Hi Maria,

Spending two years in a relationship with a woman in her mid thirties would be a lot of pressure for a guy.

Add the neediness/vocalizing what’s wrong with the relationship, him making sounds of moving in together and getting a puppy, that sent him over the edge.

Is marriage and a family YOUR ultimate goal? If so, then you need to get very clear with these guys, and dump them without a moment’s hesitation if the relationship is not progressing.

If you just want somebody to love, then no more neediness and grasping. Just enjoy the ride!

Best,

Inky

Hi Lisa,

When men act like this they are going through a mid-life crisis. The fact that he was with your friend and was trying to get digits with his son-in-law (!) proves it. Why would he give his son-in-law basically a wink and a nod to cheat on his daughter??? That they do this OPENLY in front of the friend is so disrespectful.

I respectfully suggest she see other people, the kind who have Mercedes. BMWs aren’t all that. Not enough to pick up girls with. What is this, the eighties? No, wait, Beemers weren’t that cool even then.

Best,

Inky

Hi Lispol,

I would put the most beautiful ones in frames, give them to her as a birthday/Christmas gift. Start with only one or two.

She’ll say an awkward, “Oh, thank you.”

You’ll say, “You should really have these.”

You’ll put them center stage in the kitchen/dining room/living room. Your mother/sister will remove them. You’ll do it again the following year. You have a million of them. When you run out of artwork, the cards put in a photo album.

See, no. She doesn’t get to do this. You are the beloved child. It’s time they are reminded of that. You’re not going away. You are not a memory. Neither are you your own memory. You do exist.

Best,

Inky

Hi Katie,

I know exactly what is going on here. Families like to put other family members in roles. Your role is the family failure/screw up. For some reason, long ago, they pegged you as Not Smart.

I’m sorry, did THAT cousin get straight A’s? Did THAT cousin get into a serious course of study (premed/law/PhD/Masters)?

OK, so MY kids were pegged as problem children because my husband’s cousin’s kids were perfect. They had to be problem kids simply because the Perfect Kids label had already been given. The woman wanted to write a Parenting Book using my kids as examples, for God’s Sake!!!

You know what happened? All my kids became winners: a PhD candidate, a Service Academy student and an Eagle Scout. My military cadet said, “Sorry I broke your Christmas ornament when I was little” and her daughters were all, “Mom, why are you bringing that up, that was so long ago?!” Meanwhile she had five unruly grandchildren at that very age. We hear a CRASH! at that moment from the other room!! Woman was mortified!!! Karma is a patient gangster.

You keep being a winner! If you get straight A’s you are surely smart enough to get that degree if you work hard. Then they will have nothing to say! “Our cousin, the stupid doctor”??

Best,

Inky

Hi anna1290,

What helps me with “What If?” thoughts is to answer the question.

If I were you and the inexplicable happened, “Hey, I just saw those naked photos!” I’d simply say, “It wasn’t me.”

The more time passes, the more you change my haircut and weight, the older you get, you could totally get away with that theoretical “What If” answer.

“Oh, but your old boyfriend says it’s you.”

Answer: “He has a dark side. You’ve noticed that, right? He was angry that I never sent any naked pics when we were kids, and then he tried to threaten me with a doppelganger’s nude pic off the internet. Sad.”

Another answer: “Um, I take meds for anxiety and suffer from OCD. You think I’d really send nude pics??”

Boom! Theoretically Done!

Best,

Inky

Hi K,

If this person dared to make that comment at work, then call HR or your boss. They asked for it!

And even if it was outside of work… Do you ever notice it’s THAT type of person? Or a certain person? You cringe when you see them. You wait, braced to hear what else could possibly come out of their mouth. And they never disappoint!

If it makes you feel better, my Cringe Factor congratulated me on my pregnancy (wasn’t pregnant) and then later after I took up running said, “I’m so proud of you! I see you chugging along at the Rec Center…” WTH, lady!!! And yes, both times I gave her a good talking to!!

As for yourself, if you eat right and exercise, you’re already doing the work. Sure, you can lower your calorie intake, take weight loss pills and down sixty-eight ounces of water a day. But just a small part of me (and hopefully you) will say, “Hey! If God wants me to look like a gorgeous warrior goddess (we are), who am I to disagree?”

Best,

Inky

Hi Peaceful warrior,

Do you know what would trigger a panic attack?

One strategy I’ve used is to confide in someone that sometimes I’ve gotten panic attacks. Then I feel silly for potentially having one, and I feel even more silly when that person is all, “You’re not going to have a panic attack now, are you??”

Well, it’s counter-intuitive, but it works for me.

I mean I’d rather have someone “protecting” me from crowds (with triggering people in them) who’s in the know and not get panic attacks than suffer in silence and then get an actual panic attack and escape the crowded room (with the triggers).

Worst case scenario is you get one and are then looked out for.

Best,

Inky