Dear Danny:

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on Ryan Holiday and Stoic philosophy. The idea of reminding ourselves of our mortality, or memento mori, is indeed powerful. It’s a reminder to cherish each moment and focus on what truly matters in life.

* memento mori is a  Latin phrase that translates to “remember you must die.” It serves as a reminder of the inevitability of death and encourages people to live their lives with purpose and mindfulness.

I agree that contemplating our mortality isn’t morbid but rather a wake-up call to live intentionally and purposefully. When we realize that life is fragile and finite, it becomes easier to let go of trivial worries and concentrate on our values and goals.

In terms of universal truths, here are a few that I find helpful during difficult times:

Impermanence: Everything in life is temporary. Both good and bad times will pass, and this can bring comfort during challenging moments.

Resilience: Human beings are incredibly resilient. We have the innate ability to adapt and overcome adversity.

Gratitude: Focusing on what we are grateful for, no matter how small, can shift our perspective and bring a sense of peace and contentment.

Connection: We are all connected. Seeking and nurturing relationships with others can provide support and remind us that we are not alone in our struggles.

Other undisputed, universal truths: (1) Change is a constant in the universe, (2) Each individual experiences and interprets the world differently based on their perceptions, beliefs, and past experiences, (3) Every action has a corresponding reaction/ consequence (cause and effect). (4) Free will and Responsibility: humans have the capacity to make choices and are responsible for their actions. (5) Love, compassion, and connection are fundamental human needs. Building meaningful relationships is essential for emotional well-being.

*  The Stoic philosophy, or Stoicism, is an ancient Greek school of thought that teaches the development of self-control and fortitude: the strength of mind that enables a person to endure pain or adversity with courage, encompassing resilience and determination in facing difficult situations.

The 4 Cardinal Virtues of Stoicism are wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance (moderation, self-restraint). These virtues are to guide one’s actions and decisions. Stoics emphasize understanding and accepting what is within our control (our thoughts, actions, and attitudes) and what is not (external events, other people’s actions). By focusing on what we can control and accepting what we cannot, Stoics aim to maintain tranquility and avoid unnecessary suffering.

Stoicism teaches that living in harmony with nature, including human nature, leads to a fulfilling life. Humans are rational beings, and living in accordance with reason is central to Stoic practice. Stoics strive to overcome emotions that can lead to destruction within and without, emotions like anger, fear, and envy, by using reason and reflection, and aim to cultivate positive emotions such as joy, love, and a sense of peace through virtuous living.

Stoicism is not just a theoretical philosophy but a practical guide to living well. Stoics use various practices, such as daily reflections, meditation, and mindful living, to incorporate Stoic principles into their daily lives. The focus on resilience, mindfulness, and ethical living resonates with many seeking personal growth and mental well-being.

Thank you for opening up this discussion, Danny It’s always enlightening to explore how different philosophies can guide us through life’s ups and downs.

Last we talked was on Marc 21 this year. You wrote to me back then: “You are right, my best is rarely good enough, although I do believe I have achieved self satisfaction from my efforts many times. If my best is never good enough, what should I aspire to be each day, if not the best version of myself?“- how are you doing these days, if I may ask, in regard to your sense of self-satisfaction and being your best version? Are the Stoic principles and concepts helpful to you in these regards?

Looking forward to reading more from you, Danny, and to reading others’ thoughts and insights!

anita

Dear EvFran:

I’m sorry to read about what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of heavy emotions and tough situations right now.

First, a summary of what you shared: you feel let down by several people and are unsure how to handle these feelings. The options are blocking on social media or confronting the individuals. These are long-standing relationships, which adds complexity to the decision of whether to address the issues or let go. You expressed exhaustion from having to explain and confront others about your feelings, and you anticipate being labeled as “over-sensitive”.

You experienced significant losses in the past three years, including your partner, mother, and close friends. Your uncle is terminally ill, adding to the ongoing stress. Your uncle’s denial of his illness makes the situation even more challenging for you, being on constant alert for emergencies.

You reconnected with an old classmate, which seemed positive initially but has led to confusion and doubt. The friend’s behavior (lateness and avoidance of eye contact) has caused you to question the sincerity of the friendship. The friend mentioned that the doorbell didn’t work despite the your repeated checks to ensure it was functioning. This discrepancy added to your confusion and feelings of unease. You supported this friend significantly during a difficult time, indicating a deep bond. The friend’s recent behavior contrasts sharply with this history, intensifying your disappointment.

You feel disappointed by many people in your life, and are questioning whether to confront these people, like your friend, or to distance yourself from him and everyone and start fresh.

* Second, my thoughts: your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. Whether you decide to speak up or let go, what’s most important is finding a path that feels right for you and helps you heal.

If addressing these issues directly feels too exhausting right now, it is okay to take a step back and give yourself some space. On the other hand, if you feel that expressing your feelings would bring closure or relief, it might be worth finding a gentle, non-confrontational way to communicate your feelings to the people involved.

Regarding your friend: it is possible that there was a genuine issue with the doorbell that your friend experienced, even if it seemed to work fine when you checked it. Technical glitches can sometimes be intermittent.

He might have felt nervous or anxious about the meeting, which could explain the avoidance of eye contact. Social anxiety can make it difficult for people to maintain eye contact and engage fully in conversations. He might be dealing with current personal issues or stress that made it challenging for him to be fully present during your time together. Maybe he had distractions on his mind, affecting his ability to focus on making the visit happen properly.

Maybe he made assumptions about your availability and mood based on his past experiences, or past misunderstandings with you. This could explain (?) why he thought you were angry or not at home.

The dynamics of friendships can change over time, especially after long periods of separation. It’s possible that the connection you felt last year has shifted, and he’s adjusting to this change.

You offered as a possible reason for him avoiding eye contact with you the following: “maybe I am just ugly to look at“. Maybe he thought this about himself and was embarrassed, so he avoided looking into your eyes. He might be experiencing his own insecurities or doubts, which could manifest in behaviors like avoiding eye contact.

In conclusion, his recent behaviors might be more about issues in his persona life than about issues he has with you. It’s important to communicate openly and address the concerns you have with him. If you feel comfortable, consider discussing your feelings and observations with him in a non-confrontational way. This can help clarify any misunderstandings and potentially strengthen your friendship.

If you’d like to share more examples or talk more about this example, please do.

anita

Dear EvFran;

So good to read from you again, it’s been a while! I am sorry though that people have let you down..

“just block them social media and disappear in silence or should I explain why I am so sad and upset?“-

– here’s my advice: respectfully, explain your feelings first, and then decide whether to maintain contact based on their response. If they’re receptive, respectful and willing to change what is needed to be changed on their part, it could lead to a positive outcome. If they are not receptive nor respectful, block them.

If interacting with some people is causing you significant distress, a break/ blocking them can give you the space you need to heal without the added stress of ongoing interactions.

On the other hand, if you think there’s a chance for constructive dialogue, explaining your feelings might provide closure and possibly improve the situation. It can be therapeutic to express what’s on your mind, and it might help others understand your perspective.

Personally, if I believe a person is not honest with me, is manipulative, etc., there is no point in explaining my feelings. No one is perfect, so I don’t expect.. honesty-perfection. Not even from myself. But I expect enough honesty and enough straightforwardness to make a logical/ sensible dialogue possible.

“Am I judgmental?“- it’s natural to have expectations in relationships, and when those aren’t met, it’s normal to feel upset. Being judgmental typically involves forming critical opinions without understanding the full context. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re more hurt than judgmental.

If you’d like to share examples or talk more about it, I’m here to listen and offer support.

anita

Dear Peter:

You are welcome, good to read back from you!

The metaphor you used, that of the fish that doesn’t know its in water suggests that just as a fish is unaware of the water it swims in, people are often unaware that they are already in the Eternal Now, and (I am developing the idea), they imagine that the Eternal will happen later in time.

The  Eternal Now is a state of existence beyond time. It’s a no-time reality that we are part of, whether we realize it or not.

“The kingdom is here now and within you“- spiritual enlightenment/ understanding is an internal state, accessible in the present moment.

Thank you for sharing your meditation poem, “The Temporal and Eternal“:

“The sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening… At this moment somewhere the sun is both rising and setting / Yet the sun neither rises nor sets“-  the sun’s rising and setting are human perceptions, while in reality, the sun’s state is constant.

“It is, we are, I am… that. All things arise from and return“- reality is a unity of existence. We are all part of a larger, interconnected whole. There is no true separation between an individual and the universe. Everything is fundamentally one, and recognizing this unity (cosmic identity/ universal self) can lead to a deeper sense of belonging and purpose.

* Cosmic identity often involves transcending the ego—the individual sense of self—and recognizing a greater, universal self.  Embracing a cosmic identity leads to an expanded state of consciousness, where a person’s awareness extends beyond personal concerns to include the welfare of all beings and the universe. It fosters a sense of responsibility and interconnectedness. It leads to an understanding that harming nature is harming ourselves

Back to your poem: “All movement arises from and returns to stillness/ It is, we are, I am.. Stillness All sound, language… returns to silence/… All Life arises from and returns to Love/… All time arises from and returns to Eternity/ It is, we are, I am.. Eternal/… It is, we are, I am.. that.“- thank you very much for sharing your beautiful poem, Peter. I want to have it recorded and listen to it at night time when I lie awake thinking (insomnia), so that I can rest in it.

anita

Dear Elias:

Welcome! It’s great to have you here.

It sounds like you’ve made significant changes in your life and found a sense of purpose through prayer, meditation, and reading the gospel. Those practices are powerful and can bring a lot of peace and clarity.

When it comes to your music, it’s understandable to feel frustrated if you’re not making the progress you hoped for, despite your efforts. Here are a few suggestions that might help you dive deeper into your music:

1. Try incorporating your spiritual practices into your music-making process, perhaps meditating before you start your music practice, or even creating music that reflects your spiritual journey and the messages you read in the gospel.

2. Set aside specific times for making music. The consistency in keeping a routine can make it easier to get into the creative zone.

3. Sometimes working with other musicians can bring new perspectives and inspiration. Consider joining a local music group.

4. Reconnect with the joy and passion that initially drew you to music. Try not to worry too much about the outcome and instead enjoy the process.

5. Even though you’ve read a lot and made changes, there’s always more to learn. Consider taking some music classes, or finding a mentor who can provide guidance and feedback

6. It’s easy to be critical of your own progress. Try shifting your mindset to appreciate the progress you’ve made, no matter how small. Recognize that improvement takes time and requires patience, sometimes, lots and lots of patience and perseverance.

It’s clear that you have the dedication and drive. Keep (patiently) pushing forward, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support and advice. Wishing you all the best on your musical journey!

anita

How are you, Peter?

Dear John, Peter, All: I want to correct the sentence I wrote yesterday after a Thanksgiving feast and enough wine to mess up the structure of my question, so here it is corrected: How can you and I, Shinnen- how can we- can we make the world a better place, just a bit, just a bit.. can we, Shinnen?

Your sentence yesterday: “I often feel that..  I am the ephemeral seeking the eternal” is often attributed to Nikos Kazantzakis, a Greek writer and philosopher who explored themes of the human condition, and the search for meaning. I want to look further into it this Friday morning:

On one hand, we humans are ephemeral, meaning short-lived, transient, temporary, our human life and experiences are brief and constantly changing,

On the other hand, we are seeking the eternal, meaning something that is everlasting, unchanging, and infinite, something that is timeless and permanent. We want to find or connect with something that transcends our fleeting existence: something enduring and everlasting.

There is a contrast between the temporary nature of human life (the ephemeral) and the longing for something permanent, a sense of continuity and meaning beyond our human lives (the eternal).

* The longing for something eternal is a common thread in many religions, involving the belief in an afterlife or a state of existence beyond the physical world, providing hope (and fear) and meaning to followers: Heaven or Hell for Christians, Paradise (Jannah), or hell (Jahannam) for Muslims, Moksha (liberation from the cycle of birth and death, merging with the divine essence, Brahman) for Hindus, Nirvana for Buddhist.

Back to Nikos Kazantzakis, I read that he did not believe in heaven or hell. Instead, he focused on the idea of striving for personal growth and meaning in the present life, living fully in the moment without relying on the hope of an afterlife.

He wrote: “To live, to err, to fall, to triumph, to create life out of life“, emphasizing the importance of experiencing life fully, embracing both successes and failures as part of personal growth.

He wrote: “I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free“- he doesn’t hope for heaven (or nirvana), he doesn’t fear hell.. he is free to live without hope or fear.

He wrote: “For I realize today that it is a mortal sin to violate the great laws of nature. We should not hurry, we should not be impatient, but we should confidently obey the eternal rhythm“- he is saying that it’s a grave error or significant wrongdoing to of go against the fundamental, timeless, universal principles that govern the natural world. He advises against rushing through life or being impatient, behaviors that are contrary to the natural flow of things and lead to unnecessary stress and disorder. He recommends living in harmony with nature, following its pace, and not trying to force things.

Back to my question to you, Shinnen: I think that helping each other is part of the eternal rhythm because human beings are social creatures, and cooperation and mutual support are natural aspects of our existence. Helping others contributes to the overall harmony and balance within communities, reflecting the interconnectedness that is a fundamental aspect of life.

Empathy aligns with the idea of living in harmony with the natural order, fostering deeper connections and promotes a more compassionate and balanced world.

Not judging others, whenever, wherever possible and appropriate, allows for a more inclusive and understanding society, reducing conflict and encourages acceptance and harmony, which are key components of the eternal rhythm.

anita

Dear John:

‘Thanks Anita, I still lurk but don’t usually have anything to add, I noticed that I tend to repeat myself“- you are welcome, John. I repeat myself on a regular basis, what else is there for me to do..?

Please do come back and repeat; you are welcome to repeat here, John, anytime!

anita