, look uncomfortable, but, being a gentleman, would say nothing about his old fan club.

It could be a generational thing: Young men say everything, older men say not a lot!

That is what you are worried about. Talk, check in, go to one of those couples retreats (for fun mostly!) and then with help you can tease it out of him and calm your mind.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

The only way the questions will be answered is when you go in and see.

DH says sometimes “Why do you think they call it Work? If people enjoyed it, it would be called something else”.

If you’re in a place that sucks the soul out of you (BEEN THERE!), you can put some soul back in.

Bring a book, wear headphones (and listen to podcasts), feng shui the office, do random little nice things for everyone everyday, use this time to master meditation, do chair yoga, bring a notebook to work on the Great American Novel, manifest more work to do that you want to do, look for other job offers.

Good Luck!

It sounds like you are addicted to him. This is what I did for a friend I was becoming emotionally too close to. Month of the calendar, right? I wouldn’t contact him or return calls/be online for that one day. Next month? Two days. Yes, it took me two and a half years. Yes, there was boundary busting, kick back, the wailing and gnashing of teeth (his end). This usually happens when you’re 3/4 of the way there. For any addiction.

But to this day I have my sanity back and I can relate to him in a detached way. Truly as just a friend.

Yes. Captainawkward.com

It’s a great site to look at, it’s in my “Favorite” list. Hopefully you can find something close to what you’re going through. The latest post looks like it’s about a girl having boundaries around seeing her dad, for example. Make yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy reading! 🙂

A month for us is like a year for them. To her this one thing keeps being brought up, and brought up, and it was “SO LONG AGO”. It sounds like (to her) it was a white lie to get out of an uncomfortable (to her) situation. The real issue is she felt she had to lie concerning her dad, and you are easy to throw under the bus. Now she sees you are not so easy and is lashing out. Why is everyone walking on eggshells concerning the father? Sounds very reactionary.

For you this is one thing. Her parents (mom and stepdad) see this every day. There is probably similar things that go on every day.

Leave the girl alone. Talk to the mom. See the family a year from now when everyone’s more mature. Don’t get cast into the role of the Least Favorite Aunt. It sounds like she’s acting like a terribly typical teenager.

Hi Sarah,

It sounds like you are physically or emotionally way too close to that side of the family. They are shattered. So you enmeshed into their drama. Is Niece #1 the oldest? Bradshaw has child #1 represent the father, #2 the mother, #3 the marriage and #4 the family. It would be interesting to see what all the family members are.

You know that it’s not the teenager, that it is the surroundings, right? Once she’s in college, out of the house, or in her 20s you should see a dramatic change in her.

From her side shes’ thinking “My whole family is messed up, and I will have to set boundaries with my crazy aunt.” That is good news! She is learning to set boundaries (even with you).

If you want to help, take the little sister away for a holiday, weekend, etc.

You are also viewing her through a horrible lens. She knows how you see her. As she grows up, it will be harder to shed those traits if she thinks someone is always seeing her that way. That is why she doesn’t want contact with you and will “think about it”. That’s what that means.

There aren’t terribly great articles out there, they seem to rehash what the other ones have said.

Other thoughts: What one sibling is, the other is not (typical) and that you are not the parent, so send Light and take the younger one away when you can as often as you can. Keep those outings fun.

Good Luck!