What. No. Move 800 miles and be next to your fam. Reconnect with your kids. That is how you work on yourself, actually.

Another thing ~ Shane knows there’s another man in the wings. Instead of paying more attention to you and appreciating you (after all, someone else is!) he withdraws and takes his anger out on you!

So let’s say you dump them both. Once you find a new guy Pete will continuously chase you. He might just like the Chase! And you might like Being pursued! (Who wouldn’t?) So that’s a clue that Shane wasn’t “It” if you still are open to being chased/courted. When you meet The One, it won’t matter who else is interested in you!

Good Luck!

Hi Isabella,

How old is he? If in his twenties, he is still young. In his thirties he may think he’s young, but if he dates someone his own age, we women have to really consider children by then!

And does he have a job or have the fire in his belly to get one? Kids are very expensive. OMG.

And as far as handling them? Does he mean discipline/dealing with them? If they are your own children you tend to be enchanted by their shenanigans. LOL

If you are in your thirties, don’t wait for him for too long.

INKY

Good Morning!

I think Christianity would be an awesome religion if it weren’t for its followers :).

Yeah, my neighbor is a Bible thumper herself. Fortunately religious studies is an interest of mine, so I am always up for theological discussions. I never get angry. It’s more, “Have you read this?” “What do you think of that?” “When your religion talks about (thing) do you think it’s comparable to this religion’s (thing?)” At least it gets the other person to think instead of “thumping” LOL. But you can only do this when you’re already feeling good.

In a Disney sequel (I have 3 kids!) there was a line, “They can have the World. We’ll create our Own.” That is what you have to do. Create your own world. If you do it correctly, the greater world won’t impact it that much and you might be able to expand your world to envelope and help parts of the greater world.

Good Luck!

Could you have a blog where you can “hone your craft”? Be a journalist for your own blog! The more popular it gets, the more attention you can draw to your cause. Your fans will eventually grow in number so someone will want to give you a job, or will point someone to you! Just a thought!! Then you won’t feel as languishing in your current job.

I suspect on some level ~ a level that she can’t even think about ~ your ex feels shitty for what she did. No woman wants to brag about adultery, about breaking up a family, having the children cry at night for their Father. It is so painful and uncomfortable she can’t even think about it and so she goes about with an easy breezy veneer. It would be different if you did something Epic to disappoint her, but it seems it just unraveled by itself. Trust me for 99% of women we would feel terrible about our part of a marriage failing on some level. Otherwise she would be a sociopath.

Also, even in the best of marriages with the best of people ~ if there’s a divorce, everyone Has Words. Words that are shocking that you will remember for decades. That is normal.

It may take years (and years and years) but you will grow older. She will grow older. You will be different people altogether. You will see each other at every graduation, wedding and baptism. And eventually you will be OK with that.

My parents ~ both had spit and bile for each other for 20 years. Now they each ask tentatively, almost plaintively, about each other to me. Under deep anger is hidden great love.

Please look to the Light.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Go find a new guru. Or go online, type in your current guru’s name and read the list of grievances others have had with him. Gurus are people too. At the end of the day, that’s all they are. People who pass themselves off as Enlightened. But let me ask you this: If he is so Enlightened, why are you asking strangers on the internet if you should stay or go? I’m not Enlightened. (Rumi might be though ;)!) But what we say is true. And 100 other people will tell you the same thing.

Stay with your parents. Don’t ask forgiveness. You’ve done nothing wrong.

P.S. He’s not thinking about you nearly as much as you are. He will think, “Oh, she stayed with her family. We lost another one. Next!”

It’s hard for some people to answer this twice because we are mostly Western and come from an Individualistic culture. So we really don’t “get” disappointing the guru or shaming the family.

Why don’t you stay for a Year? Then on your next visit to your parents simply never come back? They are getting older and you will take care of them. Then you will have given it another try, Left, AND honored your parents!

Have you found other nuns who want to leave and/or ex-nuns to talk to yet?