Dear Danny:

Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking perspective. Radical acceptance is a complex concept, and it’s important to explore it from different angles.

Regarding responsibility for situations like abuse, illness, or loss: You’re absolutely right—it’s not about blaming oneself for events that are beyond one’s control. Being in an abusive relationship, getting diagnosed with cancer, or experiencing the loss of a loved one are not things for which one can or should take personal responsibility. Assigning blame to oneself for these circumstances can indeed be toxic and damaging.

What radical acceptance can mean instead is recognizing the reality of these situations without self-blame and focusing on how we respond to them. It’s about accepting the present moment and all its complexities, then deciding what actions we can take to move forward. This perspective emphasizes personal agency and resilience, rather than culpability.

For example:

• If you’re in an abusive relationship, acceptance might mean acknowledging the reality of the abuse and seeking support so to exit the relationship and to make the best choices for your well-being overall.
• If you’re diagnosed with a serious illness, it might involve recognizing the situation, seeking the best possible care, and finding ways to nurture your physical and emotional health.

So, while we can’t control everything that happens to us, we can strive to take mindful, compassionate action in response to life’s challenges. It’s about balancing acceptance of what is with proactive efforts to shape what can be.

Looking forward to hearing more thoughts on this!

anita

Dear antarkala:

“No need to apologize, truth is truth“- thank you. Truth to be said: you, artarkala, you are (!) a good person.

anita

Dear antarkala:

Good to read back from you, and thank you for sharing your update with me. I know the breakup must have been a tough decision to make.

You mentioned that you felt it was disrespectful to stay in the relationship while expressing dissatisfaction. This shows self-awareness and integrity on your part. It’s important to recognize that relationships thrive on mutual respect, honesty, and effort from both partners.

When one partner consistently feels and expresses dissatisfaction, it can create a dynamic where the other partner feels unappreciated or demoralized, despite their best efforts. This can erode the person’s self-esteem and the foundation of trust and respect that a healthy relationship needs.

By acknowledging this and making the difficult decision to end the relationship, you’re prioritizing both your well-being and that of your (now ex)  partner. It takes courage to make such a decision, especially when there are conflicting feelings involved.

I want to apologize to you, antarkala, for the harshness in my previous message of Aug 2.  I realized today, upon re-reading it, that some of my words were harsh and judgmental, and I am sorry for that. It’s important to approach these discussions with empathy and understanding, and I regret any discomfort my words may have caused you.

* I wrote in my Aug 2 post: “no one is a good person or a bad person for how one feels. It’s our words and actions, over time, that determine if we are good or bad people, or a mix of the two“- and I still agree with this.

I also wrote: “you choose to be in a relationship with this man, and you’ve repeatedly expressed to him that he is unsatisfactory. I’d say that for that, in this context, you are a bad person. I was a bad person in certain contexts, and I am (still) fixing it, wanting to be a good person in all contexts“- I would like to re-write this today, without the label “bad person“: you chose to be in a relationship with this man, even though you often felt and expressed dissatisfaction. It’s important to recognize how this dynamic is challenging for both of you. I’ve had similar experiences where I acted in ways that were not fair to others, even ways that were harmful to others, and I sincerely regret it. I’ve been working on improving myself in those areas. We all have aspects of ourselves to work on, and it’s a continuous journey of growth.

It’s not about labeling someone as a good or bad person, but rather understanding and being mindful of how our words and actions can affect others, as well as being mindful of our needs and legitimate rights within relationships.

Focusing on healing yourself now is a wise decision. Taking the time to understand your feelings, rebuild your confidence, and reflect on your needs and values will help you move forward with clarity and strength. If you ever need someone to talk to further, please feel free to reach out to me. Wishing you all the best on your journey of healing and self-discovery.

anita

Dear Lisa:

You submitted your post only 17 minutes ago. It is amazing how far, and yet, how close we are to each other, how much Alone has been the theme of your life, and of mine. I do wish you go to sleep with a measure of peace of mind. I wish the same for me. Let’s talk more, let’s connect better tomorrow we can.

anita

Dear Overthepoint:

First and foremost, congratulations on the incredible progress you’ve made in accepting yourself and overcoming addiction. This is a significant achievement, and you should be proud of yourself.

You shared that you faced significant challenges over the past seven years, including depression, anxiety, and addiction issues. Recently, particularly over the past 35 days, you experienced the following: “an impressive sense of liberation… deep sexual desires… a profound longing to live—fully live… a very intense torrent of energy… tremendous inner joy… a continuous state of mild ecstasy“.

The problem: “this energy is so intense that it demands all my attention, or at least I am unable to redirect it toward other things. Let’s say that it is so strong that, rather than moving me, it somehow paralyzes me“.

Chronic anxiety and depression are often associated with elevated levels of stress hormones like cortisol. Once you experienced positive changes, particularly overcoming addiction and achieving a sense of control over your life, the levels of these stress hormones may have decreased, leading to a sense of liberation and joy.

Also, during prolonged periods of anxiety and depression, the brain’s neurotransmitter levels, such as serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, aka feel-good chemicals, are secreted at low levels. Once you experienced the positive  changes you experienced, including acceptance and reconciliation with your sexuality, maybe your brain has been overcompensating in the last 35 days, secreting an excess of these feel-good chemicals.

I read that it’s not uncommon for the brain to experience periods of overcompensation, especially after prolonged low levels. However, this state is usually temporary as the brain works to re-establish balance. However, if the over-secretion continues for an extended period, it can lead to negative symptoms. It’s important therefore, to work with a healthcare professional or professionals. They can provide guidance on lifestyle changes, therapy, or medication if necessary.

It’s great therefore that you have an appointment with your psychologist coming up. In the meantime, you are welcome to share more about your thoughts, feelings and experiences here, in your thread, as long as it helps. Also, engaging in mindfulness practices or meditation, and in exercise, yoga, and/ or creative pursuits like writing or painting can help you regulate your emotions and redirect the energy in a positive way.

Be kind to yourself during this transition. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times. Remember that you’re on a path of healing and growth, and it’s important to give yourself grace and patience. You’re not alone in this, and there are many who can relate to your experiences. I remember that when I was very depressed for prolonged periods of time, every once in a wile, my brain.. sort of took a break from the depression and I felt intense joy, a feeling of being fully alive.

anita