Hah.. Anita, you’re really…. !! I am impressed with your analyze skills. I am laughing right now but laughing at myself. That I don’t trust my own feelings!

which are rarely wrong. 🙁

I will remind myself every day to trust my own feelings.

You’re right. I think.. I think she is in love. And I think I need to know this because it involves me, involves me a lot.

And thank you, that’s very refreshing and motivating to know..that you trust me to trust my feelings.

no, no, no, not evil, not even close.

Okay. 🙂

From what you shared, particularly the sleepover suggestion on her part, doesn’t leave much space for you being wrong about her being infatuated with him.

I wanted to ask your opinion Anita and I know you DO NOT know this, as well as I do not know this. I might assume more because I talk to her etc but she is the only one who knows but… Do you think there’s a change she is not in love with him? That I am wrong? I talked to my gf about it and she says she is in love big time. No way she’s not. But she only assumes it from the story I told her so it’s hard to say..

And.. you are NOT evil. You are a good person, Caroline, I am sure of it

Thanks Anita, that’s very nice

*correction: it is not simple and not straightforward.

Yes, I figured. Thanks Anita

it doesn’t seem silly, not since I understood what it’s about: it is not silly to feel hurt for being someone’s 2nd best, it’s a kind of hurt that I can very much relate to.

Thank you Anita. I do not want to sound self absorbed or anything but.. I must admit I felt a bit hurt once I realized that. I felt fooled. I realized that the first time when she had said she will come here (without our invitation). In the past we always used to like invite her or invited us, it was never like “I will arrive on this and this day”. It was always with invitation. So I knew she really really wants and NEEDS to be here.

And as I said it’s okay if none of us (me and her) would come here to visit each other. I would say this honestly that I do not want to spend money, wake up at 5 am at the weekend and come home late at night just to spend couple of hours together. Although I did one time and it was nice. But I think we both would agree that we just live too far away for this to be regular. And she comes here once a month. Or maybe more than a month sometimes. But it’s still very often.

will be going on a sleepover in the mountains.. this is making me think.. What? I mean, it seems bizarre to suggest this

I know, right? It made think so too.. I thought immediately that there is no way I am going to go there, so I never said yes. (I am in a relationship and no way I would explain this trip and a SLEEPOVER) I just did not say anything.  I never agreed to this. But he… never said no. And I think this is all… delusional. From both sides, her and him.

an open-ended question that allows her wiggle room:  what are you feeling about him?

okay.. this sounds quite okay. I may try this tonight, maybe. I’ll see how the texting goes, we usually text at the evening.

“but I hope you don’t mind and I would be enough company for you’”- I wouldn’t say that. Instead, I would do is ask her an open ended question, or a couple of open ended questions.

Why not the one I proposed? I thought she might take it as a joke but also understand that it comes from somewhere..that I assume things. But your idea is good and I might use it

Correct, I do not want to take any action. I do not want to get involved. It just concerns me, that she comes here, goes really great lengths to see him, very often. She gets up very early, pays money to come here.We live in different cities. I know she likes me and likes to see me too, but it’s not about me. It’s about him. And then we sit together and we have some topics to discuss so it’s nice but it’s also weird sometimes. Like I know she came here for him and all she get is me lol. I know how this sounds but I get this feeling sometimes that this is the case. That’s why I wrote it is MY business also.

Thank you Anita. It wasn’t easy but once I thought this through I knew this I what I wanted. It may be difficult but this is what I decided.

The following may be distressing to you, so please read it when you are prepared. You can choose to not read it at all.

Anita, it is okay, really. I am not afraid of communication here. Moreover, I know, that by writing here I cannot include everything and it depends on the reader to perceive things as this or that. This one time someone read my post and replied I need to get rid of a person in my life. Whereas it might be a good decision, there is no way someone would get the full picture based on my posts here and no way I will break up with someone over a reply post of someone who did not even bother to answer my request to elaborate. (not this post but the other one I started)
I am a grown up and I am responsible for my own decisions so no need to be worried.

meaning that if you behaved as a capable woman with power to shape circumstances, she would .. break? How..???

as I wrote, she would feel inferior to someone who is powerful.

good learning! to apply!

thank you