Dear Arie:

“She was my true friend. She was more than just my best friend. She was like a sister to me…. this is still to this day very difficult for me not having her here to talk to, to do things with and we kept each other’s secrets.  Secrets no one knew about, not even our parents.  We were there for each other during weddings, the birth of our children,  even when our children would get sick, during funerals , you name it. When she passed, I never felt so alone… it is so hard to for me to trust the friends I do have. So.. yes.. it was wonderful to have had a true best friend. I miss her so much. I visit her grave often.  Just wish people wouldn’t break my trust in them.“-

– this is such a special, precious tribute to your true best friend. It makes me smile as I imagine two 3rd graders playing together; two adolescents telling each other secrets and keeping them; two young women dating.. getting married; two mothers, all the way to three years ago. This is a lifetime of true friendship

I am so sorry for your loss.

Trust is indeed very important in personal relationships, but also in business relationships, and in human interactions in general.  Thank you for sharing about your friend and about the value of trust.

anita

Thank you for the note, antarkala.

anita

You are welcome, Zenith. Have a good weekend!

anita

Dear Zenith:

“It’s been two years I don’t see any growth in my career. I want to try a new job. But it would be hard for me to go through the interview process again because of my social anxiety… I  don’t talk to people at my work. I am the quiet person in the whole team. But on the other hand, I want to take up challenges and lead the team, but anxiety is stopping me to achieve all the things I want.“- the only way to overcome anxiety, at least temporarily, (outside alcohol and drugs, psychiatric or otherwise), is to take a small step today, another small step tomorrow, and yet another step the day after. So, you plan to say something to the team today, and you say it. A bit more tomorrow.

anita

Dear antarkala:

You are welcome! “I thought ‘This is it’. But fast forward today, I am not happy with what I thought I would be happy with. Though my mind says this is alright my heart races and I feel very anxious“-  anxious and angry at him.

In regard to liking him, respecting him, and thinking highly of him, you asked: “Am I a bad person for not doing that?“- no one is a good person or a bad person for how one feels. It’s our words and actions, over time, that determine if we are good or bad people, or a mix of the two.

Now, thing is, you are not supposed to (common sense says) be in a romantic relationship with a person you dislike and disrespect. But you choose to be in a relationship with this man, and you’ve repeatedly expressed to him that he is unsatisfactory. I’d say that for that, in this context, you are a bad person.

I was a bad person in certain contexts, and I am (still) fixing it, wanting to be a good person in all contexts.

“I think I can do better… It isn’t like I don’t want to be satisfied with him and searching for reasons to be dissatisfied, right? Do I sound like that?“- your mother told you long ago, that he is not good-enough for you, suggesting that you can do better. Her words are very powerful in your mind and heart. I wonder if you are punishing this poor man for not being good-enough.. for your mother.

* Did she ever approve of a man for you?

Were you angry with every man you were involved with? Angry at friends, family, past and present?

anita

Dear antarkal: I will read and reply in the next 14 hours or so.

anita

Dear Clara: I will read and reply in the next 14 hours or so.

anita

I hope that you are feeling better, Zenith, this Thurs, 1st of Aug..?

anita