Category: Blog

Cracking Your Comfort Zone: How to Face a Fear

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

I’m about to write something that’s freaky and a bit philosophical, but true. Really take this in: You become your comfort zone.

Getting out of your comfort zone is crucial to actualizing your aspirations.

If you want something that you don’t already have, there’s a good chance you’ll have to do things that you haven’t already done.

Doing those things may not feel natural to you. You may even feel uncomfortable and awkward. But ultimately, behind the frightening facade of fear is a bigger version of who you already are. That’s where the fun is.

Cracking your comfort zone involves feeling fear and befriending it. Your fear is there for a reason. Respect and embrace it.

The best of the best feel fear. So will you. The trick is to not let it immobilize you, but instead, use it as a driving force to take you where you want to go.

When we learn how to accept and embrace our fear of the unknown, we open ourselves up to an endless opportunity for pure potentiality to emerge. (more…)

December 26, 2010
Review & Giveaway: The Power of Receiving

Sometimes in the name of being good we forget to be good to ourselves. We put so much energy into meeting other people’s needs that we fail to meet our own. And yet that doesn’t change that we have needs; it just pushes us to deny them or to find manipulative ways of getting them met.

For the longest time, I felt certain that good people put everyone else first. They stretch themselves, bend over backward, and even completely exhaust themselves if it means making everyone else happy.

I also thought giving would naturally invite reciprocity. Inevitably, after months of martyrdom, I’d feel frustrated that other people weren’t returning that kindness and meeting my expectations. The truth is that it wasn’t their job. It was my job to take care of my needs.

And it’s the same for all of us: only we can make the choice to receive.

Knowing firsthand how challenging it can be to find a balance between giving and taking, I was excited to read Amanda Owen’s new book The Power of Receiving.

On the surface, it may seem like a book about putting yourself first, but it’s so much more than that.

The Power of Receiving is about being able to receive without feeling obligated or indebted. It’s about finding the courage to be your authentic self so that you can invite other people’s genuine acceptance. And it’s about identifying and receiving the dreams that will fulfill you, professionally and personally. (more…)

December 22, 2010
Does Life Just Happen to You?

“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.” ~Shakti

Does life just happen to you?

Would it be safe to suggest that a lot of people wake up each morning, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch television, go to bed, and repeat the same course of events Monday through Friday, without ever being fully conscious of what they’re doing?

The events listed above may differ for some people, but the point is still the same. Does life just happen to you, or do you consciously plan your days ahead?

Do you live your life on automatic pilot for the most part?

Take an inventory of your daily routines and ask yourself if you are in the same situation emotionally and physically as you were last month, year, or even decade.

It’s very easy to dismiss the notion of being on autopilot for a large portion of your life. But if you don’t consciously create your desired outcome for a prosperous, successful, and happy life, then you are not living up to your true potential.

I know we all have certain responsibilities we must attend to on a daily basis, and I am certainly not suggesting we ignore these and go chasing our dreams without attending to them first. What I am saying, though, is that you also have a responsibility to yourself.

The question you need to ask is whether or not you’ll respect the decisions you have made in life if nothing has changed when you look back ten, twenty, or thirty years from now. No doubt, your life will be different in thirty years; but will it be from you taking control, or because life just changed (as it does) and you coasted along with it?

I have met many people who are not even close to living up what they are capable of. The worst thing is that they don’t make any effort whatsoever to change their circumstances. They obviously want to have a better life, but it’s as if they’re hoping things will magically get better for them further down the line.

There are also a lot of people who convince themselves that life is too hard, and that good things only happen to a select group of people, or that some people are just lucky, and life favors some and not others. Fortunately, this is not the case at all.

We are all the masters of our own destiny, and if you put the work in you will undoubtedly see positive results. (more…)

December 21, 2010
Having Faith: Why Do We Expect the Worst in Tomorrow?

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

Over the past few years, as I’ve settled into my late twenties, life seems to have opened the flood gates to a number of lessons and realities. With each of these hardships or challenges I’ve overcome, I’ve taken with me a lesson of new wisdom, deeper compassion, self-awareness, humility, and empathy for others.

On that same note, I have also noticed that with each experience, I seem to begin treading more carefully in my approach to future situations, treating them fragilely and with caution; unconsciously trying to protect myself or others from perceived disappointment or hurt.

Recently, my husband and I decided to purchase another home to take advantage of the current real estate market. Impatiently awaiting our final loan approval, I refused to allow him to pack a single box until we had a hard approval in hand.

Even with the lender stating that we were pre-approved and very well-qualified, I still wouldn’t budge one box or belonging until I knew for certain, 100%, that the loan was ready to go with zero speed bumps in the process.

I then started to ask myself why I was so rigid to move forward. At what point, in anything that we do, is the road always paved and a guaranteed 100%?

In reflecting on this past year, I’ve witnessed that the only true 100% guarantees we can expect are that our surroundings, feelings, emotions, comfort zones, people, and material possessions will always endure change.

As I still awaited the final loan approval, with less than two weeks to close on the new home (and four-plus years of possessions to pack up in our current one), I realized how my dwindling faith had physically manifested itself into this incident. (more…)

December 20, 2010
How to Love Your Authentic Self

“You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

In our personal development-focused, life coach-dependent world, it’s all too easy to think you need to change. Not just the things you do, but who you are.

It’s one thing to invite transformation for the sake of growth, improvement, and new possibilities. It’s another thing to feel so dissatisfied with yourself that no amount of change could possibly convince you that you’re worthy and lovable.

This type of intrinsic self-loathing formed the basis of my adolescence and some of my twenties. It was like I was constantly trying to gut myself so I could replace myself with someone better.

Ironically, I won a karaoke contest in the early nineties for singing The Greatest Love of All—yet I hadn’t learned to love myself. I didn’t know the greatest love of all, or any love, really, being about as closed off as a scab.

On most days, I kept a running mental tally of all the ways I messed up—all the dumb things I said, the stupid ideas I suggested, and the inevitably unsuccessful attempts I made to make people like me. How could they when I wasn’t willing to lead the way?

I tell you this not as an after picture who can’t even remember that girl from before, but as someone who has lived this past decade taking two steps forward and one step back. For my willingness to give you this honesty, I am proud.

People are more apt to share their struggles once they feel like they’re on the other side. It’s a lot less scary so say “This is who I used to be” than “This is what I struggle with sometimes.”

But this is my truth, and I give it to you, wholeheartedly and uncensored. On a primal level, I really want to be loved and accepted, but I learn a little more every day that my own self-respect is the foundation of lasting joy. (more…)

December 19, 2010
5 Steps to Achieving Your New Years Travel Resolutions

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” ~Miriam Beard

Next year, I plan to visit two countries as part of my New Year’s “Travel Resolutions.” First is Indonesia, as I’ve always wanted to see Borobudur and, of course, Yogyakarta, center of Javenese culture.

In the second half of the year, I want to reward myself with a big overseas trip because by that time, I’m hopefully done with my master’s thesis (woo-hoo!). It’s a choice between Europe and Egypt.

I will visit at least two Philippine provinces. And since I live in Manila I want to do my part in promoting what this city has to offer. So I’m joining some guided tours and visiting museums.

To make this happen, I have set up a separate savings account without ATM access; this will hold a portion of my monthly income, automatically transferred. I will continue brown-bagging my lunch and will only eat out once a week.

I’ll be monitoring my calendar to see where I can include those short trips in and outside of Manila during a long weekend. I signed up for price alerts in several airlines and bought a couple of guidebooks. I’ll be setting aside some time to research the places that I want to go to next year and what papers I need to prepare to obtain a visa.

The key to fulfilling any New Year’s resolution is to plan ahead, make sure that it’s aligned with your personal goals, and not to just list it all down on a whim on New Year’s Eve. No wonder a lot of people end up not doing anything they put in that list.

A study spearheaded by Richard Wiseman, a psychologist at the U.K.-based University of Hertfordshire, revealed that most of the 700 people they interviewed failed to stick to their New Year’s resolutions.

Interestingly, while the study showed that the lack of willpower is one of the main reasons why people fail to keep up with their resolutions, those who managed to stick to them don’t necessarily have a stronger willpower.

According to Wiseman’s interview with the Guardian, “many of the most successful techniques involve making a plan and helping yourself stick to it.” (more…)

December 16, 2010
Mindfulness Giveaway: Win Awake at the Wheel Mindful Driving CDs

Update: This winners for this giveaway have already been chosen.Subscribe to the Tiny Buddha List to learn about future contests!

When I was twenty-one years old, I got into a series of car accidents just after getting my license.

The first time, I drove the wrong way down a one-way street. The second time I side-swiped a double-parked car trying to get around it. And the third time, I hit a Channel 7 news van while looking at printed directions in the middle of Big Dig construction madness (not my proudest moment).

In all of those instances, I was lost and harried, and because I was feeling agitated and not fully paying attention to the road, I became a danger to myself and everyone around me.

Luckily, I didn’t hurt anyone through my recklessness, but others aren’t so lucky. According to the Department of Transportation, distracted drivers kill approximately 6,000 people and injure over a half-million annually.

I rarely drive these days because I work from home, but often when I’m walking in my neighborhood, I notice drivers who remind me of my younger self.

Some of them are looking at GPS systems on their phones. Others are balancing their cells on their shoulders, while putting on lipstick or trying to scarf down fries that appear to be lodged deep down in a greasy bag.

Then there are the texters—some who hold their phone up high as to only partially take their eyes from the road, and others who seem oblivious to the risks of completely shifting their glance to their laps.

And then there’s another breed of distracted driver: the ones who are looking straight at the road or even right into your eyes but appear completely vacant. It’s like they’re there but not—engaged in a twenty-minute commute or even a twenty-hour road trip, and yet completely disconnected from the experience. (more…)

December 15, 2010
Dealing with Other People’s Road Rage & Letting Go of Anger

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

It happens all the time…

You’re driving, listening to music, just enjoying life and the feel of the road. Then a car roars past you and the driver promptly swerves and cuts you off, seemingly oblivious to anything but his own destination.

Or, you come to a full stop at a stop sign and the driver behind you lays on the horn, impatient for you to get moving. Glancing in your rear view mirror, you see him flailing his arms and punching a raised fist at you behind his windshield.

Nearly every time you hit the road you will see another driver do something either discourteous or even downright dangerous.

Many times, you are the recipient of that behavior.

If you are anything like I used to be, your first impulse will be to lay on the horn, shout a curse, or put pedal to the metal and try to pass the guy and then cut him off.

Those of you who are less aggressive may at least find yourself wishing you’d come around the next bend and see the guy’s car off the road with a flat tire—or, better yet, see the bright flashing lights of a police cruiser whose uniformed driver has pulled your new worst enemy over.

It’s so easy to get angry. Not so easy to let it go. (more…)

December 15, 2010
Let Go of Negative Feelings: 3 Ways to Watch Them Disappear

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

I’m the divorced mother of two teenage girls. Holidays are split; the girls have Thanksgiving with their dad and Christmas with me on even-numbered years, and vice versa on odd number years. It’s hard on all of us, but it has been especially hard on me this year.

This year I had Thanksgiving with my girls the weekend before Thanksgiving and asked if they wanted come over on Black Friday to set up the Christmas tree, as was the tradition before. They said sure.

I called them about ten that morning to find out when they’d be ready for me to pick them up. Well, they forgot and made plans with their grandmother to go shopping. I was devastated and in tears. So many emotions were ripping my heart apart. (more…)

December 14, 2010
Productivity and Happiness: Why Are We So Busy?

“Life is what happens when you are making other plans.” ~John Lennon

There have been times in my life when I believed all my happiness revolved around how busy I was. If I was busy, I was using time wisely. If I was busy, I was proving to myself that I was valuable. If I was busy, I was creating the possibility of a better life in the future. Any threat to my productivity was a threat to my sense of hope.

Being busy didn’t make me feel happy, but it created the illusion that I was somehow building a foundation for that feeling someday, somewhere, when I could finally slow down and be free.

Most of us are fiercely defensive of our busyness. We have processes to streamline, goals to accomplish, promotions to earn, debt to eliminate, exercise regimes to master, dreams to chase—and hopefully along the way, people to help and inspire.

We multitask, even when it means not truly being present in an activity we enjoy, and maybe even feel guilty for blocks of unplanned time in our schedules. We look for productivity hacks and apps, join forums to discuss ways to get more things done; and when we do aim to simplify our lives, even that undertaking involves a lengthy to-do list. (more…)

December 13, 2010
5 Tips To Help You To Discover Your Maximum Potential

“You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Don’t doubt yourself. You are more than enough.

You are good enough. If no one else tells you that, I will reaffirm that you are good enough to do whatever you want in life. Life is too short for you to paralyze yourself with doubts.

I used to doubt my capabilities, and I was so unhappy and frustrated with life. I tried to bury myself in self-help books to find the answers to achieve success and happiness. One book after another, I kept reading, but I had little results to show for it.

The pain became unbearable, particularly when my friends made fun of the books that I read.

But I didn’t give up. I kept on searching for answers by listening to audio books, reading books, and attending seminars by revered masters in the topic of personal development. One baby step at a time, I started to apply the knowledge I had gained.

That’s when things started to change around me. Once I started applying what I learned, I: (more…)

December 12, 2010
Starting a New Life: The Courage of a Seed

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

At lunch the other day, a new friend and I were discussing changes in our lives and how everything feels very new and different.

I remembered the most beautiful description Mark Nepo wrote in The Book of Awakening. Mark is a poet, and he sees the world through such a lovely light. His work opens my heart to images I’ve never thought about that are so compelling.

I can see the way Mark describes the process of change in my own life. He compares change to the immense bravery of a seed being forced into the ground. He describes the painful experience he imagines the seed must endure as it splits apart and becomes something entirely different.

Still deeply under the earth, the seedling struggles to find light, water, and nutrients for life. And one day, it emerges, not recognizable to those who only knew it as a seed. Yet it remembers the journey—the journey to something larger but unknown.

I, like the seed, have felt the darkness of the unknown, the claustrophobia of being in a space I did not understand, the anxiety of being in a place I did not feel I had chosen.

Without a job, without my identity in the world of business, I felt I might disappear, like the seed deep in the soil of my life. I struggled to trust my eventual transformation, feeling alone and yet filled with expectations for the future. (more…)

December 9, 2010
8 Ideas for Stress-Free, Meaningful Holiday Gift Giving

“You make a living by what you get; you make a life by what you give.” ~Unknown

There’s something magical about this time of year, and it has nothing to do with the Santas posted like soldiers at various points throughout the globe or the million volts of electricity that light up Main Streets the world over.

I’ve always loved Christmastime because the season inspires people to focus on everything that’s important in life.

The usually harried slow down just a little to stop and smell the mistletoe, while humming along to redundant Christmas songs they secretly enjoy. Fighting relatives shelf their differences to share egg nog and brandy, bonding over the shared experience of wearing atrocious holiday sweaters from Christmas gifts past.

I know holiday euphoria well. Since I always spend at least two weeks visiting my family around Christmas, the season packs double the punch—the infectious excitement of Yuletide energy and the joy that comes from sharing it with people I appreciate all the more for seeing them less.

And then there’s the gift component. People may lament the commercialization of Christmas, but there’s something about it all that appeals to me. I love watching shoppers give to the Toys for Tots stand in the mall, recognizing just how many people do good things without needing recognition or reward.

I also love the opportunity to mass-gift my family at a time when positive feelings are already heightened. Historically, I’ve devoted hours to plotting which gifts I’d give them, imagining how their eyes would light up when they opened them, like Ralphie’s teacher’s when she read his essay about wanting a Red Ryder BB gun.

It might be the least meaningful part of the holiday season, but I’ve seen a lot of loving purpose among the humming shoppers scouring the shelves for people they love. Something about the fleeting magic of it all seems to make people more mindful; after all, the holidays come but once a year and they are, in fact, for giving.

(more…)

December 7, 2010
Identifying Real Problems & Letting Go of Imagined Ones

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

We all have problems, don’t we? There isn’t a single person on this planet who doesn’t have one, even if they’re the Buddhist monk living their life peacefully. Everyone has something to overcome.

There’s nothing wrong with having a problem. Life would be pretty dull if they weren’t around, and we’d never learn anything new or grow from our mistakes.

Sometimes, though, we create problems that have no real foundations. These are the ones that can cause us the most suffering because it seems like they’re unsolvable.

I’m thinking a lot about problems at the moment because having one is integral to writing a good plot in a story. If my main character doesn’t have an obstacle, then what is she going to overcome? What will she achieve despite it? What’s going to make her act? Nothing. She’ll wander about aimlessly on the page and there won’t be any story.

However, I can’t just throw any old problem at her because it has to be tangible, plausible, and something that can be realized and tackled. Having abstract problems in this novel will lead to the story being incoherent and useless.

But isn’t this the same type of thing we face in our own lives? Aren’t the problems that seem unsolvable, the ones that make life seem senseless, the problems that mean that our own stories lead nowhere? (more…)

December 6, 2010
The Beginner’s Guide to Simple Daily Happiness

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”~Dalai Lama

Some days I wake up with rocket fuel in my veins, ready to take the day by storm. Happiness comes totally natural. But on others it can feel like I have lead weights strapped to my shoes.

Have you ever been there?

We all have.

Happiness is a practice. It’s on us to learn it.

While some days are easier to find a smile than others, happiness is a daily choice. It’s a mindset we can nurture and train. That doesn’t mean it’s there every second, but when you notice it’s missing, often the tiniest shift can put you right back on top of the world.

Life will constantly test your ability to make a lemon martini out of the sourest of lemons. So be ready. Here’s your guide.

I know that some of the below sound pretty common sense. Unfortunately common sense is not always common practice. This stuff works. (more…)

December 5, 2010
Finding Joy in the Ruins of a Crushed Dream

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Five months ago, my partner Mike and I were offered jobs as English teachers in a school in China. Excitedly, we moved everything we owned into storage, organized our passports and visas, said farewell to our loved ones, and left our home in Melbourne within a month, not to be home again for a year.

We had just started to settle in to our new home in Daqing, in the Heilongjiang province of northern China, when the unthinkable happened: I got fired.

I still don’t know exactly how it happened, but the principal had hired both of us to replace only one teacher. When he realized his mistake, he decided to just fire me. No explanation, no apology for inviting me to pack up my whole life and move to the other side of the world and then firing me after a month—not even the decency to pay me for the work I did.

Nothing.

To make matters worse, they withheld our passports after they’d been processed so that we couldn’t leave the city. We had to get the police involved in order to get them back.

This was a very confusing time for us. We didn’t know whether to stay in China for the rest of our year or just go home. But Mike still had a job with the school, and I knew that I would be giving up if we went home after only one month, so we decided stay. (more…)

December 1, 2010
Finding Strengths in Weaknesses

“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

After writing my last post for Tiny Buddha, 5 Steps to Accept your Weaknesses, I had an intense few days involving an extremely spiritually and emotionally significant relationship that has recently ended, or at least ended in one form.

I found myself sobbing so uncontrollably in my kitchen that I was choking. Each day, there seemed to be another upwelling of grief. When I saw that my beloved ex-partner was potentially interested in someone else, that grief broke through with renewed intensity. These feelings are all normal and to be expected, of course.

But I noticed that when I let full vent to my emotions, without trying to be strong or stoic, I felt better. I still felt grief and sadness, but they felt right, somehow—not like suffering, not like something I had to overcome or escape.

This started me thinking about this characteristic I have of feeling emotions—and expressing them—very intensely.

In conversations with my ex, I often stressed how much love I had inside that I had wanted to give him.

Every time I expressed this, I felt a sensation like the love inside me was pressing up against my ribcage, wanting to get out, like a trapped bird. Expressing this feeling felt right, even within the pain of the breakup.

I realized that for my whole life I have felt emotions intensely, and in relationships, even the short-lived ones, I have always given of myself 100%. Though it always hurts to not get the same reception from someone you love, I got to thinking: This characteristic I have of giving love so totally—is this a strength or a weakness? (more…)

November 30, 2010
Fostering the Right Attitude: Know Who You Are

“I urge you to try not to get hung up in the mentality that says ‘I hope I don’t lose him (or her),’ but foster the attitude that says ‘He should be appreciative of having me in his life.’”

I read these words in the midst of a downward emotional spiral, and they grounded me almost immediately.

I was fifty-three when I read Marie’s words. I was in the eighth year of my relationship with my husband and realized that I had become a shell of the woman I was when I first met him. Amidst all the compromises I’d made to keep my relationship, I had compromised myself away.

By the time I reached forty, I had experienced enough of life to know relationships work best when individuals are authentic. I’m in awe of those who discover this treasure early in life.

And, forty was a turning point for me. My mother had died at forty, my first husband at age twenty-one. So, reaching forty brought with it a dramatic realization. There was a tremendous gift in front of me—time—and I would not waste it.

I devoted an inordinate amount of time and energy in my young adult life to finding for another Mr. Right; so I decided that I would not invest any more in that endeavor. I had raised my son, cultivated a successful career, put myself through college, and had recently bought my own home.

I concluded my life was grand just as it was. I did not need someone else to complete me.

Never did, actually. That frame of mind is society’s conditioning that a single person is half of something: it’s an albatross many of us carry until we choose to lighten the load. (more…)

November 29, 2010
8 Ways to Turn Disappointment into Meaningful Success

“Don’t let today’s disappointment cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dream.” ~Unknown

Have you ever looked back on your life, exactly a year ago, and felt amazed by how much has changed?

Last year at this time, I’d only just started this site and I was competing in a blogging contest. Ignite Social Media, the marketing company behind the mood supplement SAM-e, had come up with a clever crowdsourcing campaign to generate awareness for the product.

In the beginning of the fall, they advertised a contest to win a dream blogging job. The winner would get a six-month contract to write one short daily “good mood” blog post—as well asa new laptop and $5,000 per month, totaling $30,000.

In order to win, candidates needed to get enough votes to be in the top twenty—out of close to a thousand people—and then needed to get even more votes in a second round that involved a video.

At the time, I was still collecting unemployment after being laid off earlier in the year. I was also putting all my heart into building Tiny Buddha around the ideas of wisdom and happiness and running my old blog, Seeing Good.

I knew Brigitte Dale was in the running. In case you aren’t familiar, Brigitte Dale is a popular vlogger who used to make videos for ABC Family. I wasn’t certain if I—or anyone—had a chance up against a bona fide web celeb who could clearly bring in big traffic for SAM-e. And then there was her obvious charm—even I fell in love with her watching her videos.

Still, I was going to do everything in my power to try. The judges said ultimately they would choose the winner, regardless of who had the most votes, so I reasoned that it was anyone’s opportunity to earn. (more…)

November 28, 2010
Where We Place Our Attention

“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Let’s think for a second about emptiness. Why is a cup of tea useful? For its decorations? No—it’s useful for its emptiness, for the space where we can pour tea.

When we let go of all the things that are cluttering our minds, we become like that tea cup, and we are able to use that space to focus on what matters: giving attention to people, here and now.

Society considers money, praise, and rewards important. However, attention speaks clearer than everything else. Why does attention matter? Because it is personal, and highly valuable, both in terms of quality and quantity.

Quality is about making a deep connection with the person to whom we give attention. Quantity is about time. And time is the ultimate currency.

Imagine this for a second: There is a $86,400 lottery drawing. Each one of us is automatically entered into it with no action required from our side. The odds to win this lottery are extremely slim, but someone has to win it and we did it!

On a daily basis, each of us receives a very generous prize: $86,400, wired to our private accounts for personal use, each morning.

This award comes with some restrictions: (more…)

November 25, 2010