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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,396 through 1,410 (of 4,247 total)
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  • in reply to: Moving on from the past break up #444813
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Clara:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly. I really appreciate the way you reflect on your experiences, even when they bring up tough emotions.

    On Emotional Suppression- Everyone suppresses emotions to some extent—it’s a natural part of navigating life. Sometimes, suppression is helpful, like when staying composed under stress or maintaining professionalism. But too much suppression can lead to feeling numb or disconnected, experiencing unexpected emotional outbursts, or even dealing with physical tension from unprocessed emotions.

    On the other hand, too little suppression can make emotions overwhelming, leading to impulsive reactions or difficulty maintaining boundaries, letting emotions dominate interactions without considering others’ perspectives or well-being. The key is finding balance—expressing emotions when needed while also knowing when to step back and process them internally rather than reacting immediately.

    Reflecting on your experience- It makes sense that hearing from your ex stirred feelings of uncertainty. She seems to view your process of deciding which emotions to hold onto and which to let go as unhealthy suppression, but I see it as thoughtful and intentional rather than flawed.

    In regard to letting your more recent ex stay with you for a month, that does seem like emotional suppression of the unhelpful kind—not recognizing and asserting your emotional limits in the moment. It’s common to prioritize generosity over emotional honesty to avoid conflict, but that can lead to resentment building up rather than addressing discomfort early on. It sounds like your feelings surfaced only after the situation had played out, instead of in real-time.

    Would you say this is how it unfolded?

    This doesn’t mean you suppress your emotions all the time, or that it’s always unhelpful when you do.

    Do you find it challenging to recognize when generosity starts turning into resentment? That’s something many people struggle with, and it can be a tricky balance to navigate.

    On opening up & emotional risk- I completely understand how opening up can feel risky, especially when the response isn’t what you expected. Setbacks can feel bigger than progress, making vulnerability even harder. But the fact that you keep expressing yourself and reflecting on these patterns speaks to your strength—you’re giving yourself space to figure out what feels right for you emotionally.

    🐱 I love that your cats have become so affectionate! Their companionship sounds like such a wonderful comfort, and I’m really glad you have that warmth in your home.

    Thank you again for sharing, Clara. Take care, and talk soon! 💙 I’m looking forward to hearing more from you whenever you feel ready.

    anita

    in reply to: Inspirational words #444810
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Psychicremdev:

    Beautifully said! Words have a powerful way of shaping our mindset and helping us through challenges. Sometimes, even the smallest reminder of our strength and resilience can make all the difference. Do you have a favorite quote or mantra that helps you when times get tough?

    anita

    in reply to: Inspirational words #444809
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    Thank you for sharing your experience—it’s truly insightful and meaningful. ❤️

    As I read your post, I was deeply impressed by your strength, awareness, and practical approach to emotional management. You’ve come such a long way from emotional numbing, using therapy, meditation, and self-compassion to reconnect with your emotions while maintaining balance. Your approach could resonate deeply with others who struggle with overwhelming feelings and want to develop a structured way to process them.

    Your ability to step back from emotions while remaining connected to them takes incredible strength and patience—I’m working on getting better at it myself.

    I really appreciate your perspective on automatic negative thoughts—viewing them as habitual patterns tied to trauma rather than absolute truths. Separating conscious thoughts from intrusive ones is such a powerful way to loosen their grip, and your approach to assessing their reality is truly inspiring.

    Meditation sounds like it played a key role in your journey. It’s amazing how you trained your mind to observe thoughts without being consumed by them—that kind of practice takes serious dedication. Self-compassion is something I’ve come to value deeply (though I’ve only started practicing it recently), and I completely agree that countering negative thoughts depends on treating ourselves with kindness.

    You’ve done incredible work in reclaiming your emotional space—it really speaks to your resilience! And thank you for your encouragement. Rock on, Alessa! ❤️

    Looking forward to more conversations with you!

    anita

    in reply to: It Remains #444786
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Laven:

    You write like poet and I feel the weight of what you’re expressing.

    Even when life feels unchanged, when pain feels relentless, you are not invisible, and you are not alone in this. I know that my words are not be enough to change how you feel, but I want you to know that your struggles matter, your feelings are valid, and you deserve support and care—not just from others, but also from yourself.

    If there’s even the smallest moment today where you can allow yourself a breath, a pause, a flicker of kindness toward yourself, I hope you take it. Sometimes, the smallest steps lead to the most meaningful changes. You are still here, and that matters.

    Sending warmth and strength your way. 💙 Would you like to talk more about how you’re feeling? I’m here.

    anita

    in reply to: Sister takes long to respond to messages #444785
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lucidity:

    Your writing is truly beautiful—your intelligence and empathy shine through in every word. I’m deeply grateful for your thoughtful input and advice.

    I want to take my time reading it thoroughly in the morning (it’s Thursday evening here) when I’ll be more focused and able to better process everything.

    Looking forward to engaging with it!

    anita

    in reply to: Worried About My Nephew #444777
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rosie:

    What you’re going through is incredibly difficult, and I can feel how much you care about your nephew’s well-being. It’s clear that you’ve done everything in your power to support him—giving him stability, advocating for him, and providing a safe space where he can thrive—even when the system and your family have failed to step up.

    From what you’ve shared, your nephew is living in an environment that does not prioritize his well-being. His mother’s alcoholism, drug history, repeated run-ins with the law, and emotional absence all contribute to neglect.

    It’s also concerning that your mother didn’t step in—her lack of urgency suggests a disconnect or unwillingness to acknowledge the severity of the situation. If the adults around him aren’t ensuring his basic needs and emotional health, he is left vulnerable in ways that could shape his future in damaging ways.

    The fact that your nephew was failing every class before arriving at your home, but is now passing, proves just how much a stable and supportive environment impacts his ability to succeed. You made a difference. You provided structure, care, and consistency—things that seem absent from his home life.

    Your concern that he will lose this progress once he returns home is valid. Without an engaged guardian, it’s likely he will slip back into the same struggles—not because he lacks ability, but because he lacks the support system he needs.

    It’s admirable that you want to respect his wishes to return home, but it’s also important to recognize why he wants to go back—not because it’s a healthy choice, but because it’s what’s familiar. Despite everything, he may feel a strong sense of loyalty toward his mother, or simply not fully understand the dangers of staying in a neglectful environment.

    You are in a tough position—you want to protect him, but past attempts with child protective services have left you discouraged, and your family has been unsupportive. The fear of making things worse is understandable, but the reality is that doing nothing could also allow the neglect to continue unchecked.

    Here are a few things to consider as you navigate this situation:

    * Maintain an open line of communication – Let your nephew know that you are always a safe space, no matter what happens. Encourage him to reach out regularly, even if he’s back home.

    * Seek guidance from professionals – While CPS was not effective before, there may be other organizations or professionals who can advocate for him differently. Consider consulting a family lawyer or social worker to explore other options.

    * Prepare for emergencies – If things escalate and his situation worsens, would you be able to take him in more permanently? It might help to consider long-term solutions rather than reacting in the moment each time.

    * Encourage him to build self-sufficiency – Since he’s thriving under your care, maybe help him develop tools to maintain progress even in a less supportive environment—whether that’s helping him organize study methods, stay motivated, or find trusted adults at school who can check in on him.

    * Keep documentation – If anything serious happens, having a record of concerns (like failed classes, neglect, or troubling behavior) could strengthen a case for intervention in the future.

    You are doing everything you can to help him, and even though the situation is frustrating, your presence in his life is meaningful. His time with you has shown him what stability feels like, even if he can’t stay permanently yet.

    The decision of whether to file another CPS report is incredibly tough, but if neglect persists, it may be worth reconsidering—especially if his situation deteriorates. No matter what, keeping a strong connection with him will remind him that he is not alone and that someone cares deeply about his future.

    Sending you strength as you navigate this—you’re doing far more for him than you may realize. 💙 Would love to hear your thoughts.

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dafne:

    It’s truly a pleasure to read your thoughtful, self-aware, and warm messages—they brighten my day!

    You have a deep and valid need for stability, respect, and emotional safety, both in your relationship with your mother and in your romantic connections. Wanting to no longer walk on eggshells, to free yourself from strained, exhausting relationships, is not just reasonable—it’s essential for your well-being.

    The fact that your mother apologizes after each conflict suggests that she does not want to lose you. However, her repeated behavior indicates that she either isn’t trying to change or is simply unable to do so. Given her age and history, true and lasting change is unlikely.

    It’s understandable that you feel conflicted—on one hand, you love and appreciate her good qualities, but on the other, you recognize that living with her drains you emotionally. Your instinct to move out is valid—not as a rejection of her, but as an act of self-care and creating the space to feel safe and at peace. You don’t have to cut ties, but you can choose how and when to engage with her, ensuring that your interactions are healthy rather than emotionally exhausting.

    You asked, “I would love a place where I can feel safe and peaceful… Does a place like that even exist?”- Yes, it absolutely does. While conflict and tension is widespread, that doesn’t mean chaos is the only option. Peace begins with boundaries and choices—choosing relationships and environments that align with your emotional needs, rather than settling for situations that drain you.

    One important shift I would encourage: focus less on your mother’s struggles and more on your own needs. Prioritize yourself. Seek to build a life that is aligned with the stability, respect, and emotional safety you value. She may never change—but you have the power to create the change that you need.

    In regard to dating & modern relationships, I completely understand your frustration—commitment, effort, and respect seem harder to find in today’s dating world. While not everyone follows modern trends, it does mean that finding someone who aligns with your values takes more patience. Holding firm to your standards ensures that you build connections that truly fulfill you, rather than settling for situations that compromise your beliefs.

    Regarding your current spider, you’ve already established a strong boundary—you won’t live with someone who isn’t your husband—and that is a choice you have every right to maintain.

    If this man is pressuring you to “test” the relationship before marriage, that suggests a mismatch in expectations. Someone who truly aligns with your values should respect your boundaries without trying to change them.

    Additionally, his insistence on a prenup, framed as a way to protect himself from women changing after marriage, reflects a lack of trust in relationships. If he already fears marriage will lead to loss rather than partnership, that is not the foundation for a healthy, secure relationship built on mutual trust.

    It’s wise to listen to your inner discomfort—you don’t have to accept a relationship dynamic that doesn’t feel right to you. You’ve been clear about your expectations, and if he continues pushing rather than respecting them, it would signal that he is not the right match for your values.

    Dafne, you have strong instincts and a clear understanding of what you want—peace in your home life, respect in relationships, and emotional security. Standing firm in your boundaries will lead you to the right environment and people who truly align with what you seek.

    Sending you warmth and encouragement. 💙 You deserve happiness without having to constantly defend your values. Looking forward to reading your thoughts!

    anita

    in reply to: I have a soulmate; he isn't my husband #444774
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Scw:

    You are very welcome. What you’re experiencing sounds incredibly intense and deeply personal—a wave of emotions that almost seems to have caught you off guard. It’s understandable to feel bewildered when such strong feelings surface seemingly out of nowhere.

    Whether this emotional connection with this man stems from a past-life bond or subconscious emotions surfacing from this life, the intensity you feel is real and worth exploring.

    The way you describe your experience—thinking, missing, longing, yearning, crying—suggests that something within you has been awakened, something perhaps buried or unprocessed. Sometimes, longing for someone isn’t just about them—it’s about a longing for something lost in ourselves or an ache for a time in our past that we cannot undo.

    It happens that emotions lie dormant within us—feelings we don’t fully recognize or process at the time—but when something triggers them, they resurface with surprising intensity.

    It’s possible that part of this experience is linked to fantasy or idealization. Since your interactions with him were limited over the years, your mind may have filled in the gaps, creating an idealized connection that feels stronger than the reality of your relationship.

    You wrote, “From thinking to missing to longing to yearning.”- If in this lifetime, you’ve been yearning for deep emotional connection, excitement, or meaning, your mind might have attached those feelings to him, making your emotions feel intense and even spiritual.

    Maybe this is a subconscious attempt to resolve something from this life. You wrote, “He was treating me with extraordinary care and I think I felt he was special but I didn’t know why.”- maybe what needs to be resolved is the absence of extraordinary care in childhood, or the loss of that extraordinary care sometime along the way?

    Regardless of the reason, your emotions are valid, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. What matters is giving yourself time and space to process them, without pressure to define or act on them right away. You’re not alone in experiencing sudden emotional awakenings—many people go through similar situations when something from their past unexpectedly resurfaces.

    anita

    in reply to: Anxious X-ray Tech #444770
    anita
    Participant

    You are very welcome, Nikki. It made me smile to read that you are super proud of yourself. I am glad that you feel this way and hope that you continue to show this kindness to yourself. Awareness and self-compassion are big parts of growth and resilience 😊💙

    anita

    in reply to: How to forgive people who I know will never be sorry #444758
    anita
    Participant

    Dear MissLDuchess:

    You posted the above exactly 12 minutes ago, by the time I submit this reply, right before going to bed. It is amazing how painful it is to be rejected. Here, you are accepted and approved of. Wishing you a peaceful and restful night, Miss L Duchess 😴🌙

    anita

    in reply to: self harm #444756
    anita
    Participant

    I wish I could read from you again, Caroline. It’d be a dream come true 🩷

    anita

    in reply to: bad timing or patterns? #444755
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peace: It will be a dream come true to read from you again. Can it happen?

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tella:

    It seems like you’re asking two big questions: Did I make a mistake getting involved with him? and How much time do I give him to build a relationship with my son?

    From what you’ve shared, there are some concerning communication patterns—particularly in how conflict is handled. When the children had an issue, instead of calmly discussing it with you, he reacted emotionally through multiple texts, immediately placing blame on your son. While you were able to resolve this in person, that initial response suggests that his instincts lean toward defensiveness rather than collaboration.

    Additionally, in your recent date-night conversation, when you tried to discuss specific concerns from the weekend, he redirected the conversation back to past incidents, making it harder for you to get clarity. If this keeps happening, it could be a sign that conflict resolution with him will always feel exhausting rather than constructive.

    Your son is at the heart of this situation, and his well-being should be a top priority. The interactions between your boyfriend and his daughter suggest a strong protective instinct toward her, which is understandable as a father. But it seems like he has trouble seeing situations fairly, leading to knee-jerk reactions in which he sides with his daughter before understanding the full story.

    That raises a big question: Does he truly want to build a relationship with your son, or is he more focused on defending his daughter? While he admitted he was wrong in the past and agreed to make more effort, you haven’t yet seen concrete actions that show true interest in understanding your son’s emotions, challenges, and personality.

    His daughter’s behavior seems to involve both playfulness and boundary-testing. Some moments, like taking the teddy, might have been innocent curiosity, while others—like kicking your son in the ribs or jumping in the pool after being asked not to—suggest that she pushes limits. More concerning is that when these instances happen, her father seems disengaged, either avoiding the situation or silently siding with her rather than addressing the behaviors in a balanced way.

    Since your son faces additional emotional struggles due to his rare disease and past loss, it’s even more important that he is in an environment where he feels safe, respected, and valued—not compared, dismissed, or repeatedly put in situations where he is seen as “the problem.”

    It’s understandable that you hesitated when he suggested moving in together. That’s a huge step, and right now, there are still unresolved concerns about his ability to support both your son and the family dynamic in a fair way. If you were to live together now, these issues could become even more magnified, leading to ongoing tension rather than stability.

    What Should You Do? Observe actions, not just words. If he truly wants to build a relationship with your son, he needs to show consistent effort—not just say he will.

    Assess whether conflict resolution feels safe and constructive. Does every disagreement escalate into defensiveness? Do you feel heard and respected, or do conversations turn into blame-shifting?

    Consider your son’s emotional well-being first. Does this relationship give your son a safe and supportive space, or does it introduce new stress?

    You didn’t necessarily make a mistake in getting involved with him—but you do need more clarity before committing further. Give yourself the space to watch how things unfold without rushing into a deeper commitment, and most importantly, trust your instincts.

    Your son’s well-being matters. If you continue to see signs that your boyfriend struggles to fairly balance both children, that’s something to seriously consider before moving forward.

    Sending you strength and clarity as you navigate this. 💙 Would love to hear your thoughts!

    anita

    in reply to: Anxious X-ray Tech #444753
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nikki:

    First off—congratulations on being just four months away from graduation! That’s an incredible accomplishment, and even though nerves might be creeping in, it’s clear that you care deeply about your future career, which is a strength in itself.

    Feeling uncertain before stepping into a new role is completely natural, especially in a field like X-ray technology, where precision and confidence are key. The good news? Confidence does build with time and experience, but there are absolutely ways to start cultivating it now so that your first day on the job feels less overwhelming.

    Here are a few strategies that might help:

    Visualize Success – Spend a few minutes each day imagining yourself handling procedures smoothly, calmly, and confidently.

    Simulated Practice – If possible, try rehearsing key procedures mentally or with classmates. Walking through the steps out loud—without the pressure of a real patient—can make them feel more automatic and familiar.

    Anchor Yourself in Breathing – When anxiety spikes, your breathing can become shallow. Practicing slow, deep breaths before entering a stressful situation signals safety to your nervous system, helping you stay clear-headed.

    Trust What You DO Know – You’ve already learned so much, and it’s okay to not have every answer right away. Trust that your foundation is solid, and know that every experienced professional was once a beginner too.

    Focus on Learning, Not Perfection – Feeling overwhelmed comes from the pressure to get everything right instantly. Instead, approach each moment with curiosity—asking yourself, What can I take away from this? rather than Did I do it flawlessly?

    Wishing you clarity, confidence, and a smooth transition into this exciting new phase! You’ve got this. 😊

    anita

    in reply to: Sister takes long to respond to messages #444752
    anita
    Participant

    * I see that I neglected to edit out the 7th paragraph of the post above, the one starting withpart “our mother’s role in our lives, but she was resistant and invalidating…” 😳

Viewing 15 posts - 1,396 through 1,410 (of 4,247 total)
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