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The Truth About Mr. S.: The Sexual Predator from My High School Band

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with accounts of sexual harassment and assault and may be triggering to some people.

“There can be a deep loneliness that comes from not having a family that has your back. I hope you can find supportive people who show up for you.” ~Laura Mohai

I feel and have felt extreme sadness, anger, isolation, and fear over several sexual harassments and assaults in my life.

The first time I was sexually assaulted I was seven. I was at a friend’s birthday pool party. My friend’s dad put his hand down my swimsuit and grabbed my …

How to Be a Lot Happier: A Simple Solution

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“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” ~Leonardo da Vinci

There’s a funny thing with us humans.

We spend our lives trying desperately to find happiness, and yet we don’t even know what it is. We can’t explain, describe, or define it. We just know that we want it because it’ll make everything peachy. Time and time again, though, studies have shown that our never-ending quest for happiness is quite often the very thing that makes us miserable.

Trying to find happiness is an exercise in futility. This is a truth I did not easily come to realize. It took a …

10 Signs You’re in a Toxic, Unhealthy Relationship and How to Help Yourself

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“Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly
the lover alone possesses his gift of love.” ~Toni Morrison

Not all relationships are created equal. Some rage in like a storm and leave you far weaker than you were before. As you try to process the wreck that is now your reality, you wonder, how did I end up here?

I found myself in a toxic and addicting relationship in my mid-late twenties. Now that some time has passed and allowed for reflection, I want to pass on some signs …

How Trauma Can Cause Mental Illness (It’s Not Just a Chemical Imbalance)

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“What seems to be clear is that we humans are an accumulation of our traumatic experiences, that each trauma contributes to our biology, and that this biology determines, to some extent, how we respond to further traumatic events as they emerge in our lives.” ~Shaili Jain

The stigma of mental health is decreasing. That’s wonderful, but the way we’re doing it is wrong and damaging. We are ignoring the trauma that is so prevalent and pervasive in our society.

Think about how many times you’ve read something equating mental illness to cancer or some other disease. People say that taking …

How My Anger Helped Me Learn to Speak Up About My Needs

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“If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness.” ~Tara Brach

This morning I received a WhatsApp message, and I found myself immediately blown into a state of fury. On the surface the message didn’t seem inflammatory or dramatic; it was a simple request from another parent asking me to do something that wasn’t convenient for me. On the surface it didn’t seem like this message warranted such …

How to Wake Up Smiling: 5 Daily Habits That Made Me a More Positive Person

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“You create your future based on your energy in the present.” ~Unknown

I’m usually a pretty happy person, but about a year ago—perhaps due to a lack of social connections and laughter—I experienced a few dark months. During those months, I spent most of my waking hours (and probably nights as well) consumed with negative thoughts.

I woke up feeling angry in the morning, continued having negative thoughts most of the day, and went to bed in that same state of mind.

Luckily, I didn’t have many opportunities to spread my negativity to others because we were in confinement.

On …

15 Things You Can’t Control and What You Can Control Instead (Free Printable!)

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This post is for anyone who stresses themselves out trying to control life. Which I’m guessing means it’s for most people.

It’s easy to convince ourselves we have power over things we don’t—as if we can force people and situations to go our way simply by trying or pushing harder.

The world would feel a lot safer if this were true. If people did what we thought was best, situations worked out as we believed they should, and nothing challenging or painful ever caught us off guard.

But some things are simply uncontrollable, and it’s exhausting and futile to obsess …

Our Creative Genius Shows Us Possibilities the Rational Mind Can’t See

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“There are moments in our lives, there are moments in a day, when we seem to see beyond the usual. Such are the moments of our greatest happiness. Such are the moments of our greatest wisdom.”  ~Robert Henri, The Art Spirit

In my twenties, I worked for a Fortune 500 company at 401 North Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago. It was fun to work in the city, and my office overlooked Lake Michigan—I never got tired of the stunning view. Weekends were spent with friends eating at unique ethnic restaurants and visiting comedy clubs, blues bars, art galleries, museums, and …

How My Narcissist Ex Was a Catalyst to My Healing and Self-Love

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“It’s okay to let go of those who couldn’t love you. Those who didn’t know how to. Those who failed to even try. It’s okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead. You’re outgrowing them because you’re growing into you. And that’s more than okay, that’s something to celebrate.” ~Angelica Moone

I thought I had married the love of my life. I had never felt a connection so strong before. I was sure he was my soul mate, and I thoroughly believed he was my twin flame—my one and only.

I …

We Are Allowed to Age: Why I Don’t Care That I Look Old

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“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” ~African Proverb

It is just past ten in the morning on a Tuesday.

My wet boardshorts and blue tank top are drying at lightning speed in the sweltering South Indian sun.

I am feeling alive and exhilarated after my surf session in the surreal blue, bathtub-warm Arabian Sea.

Surfing waves consistently has been my goal for the past two years, and I’m doing it. Which is pretty awesome considering that I never thought I would surf again.

The trauma and fear from a surfing accident ten years ago, …

How I Healed from Childhood Trauma and Stopped Sabotaging My Happiness

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“We can all make powerful choices. We can all take back control by not blaming chance, fate, or anyone else for our outcome. It’s within our ability to cause everything to change. Rather than letting past hurtful experiences sap our energy and sabotage our success, we can use them to fuel positive, constructive change.” ~Darren Hardy

I parked my car and began to walk toward the mall while covering my puffy eyes with black sunglasses. I was fresh out of a session with my therapist, where I had hit a breaking point. We both came to the conclusion that I …

How to Get Comfortable Being Alone and Get the Most Out of Solitude

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“The act of sitting down is an act of revolution. By sitting down, you stop that state of being: losing yourself, not being yourself. And when you sit down, you connect to yourself. And you don’t need an iPhone or a computer to do that. You just need to sit down mindfully and breathe in mindfully.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

The day my ex-wife moved out was also the day when our dog moved out and when I was laid off from my bankrupt ex-company. It felt like everything around me had suddenly died. Many of our common friends and loved …

How I Found Peace and Self-Love After a Toxic Relationship

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“Bravery is leaving a toxic relationship and knowing that you deserve better.” ~Unknown

When my marriage ended, it left a huge void that I desperately needed to fill, and quickly.

Along with my divorce came the unbearable feelings of rejection and being unlovable. To avoid these feelings, fill the void, and distract myself, I turned to dating. And it turns out, it was much too soon.

What seemed like a harmless distraction soon became what I needed to feel wanted and loved. This was a way to avoid doing the harder work of learning to love myself instead of needing …

Does It All Feel Too Hard? Tiny Buddha’s Inner Strength Journal Can Help

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Do you ever feel like calling into the day? And I don’t just mean work. I mean everything. I mean turning it all off for a while. Freezing the full gamut of this messy human experience—the regrets, the fears, the adulting, the drama. The constant onslaught of anxiety-inducing news and personal problems to face.

When everyone needs you and everything worries you and nothing helps you feel better, it’s tempting to disconnect. To numb out, shut down, or give up.

But we can’t, at least not for long. And really, that’s not what we want. Or at least, that’s not …

Why Many of Us Chase Big Dreams and End Up Feeling Dissatisfied

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“A dream written down with a date becomes a GOAL. A goal broken down into steps becomes a PLAN. A plan backed by ACTION makes your dreams come true.” ~Greg Reid

We all have dreams, some of them really big. And if we are serious about achieving these dreams, the next logical step is to set a goal, make a plan, and start taking action.

But we are missing out on one very important step in the dream-creating journey.

This step is one that has taken me, personally, two decades to come to realize. And my first clue came from …

30 Self-Care Tips: How to Avoid Sickness, Burnout, and Exhaustion

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“Remember, you are your own best investment. Invest in yourself and your lifestyle. Quality of life is a key component in finding joy and maintaining self-confidence.” ~Akiroq Brost

Do you ever sacrifice your own well-being to take care of others? If this sounds like you, chances are you are doing more harm than good.

Think about when you get on an airplane. What’s the first thing they tell you?

“In case of a loss of cabin pressure, please put your own oxygen mask on first and then assist your children or other passengers.”

They tell you this because if …

How a Dance Class Brought Me Back to Life When I Was at My Lowest

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“When it’s time for something new, you will feel it. You will feel a desire to let go, to shed layers, to move, to re-create. You will know because there will be subtle shifts all around you. You will release the old because you are really clearing the path for what’s ahead. Trust the process.” ~Brianna Wiest

I landed myself in the ER three days short of my twenty-fifth birthday, due to a mental health crisis.

It was January, always a difficult month for me. The holiday season tends to be stressful, and I’d recently visited my parents back home, …

The Childhood Wounds We All Carry and How to Heal Our Pain

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“As traumatized children, we always dreamed that someone would come and save us. We never dreamed that it would, in fact, be ourselves as adults.” ~Alice Little

Like most people, I used to run away from my pain.

I did it in lots of different and creative ways.

I would starve myself and only focus on what I could and couldn’t eat based on calories.

I would make bad choices for myself and then struggle with the consequences, not realizing that I had made any choice at all. It all just seemed like bad luck. Really bad luck.

Or I …

How I Turned My Disability into Desirability with a Simple Perspective Change

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“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities.” ~Terry Josephson 

I was affected by the deadly poliovirus when I was six months old. Most people infected with it die. Even today, there is no cure for it. I miraculously survived, but lost my ability to walk.

During the first twenty years of my life, I evolved through crawling on the floor, lifting my leg with my hands, wearing prosthetics, using canes, and finally learning to walk, painfully, with crutches. As I grew up, I experienced post-polio syndrome, which weakened the other parts of my body.…

When You Strongly Disagree with Someone: How to Find Common Ground

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“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” ~Pema Chodron

I was recently having dinner with a group of friends, and I casually mentioned that I’ve been making more effort in my life to help prevent climate change.

Across the table, someone looked straight at me and said, “You know human-induced climate change isn’t real, right?”

I was shocked because I’ve known this person for years and we’ve always agreed on important topics in the past. I immediately shot back with, “Umm, yes it is!” and proceeded to tell him exactly why he was …