Hi Cyd,

I totally get this. But remember that it is a human, primal need to want to be with someone. We are born for love and connection. Even cavemen ~ up to people a million years in the future ~ would only want someone for companionship and sex if there wasn’t anyone else around! It’s great that you’re very self aware, but don’t use your self awareness to trip yourself up. By the way, good relationships will make you stronger, and a true partner wouldn’t let you get away with you being hurtful or using them.

I’m assuming you didn’t get a wedding invitation? LOL

I think all new brides (and grooms) go through this ~ their fiancé obviously had a Past, and People Who Mattered before they met. And now how to deal with them…

So I think she was as polite as can be. A little form-lettery. And I noticed the “Hi There” and referring you as a “lifelong friend”. And “Thank you … for reaching out…” and “have a great day.” So that was distancing you totally. But yet you “can’t” be mad because “Perhaps we can arrange a meet up”.

In her defense, what was she supposed to do? How to respond? She is also planning a wedding, so doesn’t have the time to edit, either.

I say keep yourself busy on the wedding day and don’t FaceBook anything with them for at least a year. You don’t want to be “that girl” who is seen as still hung up on the groom.

Hi elephantgirl,

That feeling of not really being there, of still looking for a relationship, of knowing it will end ~ that was all your intuition talking. You could have behaved differently in 100 different ways and it still would have ended.

The main problem is that you are essentially an international scholar. That you will eventually go home or move on. No one wants to deal with that or you will have to get Serious. No one is ready for Serious. That’s the problem!

Consider this ending a gift ~ you can now devote 100% of your energy into your thesis!

As for the guy ~ he may never come back, or he could eventually come to his senses and contact you. For now, make believe he is on vacation and can’t be contacted, and believe that you will meet your soul mate soon ~ that he agreed to break up with you because he knows your soul mate is coming and he would be pushed out anyway. It seems childish to do, but it works, it will help you get through the day.

Hi,

He’d have to be really socially unaware to bring up other women around you. He’s doing it to keep you jealous. Just say when he brings up other women, “What was I before, chopped liver? Not cool.” Or, you can bring up your own other men. Or, if you don’t want to deal with him at all, do the “Slow Fade” after every time he brings up other women.

Other than that, personally, I believe that the kids come first, and you shouldn’t really date or see someone when the kids are around. Maybe I’d invite him to parties I’d throw so there’s no One on One time. That’s a friend, not a quasi-platonic buddy at the park.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Inky.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. What an icky feeling. You can’t “call” them on it because he’s technically not your boyfriend anymore and you’re also accusing them of doing something they haven’t done yet.

But here’s the thing ~ you know in your bones this will probably happen. There is an unwritten girl code, but will she follow it? The fact that she didn’t mention it means she knows something will happen or she didn’t want to hurt you. He mentioned it for sure to make you jealous.

Tell one or both of them the truth. It’s called social “boundaries”. That the break up is still too raw and that you would hate to dump both of them at once. You can show up at her doorstep and deliver the message! A mini reunion! It will put the wind out of his sails for sure. But at least you’re at the beach! For a week! 😉

When guys break up with you they often call or write to see how you “are”. It’s to relieve his guilt and to look like the good guy in all this. Also, the ego boost of believing that they are a heart breaker.

It’s your choice.

I would write “Great! I met someone.”

(“Someone” could be the postman, he doesn’t deserve full disclosure.)

It wouldn’t be the answer he was expecting, and he’d feel momentary shock at being so quickly replaced. But the trick is not to answer him back when he writes back a lame, “Oh, that’s great!” Leave him hanging. Leave him wondering. And don’t see or run into him. When you do enough time should pass (a year) that he sees you as a new independent person, not the ex girlfriend he dumped.

Hi Again!

I meant that if Stephen really doesn’t have time for you (and you haven’t mailed out the wedding invitations yet) maybe don’t marry him!

Also, if you are already falling for other guys, it is possible he is not The One. Could save everyone some heartache.

If you do marry him, you can’t really flirt or wonder about other guys again!

Also, maybe Dwayne doesn’t want to get his butt kicked by flirting with another guy’s girl!

I’m embarrassed to say that I still don’t know how that works here! Try @inky ?? But seriously, I’m lucky in love only because I got very, very lucky! I’m sorry you fell in love with a player. Think of love as having a bad case of the flu. You eventually get over it, but you may never be the same.

I Manifest a wedding at a vineyard with a perfect and perfectly Mature guy just for you!!!