Dear Clara:

You are welcome and a delight to read your most recent post.

“I said I wanted to compromise that we can contact each other if anything happens… I asked for specific date when we will talk about how we should move forward, we made a date in the end of July“- congratulations on doing an excellent job communicating with her clearly, honestly and assertively!

“she responded quite quickly… to which she agreed immediately“- this is encouraging, she cares about you.

“I confirmed that we are on a break but not broken up, and I confirmed the definition, which means we are still exclusive to each other and we are not dating anyone else… Overall, I think this has settled my mind better, to have a confirmation and direction of where she is heading to, instead of just imagining“- you are ripping the benefits of real-life clear, honest and assertive communication vs imagining and ruminating.

“I shared with her I did a lot of soul searching… as my homework to prepare for the relationship“- you are welcome to use your thread as one place to do this homework.

I sill think that looking into your anxious attachment style can be helpful to you. There are books on the topic such as How to Heal an Anxious Attachment Style, Healing Your Anxious Attachment Style, and Anxious Attachment Recovery.

Here is a quotes from the latter: “Anxious attachment turns love into a battlefield. It is a space where insecurities wage war against the self, where the soul is torn between the innate human need for connection and the paralyzing fear of rejection and abandonment. It is a dance of opposites, where love is both sought and feared, where connection is both craved and resisted”. Does this reads like something you can relate to?

anita

Dear Must-fly SadSoul:

Do fly, spread your wings and fly! 7 pm here, birds loud and clear, another day, another unit-of-life. Cute: I am now known in some local circles as “Pepper”, referring, you know, the thing I will NEVER carry again, N E V E R!

I am forever- traumatized by pepper/ bear spray. I will never forget/ get over that dark cloud of dark evil, knowing I am IN it, and there’s no way out but through.

anita

Dear SadSoul:

“I’m assuming you carry the bear spray in one hand, always in readiness to slay the dragon, and bottles are a two-handed job?“- yes, that’s how it happened. The bear spray was in my right hand, bottle in the left and I used my right hand to open the bottle, applying pressure on the bottle and on the bear spray!

Yesterday I did the same walk carrying a stick.

“I grew up being taught… that my mother would put drugs in our food when she finally visited us when I was 10… People suck. Also, I can’t quite fathom that I’ve accepted so much of my childhood without a second thought“- it was scary for you, of course, and it led to distrust in people in general, fear that people will hurt you any time?

“No Anita! No! The bear spray is sneaking up on you!“- funny, funny SadSoul, but yes, I am terrified of bear sprays now. Also, I don’t want to accidentally spray another person or animal.

“Yup, bipolar SadSoul – no I’m not, just to clarify, but it’s in total opposition to how I felt yesterday…“- how are you feeling today?

anita

Dear n20: I’ll reply in the next couple of hours.

anita

Dear Debs123:

He ended the relationship. A year after he did, you reached out to him with the intent to try again. He declined, adding that he will always have feelings for you. About Feb this year, he sent you a random text with a laughing emoji. In May the two of you had infrequent light conversations, and recently he asked you to dinner, saying he’s excited to see you and catch up.

“What does that even mean? I still love him. Catching up and parting ways will be hard for me. It would be too hard for me to be friends also. Ugh. Confused.   And….. it’s been over a week since he’s asked to meet, no word.“- reads not promising in regard to having a serious relationship; reads like he is a bit flaky, not reliable, saying things because it’s easy to say things, things that may be true only for the moment.

Is this true/ has it been true to him?

anita

Dear Clara:

It’s a shame that the logistics were not properly addressed because if you both agreed on a specific date (and the time in the day) that the break will end, and who will contact whom on that way, and in what way (text, phone call, a meeting in-person), and if you both agreed that there will be no contact until that date, then maybe you could put it out of your mind.

But with no clear parameters to the break and you telling her to contact you if she wants to talk during the supposed break.. makes it very difficult. I mean, once you invited her to contact you during the break, you invalidated the break. There is no break when the agreement is that one of the parties may contact the other.

anita

Dear n20:

I suffered from OCD as a child and onward, lots of obsessions/ intrusive thoughts and compulsions, was diagnosed with it, and it did get better for me, way better; so much so, that I no longer fit the diagnosis. I will be glad to share more about it with you.

I am wondering, since you were diagnosed with OCD in the last year: was any treatment offered to you? The whole idea of diagnoses is to follow them with treatments, specific treatments designed for specific diagnoses.

anita