Dear Lost 1Flow

Just this morning I came across this beautiful book “present moment, wonderful moment” by thich nhat hanh and just reading a few pages on  lifting the most mundane of actions to something sacred. This book will no longer languish on my bookshelf but will become my companion throughout the day. My current bedtime reading is sacred rest which I am also finding immensely helpful.

I hope you find something to uplift you.

Dear Dana

Your situation is not an uncommon one, but it does feel like everyone else has great friendships especially if you believe what lots of people write on social media! Do you differentiate between being alone & lonely ie you can be in a room full of people you know & yet still feel lonely or be by yourself on a mountain and feel content with your own company.

I guess we need to find our clan/ clans this is either like minded people or common cause/hobby. So look at what interests you or brings you joy and then find a group near you to join.  Also friendships do not have a set duration or intensity so look at how you define friendship & what are your expectations.

Each day I remind myself of my intentions ” May I have integrity in all my relationships” along with “May I keep my judgement clear” along with when, who, & what  When is Now this moment Who is Whomever you are with or Yourself if you are alone & What is to Care. This way I get many moments of micro friendships throughout the day and am not relying on just one source to give & receive the nourishment of connection.

I  live & care for my 92 year old father who has dementia and we try to get out each day so as not to become isolated and I open up  my home to be used for a coffee morning once a week and run to meditation sessions from here as well this all contributes to feeling connected.

I hope that you quickly find ways to nourish a sense of connection.

Dear Arav

young, vulnerable & volatile is how on the information you have supplied is how I would describe your ex and the relationship that you two tried to have. Some friendships do blossom romantically and some do not & I think that is what has happened here.

You do not say if this was your first relationship or your age. It must be hard when what you have invested yourself in does not pan out the way one hopes & dreams about.  I would spend time with your established friends having fun & doing things that interest you.

I hope that over the coming months things become easier for you & that eventually you will meet someone with whom you can have a deep & loving relationship.

Dear Spriteflower

My heart goes out to you.  The trauma of your childhood is clearly impacting on your present life and I hope that you find a professional who can help you heal. Trauma sensitive yoga might help you become more relaxed and comfortable in your body.

You spent your early years feeling insecure as the people who should have been nurturing you were doing the exact opposite. So it is vital that you reconnect to your inner source of goodness which was not shown to you when you were young ,so you probably do not believe that it exists in you or in many other people. Personally I would try to find a therapy center/community where you could stay so that you could receive support to heal quickly (relatively) & deeply as my son said it normally takes 3/4 of a session  for him to get relaxed enough & then just at the end of a session start to unpack something & then he was just left hanging until his next session a fortnight later.

I hope that you will receive plenty of kindness & support from this site.

Hi Brynro

I am guessing your sister lashed out because she was feeling guilty about messing you around in the first place about her birthday wants.  Like Brandy said give her chance to cool down and if her general nature is kind and forgiving hopefully then things may blow over quickly. If she has a habit of cutting her nose to despite her face then things may need to be handled in a different way.

Dear Michelle

At the start I would choose quite an active meditation like a body scan. there are many on youtube  this brings me back in touch with my body and gives my mind something to focus on other than the normal dross that seems to bounce around it. I also like to watch talks by the residents at Sravasti Abbey they give me something to ponder on throughout the day. The third pillar of a buddhist way is ethical conduct. In general people do the first (meditation) may dabble a little with the second (teachings/contenplation) and rarely deeply consider the third and then wonder why  their success is dare I say superficial & limited. Life will always have its ups & downs, its how we walk thru life that ultimately counts towards our own peace.

Hi Anon765

Do you feel that this  lack of empathy episode was a one off or is it part of a pattern and did it rock the foundations of your relationship?

Dear Anon765

How hurtful that someone made a snap judgement and verbalized it out loud.

As for your GF maybe she was gob smacked by the other person’s statement about you, or did not feel confident/brave enough to contradict in a quick and appropriate way. Were you there?