JuliaM,
I have lost several friendships that I viewed as people who were my best friends. I come to accept that such friendships are rarely symmetrical/reciprocal.

There is a Buddhist concept of how everything is impermanent and that if we are attached to something then that is the cause of suffering.

I view that relationships have a life span.  They were good when it is working but there are times when people change/grow and the relationship no longer works for one or the other.  It is time to part.

It is also better to understand the why but sometimes it is not worth taking the effort to find rather than just to move on.

I feel your pain about how your former friend took over the group for you have not only lost a friend but others that you hung out with.

I get about feeling “not enough.”  We are who we are.  Work on loving yourself and understand that such things happen in life.  I understand about losing friends and therefore I continue to nurture the relationships that I do have.  Plus I look to make new friends to renew the loses.  I also look to nurture myself to be my own friend during my alone times.

Mark

Hannah,

I echo what Raju says in the last sentence as well.

Whenever you allow someone to determine whether or not you are happy or enough then you are giving away your power.  You are not loving and respecting yourself.

Read what you posted about him and how he is mistreating you.  Would you do the same to him or any other person?

Mark

Iiwii

How old are you?  How many relationships have you had before this man?

You have been given the opportunity to explore your curiosity.  Do so.  You don’t want to keep second guessing yourself and not be fully in on a hetero relationship if you keep wondering “what if?”  My take is that it is fairly common that women have such fantasies.  Your former bf even encouraged you to try.

When we are in our 20s is when we get to explore and try on different experiences, lifestyles, attitudes, views, etc.  We do so in order to mature and learn about ourselves.

Have you had yourself medically checked out for your low sex drive?  This may come into play that maybe your attraction to other women is “safer” for you sexually but that is just a guess.  Regardless have it checked out.

Insofar as wanting to have butterflies in your stomach, that’s a nice thing to want but we are all different.  I never really had that for those women I was attracted to and went into relationship with.  Plus that feeling goes away after the initial Honeymoon/Infatuation Phase.

Mark

Kristen,
You want to know how to cope with this in a healthy way?I wonder if you have had to experience loss in other ways? A loss of a loved one? A loss of a job? A loss of a friendship? A loss of another romantic relationship?
How did you cope with any of those?

He is going away and your relationship is shifting, nothing is permanent. Put that in perspective. I know that this won’t be comforting but it has been less than a year of knowing each other. You two never got out of the honeymoon phase where you idealize him and project all those great qualities without really getting to experience the nitty gritty.

Buddhism talks about sitting with our feelings rather pushing them away or distracting ourselves from them. It is easier said than done (at least for me). The best way of coping and moving on is to do that.

You are pre-grieving. Make the most of the present moment rather than spoiling your time together by becoming sad before he leaves.

Does any of this make sense?
Mark

Koala,

I believe in loving ourselves first.  Sometimes in order to do that you need to set boundaries in order to protect yourself.  I don’t believe you are the one who should rescue her especially if she is not asking for help.  There is nothing more annoying is getting “help” when you don’t want it.  Plus it sounds like unless she starts working on herself first then you would be throwing your time/energy/money down the proverbial drain.

You can love her at a distance.

Mark

thirst_of_validation,

From a Psychology Today online article:

“I propose that we replace this law with a principle, the Principle of Attraction. This principle of attraction is an evidence-based phenomenon with a foundation in positive psychology, goal-achieving research, and mind-brain sciences.

How does a Principle of Attraction differ from a law of attraction? The principle of attraction states that “Like Tends to Attract Like.” Positivity usually attracts positivity and negativity usually attracts negativity. What are the consequences of adopting this principle?

• An appreciation for the power of positive thinking.
• Positive people tend to have greater success in their career, higher salaries, better jobs, better relationships, improved health, and more altruism.
• In terms of personalities and fortune, like tends to attract like.
• Positive people tend to be surrounded by like-minded positive people.
• You cannot control everything that occurs in your life. Natural disasters and diseases may occur irrespective of your level of optimism.
• Helping those in need is beneficial for both the helper and the beneficiary.
• Aligning your thoughts, feelings, and actions with your goals, directs your brain’s reticular activating system (RAS) to sift through millions of bits of sensory information to focus on your goal. Thus, like often attracts like is a phenomenon that occurs within each of our brains, not due to a universal law.
• Adopting the concept of like tends to attract like, opens us up to visualizing the process, not just the outcome. We become more “present-minded”. This allows us to prepare for challenges and set up an action plan.”

Darren,

Why don’t you just kick your wife out the home? It is not your worry if she has to figure out how to live on her own, to find housing.  She is resourceful enough to find men to fuck.  Let them take her in

I know it’s harsh but she made her bed and now she has to sleep in it.

Mark