Category: work fulfillment

On Finding Your Purpose & Running Down a Dream

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

A revelation came to me the other day during lunch with my co-worker.

As I wolfed down my germ-infused salad-bar lunch, I thought about my father for no particular reason other than I probably miss him since moving out of my parents’ house two weeks ago.

I’ve never been one to admit things, show emotion, or get all mushy, but in my own way I’m very proud of my dad. Although it’s hard for me to let him know, he really is my hero.

As co-worker X took a pause from chewing, he asked, “What do you think your purpose is?”

I took a moment to let that commentary sink in.

Then I replied, “You know who I really envy and admire? My father. He does the hardest manual labor, sweats under the sun, cuts his hands up on stone, turns them purple with acidic grape juice, battles with poison ivy roots, snow plows during the most ungodly hours so rich people can have clear driveways, has more splinters than anyone I know, and he’s never, ever complained. In fact, he’s the true definition of service with a smile.”

Okay, maybe I didn’t phrase it that eloquently, but let’s pretend I did. (more…)

June 15, 2010
25 Little Changes to Make the Day More Exciting

“All appears to change when we change.”~Henri-Frédéric Amiel

I admit it, I’m a change addict. I love new cities, apartments, jobs, and friends. This can be both a strength and a weakness.

On the one hand, I never shy away from a new experience or opportunity. On the other hand, it takes a strong effort for me to stick with anything once the novelty wears off.

So today I started thinking about all the ways I can make a day exciting without changing any of the big things that need to stay constant if I’m to make progress on my larger goals. Here’s what I’ve come up with.

1. Start the day with a blank piece of paper and the question: “What if today were my last?”

Write down what you’d do differently and then try to do at least five of those things.

2. Wear something much bolder than you usually do.

This gives people the opportunity to see you in a new light, which means they may interact with you differently.

3. Take a different path when you walk to work.

Maybe you’ll pass a restaurant you’d like to try sometime or a gym that’s offering free classes.

4. If you drive, park your car a mile away and take the bus the rest of the way.

I did this one time and met a man on the bus who I dated for a month. Well worth the detour!

5. If you take public transportation for your commute, make the time meditative or educational.

Practice deep breathing, listen to soothing music, or download an audio book for the ride.

6. Take pictures of things that catch your eye throughout the day.

You’ll notice a lot more than you usually do—and new people will likely talk to you to figure out what you’re doing.

7. Change your workspace.

Bring new pictures and candles, or move your desk if you’re able. Rearranging furniture always makes my space more exciting.

8. Start collecting something you often see throughout the day.

It will make the whole day more interesting if you have your eyes peeled for rare coins, specific pens, and odd food labels.

9. Make it a goal to talk to five people you don’t know.

And I mean real conversations. Ask them what they do on the weekends, what their favorite memory is, and whether or not they like spam. (Okay, the last one is less interesting, but I think it says a lot about you if you eat unidentifiable lunch meat.)

10. Commit to complimenting everyone you encounter on something.

Sometimes it will be easy; sometimes it will be challenging. Every time it will brighten someone’s day and fill you with joy.

11. Take a class during your lunch break.

Head to the gym, learn to do pottery, start guitar lessons. You can always eat a sandwich at your desk later.

12. Eat lunch at a different time than usual.

You never know what you’re missing in the office when you head out at the same time every day.

13. Make lunch and bring enough for two people.

Then offer some to someone in your office.

14. Give yourself a challenge.

Maybe it’s to find a lower car insurance rate or talk to someone you secretly admire. I get a big kick out of little victories like these.

15. Read about a topic that’s completely new and interesting to you.

Then start a conversation about it. It’s always fun to share a new passion, especially if the other person gets excited, too.

16. Learn ten new words from a thesaurus and then use them all twice during the day.

Maybe I’m just a dork, but I get excited about stretching my vocabulary!

17. Practice mindfulness during a boring activity.

In Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh’s book The Miracle of Mindfulness, he explains how he stays fully present when washing the dishes—and enjoys it. Anything can be interesting if you get curious about how it works.

18. Count risks.

See how many (smart) risks you can take throughout the day, like accepting a difficult assignment or committing to something you’ve never done before.

19. Say yes to everything.

In the movie Yes Man, Jim Carrey said yes to absolutely everything, even an intimate moment with someone’s grandma. I’m not suggesting you go to that extreme, but you’ll likely have an exciting day if you say yes to most things you’re asked.

20. Commit random acts of kindness.

You’ll get a warm fuzzy feeling and you’ll create some good karma for yourself. You never know when that kindness will come back to you and open up your world.

21. Bet on things.

Once on The Office everyone bet on stupid things, like how long it would take Kelly to explain Netflix to Ryan, or whether Creed would notice they replaced his apple with a potato. If you’re pulling an all-nighter, this could be a fun way to hold onto your sanity.

22. Set up a profile on a dating site (if you’re single).

I was on Match.com for a while, and I have to admit I kind of watched my email like a kid counting down ‘til Christmas.

23. Ask someone to come out to play.

Kids are always willing to jump around, get messy, and give get their blood pumping. You still have legs and endorphins—tap into that. Play basketball after work, go bike riding, or spend some time on the swings.

24. Learn something new during all your routine activities.

When you buy coffee, ask the barista how long the shop has been there. When you make copies, pay attention to how the machine works.

25. Swap apartments with a friend for a night.

Assuming you trust each other, why not? A change of scenery can work wonders; and it’s always fun to see how someone else lives.

I once read that intelligent people are never bored because they’re always curious. You’re smart—start exploring! If you keep your mind engaged and fresh during your downtime, you’ll have far more passion and focus when it’s time to get productive. And equally important, you’ll enjoy more of the minutes that would otherwise just pass by.

May 11, 2010
10 Ways to Let Go of Work on the Weekend

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

Sometimes, for me, it’s not a matter of if I’ll work on the weekend; it’s a matter of how.

On the one hand, I’m committed to being mindful and creating balance in my life.

On the other hand, I have a lot of dreams and goals and I enjoy giving my all to pursuing them. Even if it sometimes means I write on a Saturday or edit on a Sunday.

I’ve decided that what’s most important is not to create a black-and-white understanding of which days I work and which days I don’t, but instead, to be sure I have sufficient time for play and to focus on fully enjoying it.

This way, I may devote a couple hours in the morning to work, but it doesn’t dominate my thoughts through the afternoon and evening.

There are no rules to this whole life thing. There’s no choice that’s good or bad. But there are choices that cause more pain than others. For example: obsessing over work, clients, contacts, and colleagues instead of truly enjoying your downtime, however short or long it may be.

If you sometimes let work-related stresses bleed into Saturday and Sunday, these tips might help you let go and relax, even if just for pockets of time: (more…)

May 7, 2010
5 Happiness Tips for the Unemployed (and 15 Tips to Support Them)

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” ~Charles Swindoll

Unemployment is up almost 10% and job opportunities are not necessarily speeding to catch up. It’s not always easy to stay positive when you’re dealing with uncertainty, particularly if you fell out of a comfortable situation and now have to adapt.

But if you’re willing to see the experience as a challenge, and possibly even an opportunity, you can find a sense of peace and fulfillment—not just once you find work, but while you’re in the process of looking. It’s not just cliché advice that sounds good on paper. It’s actually possible. Here’s how.

(more…)

May 4, 2010
Writing Your Way to What You Want

“All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.” ~M. C. Richards

There is an art to living, to creating your life on your terms based on your desires, talents, values, and dreams. In a culture where we must attend thirteen years of school, we’re rarely taught to look within and name what it is we want from life.

We’re rarely taught that we have the power within to live the lives we want, not what other people expect of us.

While we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how we respond to what happens based on what we want.

Five years ago I resigned from teaching in the public schools after giving birth to my son. A year and a half later, awaiting the birth of my daughter, I struggled. I missed teaching. I missed connecting with kids in a classroom.

I missed having something in my life that was my own. While I felt blessed and lucky to be home, I also wanted to teach. But I didn’t know how to join these two desires that felt mutually exclusive.

Having written in a journal throughout my twenties and into my thirties, I understood the power of pinning down thoughts into words. So within the swell of this profound transformation into motherhood, I began to write about the things I knew I wanted: (more…)

April 27, 2010
Why You Should Prosper Even Though There’s Suffering in the World

I write a newsletter every week, and last month a subscriber emailed me with a question I thought was worth exploring.

… I guess what I’m getting at is if everyone had a choice, treating sewage would be the last thing one would want to do. Isn’t it? Well, yes, I’m making that judgment. If everyone was Wayne Dyer or that money guru lady Suze Orman, we’d all be reaching fantasy levels of achievement. That is what they seem to be proposing is possible.

But someone still has to take out the trash. If we’re all living big, then who’s taking care of the landfills? I guess we could all be having wonderfully luxurious lives but chip in on the dirty stuff sometimes? Like volunteer, or Adopt-A-Highway kind of stuff.

Then a boy in Iraq gets his arms and legs blown off and I’m supposed to be like “Yahoo, I’m living big???”….. uh? This is my ‘resistance,’ isn’t it?… Anyway, there is a topic here. Anything to help me feel better about living big while others suffer…

It’s a big question: If there are others suffering in the world, what right do I have to think about myself or my lofty goals? What right do I have to consider more for myself when there are others who can’t even feed themselves, literally or figuratively?

I’ll begin with a quote from Marianne Williamson who talks in her book The Age of Miracles about the Butterfly Effect (based in Chaos Theory):

“When a butterfly flaps its wings near the tip of South America, it affects the wind patterns near the North Pole. And the same is true in the realm of consciousness: Every miracle you work in your life is a blessing on life itself.” (more…)

March 9, 2010
7 Creative Ways to Turn Everyday Situations into Opportunities

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” -Milton Berle

The people who are the most successful in life are the ones who create their own opportunities. Since I’m a work-from-home freelance writer who prefers beadworking to networking, I have to be ultra creative.

I’ve identified seven simple ways to find opportunities in everyday situations. Here’s what I got:

1. Wear your resume while running errands.

Last year I read an article about a woman named Kelly Kinney who printed her resume on a T-shirt. What a brilliant idea! I always notice words on shirts; I’ve even been known to ask strangers to hold still so I can get a better look (far less awkward when the wearer is a man).

You can order a similar one at ResumeShirts.com for under $20–well worth the investment if it lands you the job of your dreams! (more…)

February 21, 2010
Get Luckier

“Care and diligence bring luck.” ~Proverb

When things aren’t going well for you, it’s easy to blame it on bad luck—to assume other people who are doing better had more help and advantages.

Nothing could be less empowering. This line of thinking just confirms that the world is unfair and you have limited control.

While both those things are true on some level—life isn’t fair, and in many ways, we’re not in control—happy people take responsibility and create their own luck, while their unhappy counterparts sit around blaming misfortune, feeling bitter that other people appear to get all the breaks.

Happy people focus on ways to improve their situation, put in the work, and allow themselves to enjoy minor victories.

You could be one of those people. (more…)

February 17, 2010
10 Ways to Slow Down and Still Get Things Done

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” ~Gandhi

Both the industrial and digital revolutions promised increased productivity, meaning people could work less and live a more balanced life. We all know that’s not how history has played out.

Even as technology advances, we work longer hours than ever and ironically, struggle financially and accrue more debt with each passing year.

If you haven’t noticed adverse effects on your personal relationships or the other areas of your life, you’ll likely keep plowing full-steam ahead and only stop when you have a compelling reason.

So here’s my proposition: Work as often as you damn well please! It’s your life; these are your moments to fill and hopefully enjoy.

But if you find yourself feeling stressed or detached from the present moment—if you sense life is passing you by as you scramble to get more—you may benefit from one of these ideas to slow down throughout the day.

1. Eat slowly.

This is a tough one for me. I devour food, always have. But I’ve found that eating more mindfully can be a meditative practice.

Chew every bite more, analyze tastes like you’re a foodie, and generally savor the experience. It likely won’t add more than ten minutes to your meal time, yet it will give you the chance to seep into the moment.

2. Do nothing for fifteen minutes after waking up.

Have you ever opened your eyes and immediately pulled out your iPhone or laptop? Or how about this: Do you roll out of bed two seconds after waking, having already created a ten-item to-do list in your head? Taking five or ten minutes to just lay with your thoughts allows you to ease into your day without such a sense of urgency.

3. Stare at a photo online instead of reading an article.

We’re knowledge seekers, which is a great thing. The more we learn, the more we understand and grow. However, the digital era presents a unique challenge: With so much information available, it’s tempting to seek knowledge far more often than you apply it.

Instead of learning something new on your lunch break, kick back and appreciate a beautiful image. Stillness is the answer to many of the questions you’ve been asking.

4. Choose an activity you usually multi-task and do only that.

Choose one task to complete mindfully today and maybe add to that tomorrow. My favorite is folding laundry. It’s warm, clean, and, most importantly, done!

Since I have an overactive mind, I need to tell myself certain things to stay in the moment: Enjoying this moment is my only task; there is nowhere to get to—only right now to be; nothing exists but this laundry in front of me (obviously not true, but it keeps me grounded).

5. Stare at your turned-off-TV for ten minutes before turning it on.

A lot of us fill our downtime binge watching our favorite shows. Absorbed by external stimulation, you miss out on the opportunity to connect with yourself, and before you know it, hours have gone by and you have to get back to work. Or your kids. Or dinner.

Before you get to your show, take a few minutes to just sit there and breathe. Use the screen as a canvas for visualization. Project your daydreams onto the tube, and sit with that for a few.

6. Block a half-hour of unplanned time in your planner.

Don’t plan to take a walk or meditate (although those aren’t bad ideas). Instead, plan to do whatever you end up doing. Get up, walk around, and see where that takes you. Maybe you’ll end up helping your neighbor wash his car, or playing jump rope with your niece. Nothing makes you feel present like spontaneity.

7. Write Parkinson’s Law somewhere you can see it often: “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”

Maybe you really need more than ten hours a day to get everything on your to-do list done. Or maybe you’re stretching your work to fill longer hours because society associates so many positive things with busyness. This saying reminds me to limit my work and still get it done so I can then focus on other things.

8. Notice the sights when you drive.

Have you ever watched a frantic driver bob in and out of traffic, passing and merging, only to find him right beside you at the red light? If road rage saves time, it’s generally not much, and it usually isn’t worth the stress it creates. Play some soothing music; notice license plates, bumper stickers, and the scenery; and allow yourself to enjoy this time.

9. Metaphorically toss your phone in the ocean for a half-hour every day.

I love the classic movie scene where the overworked protagonist tosses her phone into the ocean, or a fountain, or out the window and reclaims her sense of freedom. It’s not easy to disconnect from our always-on world, but the benefits of being unreachable make it worth the initial discomfort.

10. Say no.

Saying yes can open you up to new possibilities, but saying no can give you a chance for me-time: an hour when you don’t have to keep any commitments or please anyone else, or a half-hour when you can just kick back and do absolutely nothing.

—

Small changes throughout your day can slow down your pace without killing your productivity. Go ahead and keep getting things done. Just remember you don’t need to do it all in a panicked state of stress. If you find a more peaceful process, you’ll likely be both happier and more effective.

Photo by Nicholas A. Tonelli

February 15, 2010
On Making the Unreasonable Possible

“You can do what’s reasonable or you can decide what’s possible.” ~Unknown

When I was in grade school my teacher had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up. Honestly, at the time I had no idea.

I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to be but I knew I wanted to be doing something important, so I jotted down careers that, in my young mind, equaled success: doctor, lawyer, dolphin trainer, firefighter, astronaut etc.

Then life happened and all of a sudden I was twenty-four, working for the man, and in a serious relationship that seemed to leave me feeling miserable more often than not. Where was that wide-eyed little girl who could have been anything?

I was at the point in my life where I actually had to make a decision about who I wanted to be. I could be a writer and share my wisdom with the world—but wait, what wisdom do I have? I had no great life changing stories or lessons that others could learn from. I was ordinary and borderline boring. (more…)

January 28, 2010
What Holds People Back from Doing What They Want

“More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin.” ~Unknown

I’ve spoken with a number of people recently who are doing something that is “just okay” with their lives but who really want to be doing something else. They feel an urgency to break free and go for it, even though they haven’t defined “it.”

I think a lot of people, if not currently there, understand this. It’s in our nature to move toward greater expression. When we’re not moving in a forward direction, we question ourselves, wondering what we’re doing with our lives—and what we’re waiting for.

And yet nothing changes.

Part of the issue is knowing where to start. The other part is fear of the unknown. Both can prevent you from committing. (more…)

January 20, 2010
On Learning to Cope with Conflict

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

I fell apart a couple of years ago, unable to cope with the strain I was under—a change in my lifestyle, loss of job security, a less-than-perfect relationship with a parent, bereavement, a painful physical injury, and slowly, through all of that, the blossoming of serious mental illness.

All the while, right up until this month in fact, I’ve been thinking and wishing: “I want all of this to go away, to have never been.”

I shut myself away—terrified of people’s reactions to my mental health, convinced that my life was over at the age of twenty-three.

I’d never be able to get a job again. People would be too frightened to talk to me if they knew the truth. I’d never make a friend again, and the ones I’d managed to keep hold of as I gradually came apart at the seams would end up leaving me.

My wish came true as I began to hide myself away.

I stopped doing the things I loved, like going out for walks along the riverside and meeting up with close friends. I became a hermit and was pretty relieved to have all of the conflict and the potential for conflict that I was so anxious about vanish from my sight.

I felt safe for the first time in months even though I had sacrificed many of the things I loved. I was happy enough, and that was good enough. (more…)

January 11, 2010
On Getting Started When You Don’t Feel Ready

“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

A few months ago I challenged myself with Adventure Boot Camp. I thought, “What would be more challenging than waking up at five in the morning and working out with a group of ladies for an hour, four days a week?”

And I have to say, it was tough! I couldn’t walk for three days.

But as the days progressed and my muscles acclimated, it occurred to me: I’m someone who can roll out of bed at five in the morning, and within a half hour, lift eight-pound weights over my head while jogging a track. I didn’t know that I could do that!

That’s the thing about taking an action. You don’t know that you can do it until you do it. And then you become someone who does it. (more…)

January 4, 2010
5 Pieces of Advice That Aren’t Cliches

“It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted.” ~Aeschylus

Earlier this year I got some feedback from the ‘tween magazine I wrote for: “It sounds like good advice, but kids probably won’t do any of that.”

In my head it all sounded logical but I didn’t consider whether I’d have taken that advice as a kid. Or now, for that matter.

People do it all the time: look at a situation from a removed, non-emotional place and hurl suggestions that are far easier said than done. And sometimes, just plain unrealistic.

I’ve listed five of these hard-to-follow, cliché pieces of advice, along with alternative suggestions you may actually be inclined to take. (more…)

December 29, 2009
5 Ways to Let Go of Resistance

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently I was on a phone call with Brad Yates. Although I know this to be true, when he said it, it made me reflect again. He said (and I’m paraphrasing):

“To the extent that we are not living our lives exactly as we want—with the love and friendships we want, the abundance we want, and the happiness we are seeking—it’s to that extent we are resisting it.”

It’s that word again: resistance. What does it mean? What do we do about it?

Essentially, resistance is any thought, belief, or behavior, either conscious or unconscious, that stands contrary to our desire. On the surface, we can be doing positive affirmations, creative visualizations, and imagining our success. But in the end, we get what we expect. Every single time.

Sometimes it can be as simple as not believing that you can have what you want. That way of thinking places limitations on what is possible for you. You are restricting what could be with what you think will be. And you end up getting what you expect.

Your consciousness is a powerful tool. If you don’t believe you can have the thing you desire, it shows up as resistance, despite all the things you are doing to achieve your goals.

Okay, so, what to do about it?

Live in the possibility rather than the probability. (more…)

December 27, 2009
Lessons on the Trapeze: the Art of Making Things Happen

“Never ignore a gut feeling. But never believe it’s enough.” ~Robert Heller

A couple months ago, when I was almost done producing a teleseminar and spending way too much time hunched over at the computer, I decided to do something different. Something that would bring me joy, that would get take me out of my normal environment and actually excite me.

So, I did what had been on my list to do for a long time: I went flying.

I didn’t know what to expect making the forty-five minute trek out to the Sonoma County hills to fly on a trapeze. I just knew I had been wanting to do it for a while and it was closer than then the outfit I’d been considering in Texas (which was also outdoors).

I also knew I had to go because just the thought of flying through the trees excited me more than anything I had done in a really long time.

I made the trek by myself because no one wanted to join me and I figured why wait? I was greeted by, what I learned, was a core group of women who met there every weekend.

One of the women who was in her seventies comes as often as she can. She was flying through the sky doing twists without a harness. (She got her pilot’s license in her sixties, which gives you a clue about her!)

Another woman was a single mom who came with her son every weekend and made this her retreat. (more…)

December 22, 2009
Start Late

“It is never too late. Even if you are going to die tomorrow, keep yourself straight and clear and be a happy human being today.” ~Lama Yeshe

There’s a common misconception that there comes a point when it’s too late to do things you want to do. Maybe one of these statements sounds familiar to you:

“I can’t become a designer. I’m far too old to change my career path.”

“I’ll never get married. It’s too late in the game for that.”

“I couldn’t possibly start yoga. That’s for people much younger than me.”

We choose arbitrary windows of time when we imagine we should have tried something and then believe it’s not possible once those days have past.

The saddest part of this way of thinking is that we’re generally right. Not because it can’t be done, but because we can only do what we believe we can.

If you don’t think it’s possible to begin a new profession, you won’t take a training course, send out resumes, or make the connections you need to succeed. (more…)

December 15, 2009
No Price Tag for Happiness

“Give yourself permission to immediately walk away from anything that gives you bad vibes. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. Just trust what you feel.” ~Unknown

Last year I graduated from UC Santa Barbara with a major in Communication Studies and a minor in Business Writing.

During my college career I created public relations material for both my Business Writing minor and the public relations firm where I interned. As I thoroughly enjoyed my minor and the internship, I decided to apply to more PR positions.

About a month into the job search, I was hired to work at a reputable public relations firm. Excited to start the next chapter of my life, I thought I had it all—a new apartment in San Francisco, great roommates, new friends, and a stable job.

Wow! This was the real deal. However, the excitement of my first “real” job quickly wore off. Although I may have enjoyed my experiences in college, I failed to ask myself an important question: Was I really passionate about agency PR?

As much as I loved San Francisco and the new friends I was making, I discovered that PR didn’t give me a sense of fulfillment. I got no thrill from bouncing around client accounts doing tasks like monitoring media coverage, drafting pitches, researching speaking opportunities, and reading about client competition.

I couldn’t spend my days working in an office doing something that didn’t make me tick. I quickly realized that in order to be happy I needed to make a change. (more…)

December 2, 2009
5 Rules for Life

When I first sat down to write this piece for 5 Rules for Life, I wrote “Live without rules” five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible.

The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed. Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?

That’s when I realized I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s, against your own reason and moral code.

Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”

The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”

Be critical. I invite it. These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.

With that, I give you five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful: (more…)

November 29, 2009
7 Key Steps to Living a Beautiful Life

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” ~Julius Charles Hare

I admit, I have a beautiful life. I don’t mean to brag, but I love the life I have and there is no other life I’d rather live. This wasn’t always my truth.

Many years ago, I didn’t think I would one day have a beautiful life. I had a terrible attitude, a soul-sucking job that I occasionally enjoyed, superficially at best, and I pursued things that would always leave me feeling empty. It took me a long time and a lot of work to get to where I am.

Today, like everyone, I have my own struggles.

I have personal deficits that I’m aware need fine-tuning (or major overhaul). I’m susceptible to sadness, negative energy from others, and occasional feelings of helplessness about the troubles of the world. But I focus more on laughter, celebration, and the depths of life. Overall, life is beautiful.

I’m not talking about aesthetic beauty, although a beautiful environment can contribute to a beautiful life.

I’m talking about a deeper kind of beauty. One that you can’t buy from a store. One that makes you feel excited about being alive, that allows you to be inspired and be an inspiration, that shows your connectedness to other human beings.

I would imagine that many of you who are already living a beautiful life have your own formula for getting there. But for those who are curious, here are my seven key steps:

1. Know thyself.

It sounds simple. In reality, it’s challenging to do. It requires focused introspection, which can be difficult, as most of us have built layers of denial about ourselves. I suggest having a really honest assessment of yourself.

Explore all areas: your passions; your deepest desires and fears; what makes you proud, insecure, and ashamed; what work you’d love to do even without getting paid.

Learning about yourself can be a hugely emotional process, but if you approach it with honesty, you will find it cleansing and therapeutic. A good place to start is the Myers-Briggs test.

I would also suggest engaging someone you trust to help with this process. This person needs to be someone who knows you well, who understands your strengths and weaknesses and whose opinion you respect.

This person can help you determine whether what you believe to be true about yourself comes through to the outside world.

Maybe you love connecting with others, but others find you aloof. This exercise will help point to truths about yourself that aren’t readily visible to the outside world as well as universal truths you may not be ready to accept.

2. Define what “beautiful life” means to you.

Let’s assume we all know it’s not material things that will lead us to a beautiful life. This is the part where you ask yourself what’s missing in your life. Is it love? Is it happiness? Is it inspiration?

Here are some other suggested questions:

What am I filling my life with that I’d rather replace with other things? What is preventing me from taking action? Is it fear? Do I think I don’t deserve it? Are these reasons good enough to get in the way of building a beautiful life? If you’re being honest with yourself, your answer will be a resounding “no.”

3. Start working toward living a beautiful life.

Think about ways to attain what’s missing or eliminate what’s unnecessary. This is where all the adventures take place.

It will take some work as you step out of your comfort zone, but it can be a lot more fun than you ever imagined. Adventures are exhilarating. If you commit to this step, you will no doubt feel how exciting life can be.

For example, if you’re looking for love, perhaps you’ll let a trusted friend know that you would love to meet someone incredible. Maybe you’ll consider online dating. Maybe you’ll go out on blind dates or try speed-dating. It can be scary at first but most likely it will get easier with practice.

Another example, say, your life is filled with way too much activity. You’d like to scale back and have some breathing room. Start by saying “no” a little bit at a time. If you’d rather go to a yoga class, you should do so instead of going out for drinks with co-workers.

4. Appreciate where you are in this process.

Building a beautiful life can be a tough process at first. There will be starts, stops, and lots of tension along the way. But, as with anything, beginning is half the battle. If you’ve gone this far, you have made progress.

Go ahead and allow yourself to feel good about being at the halfway point to living a beautiful life!

5. Adjust your expectations.

The funny thing about being an active participant in building your beautiful life is that it’s full of surprises. You may find that things you’ve determined to be true about steps one, two, three, and four have changed. By this time, you’ve likely gotten a taste of how beautiful life can be through adventures and new experiences.

If you find that this process is leading you somewhere different from what you envisioned, ask yourself if you want to refocus or continue down this path. Whatever you decide to do at this point, it’s likely that you have learned a lot about what living a beautiful life means to you.

6. Count your blessings and be thankful for what you have.

This is a step that can be inserted at any part in this process. Chances are, if you remember to count your blessings, you’re already living a beautiful life. What’s also true is that once you count your blessings, you’ll realize that life is, indeed, beautiful.

7. Live your beautiful life.

Go ahead. You deserve it.

*Disclaimer: There are countless people who lack basic material needs such as food, shelter, and clothing, and I believe that every human being should have their basics met before they can seize their chance to live a beautiful life. I also believe that helping them is an integral part of living a beautiful life.

Photo here

November 17, 2009