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RobertaParticipantDear DC
Putting aside the assumption of bullying because of previous track record.
There was a leak of water from your flat into the flat below.
Do you in principle think it reasonable for this repair to be done quickly to prevent more damage to the flats no matter who occupies them?
An equitable solution could be is find out what your plumbers hourly rate is compared to the managers plumber and also check to see if the materials used was charged to you at a fair price. Then present these figures to Bella if there is a difference and pay that amount you have calculated if you had used your own plumber if you are liable for the leak.
Kind regards
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Milda
Congratulations on Taking a step back before answering your mothers text.
It is interesting that she was not asking you to fix the situation between her and your dad nor was she blaming you either.
When I have a tricky communication to deal with I spend a little time centering & calming my self. I then write my reply but I do not send it but rather meditate for 10 minutes using the phrase ” is that so?” regarding what I have written, checking in that it is in alignment with my core aspirations and then I amend and repeat the process till I get a YES. I find this breaks the guilt/rumination cycle. Even years later I am still feel that my best self communicated on those occasions.
I hope this technique is of use to you
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Teo Desin
I get how distressing seeing pain & suffering is and in a hospital situation it is intensified and the long hours of those kinds of occupations takes its toll on the health providers ( I have worked for over 20 years in old age care). So research could possibly suit you better, you would still be helping humanity.
I guess the tricks are to understand what your core purpose is. How do you want to live your life? Get to know your strengths & weaknesses so that you know where & when to push yourself and when to take a step back ie front line doctoring versus research. Learning how to stay with our core values and to be open to do it in small & different ways and not just the big one off gestures. When we learn about ourselves and learn to nurture ourselves we will have the strength, wisdom & compassion to help our fellow travelers on this journey of our lives.
I love this quote from Shantideva it broadens the spectrum of what helping sentient beings looks like.
May I be a protector to those without protection,
A leader for those who journey,
And a boat, a bridge, a passage
For those desiring the further shore.May the pain of every living creature
Be completely cleared away.
May I be the doctor and the medicine
And may I be the nurse
For all sick beings in the world
Until everyone is healed.Just like space
And the great elements such as earth,
May I always support the life
Of all the boundless creatures.And until they pass away from pain
May I also be the source of life
For all the realms of varied beings
That reach unto the ends of space.RobertaParticipantDear Kiersten
Are you able to receive state benefits in your country to help pay your rent etc? If so this will free you from feeling beholden to keep contact with your mother once financial ties are severed.
I am guessing that your mother does not like that you are taking control on how & when you communicate with her.
The fact that you wish to be deal compassionately with your mother despite her toxic behavior towards you shows that you are a good and caring person despite of your parental relationship. I am guessing that your mother is under 70, I have known a couple of people who have had early on set dementia and their disease progressed rapidly compared to those that have late onset, so the work that you are doing to make & keep peace in your heart is a good idea.
RobertaParticipantDear Teo Desin
Firstly congratulations in passing your exams to enable you to continue with your education.
Please may I ask how much longer do you have before you finish this course? Can your course go towards your medical degree? Are you able to start a medical degree after you have completed this course?
Do similar thoughts of failure/pressure encroach on other areas of your life?
Working/Volunteering for an organisations such as Medicine sans Frontiers gives you an opportunity to travel and help the most needy.
Wishing you all the best in finding your raison D’Etre
RobertaParticipantDear Milda
It is easy to get sucked into role of carer/giver if you are a kind hearted caring empathetic person.
Take some time to think about the things that you joy and help give you energy or rest. The world will not come to an end if you take time out for your own body spirit & mind nourishment. Sometimes we feel that we need to have permission to step back.
If we do not look after our own wellbeing, eventually your body will give you a wake up call, it is much easy to fix ourselves when we are dented rather than wait until we are broken.
You may wish to narrow your focus or even change to volunteering in a different sector that you feel attracted to where you are helping your community but not so personally involved in energy draining relationships.
wishing you all the best
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Andromeda
My heart goes out to you & your family. I found the contemplation below helped me when I had to deal with family bereavement.
October 15, 2023 at 6:12 am in reply to: I’m in new relationship and I’m still love and miss my ex #423118RobertaParticipantDear Emma
How often did you & your ex actually meet up & for how long in those 5 years?
You do not say if your new relationship is also long distance, but I will reply as if it isn’t
You may be experiencing what I call ” Honeymoon sydrome” as long distance relationships are often based on intense short bursts of loving.
Where as a relationship that is in situ so it also incorporates the mundane and takes a combined effort to help it grow & flourish after the initial excitement of getting together.
Since your ex was the initiator of the break up & he has chosen not to have any contact with you it is extremely unlikely that he would be up for rekindleing a relationship.
Yes we all indulge daydreaming and have what if moments, but they can be toxic to you experiencing happiness with the present reality, so I suggest learning some mindfulness techniques so as & when these thoughts arise you are not trying to suppress them or feed them but see that they are just another set of momentary movements of the mind. After say 6 months you can review with a clearer mind that your supposition.
Kind regards Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Faith
“Once bitten twice shy” give this man a wide wide berth. His porn choices may not be illegal and whether or not the brain tumor has compromised his judgement. He is not a person that you want around your daughter, so be thankful that you have found out about this issue before you got sucked back into a toxic relationship.
You may need professional counselling to help you heal from this.
Best wishes
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Share
I guess you “could kill 2 birds with 1 stone” by asking your boss “Is what the CW is saying about the business being sold is true?”
This way you will know whether you will have a job to come back to next year and your boss will know who is seeding worry and gossip in the company.
best wishes
RobertaParticipantDear Steve
How wonderful that you have found the Dharma. It is natural to want to share the joys you are discovering especially with our loved ones and it can be frustrating & lonely when they don’t seem interested.
I am the only buddhist in our family but I too look for similarities in my family & others so that I can connect with them.
When I get a chance I go to Quakers meetings as I find it a quiet, contemplative & friendly atmosphere.
You should also rejoice that your wife is wise and ethical and maybe when you notice her actively putting these things into practice comment to her positively ie: you really used wise speech in that situation.
I am guessing that she supports you when you take time out to study or practice prayers or meditation if so thank her.
If & when you are struggling with your practice or studies try asking your wife for her input.
Is there a dharma centre or meditation group near you who can offer you a sense of community & support?
Wishing you both all the best
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Searching
Congratulations in putting yourself out there. I hope your trip meets your expectations and that any curves or bumps give you new horizons. Look forward to hearing how it went for you.
RobertaParticipantDear Danny
I agree it is good to have a foundation or framework to give your life meaning & guidance. Aspirations are there to help & guide you , not a big stick with which to punish yourself or others.
I also think that Helcat is on the right track with your inner critic running the show.
I have struggled with things that are phrased in the negative like commandments. That shalt not kill so I prefer the offerings of Thich Nat Han. May I keep sentient beings safe, May I be mild of thought speech & manner, May I have integrity in all my relationships, May I keep my judgement clear. Also the phrase May I is gentle and allows for contemplation to think deeply about how that works in real life.
Taking inspiration of the Muslim idea of stopping and praying throughout the day I try to remember to review my actions of the previous few hours and if & when try to rectify where I have been a bit clumsy with myself or others. A slower, gentler, quieter life helps keep me on track with my ideals.
I hope that you continue on the journey of bringing your inner & outer life into align with each other.
RobertaParticipantDear Paul
I am sorry that the realtime relationship was but just a shadow of what you had virtually.
You say you are returning to your home country are you also returning to your home town?
What kind of spirituality are you looking for?
Although I have not travelled for a few years now, I always tried to find a meditation group & or Quakers in the vicinity of where I was visiting meaning that I have encountered many kind & friendly people in my travels.
Best wishes
RobertaParticipantDear Searching
You are embarking on a new stage of your life, take time to find your joy, being in a relationship isnt the be all and end all.
One can still be extremely lonely within a relationship, where as when one becomes comfortable with their own company even when lonelyness rears it ugly head means that you will not be anxious or overly clinging when relationship/friendships do happen.
Are there any courses or group activities in your area that you might like to give a go? Walking or wild swimming groups are not usually overly large and being outdoors is good for physical & mental health. Also night school classes might have the numbers of people that you would feel comfortable with. Voulenteering is a good way to meet new people and helps to feel connected with your community.
Wishing you all the best
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