I hate to say it, but sweetheart, this is what dating is for. You meet people one-on-one and find out if you are a match. Sometimes you know right away, sometimes you go on a few dates and know. And that would be both people have to know. Think of it this way. In a deck of cards, you might be a five of clubs and she might be a four of diamonds. She may have met a five of diamonds. That’s more of a match, isn’t it? It’s not like a five of diamonds is better than a five of clubs, it’s just that it’s more of a match ~ for her! You would be looking for a four or six of clubs. Know what I mean? But you may have to get out of the Japanese country-side to find her.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi Lucy,

Awww, he sounds so CUTE!!!

From the outside looking in, yes, of course he likes you. No, he won’t admit it to you because you did literally laugh a little at him. Not in a mean way, but a guy’s worst fear is being laughed at.

And how adorable! He wants to add you as a friend ~ but not have your number ~ not yet, anyway. And you’re not a bed mate yet, nor a best friend, but a “little sister”. Don’t you see he’s trying to “save face”?

You know, he is precious ~ the opposite of some of the jerks out there. Enjoy the flirting. Don’t expect more, but don’t be surprised if there will be. Just have No Expectations and enjoy the ride!

Best,

Inky

Hi Crystal,

Oh dear.

Frankly, I’m seeing that your parents did a poor job in making a college fund when you were a baby, AND for poor money management skills. It’s like they raised you but not really. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s your parents didn’t do a good job “launching” you. Let me put it this way: My daughter’s friend lives ABOVE A LAUNDRY MAT and her friend still goes to college!! Yes, it’s a State school, so they’re paying half, and she did get a small scholarship, but still.

I’m not going to lie ~ going to college is literally ten times harder financially than when I went. (Maybe that’s why that family chose to live above a laundry mat, because they knew this day was coming ~ seriously!!) But there are: State schools, scholarships, community college, trade schools, work abroad programs, online schools.

And here’s a dirty little secret: You don’t have to go to college to be successful (unless it’s in the Math and Sciences). You can still: write a book and get it published, submit magazine articles, start your own business, make connections, travel, “marry well” (don’t tell anyone I said that), work abroad, get certifications, etc.

If you do go to this college, at least everyone else is in the same boat. The whole college racket is a bill of goods. The institution is about to crumble. You have come of age in the beginning of the revolt!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi Jade Green,

Closure is an inside job. No words, face-to-face or email will give closure. Also, you don’t know how you will feel three years from now, so I say Don’t Send the Letter! By holding something in limbo for three years, and in essence ambushing him in the future, you are NOT letting go and will merely regurgitate stuff that will be ancient history by then.

What you can do: Wait five years from now. Say nothing. No communication during that time. Then run into him or call him ~ Just a “hi”. If he communicates with you before then, again, just a “hi, how are you?” Stay away from any big emotional proclamations. He will see you with new eyes, perspective, and who knows where you will both be by then?

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Megan,

When you (general you) say, “Oh, I dislocated my thumb, can only use my left hand”, most people will be all, “Oh, that sux, you poor thing!” but will not have an overwhelming instinct to ask if they could help. They don’t “get” that not functioning without a thumb/hand could be as debilitating as being on crutches.

Now, if you had (God forbid) cancer or were in the hospital, you bet people, some you don’t even think about, would suddenly manifest and ask if they could help.

On the other hand, are you all, “Oh, can I help?” before someone else thinks to ask? That’s good nature and good breeding.

I guess I’m saying that people are clueless and to accept your friends where they are.

You could call some and say (with no hint of guilt tripping), “Hey, I’m having trouble. Do you mind picking up something for me when you go to the store? Great! When? Thank you!!”

The Direct Way: I know a good Buddhist practices Non-Attachment and Sexual Morality. Those would be good things to bring up to Ashley ~ if you call her and confront her ~ and him for that matter. Be all, “Hey, what you texted/emailed my fiancé is inappropriate. It makes me think you’re not our friend. Please be mature about this and don’t make our new life difficult. The trip is not happening.” Say “We” and “Our” a lot.

The Conversation, if you Choose to Accept It: Tell him what you’ve read right away. Now. Tonight. Get this out of the way and ancient history before the wedding. If he’s leaving his email/texts open for all to see, you are indeed more than his intellectual equal, and you are also indeed his ideal candidate because you are giving him the grace of a good Buddhist/Christian/Human to forgive him.

I sense you do not want to rock the boat so close to the August wedding. But you are NOT overreacting. Ashley AND his crappy attitude towards you have got to go! No bride wants or needs that!

The Indirect Way: Tell her that Ryan told you all about the trip and when are we all going? Tell him that Ashley told you all about the trip and when are we all going?? (Hint: This is a surefire way to make sure the trip doesn’t happen.

Friend her on FB. Every week post romantic pics of the two of you.

Tell him everyday how Ideal you two are as a couple. And one, “I’m so glad I’ve found someone of my Intellectual Level” in for good measure!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi seanbon,

The first thing to do is to get rid of “it’s not too much to ask” mentality concerning your wife.

You moved house and remarried way too soon/suddenly. Then you made threats for years to leave. You did. Now you want her to move house.

Why would she? In all seriousness, I can see why she wouldn’t.

The best thing, the easiest thing, would be to live with your kids until they’ve all “launched”, whether that be college or in their first apartments. I would wait until the youngest is 22/23 myself, to make up for all the past instability. Give them some years of “stable”. If your wife wants to move and be with you guys, great! If not, it’s still good.

Then, sell the house and move back in with your wife. In the meantime, love her from separate houses. Go to counseling. Date her. Don’t call a divorce lawyer. If she serves you divorce papers, accept it.

To Stability,

Inky