Dear Going Through Life:

“What are your thoughts on this Anita?“- I may have more thoughts Mon morning (it’s Sun early afternoon here), but for now, I am thinking that maybe your strong emotional connection to EN has to do with the fact that she is unavailable (she told you that she has a boyfriend), so it feels safe to long for someone unavailable. On the other hand, SS seems available, and it is scary to be in a real, ongoing relationship. You can let me know your thoughts about this, and I will return to you tomorrow morning.

anita

Dear Laven:

“I feel like he genuinely thinks I’m beneath him and that he was doing me a favor by dating me… I think that he genuinely feels like I’m beneath him“- even if he thinks that you are beneath him.. even if you think that you are beneath him,  the truth is that you are NOT beneath him; that he is NOT above you.

You, Laven, are not beneath him; he is not above you.

anita

Dear Going Through Life:

When you chose to not journal, you didn’t do anything wrong, you weren’t rude to me. So, there is no reason for you to apologize to me.

In my last post to you, when I wrote that you are welcomed to accept or reject any suggestion I make to you, and that I am fine in either case, I meant it.

It wasn’t rude of you to not journal; it would have been rude of me if I insisted that you journal, or guilt-tripped you into it, or any such thing.

I am explaining and stressing this because it is important, that as you are.. going through life, that you don’t go through life guiltily, feeling guilty for making  choices that you have the right to make.

(Personally, I used to feel so guilty about so many things that I was not guilty of..)

anita

Dear Simon:

“I’m in a pretty poor state of mind currently completely burnt out with stress from every corner of my life (May 30, 2024)”- as I re-read this sentence today, I thought to myself that you may be too stressed and burned out to read the post that I submitted to you back in Oct 2, 2023.

Here is a summary of that post, a summary of what you shared back in Feb 2022: you were close to 50 years old, married and a father of five (3 different mothers), owning your own home and your own business (a very busy cafe where you were the chef), but you have been depressed and feeling lonely for more than 30 years. You shared that if one was to see you, one would see a “successful father, husband, good guy“, but it was a false image, and you didn’t know how “to keep the pretense going“.

“My wife tells me I behave awfully as I swear at her and belittle her at work. I really don’t mean to, I have mental health issues, and I am so worried our business will fail. I feel I am… the one holding it all together. I worry so much I lash out with (words) and everyone suffers…  I feel so bad about my behaviour, but it’s like I have Tourette’s with the insults, it happens so fast. I have  obsessive compulsive personality disorder for which I am taking medication, and receiving therapy. I don’t see it absolves me at all, the fear of losing control is so overwhelming I abuse everyone I hate myself”.

You shared that you noticed that you were troubled around 18 years of age (more than 30 years ago) when you had your first serious girlfriend: you didn’t trust her, but the relationship ended- not because of her infidelity- but because of yours. You shared about your parents’ breakup, that it was due to your mother’s infidelity. You remember “extreme shouting and swearing” between your parents, which “sounded pretty violent“. They were out a lot at nights, and extended family members looked after you and your siblings.

You shared that you rushed into every situation in your life (“I rushed into every situation that I have found myself in“) with massive consequences to yourself and to others, such  that you feel very guilty about. The reason you rushed: “To not be alone… I’m just too afraid to be alone“, that you were afraid to be left alone since you were a child: “lying in bed next to my sister as a child in the dark, wanting someone to talk to. That’s been the story of my life“. I asked you at the time, if you had someone to talk to, what would you say, and you answered: “I’d say please don’t leave me“.

Fast forward 2 years and 3 months, you shared yesterday that you are “in a pretty poor state of mind“, “burnt out with stress from every corner of my life. Business, relationship, finances, a completely spent force running on less than fumes”.

You ended your short original post yesterday with: “I have lived a very full on life since I was 18 years old with lots of life’s experiences I seem to have had everything I wished for and lived all of my dreams… I need to change my habits… Maybe you’d all have some ideas for me.“-

– Yes, I have an idea for you: just like you said yesterday (the quote right above), you need to change some of your habits, particularly The Rushing Habit. You need to slow down the emotions rushing through you, the thoughts rushing through your mind, the words rushing through your mouth.

You wrote yesterday that you lived “a very full life“- your life has been full with activity and with some business and financial success, but it’s also been very full with rushing and stress. You wrote yesterday that you seem to have had everything you wished for, that you lived all your dreams, but seems to me that your wish for and dream of a quiet mind and heart is yet to be had.

I am adding below about different religions’ input about rushing, stress and peace of mind for your sake, Simon, for mine, and for anyone who tends to rush, and may be reading this (if because of the copying and pasting, the following will be full of excess print, I will re-submit it for clarity):

faith up. com/ what does the bible say about rushing: “Rushing through life is something many of us can relate to. We live in a fast-paced world where everything seems urgent, but what does the Bible say about always being in a hurry? Let’s dive into Scripture to find some answers. One key verse that speaks to the issue of rushing is Proverbs 19:2 (NIV), which warns us, ‘Desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!’ This proverb tells us that moving too quickly, without proper knowledge or preparation, can lead us astray. It’s a clear caution against the dangers of rushing through decisions or actions without thoughtful consideration. Similarly, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us there is ‘a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.’ This passage encourages us to recognize the importance of timing. There’s a time to move quickly, yes, but there’s also a time to slow down and reflect”.

(ihsan alexander. com/ hadith haste is from shaytan: “When we live lives of haste and rush, we increase the stress burden upon our psyches and also upon our bodies. This then results in both psychological as well as physical imbalances and diseases. Yet when we learn to live from a place of calm and presence, we increase the level of peace, harmony and tranquility we experience in our lives. Consequently, our health becomes more vibrant and vital, we actually become more successful and effective as a result of a clear and focused mind, and even our personal relationships improve and attain greater levels of health and wellbeing. Calm is from God, and haste is from Shaytan— Prophet Muhammad…

“The Divine Presence of God can only be experienced through deep inner stillness and surrender. When we live in a state of haste and rush, we further disconnect ourselves from the Divine Presence of our Lord and Sustainer, and so we become disconnected from Peace, Light, Love, Abundance and Joy”.

medium. com/ why I am not in a hurry and you shouldn’t be either: “In today’s fast-paced world, you often find yourself in a hurry in the hope of achieving quick results… Have you noticed how less of a human you are when you are in a rush? How you could flip off another driver in traffic? How you could brush off your mom on the call? Or snub at your son with the words, ‘Not now, Daddy is in a hurry.’…

“Being in a hurry is not solely a visible action. It is an internal state that comes from the human desire to speed up time in the hope of achieving the result faster. We may also say, it is an internal aggression toward time. In Buddhism, being in a hurry is generally seen as a state of mind that arises from attachment, craving, and a lack of mindfulness. Buddhism teaches that hastiness leads to suffering and a loss of presence in the present moment…  People who speed up time drastically lower their energy levels and start getting chronic fatigue and sick… (causing) accelerated aging…

“A rushing person never controls the situation... the one who rushes is the one who is late. Now after reading all the above, you are probably thinking, ok great what shall I do?! “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh. The truth is if you stop rushing, you are far more likely (to) do everything on time! Yep, that’s a contradiction. Rushing and being late are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other…  You must let go of rushing, internally as well as externally. It’s as much a mindset as a behavior that you are letting go of”.

– End of Quotes from online sources.

anita

Dear Simon:

Welcome back to the forums! We first communicated back in Feb 22, 2022, in your 1st thread What’s my purpose, who am I? On Oct 2, 2023, page 4 of your 1st thread, I submitted a summary post for you, putting together all the information you shared in the 4 pages. You didn’t respond to the contents of my summary post.

Would you like to respond to that post at this time, to let me know if you agree or disagree with different parts of my summary: it will help me better reply to your today’s post, in this 2nd thread.

anita

I am okay, about to shower and go outside, do some  work under the sun.

anita

Dear Zenith:

When you Notice that you feel hatred toward another person, Pause (as in pushing the brakes on the hating), Address the situation, asking yourself: is there a situational problem that requires me to do/ say something to someone, or is it just a rumination? Next, Respond: say/ do what needs to be said/ done (if there is a situational problem), and say to yourself: “The hatred towards others is affecting me the most” (your own words, from your most recent post), and lastly Redirect your attention elsewhere.

I call it the NPARR Strategy. It might help you once you are in India, and you can practice it there and beforehand.

anita