Hello Anita,

Visit to the hospital went ok thank you, i have found i have a deficiency in Vitamin D, quite funny really since i live in such a sunny country. Maybe knowing this now and taking the correct Vitamin D supplements i can start seeing a difference in a lot of things that come with being deficient in vitamin D.

In regards to relationship, well i havent seen him in 2 months as he is deployed to a war zone, things are ok to be honest, not too bad yet not great. Distance is always a killer but we talk every day as much as possible.

Blessings

x

Dear Anita,

Like ive said before she now comes every day and spends time with us, i don’t really spark up many conversations anymore like i used to, im just being very neutral with her. I am going to go have some blood tests done especially for my thyroid and the hospital is quite far away and she offered to take me, i took her up on that offer lol, She has also started to be a lot nicer to mum, she must have felt bad for what happened. She is my sister after all and i do love her but i need to stop showing her that she has any power over me whatsoever.

I also have a little update for you, remember i told you i was waiting for my partner to tell me about the opening of the application to come to my country for his deployment, he sent me a picture saying it has opened up for near the end of this year, but apparently theres another one that is due next year. Which means if he doesnt get this one then i have to wait another year and i really dont know if i want to. He has been quiet about it all to be honest, he just said he has applied for the one for this year, i dont know if this is true, quite messed up at how little trust i have for this man 🙁 But no one can blame me.

Blessings

x

Hello there Anita,

I understand what you are saying, i don’t know he didn’t really seem like a man who was in it just for the money, he seemed like a very happy man and i felt such good energy radiating from him. The test that was done isn’t only for emotions, it is also done for the proper nutrition for your body. This is what most people do here in my country and a lot of people have made huge progress in regards to healthy eating and losing any excess weight.

I know that he will want to sell me the supplements and then go back for acupuncture as this is what he has said, but i wont follow up with that. I am doing my reki and i am more than happy in doing that. I dont want to be totally naive, but i also dont want to be negative at anyones help in thinking they just want my money. I dont mean to not agree with what you have said to me Anita, as you know i take everything you say to me in consideration 🙂

Well i have a next appointment that is free, just to tell me about what foods i should be eating for my body and to explain my results more in depth. By saying that my energy cells were low, he meant that my vitality is low i,e i suffer from fatigue and lethargy which is true. I am nearing the end of the spectrum which is ”Exhaustion” so he told me i need to be careful. My spine, well he didnt go into to much detail at the time but he said that my energy is all out of place. I will update you on my results if you like on Tuesday when i go to pick them up.

I was going to the gym 4 days a week, but when coming home i decided to focus more on my mental health. I eat healthy and i am now incorporating more exercise in my life by going running on the beach at least 3 x a week 🙂

Blessings

x

Good Morning Ava,

Thank you for your reply 🙂

I will start doing that every day, since i write a diary everyday at the end of the page i will write in one thing that made me happy.

Thank you for the idea.

Blessings and love x

Hello there Anita,

Sorry for the delay, work was a little chaotic and we have had storms all day today , one thing i adore, i love watching the rain and hearing the thunderstorms.

I only just managed to finish it, and what a beautiful feel with so much meaning, sadness and joy all at the same time, i am glad we think alike.

Yes, it is a core belief that is guiding my life and one that has crippled me. Maybe this is where it all stems from, as she is the only sister out of the two that i get on with and living with her etc, i think i sort of looked up to her, to be honest i cannot remember if i did. What i do know is that whatever i do or whatever i say is always brought down by her strong opinions of what she thinks is right and me also being somewhat opinionated will always defend myself, but in the end i always back down as i cannot take the anxiety she brings on.

I did the little exercise you asked and i felt very good, very proud and i will say the word that is always a part of me.. i felt ”wanted”

Blessings

x

Dear Anita,

Well whatever you do is helping others and thats what the shout out is here for, but yes you are right we should all be here to help and learn and motivate one another 🙂

Blessings

x

Dear Anita

Did you receive my last reply? Doesnt seem to show that i have submitted anything ?

Blessings

Hello again Anita,

I feel sometimes like i want to be the better person, the one that is right and that is always the good person , i want people to think i am a good person, hence why i do so much for everyone even when i am upset. I seek approval from everyone and this is where my past comes into light, what you opened my eyes to.

The solution you say is to Un-wrong me..are you saying to start thinking more positively about certain situations and not think that i am wrong all the time and i have the need to want to prove myself right and to stop saying sorry when i know i wasnt in the wrong..? Sorry my head is a little all over the place today.

Sorry Anita, yet again another conflict has arisen but this time not with him but with my sister. I hope you dont mind me telling you this, but id rather tell you because when you tell people you know they side with you and when its another family member its even worse.

I started watching a film with my mum last night called ‘Awakenings” a true story on a man who was in a neurological coma for 30 years and woke up, throughout the movie she kept saying oh this is so boring and why is it so slow, but ‘me and mum were really enjoying it, i dont like comedies and chick flicks as such, so i was watching something i enjoy. At one point i started crying as it was a very happy scene ( When he awoke from his coma and saw his mother for the first time in 30 years) and she replied very sarcastically saying oh my god are you really crying? You are unbeleivable! To which my reply was i dont know how anyone could not cry at a scene like this, and i called her a cold hearted cow and i laughed, i did not mean this in a serious way and she knows me and my sense of humour. We then pressed pause as mum wanted a cup of tea and my sister proceeded to say people that suffer from what you suffer shouldnt watch films like this, you are damaging yourself, people with a psychological imbalance shouldnt watch these films or read books that have distressing scenes to which i replied, these are the films that interest me most, true stories, documentaries etc, i educate myself very differently to what she does, not that she does any reading as she is too busy doing her hair and nails. I told her to please stop i dont want to hear anymore, yet she kept going on and on and then proceeded to say i have a short temper especially with her daughter whos my God daughter. She is very spoilt, is very rarely told off, the day cannot happen unless the little one tells them what to do and where to go , but i am no mother and i cannot judge someone elses parenting, it is NOT my place, but each time i try to have a conversation’or anyone tries to start a conversation she interrupts, she talks over, or shouts our names on and on till we answer, they let her and i dont. I dont shout at her, i tell her hunny please one second i am talking, or we are talking, maybe i do say it abruptly but it really aggravates me. She made it out like i was going to be a really bad mother. I dont see my mistake but i did tell her that i apologize if i hurt her by talking abruptly to her daughter, but she was so wrong in saying the things she did, she flew into a blind rage and started screaming at me that i am f***ked up and thats the reason why i have no friends etc.. today i feel awful. I know my sister and she will do everything in her power to make me look like the one thats in the wrong, including her husband ( Whom i have great respect and admiration for) and the rest of her friends. I thought i was slowly getting better, and now i feel like shes taken me 20 steps back ! why does this all happen to me, its like i ask for it !

Blessings