Dear Emma:

Back in childhood, hiding or taking less space might have become a kind of protection—a way to stay small so you wouldn’t risk being judged or rejected. If people couldn’t see you, maybe they couldn’t hurt you either..?

But your height pushes against that instinct. It naturally makes you stand out—even when you’d rather not. That can feel scary or uncomfortable. It may deepen a disconnect between how you feel inside—small, cautious—and what the world reflects back to you: someone tall, noticeable.

Maybe you can the following as an experiment: go for a walk, not to blend in or disappear, but with the quiet goal of taking up space.

Pull your shoulders back. Let your spine rise tall, like it’s reaching for the sky. Imagine your body isn’t “too much,” but exactly right. Let every step say, “I belong here.”

Walk in front of others, not behind. Don’t shrink. Don’t fold into yourself. Let the breeze touch all of you.

If it feels awkward or strange at first, that’s okay—it just means it’s new. You’re gently showing your body that being seen doesn’t mean being in danger. Your presence isn’t something to hide—it’s something to grow into.

This isn’t about pretending to be confident. It’s about trying on what it might feel like to feel safe and whole in your own skin—open, proud, and fully here.

Let the world see you. 🚶‍♀️🌞 🌈

Anita

My goodness, J/ Emma- if this is you in the photo, then you look so very, very pretty- I wish I had blond hair and (what looks like) blue eyes 💙💫

I read only a part of your message to Philip (I will read the whole message more attentively tomorrow), but the first thought that came to my mind this evening was that it’d be a good idea if you sent it (the part that I read) to him, abbreviated though.. fewer words, but just as much emotion.

I’ll be back to you Mon morning (it’s Sun evening here).

Anita

How are you, Honesty?

Dear Omyk:

You’re welcome—and thank you for your kind words.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:7–9: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

And in 1 Corinthians 9:27: “But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”

Galatians 5:16: “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

You wrote: “There is an internal battle… I cannot agree that trying to stop something that emerges from within is harmful.”- That same battle was written about 2,000 years ago. You’re not alone in it— Maybe part of the grace in faith is knowing that even our private battles have ancient echoes.

💫 Anita

Welcome back from the trip, Tom! I’ll be here during the 6-8 weeks of waiting, anytime you want to talk .

💛 Anita

Dear J:

You are thoughtful, creative, and kind young woman, J. You see things deeply and feel things deeply too. You’ve grown up with more traditional values, but inside, there’s a part of you that also wants to explore, dream, and connect on a deeper emotional level. This can make it hard to find someone who matches both sides of who you are. You sometimes doubt yourself when you feel like you don’t fit others’ expectations. But what makes you special is how carefully you try to understand others—including people who confuse or hurt you. And you’re not only looking for love—you’re looking for someone who will understand your mind, your heart, and your way of seeing the world.

About A- he is very guarded with his feelings. He was raised in a strict family where emotions were seen as weakness, so he learned to hide what he feels by acting tough or logical. He seems sharp, maybe even harsh at times, but it may be because he never learned how to feel safe being soft. He cares about control and honesty, but doesn’t always know how to show kindness in a gentle way. Still, there are signs that he wants connection—he just doesn’t know how to ask for it. He might be afraid of being hurt, or afraid that if he shows feelings, others will see him as weak. Under his protective shell, though, he could still be someone who hopes to be loved.

You asked, “Why would he have felt the need to stuff away feelings, or not feel them? Do you really think that could be his reason?”- Yes, that could very well be the reason. You said that A. grew up with a strict father, a fierce mother, and in a family where men were not allowed to cry or be vulnerable. In a home like that, showing feelings could be seen as weak or even dangerous. So he likely learned to hide his emotions—not because he wanted to, but because he had to.

And when someone grows up like that, their emotions don’t disappear. They just come out differently—like anger, frustration, or becoming distant. Those reactions were probably more “allowed” in his world than sadness or fear.

“Do you really think he saw my interest in imagination as something vulnerable?”- Yes, I really do. A. seemed to value directness, strength, and control. So your love of dreams, stories, and soft emotions may have felt strange to him—but also interesting. People who hide their own feelings sometimes find that kind of tenderness both scary and beautiful.

Your softness may have reminded him of the part of himself he had to hide when he was young. That part of him might still be there, buried. So being around your imagination could have touched something deep inside him—something he didn’t quite understand, but couldn’t ignore either.

That’s why, when you asked him not to criticize the castle, and he said he “might not be able to”—maybe it wasn’t really about the castle. Maybe the beauty and wonder of it made him feel something he wasn’t used to feeling. And that made him a little uncomfortable.

So yes—your softness and imagination might have meant more to him than he ever said out loud.

You also asked, “Why didn’t I dare more? Why did I run again?”- because you were trying to protect yourself—your safety, your self-worth, your hope. In your past, love came with judgment, or made you feel like you weren’t enough, or you had to give up important parts of yourself. So when this connection with A started to feel real—but also uncertain or intense—your first instinct wasn’t to move closer. It was to protect your heart.

J, you don’t need to punish yourself for how things ended. You need compassion—for the version of you that showed up the best she could, and for the part that was scared.

If you’d like, I can help you write to that part of yourself—the one who got scared and ran. That kind of letter can be healing. Let me know.

“I think, we felt something. Maybe something less obvious to the outside world. Maybe recognized something in each other”- That less-obvious something might have been an emotional connection that didn’t show up on the surface—not shared interests or matching personalities, but a quiet recognition of hidden parts of yourselves. Maybe you saw a softness in him that he tried to hide. And maybe he saw the quiet strength in you—the same strength I see. 🕊️

Anita