Dear fellow techno-challenged SadSoul:

Don’t show the person your desperation to win him or her over. Behave graciously with him/ her, but express esteem and respect for yourself. Abusive/ power-hungry people take advantage of people they perceive to be weak/ desperate.

anita

Dear SadSoul:

“They behave in spiteful and mean ways when they’re not coping“- there is a saying: “Some people try to be tall  by cutting off the heads of others”, is this saying true to this person?

“Is their behaviour intentional or spontaneous?“- a good question, could be both.

“I only have to look at my mother …. The victim deserves it and there is nothing wrong with her behaviour… it was entirely the other person’s fault. Even though it was glaringly not anything the other person did“- we have the same mother.

“I am going to try with all my might to make this person feel accepted and loved though…. I hope they can blossom with being treated with love and care and respect“- this person who is a “very selfish and.. controlling… extraordinarily mean to someone who loves them deeply” adult, very unlikely that you can inspire him or her to blossom!

“How are you today?“- smoky lungs, scratchy throat, bloated belly.

anita

Dear Clara

(Do you prefer to be addressed as Chau or Clara?)

In my first quality psychotherapy, the therapist’s priority was to have me practice emotion regulation skills because intense emotions sort of hold a person hostage and prevent reasonable behavior, learning and making progress. He used to send me links to Mark William’s mindfulness meditations audios (he’s a mindfulness expert of sorts in Oxford University). There are mindfulness themed guided meditations available online, audios and videos. Listening/ watching a few you like (one at a time) during the day, and/ or at bedtime is one emotion regulation practice.

Another is daily exercise, particularly the aerobic kind (fast walking is what I do), another is yoga, and/ or Tai Chi (the latter, a slow-motion martial art form does wonders when it comes to slowing down the brain).

Another is the practice of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): you identify the thought or thoughts behind an intense emotion  that took over you, write it down, and examine it: is it true? is it untrue? After correcting an untrue/ distorted thought, the intense feeling calms down.

There are many books, handbooks and online resources on emotion regulation (and on CBT) with exercises and suggestions. Googling just now, Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide To Overcome Negativity And Better Manage Your Feelings reads like a promising title.

anita

Dear SadSoul:

I am sorry that you’ve been feeling hurt, cranky and sad, and that you are dealing with an unfair, unjust situation.

“I have to work out how to get my heart on a place of acceptance and caring“- acceptance and caring, I like that!

anita

Dear Clara:

Un-bubble the bubbles at night, and so will I. Thank you, you are welcome, and good to read from you again after all these years. Till next time we talk, good morning/ night.

anita

Dear SadSoul:

A recent event, 5 hours ago. There is more dust in me than air. But you are alive and I am alive, one more day/ evening/ night. You mentioned Spain, why (Spanish Sad Soul?)

anita

Dear Clara:

This, right now, is an opportunity for you to rise above fear and suspicion, a weak state of mind, to => courage and trust (in you), a strong state of mind. Abandon the weakness, embrace Strength, strength now (not when/ if she’s back to you sometime in the future).

Now, as it is, as things are.

anita