Dear Belinda

I am guessing that the coach  may now feel guilty about his unwise pairing and failure to monitor & stop the bout at an earlier stage & so he reacted by blaming you if the first instance.

Is that the only dojo in the area? How do you feel about returning to the same setting?

I am sorry that the police failed to take the hateful vandalism of your car seriously.

I hope that your future is peacefully & harassment free.

Dear Belinda

I am so sorry that you have encountered such cruelty and ignorance. Did you go to the police about what was done to your car?

Men who have had their ego’s bruised are quite dangerous creatures and when alcohol is added into the mix it can lead to very unwise actions so I am not surprised that you are concerned for your safety.

How attached are you to your present location maybe it is time to move on to a less bigoted neighborhood.

Also I am surprised that your coach made such a pairing, does he not realise the character of these men?

I wish you peace & safety

Dear Kunal

Please may i ask for clarification on a few points, How physically intimate were you with your friend and did it occur more than once and does your long distance girlfriend know about the physical side that you are sharing with another person? Andon your annual visit with your girlfriend are you physically intimate?

Dear Maida

How are you now? sometimes a vent and a good cry is just what we need.

Sometimes our enthusiasm/desperation can be off putting, I know I can be tiggerish and occasional eyeoreish, but when I am at ease with myself, I find life brings friendships and fun.

Dear Jamie & Jean Claire

I am sorry that you both have had a rough time.   Friendship is a gift, one which most of us forget to cherish & nurture.

The first thing is to become aware that you have fallen into the trap of negative rumination as soon as possible, then smile and congratulate yourself for spotting that you are in that train of thought, name it ie past, this breaks the chain of thought and gives you the chance to resync yourself in the present. There are many quick techniques to bring you back to the present, breathing, yoga, tai chi, name 5 things that you can see are just a few and they only take moments to do and cost nothing but are immensely valuable.

To uproot any deep seated long held beliefs about yourselves may need professional help.

Buddhism helps us let go of the past and walk courageously & compassionately with wisdom on lifes journey through all its ups & downs.

Hi William

Can you say what bits of being in the  military reserves do you enjoy. Ie the friendship. the physical exercise, learning new things like map reading etc. This may be able to pinpoint where one possible source of joy ( passion) and open up to how that aspect to be brought to your course and career choices.

It has to be noted that one of the biggest regrets people have at the end of their lives is that they did not get to spend enough quality time with family and friends. No one  has said ” I wish I had spent more time at the office”

Dear Eric

I have reread your original post on this current topic.

What a quandary Show off my girlfriend to ward off other possible suitors for her, but by posting her picture now you think the world wants to date her!  The lady in question is not an possession that you own.

I am sure both Anita & Helcat etc have given you much good advice in the past. In not dealing with aniexty and overthinking they will be your companion if you let them.

Dear Eric

I cant answer for your god.

Who knows how you will feel about your decision to post that photo on social media in six months, six years six decades from now.  You were happy when you posted it and now you are not, So the photo or posting is not the source of your  lasting happyness or  lasting anxiety.

I think it is your anxiety that is making you feel that this relationship is hard work & that in turn does make the relationship hard work for you. Get professional help with anxiety as a whole rather than dealing with each little thing that occurs as something major.  Also get professional help to  deal with your attachment of not being good enough and comparing yourself unfavorably with almost everyone else on the planet. No one person has it all or is perfect all the time, no matter how they portray themselves on social media. Spending too much time & putting too much store in social media is not helping with your issues in fact it feeds your suffering.

I get a  daily good email which helps broaden my perspective and I am not on facebook etc.