I agree, he said he was going to tell her to not call him a lot, I have not seen any more calls. but of course we only see each other on weekends, I don’t know what happens the rest of the week. he said he wanted a serious relationship with me and that he wants me very much. and the reason why he does not answer in front of me is because she will create drama about it, WHY?! I don’t know they are divorce so there should not be any drama, she is not his wife anymore, so why would she create drama or get jealous? I don’t get this.

@Veronica So I asked him again nicely and he said: ”she is just a friend that I know from long time ago and I know her family and so on”,, but honestly he seemed kind of reluctant to give me a good ol clear explanation, it just does not satisfy me , I asked’ why can she get help somewhere else in a special center facility or in a suicide hotline,psychiatrist etc and he is like” well she feels that since I am a doctor I can help her”. and then he comes with the BS that:”if I would be doing something shady I wouldn’t have told you anything about this in the first place” I’m just tired of not getting a decent explanation. I don’t understand what is the big deal with this whole thing,supposedly she does not have money to go to a psychologist or get some type of help and thereby she remains with her husband because he has money, she cannot maintain herself and she has not finished college yet, by the way this girl is 27, when in the world did he meet her when she was a teenager and he and adult? my bf is 37.the age gap is kinda weird.

@anita,I think both, because you always have that little feeling of what if he is a good man and I break up with him for nothing.
its like a back a forth cycle.I don’t know what direction to take.

I know this sounds a little crazy but I feel that If I dig deeper and get to the bottom of this whole situation of the woman etc,I can perhaps continue happy. But I need to do something cause I am sure he wont tell me anything else.

I was thinking of sending him an email pretending to be her and see how he acts. yesterday I was with my boyfriend and he said he had call her many times and she did not answer, so maybe I can tell him in the email,pretending to be her that I saw his missed calls but could not answer cause my husband was closed by, and see how he reacts. what do you think of this idea?

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by alexa05.

@Lostbutlearning So I asked him again nicely and he said the same thing: ”she is just a friend that I know from long time ago and I know her family and so on,, but honestly he seemed reluctant to give me a clear explanation, it just does not satisfy me ,Maybe im to insecure, I asked’ why can she get help somewhere else in a suicide hotline or a psychiatrist and he is like” well she feels that since I am a doctor I can help her”. and then he comes with the BS that:”if I would be doing something shady I wouldn’t have told you anything about this in the first place” I’m just tired of not getting a decent explanation. I don’t understand what is the big deal with this whole thing,supposedly she does not have money to go to a psychologist or some type of help, and she remains with her husband because he has money, she cannot maintain herself and she has not finished college yet.

I At this point I AM exhausted mentally and emotionally(neutral) and I don’t know if he is being truthful or not but I think I should just breakup with him, I’m not feeling this relationship anymore, from some time ago,my body,my heart and my soul just wants freedom, this guy is an idiot I don’t need this crap in my life. and believe me its not going to get better, at the beginning I though he would be a different person.but turned out to be completely different of what I expected nevertheless I decided to give him and the relationship a couple of shots, to not judge right away! But its been 3 years and I can’t handle this anymore, Plus also his career(medicine) consumed too much time from him and he could not give me the me the time that was right.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by alexa05.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by alexa05.

@anita, Exactly, that’s how I feel like I just know the weird ADHD non expressive persona, but not the real him, its either his career he talks about most of the time, or just some weird behaviour due to his ADHD, yeah well first he has to apply and do interviews to see which hospital chooses him and then well he will go to that hospital and do 3 years of residency, I am not very aware of this medical process, and what are the steps exactly but I know its like a journey. this is also something that has created a lot of emotional Inestability in me, I always ask myself what’s going to happen with us when he graduates now in February, we have not talked SERIOUSLY about the future and it makes me feel with: doubts, lots of insecurity,emotional ups and downs,anxiety attacks and so on, all of this unanswered questions are really taking a big toll on me and I can clearly feel it.

I need to put an end to all of this or else its just going to get worse, I know I sound dramatic, but its how I feel,
sometimes I have even thought of just Breaking up with him and moving on with my life! and this is why I am struggling cause I don’t know what to do,I don’t know what decisions to make,I would appreciate your honest opinion with what you think I should really do. I really need it.cause I feel STUCK. If you need more answers ask me whatever you would Like to know.

@veronica111 I admit, I can be insecure, And I can get that fear feeling in my gut, is not precisely gut feeling, but fear! there two different things that perhaps feel the same,I feel this way right now because the first time I ever started to doubt or feel insecure in this Whole relationship with him is because of this same situation with this same woman,which happened 2 years ago, he mentioned me this women and needed me to do him the favor to call her to give her an address,because she was a”FRIEND” from sometime ago and that she was in an supposedly ”abusive” relationship and that her husband was dangerous (this was 2 years ago when we started our relationship) after that he did not mentioned her anymore until 3 days ago,and Again I got the same feeling,

Maybe I am just one of those persons that see ghosts where there aren’t any! if I see a business card I might think your up to something, if I see that you have 2 emails I might think your up to something bad!, that’s how I am!! I recognize it,now its not an excuse for this weird situation

@anita, well I think when I ask him something being irritated myself or in a defensive mode, he gets agitated/defensive or wont give me open ended answer and explanation, instead he will say no o yes or change topic.I don’t know why is so difficult to communicate with ADHDers. when I am calmed and more like sweet I feel I get him to act more normal.

By the way what I was trying to say in one of the other post’s was that maybe he has an”emotional affair”but I don’t have enough proof, there has to be a way for me to know.

Yes, your are right, we have to listen to those instincts ,the problem is I don’t know how to tell when there trying to let me know something is wrong! Or maybe I do but I ignore it, I really don’t know.