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hiba

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  • #337252
    hiba
    Participant

    Hi Anita I appreciate your answer!
    The world is so small I didnā€™t think youā€™d guys even know where Morocco is ? ( it happened to me before)

    And to answer what you said, youā€™re right in saying that I got to learn to differentiate between the situations but thatā€™s gonna take some work hahah. And I also think that sometimes I am aware that there is no dangerous situation but my anxiety is a coping mechanism I think, moving to another country, not making friends etc my mind didnā€™t know how to react, all of it was knew to me so I cope with anxiety , so it seems like I have control over whatā€™s happening. Thatā€™s just my interpretation, I remember when I was thinking I had cancer, I would try and calm myself down, saying it wasnā€™t true and that Iā€™ve already seen multiple doctors to prove it, but when my mind is in a fight or flight mode and Iā€™m super anxious I get all these thoughts about how Iā€™m really sick and I lose all common sense. Itā€™s exactly whatā€™s happening to me now about my relationship , I used to be so confident about it and I would just know; Iā€™m normally the one that gives advice about relationships and all my friends come to me asking for it but since the thoughts started giving me anxiety and I started doubting everything , bam , the common sense is gone again.

    i appreciate your advice, but I donā€™t think I want to ask him that, I still want to be his girlfriend thatā€™s the thing, I love him , even thought I doubt it every second of the day , and we live together and I like it, I just donā€™t know how it would be if I ask him to just be friends for the time being, I donā€™t want to , plus I think it would just running away from the anxiety.

    see I donā€™t know I donā€™t understand my thoughts and feelings either, but itā€™s not that easy, sometimes I have to google and I have to ask others I feel a big urge to do it otherwise the anxiety is too much to handle, I know it would seem frustrating to you but you just wouldnā€™t know if you donā€™t experience it and I hope you never will! And Iā€™m not just ā€œjoiningā€ the rOCD crowd itā€™s the only thing that makes sense to me, all the symptoms and everything about it, thatā€™s what Iā€™m experiencing I think, unless thereā€™s another clear explanation I just donā€™t know ??ā€ā™€ļø

    but I hope I get better with time , Iā€™m trying to , thank you so much for your time and answers I appreciate it

     

    #337098
    hiba
    Participant

    And @inky!
    Itā€™s much more complicated than that! I canā€™t just stop seeing my family or my dad or talking to them even though he scarred me for life. He just doesnā€™t realize it and my mom tries to ignore my feelings whenever I talk about it since I was young and would take his side. Ā« You shouldnā€™t have done that, why did you talk back, you knew he was gonna get mad so why did you say that? Ā» etc etc

    i always felt guilty because I didnā€™t know why he hated me or what I was doing , for example I remember when I was 12 I loved the movie twilight and so I made a Facebook account just so I can post a picture of a character, but he wasnā€™t wearing a shirt in that pic, so when my dad saw that he called me a whore and hit me , Iā€™ll never forget it.

    this happened many many times throughout my life and not so long ago I realized it was never my fault and would try to stop him whenever he tries to hit me now, I donā€™t just curl up into a ball and wait for it to end anymore! But still in Morocco itā€™s super socially acceptable for ā€œthe man of the houseā€ to be abusive towards his wife and kids and itā€™s f**** up . Him being like that traumatized beyond measures.
    but now that Iā€™m away from him I gotta deal with all the anxiety and trauma resurfacing and what is driving me crazy right now is what I think is relationship ocd and Iā€™ve been struggling since December ā˜¹ļø

    #337096
    hiba
    Participant

    Thank you Anita itā€™s so beautifully said and I agree! Growing up I was always in a fight or flight mode I guess and that fear, that anxiety I got from it is still there, I know it Iā€™ve always been anxious, and last year I remember my health anxiety feeling so so real but now almost a year later I realize ( partially) that it was all in my head that my anxiety had to hold onto something, but now I wish I was still struggling with it! Iā€™ve been a wreck since the first time having doubts about my boyfriend, I donā€™t know what I should or shouldnā€™t do, my feelings arenā€™t there because Iā€™m so so anxious Iā€™m not letting myself feel anything; but I canā€™t help being triggered by every little thing he does, his face or actions sometimes (yes it has evolved) how I act and how I feel Iā€™m always monitoring my feelings , other couples breaking up trigger me so much, videos and posts about Ā« true love Ā» make me want to die! And I donā€™t know what to do Iā€™ve seen psychiatrists who didnā€™t give a damn about what I was telling them and I canā€™t help Google and ask people! I donā€™t want to lose my boyfriend heā€™s all I have but am I going to have to? What should I do ? How should I deal with this? Itā€™s so hard and honestly Iā€™ve never ever felt so low and depressed and just wanting to die and I donā€™t know where to seek help

    thank you so much Anita for your wisdom and insight , means so much to me ā¤ļø

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