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February 9, 2020 at 4:24 am #337252hibaParticipant
Hi Anita I appreciate your answer!
The world is so small I didnāt think youād guys even know where Morocco is ? ( it happened to me before)And to answer what you said, youāre right in saying that I got to learn to differentiate between the situations but thatās gonna take some work hahah. And I also think that sometimes I am aware that there is no dangerous situation but my anxiety is a coping mechanism I think, moving to another country, not making friends etc my mind didnāt know how to react, all of it was knew to me so I cope with anxiety , so it seems like I have control over whatās happening. Thatās just my interpretation, I remember when I was thinking I had cancer, I would try and calm myself down, saying it wasnāt true and that Iāve already seen multiple doctors to prove it, but when my mind is in a fight or flight mode and Iām super anxious I get all these thoughts about how Iām really sick and I lose all common sense. Itās exactly whatās happening to me now about my relationship , I used to be so confident about it and I would just know; Iām normally the one that gives advice about relationships and all my friends come to me asking for it but since the thoughts started giving me anxiety and I started doubting everything , bam , the common sense is gone again.
i appreciate your advice, but I donāt think I want to ask him that, I still want to be his girlfriend thatās the thing, I love him , even thought I doubt it every second of the day , and we live together and I like it, I just donāt know how it would be if I ask him to just be friends for the time being, I donāt want to , plus I think it would just running away from the anxiety.
see I donāt know I donāt understand my thoughts and feelings either, but itās not that easy, sometimes I have to google and I have to ask others I feel a big urge to do it otherwise the anxiety is too much to handle, I know it would seem frustrating to you but you just wouldnāt know if you donāt experience it and I hope you never will! And Iām not just ājoiningā the rOCD crowd itās the only thing that makes sense to me, all the symptoms and everything about it, thatās what Iām experiencing I think, unless thereās another clear explanation I just donāt know ??āāļø
but I hope I get better with time , Iām trying to , thank you so much for your time and answers I appreciate it
February 7, 2020 at 10:43 pm #337098hibaParticipantAnd @inky!
Itās much more complicated than that! I canāt just stop seeing my family or my dad or talking to them even though he scarred me for life. He just doesnāt realize it and my mom tries to ignore my feelings whenever I talk about it since I was young and would take his side. Ā« You shouldnāt have done that, why did you talk back, you knew he was gonna get mad so why did you say that? Ā» etc etci always felt guilty because I didnāt know why he hated me or what I was doing , for example I remember when I was 12 I loved the movie twilight and so I made a Facebook account just so I can post a picture of a character, but he wasnāt wearing a shirt in that pic, so when my dad saw that he called me a whore and hit me , Iāll never forget it.
this happened many many times throughout my life and not so long ago I realized it was never my fault and would try to stop him whenever he tries to hit me now, I donāt just curl up into a ball and wait for it to end anymore! But still in Morocco itās super socially acceptable for āthe man of the houseā to be abusive towards his wife and kids and itās f**** up . Him being like that traumatized beyond measures.
but now that Iām away from him I gotta deal with all the anxiety and trauma resurfacing and what is driving me crazy right now is what I think is relationship ocd and Iāve been struggling since December ā¹ļøFebruary 7, 2020 at 10:36 pm #337096hibaParticipantThank you Anita itās so beautifully said and I agree! Growing up I was always in a fight or flight mode I guess and that fear, that anxiety I got from it is still there, I know it Iāve always been anxious, and last year I remember my health anxiety feeling so so real but now almost a year later I realize ( partially) that it was all in my head that my anxiety had to hold onto something, but now I wish I was still struggling with it! Iāve been a wreck since the first time having doubts about my boyfriend, I donāt know what I should or shouldnāt do, my feelings arenāt there because Iām so so anxious Iām not letting myself feel anything; but I canāt help being triggered by every little thing he does, his face or actions sometimes (yes it has evolved) how I act and how I feel Iām always monitoring my feelings , other couples breaking up trigger me so much, videos and posts about Ā« true love Ā» make me want to die! And I donāt know what to do Iāve seen psychiatrists who didnāt give a damn about what I was telling them and I canāt help Google and ask people! I donāt want to lose my boyfriend heās all I have but am I going to have to? What should I do ? How should I deal with this? Itās so hard and honestly Iāve never ever felt so low and depressed and just wanting to die and I donāt know where to seek help
thank you so much Anita for your wisdom and insight , means so much to me ā¤ļø
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