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anitaParticipantDear Michelle:
I can feel the depth of your love, grief, and devotion in every word you wrote. Your poem for Pepper is absolutely beautifulâit captures the rare, unbreakable bond between two souls who simply knew they belonged to each other. The way you described his unwavering presence, his protective spirit, and the way he chose youâitâs beyond touching. He truly was your safe place, and itâs heartbreaking to see you facing the reality of losing him.
You shared: “My early life was dark but then there was you… You showed me I was lovable. Worth choosing. You healed what nothing else ever could.” And you asked, “How do you let go while theyâre still here? How do you say goodbye to a love like this?”
In my mind, you answered your own questions in the very last line of your beautiful poem: “I will choose you forever.”
If you choose what Pepper means to you every day of your lifeâloving others, human or animal, whose early lives were dark, showing them love, choosing them, helping them healâwhether in small ways, like offering a kind smile to someone who looks sad, or in bigger ways, like volunteering at a pet shelter or adopting an animal or a child, and they, in turn, pass on that love to others, then you are continuing Pepperâs legacy.
And in this deeply meaningful way, he will never truly be gone.
Here if you ever need to share more đđ¶
anita
May 16, 2025 at 6:08 am in reply to: I’m married and feeling guilty over an interaction with another man #445810anitaParticipantHello Heather! Could you please resubmit your post? There are some technical difficulties, and original posts aren’t appearing. If you resubmit, it should show up.
anita
anitaParticipantI can’t read all that you shared this Thurs night (here), but I can definitely hear your heart breaking. I will get back to you Fri morning. I HEAR your heart, your love!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Michelle: there seems to be a technical problem in the forums. Please re-submit your original post: it will show once you re-submit it.
anita
anitaParticipantSereneWolf, is this you, after all this time? I am ecstatic to just to having you back, so forgiving, so gracious.. nine months since you last posted?! My goodness, this is SPECIAL! Do tell.. I will not betray your trust in returning!
anita
May 15, 2025 at 8:14 pm in reply to: The Betrayal We Buried: Healing Through Truth & Connection #445780anitaParticipantBetrayal is Business-as-Usual. Isn’t it?
Betrayal with a capital B.
it happens every day when we extend a reaching hand to others, only to be bitten.
But reaching out needs not be halted.
Like I said on the other thread of mine, maybe one or two people are reading this.
I need a way, a platform to reach others with like-minds, and make a difference. What will such a platform be?
anita
anitaParticipantIt’s amazing, The Lost Souls (TLS), so many Lost Souls. I want to help, but only a few people are following these forums, maybe half a dozen people at a time, at the most. I only hear from one or two. I have no computer/ website technology understanding. So, in effect, I am only one person in a space where only a few people are reading these words, and only 1-2 caring to answer.
It’s just that I want to be part of something bigger, making the world a better place in some way, to some extent.
I am not very intelligent. I suffer from a lifetime ADHD, various learning disabilities, a tic disorder.. al a result of early-life trauma, and these are limiting me. I want to make a positive difference, yet I don’t have the platform, the opportunity. Or the ability to create an opportunity.
anita
anitaParticipantJust yesterday, I realized how much I used to careâfar too muchâabout what people thought of me, whether positive or negative. When it was negative, the hurt and anger were overwhelming. Poor meâI feel deep empathy for my past selfâfor carrying that weight so heavily.
Today, strangely, I donât care.
I feel strong enough now, within myself, to stand firmâno longer swayed by the cold, disapproving winds of others’ judgments.
Here’s a poem, just for me đ:
Once, Anita bent with the wind, its cold disapproval, sharp and thin.
She carried the weight of every glance, every whisper, every stance.The hurt was deep, the anger burned, for every judgment, her soul turned.
Poor Anita, for caring too much, for craving warmth in an icy touch.But yesterday, the tides have changed, her heart unshackled, rearranged.
No longer swayed, no longer thrown, Anita stands steadyâstrong alone.The winds may howl, the voices call, but they no longer shake her at all.
She stands tall, unshaken, freeâ Anita, unbound, just Anitaâme.End of poem.
Indeed, I once craved warmth in fleeting, icy touchesâhere, thereâbecause ice was what I had known most.
Now, it matters deeply to me to extend warmthâto others and, just as importantly, to myself.
As for those who disapprove of me, so be it. I simply donât have to engage with those offering me that icy touch. I choose where my energy goes.
anita
May 15, 2025 at 5:30 pm in reply to: The Betrayal We Buried: Healing Through Truth & Connection #445771anitaParticipantToday, May 15, 2025, marks ten years since I registered and shared my very first post on tiny buddha’s forums. I’ve been here every day since.
anita
anitaParticipantYou are welcome, Tom. Iâm looking forward to reading your message and replying in the morning.
anita
May 15, 2025 at 5:15 pm in reply to: The Betrayal We Buried: Healing Through Truth & Connection #445769anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you for taking the time to write, even as you’re falling asleepâI appreciate that. â€ïž
I completely understand why reflecting on your biological mother is so difficult. Given the abuse and harm she caused you, it makes sense that revisiting those memories takes a deep emotional toll. The pain you endured wasnât just difficultâit was devastating, and your strength in processing it, even in small moments, is incredibly powerful.
Itâs understandable that you donât have as much time to sit with your emotions now, but I hope you continue to give yourself grace and space, even in small ways. You deserve that.
No need to apologizeâwhenever you feel ready to write more, Iâll be here. Sending you warmth and support always.
anita
May 15, 2025 at 12:39 pm in reply to: Recently broke up with my boyfriend, feeling guilty and sad #445765anitaParticipantAnd thank you for your good wishes!
May 15, 2025 at 12:37 pm in reply to: Recently broke up with my boyfriend, feeling guilty and sad #445764anitaParticipantDear S:
Thank you for sharing this with me. I can hear both the strength and the sadness in your words, and I want to acknowledge how much courage it takes to follow your gut even when emotions are heavy. Itâs completely natural to feel a mix of relief and loneliness after a breakup.
It makes sense that being with him again brought up those feelings of responsibility, and I admire that youâre recognizing why you made your choice. Even if the full âwhyâ isnât clear yet, the fact that youâre feeling more peace tells me youâre on the right path.
Self-discovery, fun, and a more secure relationship when the time is rightâthose sound like beautiful things to look forward to. I hope that as time passes, the loneliness eases, and you continue to feel proud of listening to yourself.
Iâm here anytime you want to reflect more. I truly wish you healing, clarity, and happiness ahead.
anita
anitaParticipantI would like to encourage you, Laven, to resubmit your original posts (if you have copies of those) into your various threads, so that your voice is not lost.
In regard to starting a new thread, I just did (“Transcendence”). I typed “Testing”, submitted an that original post(“Testing”), but did not get recorded. Next, I submitted a second post (“Transcending suffering… What does it mean to you?”), and that did get recorded and appears like an original (first) post.
anita
anitaParticipantTranscending suffering… What does it mean to you?
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.