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If You Think Contentment Will Make You Lazy and Unproductive

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“To be content doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s to come.” ~Tony Gaskins

There’s a thought I want to share with you that used to keep me up at night.

It’s a toxic idea that caused me stress and burnout and actually got in the way of my productivity and creativity (and more importantly, my happiness).

Nevertheless, I hung onto it, and eventually came to see that it wasn’t just me. It was actually prevalent in many developed societies.

The thought went something like this: If I accept …

How I Stopped Blaming My Ex for Our Painful Relationship

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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

When it came to my ex-girlfriend, I had difficulty letting go.

She was a girl I’d had a big crush on for a couple of years. Funnily enough, once my crush on her began to fade, she suddenly started taking a liking to me and made it known that she was into me through our mutual friends.

I had my doubts about our compatibility from the start. We hardly shared any common interests, and I found it hard to connect with …

How to Hear Your Intuition When Making a Big Decision

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“Your brain can play tricks, your heart can be blind, but your gut is always right.” ~Rachel Wolchin

Have you ever wondered why it can feel so incredibly difficult to make a decision? The pros and cons lists, the endless stream of thoughts talking us into it and then against it, the anxiety about potential disappointment, doing it wrong, or regretting it can leave us paralyzed with self-doubt.

I can very much relate to this cycle. In the past, I had extreme difficulty making decisions. I would become completely obsessed with all aspects of the process, seeking to talk …

How to Rebuild Your Self-Worth After Your Breakup

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“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown

After my divorce, I felt like I was the most terrible person in the world.

I had zero self-worth, zero confidence, and zero belief in myself

If you’re going through a breakup or divorce now, your self-worth may suffer too. You might feel worthless. You might feel value-less. You might feel like a failure.

Think about it. The person who loved you, who wanted you, who fell in love with you is now rejecting you.

If you’ve been together for a …

Free Online Embodied Psychology Summit – Starts on the 22nd

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Have you ever felt like you’ve rehashed your issues over and over, but you’re still far from healing? Maybe you’ve done talk therapy for years, and it’s helped to some degree, but it feels like you’ve been missing something you need to finally start feeling happy, free, and alive.

If this sounds familiar, I highly recommend the FREE ONLINE Embodied Psychology Summit, which starts in just a few days, on Wednesday the 22nd.

In this five-day event, you’ll hear from forty renowned teachers and therapists and learn to ignite the wisdom of your body to heal trauma, …

When You Feel Bad About Feeling Sad and Anxious

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“You don’t have to be brave all of the time. You are not damaged or defeated. Have patience. Give yourself permission to grieve, to cry, and to heal. Allow a bit of compassion, you’re doing the best you can. We all are.” ~Unknown

Growing up, I received the message that everything had to look a certain way. It was only okay to feel positive emotions, and any expression of unruly emotions was totally unacceptable.

It wasn’t that anyone directly said this to me. I wasn’t given a written set of rules to follow. I wasn’t given any speeches or trainings …

How to Love a Lying, Cheating Heart

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Brett’s name flits onto my screen with an incoming email.

“Call you right back,” I say, hanging up on a friend.

Last time I talked to Brett, the Obama family lived in the White House. Last time I thought of him? Last year, as Melania took her third crack at presidential Christmas décor, and I failed to muster enough spirit to fetch our pre-lit tree from the garage.

Brett’s message came in through the contact form on my website. He invited me to meet for coffee; full respect if I decline.

Four years ago, it was me who reached out …

Deconstructing Shame: How to Break Free from Your Past

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“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

“I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I’ll never be good enough.”

“I’m not worthy of love.”

Sound familiar?

I hear phrases like this all the time in my work helping women walk through divorce. I heard it for years while I was working in women’s ministry. And it echoes back to me from my own experience. I’ve walked through a lot of broken stories from numerous aching souls.

These phrases all boil down to one core emotion: shame.…

5 Easy Exercises That Will Make You Lose Your Mind

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“Lose your mind so that you can gain a new way of knowing.” ~Holly Lynn Payne

You know those moments when your thoughts seem to be going off in all directions? No logic, no control. All fighting for your attention like a class full of overexcited school children, one shouting even louder than the other at a teacher who’s lost control and ends up running out of the classroom crying.

“What if I don’t get this job?”

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Why hasn’t Rico returned my calls?”

“What if he doesn’t really love me?”

“Did I …

Slow Down and Relax with ZoneOutTV (100 Free Subscriptions!)

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Every now and then you just need to shut off—shut your phone off, shut your brain off, and give yourself a little space to simply be. We all do, especially now.

Let’s face it, it’s been a crazy year, with the pandemic, economic upheaval, and social justice conflicts, not to mention the upcoming election.

It’s always a good idea to create time and space for mindfulness and relaxation, but it’s even more imperative when life gets extra stressful and chaotic.

If you, like me, need a little help unwinding and quieting the voice in your head, I suspect you’ll love …

How to Heal from Gaslighting and Stop Hurting Yourself

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“Gaslighting by parents can extend way into adulthood, but it may have particularly harmed you during your childhood. Children need to learn to trust themselves, and when they’re taught that what they see, hear, or feel isn’t real, that can lead to a lifetime of self-doubt.” ~Suzannah Weiss

Some of us grew up in families where our feelings and what we were experiencing were denied or pushed aside, what some people call “gaslighting.”

What is that? When someone—often our caregivers/parents—sows seeds of doubt in our minds that make us question our own sense of personal truth and reality.…

When You Want to Get Back to Normal but Life Will Never Be the Same

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“Don’t waste your time looking back on what you’ve lost. Move on, for life is not meant to be traveled backwards.” ~Unknown

When I was thirty-eight, I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer. During my treatment, one thought persisted: “I can’t wait until this is over and life goes back to normal.”

I clung to the belief that things would go back to how they once were, and all that needed to happen was for treatment to end. It gave me something to focus on that felt real during a time of disruption and uncertainty.

Unfortunately, when treatment ended …

Stop Striving, Start Stopping: How to Enjoy Life More

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“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” ~Andy Rooney

Three months ago, I was blessed with an awesome opportunity—a free weekend break to Snowdonia, Wales.

Having experienced chronic health conditions for the past six years of my life, I had been hibernating.

My days were a black-and-white routine: wake up, drink a smoothie mix, go to work, meditate, come home, lie down, eat, sleep. Yet, my mind was always so busy filled with endless tasks, big dreams, and an expanding sense of pressure as I craved …

It’s Time to Stop ‘Fixing’ (Because They Need the Struggle)

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“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~Maya Angelou

I have always been a “fixer.”

I liked to fix people’s problems.

Someone feeling down and out? Let me fix it by trying to take away their pain.

Someone on the wrong life path? Let me fix it to get you back on track.

Someone I love making unhealthy life decisions? Let me fix it so they can be happier.

‘Fixing’ people made me feel good.

It made me feel needed and purposeful.

It made me …

How to Get All the Benefits of Meditation by Balancing

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“Use only that which works and take it from any place you can find it.” ~Bruce Lee

Ding.

The meditation timer chimes, and through a small miracle of willpower you managed to sit through an excruciating ten-minute meditation session.

What you should feel is a sense of accomplishment. After all, you often skip it altogether.

But instead you feel frustrated having just spent the entire session fidgeting, lost in fantasies that involve bragging to a friend about meditating today.

Your “monkey mind” is strong. It’s like a whole jungle of monkeys in there.

I went through the same thing …

The Anti-Anxiety Techniques That Prepare You for a Crisis

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“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” ~Dan Millman

One of the paradoxes of learning to cope with anxiety is that it often means you’re prepared for chaos and crisis. When everyone else is thrown by the uncertainty, you’re strangely at home because it is not as far from your day-to-day lived reality as it is to their’s.

I often joke that at a time of crisis, people with anxiety are like early adopters of the iPhone; we’re like “See, this is exactly what I’ve been telling you about!!! It …

When Happiness Hurts: How I Stopped Sabotaging Myself

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“Disneyland is the star, everything else is the supporting role.” ~Walt Disney

“Just having a quick shower, I’ll text you before I leave x”

I’d received that text only ten minutes ago, so what the hell was wrong with me?

There I was standing in my kitchen like a mad woman, having a panic attack. My mind was in a frenzy with thoughts like “Does he even like me?” and “What if he doesn’t show?”  and I was crying uncontrollably. I hated myself for feeling like this. I’d ruined my makeup and gotten myself into a state over nothing.

Half-hour …

Why Presence, Not Time, Is Your Most Important Asset

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“Wherever you are, be there. Lifestyle is not something we do; it is something we experience. And until we learn to be there, we will never master the art of living well.” ~Jim Rohn 

I have been told again and again that our time is our most precious asset. But I disagree.

The blogosphere is filled with tips on time management—how to get more for our time. I am willing to bet my life that you have come across many such tips online yourself.

You have probably even adopted some of them.

I myself am notorious for scouting the internet …

How to Say No Without Feeling the Need to Make Excuses

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“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

Saying no is difficult for me. Whether it be to a loved one or a stranger, work tasks or a new hobby, something I enjoy or despise, saying no just plain sucks. So instead I say yes. I say yes to everyone and everything until I’m left exhausted, depleted, and with nothing left to give.

When COVID quarantine kicked-in I was forced to clear my calendar. Appointments, gatherings, travel plans—all cancelled. Instead of feeling disappointed, I began to feel …

The Most Common PTSD Myths and Symptoms, and How to Cope

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“The dark night of the soul is a journey into light, a journey from your darkness into the strength and hidden resources of your soul.” ~Caroline Myss

Growing up in a household with both parents, my grandmothers, and pets, people often assumed we were the picture-perfect family. I participated in dance classes, sports, and we also had a lot of extended family gatherings. We lived in a pretty nice neighborhood, went to good schools, and both of my parents worked and were educated.

But, from a very young age, I witnessed and experienced frightening events and images no child should …