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anitaParticipant“Love is not a choice, not an effort. It is the natural fragrance of being, when there is no ‘me’ and ‘you.’â-
Brilliant, James123.
“the natural fragrance”- what a unique way of saying things.
Anita
September 1, 2025 at 6:47 pm in reply to: How to Heal from Past Social Disappointments and Build Genuine Friendships #449171anitaParticipantMiss L Duchess, I read the post above and the others in your other threads.
What I see is a young woman who spent years being misunderstood, miscast, and emotionally erased by people who claimed to know what was best for you. Your momâs attempts to engineer friendships based on surface-level similaritiesâwhile ignoring your discomfort, your identity, and your instincts (with best intentions) âleft you feeling unseen and unheard.
You were told to be kind to someone who mocked your culture, pushed toward people who didnât respect you, and expected to adapt while others refused to meet you halfway. Thatâs not connection. Thatâs erasure.
But you didnât stay erased. You named the harm, traced the patterns, and are now choosing something different: showing up, staying open, and seeking relationships built on mutual respectânot forced proximity. Thatâs not just healing. Thatâs reclamation.
I see you as someone whoâs been misread for years and is finally reading herself with clarity.
You deserved compassion, empathy, and care back then. You still do. And the life youâre building nowâon your termsâis proof that healing isnât about forgetting. Itâs about refusing to be erased again.
Please tell me if I understand..?
Anita
anitaParticipantDear James123:
“When the body and mind are filled with judgment, separation, and endless thinking, that is hell. But when the heart holds loveâpure, selfless, and without expectationâthat is heaven.”-
It’s quite recently that my thinking has been evolving from black-and-white/ all-or-nothing/ binary thinking ===> shades of grey, color, nuance, context, different angles from which to view a complex situation.
Trying to understand the sentence I quoted above using binary thinking, I would have thought that you are suggesting that it’s possible for (an evolved) human being to entertain no judgmental thoughts and to love selflessly all the time, forever more (which would have made me feel very inadequate, ha-ha).
To soften judgment in most circumstances and to redirect judgment to empathy, again and again- that’s possible. To find relief from overthinking, that “endless thinking” you mentioned, which I personally know too well- that’s HEAVENLY.
I said it before, you have a lot to offer people: Love and Clarity.
đ đ Anita
anitaParticipantThank you for engaging with me. I value your input and your way with words, so simple and direct. I would like to reply further later.
anitaParticipantDear James123:
Double posting- I submitted the above before I became aware of your most recent post. I will read and contemplate it later, and if you’re willing to answer my post before this one, I will be grateful. My goal is to learn from you.
Anita
anitaParticipantExcept perhaps for these parts of your answer (upon 2nd reading):”None of the âbadâ things they do..”- bad things are really bad, why the ” ” around bad?
and “The person I see now is just the result of everything around them”- no such thing as Personal Choice…?
anitaParticipantOnce again, James123: I am in awe at a flawless answer. Thank you!
Anita
anitaParticipantDear James123:
Thank you for your answer. I want to love more in this way of radical acceptance, a way that not bound by preferences, judgments or desires, like you said. But how to accept really bad people?
Anita
September 1, 2025 at 10:39 am in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #449155anitaParticipantDear Dafne:
Thank you for your beautiful message. I felt deeply moved reading your words. It means so much to me that you saw the tenderness in what I shared.
Yesâsomething did shift in me. I think our reconnection opened a space I didnât know I needed. Feeling empathy for the younger me was new, and I wanted to tell you because it felt like part of that shift came from being in a deeper connection with you.
I hear you about the inner child. Itâs not easy. Iâve known about the concept for many years, yet I didnât even realize I hadnât felt empathy for herâuntil the other day, when I actually did. That moment of empathy felt like an emotional đ¤ I extended to her, and for a few moments, her bodily tension evaporated. She was calm.
You just⌠donât know what you donât yet know. Know what I mean đ? These things canât be forced.
Thank you for seeing me, Dafne, and for sharing your heart so openly. I feel the connection too.
Sending love and warmth back to you đ Anita
anitaParticipantDear James:
A sense of peace came over me as I read your invitation to become love. And I find myself asking: what is love, truly? Not just in poetry, but in practice.
For me, it means to do-no-harm: no abusive behaviors toward others, but also allowing no harm to be done to me, as best I can. That means being selective and discerning about whom I choose to interact with, and how. Itâs a learning experience for me.
When you say âlive within love,â what does that look like for you?
đ¤ Anita
September 1, 2025 at 8:41 am in reply to: Whoâs HereâReally? A Gentle Roll Call for Our Tiny Community #449149anitaParticipantThanks for replying, Roberta. Your voice matters, no matter how much you choose to share. Thereâs no need to compare experiencesâeveryoneâs perspective is welcome.
Iâm still hoping to hear from others who visit the forums regularly. If you post here daily, weekly, or even monthly, and you read or engage with threads, please say so. Just a quick âIâm hereâ or your name is enough.
Anita
September 1, 2025 at 8:22 am in reply to: Whoâs HereâReally? A Gentle Roll Call for Our Tiny Community #449146anitaParticipantThank you to those who replied. So far, only a few have named themselves, which seems to confirm the scale I was sensingâjust a handful of regulars. Nothing personal, just naming what is.
Anita
anitaParticipantDear James123:
I want to meditate on your words and incorporate words from the poem I quoted on your other thread:
“The body knows exactly how to react”- if I live with the world inside me. If I am alive no less than shells, buildings, people, fish, mountains, trees, wood, water.
Shame, guilt, fear, anger- these blocked the life within me for a very, very long time.
I remember, I was in my 20s, and found myself in the middle of a busy street, startled by a truck passing by me a few steps away. I was sort of sleep walking into the street. My body did not react to danger, did not know how to react.
I didn’t radically accept the fear, shame and guilt, anger. I didn’t process and release, so they stayed, dimming my light and life.
“When fear comes, you donât resist it; you let it be seen.”- I resisted fear, and in turn, it resisted me.
Instead of integration of emotions and awareness, there was fragmentation and sleep walking through life.
“Radical Acceptance is… about accepting what is happening inside you / your thoughts, emotions, fears, and impulses without resistance. Itâs a full acknowledgment that life, including all feelings, is unfolding exactly as it is.”-
Hosaka says…Look, feel, let life take you by the hand. Let life live through you.
To not resist life within me. To witness it within-without. To see myself in others, to let myself be seen.
đ¤ đą đ¸ď¸ Anita
August 31, 2025 at 9:24 am in reply to: Thought arises / life arises | Thought ceases / life vanishes #449126anitaParticipantDear James123:
Your original post brought back to my memory the poem, Hokusai Says, by Roger S. Keyes. It’s a poem that mean t a lot to me but.. I’ve forgotten it for too long:
Hokusai says look carefully.
He says pay attention, notice.
He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing.He says look forward to getting old.
He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are.
He says get stuck, accept it, repeat
yourself as long as it is interesting.He says keep doing what you love.
He says keep praying.
He says everyone of us is a child,
everyone of us is ancient,
everyone of us has a body.
He says everyone of us is frightened.
He says everyone of us has to find
a way to live with fear.He says everything is aliveâ
shells, buildings, people, fish,
mountains, trees, wood is alive.
Water is alive.Everything has its own life.
Everything lives inside us.
He says live with the world inside you.
He says it doesnât matter if you draw,
or write books. It doesnât matter
if you saw wood, or catch fish.
It doesnât matter if you sit at home
and stare at the ants on your veranda
or the shadows of the trees
and grasses in your garden.
It matters that you care.It matters that you feel.
It matters that you notice.
It matters that life lives through you.
Contentment is life living through you.
Joy is life living through you.
Satisfaction and strength
is life living through you.Peace is life living through you.
He says donât be afraid.
Donât be afraid.Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.
Let life live through you.
anitaParticipantDear James123:
“…Pure Consciousness allows the fear to arise, and the body acts naturally, flawlessly, without interference..”- and flawlessly explained, if I may say so. I am so impressed with your understandings. You have so much to offer others.
I want to reread and sit with this for a while before I respond further tomorrow or the next day. Thank you so much!
Anita
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