Angele,

You said you are the mother?  The mother of the wife?

I would think that it is difficult to do much of anything since you are dealing with an adult daughter who has mental health issues, and self blaming.  I sincerely doubt you won’t be help her.  My guess is that she is unwilling to view this objectively and take action to help herself.

Mark

Grace,

Letting go is one step at a time.  A mindfulness practice will help.  That would entail being fully aware of the present moment, with your senses atune with what is around you at that moment along with noticing your physical body sensations.  Whenever you think of him and wish that you are with him, notice that desire and let it pass and go back to the present moment.  It’s a practice.  It’s not an instant magic bullet but it’s a good practice to do regardless.

It is setting your intention to move on.  So focusing on building a life is about that life without him.  It’s about focusing on that rather than focusing on your wish of having a life with him.

Mark

Grace,

Could you tell me how old you two were when you first got together and how old you two are now?

You mentioned both coming from broken families. In my experience this is where the healing starts from.  Have you gotten any counseling or therapy? I strongly recommend that in order to have any kind of healthy relationship in your life.

I never trust anyone on their word when they say that they have changed.  I look to see what actual work they have done.

You ask how you can get over this guy. Start by building a life for yourself, by yourself. Do you have a circle of friends? Do you have a social life? Do you have hobbies or passions you pursue? That is how you start getting on without someone.

Mark

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Mark.

Alicia

I find that those additional text commands come from transferring what I  write in the word processor file and copy it here.

And so far is dealing with negativity, looks like that you’ve already discovered one method to deal with it. You have gone out with yourself in nature. Another technique you may want to consider is writing down what you appreciate each day. Having a gratitude journal is a good practice. Make time in your day to nourish yourself. You mentioned how essential it is to have alone time. Make time for that.  Getting good rest and exercise also essential for your well-being.   What do you think about all I said here?

Mark

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Mark.

Shelbyville,

Try writing down on a piece of paper what things that did not work for you or for the both of you about that relationship. This will highlight all the reasons why you are not together. Really put all the things on it so you have a complete list . This may help you realize why you two are not together and it may help you to move on easier.

Mark

Amanda,

It is telling that you are asking this question rather than knowing what the answer is.  It shows you still need more work on helping yourself deal with your co-dependency and any other blind spots that is keeping you from the wisdom you already have.

You look at the last line of your posting, your question.  You are posing it whether to deal with your husband for another 27 years of behavior that makes you to blame for a messy house, that there is no communication, that he does not really care that you are with him or not, that he does not see an issue by staying with another woman while you are gone, that he says things are hurtful, and that he wants his own way – for going out to dinner and probably other things as well.

Should I continue this cycle? Or go with my gut and run before I waste another 27 years?

Just how you word these questions points to the answer.

Mark

John

It seems that you are still keeping track of your ex-girlfriend‘s life. Is that true? If so then of course you are suffering because you have not let her go. You have not moved on with your life.  You say you were suffering every day thinking of her. It is because you are thinking of her. Mindfulness is being in the present moment where you are at right now right here. It is a discipline. You can choose start acting differently if you wish. I’m not saying it is easy but it starts by you making the decision to do so.

Mark

Kathy, you did not tell us how you found out that he cheated. In order to forgive somebody they have to take ownership of the transgression. They also have to prove that they won’t do it again.  I do not believe in forgiveness until the other person takes ownership and get some sort of reassurance that they won’t do it again. In order to ascertain that as Peggy said you have to know why he decided to cheat.

Mark