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On Learning to Set Priorities

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“Living with the immediacy of death helps you sort out your priorities in life. It helps you to live a less trivial life.” ~Sogyal Rinpoche

Sitting in the ICU waiting rooms during recent months waiting to visit Mama, my life slowed down more than I can remember in recent memory. I had a lot of time to think about what I’ve done with my life in recent years.

Many things that seemed important at the time all of sudden seemed trivial. I realized how much my life had gotten out of control. I wasn’t a drug addict or alcoholic, …

4 Ways to Use Envy for Growth and Personal Gain

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“To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is: a dissatisfaction with self.” ~Joan Didion

I like to think of myself as a realist. I realize it sounds good to recommend fighting envy with gratitude. As in, “Don’t dwell on what you don’t have—just count your blessings!”

I recognize that this is a wise suggestion and that we’d all be happy if we could just focus of the abundance in front of us.

But I also realize this isn’t a complete solution.

We’re wired for look for two things in life:

  • Solutions to problems—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and professionally
…

On Catching Thoughts Before They Become Emotional Reactions

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“I am not what happens to me. I choose who I become.” ~Carl Jung

Recently I experienced a big shock, the kind that most of us don’t encounter very often.

I was with a friend when I discovered evidence of a physical disaster near my home. I did not, at that time, know any of the details, nor did I know what kind of impact it might have on my own life.

Now, normally, I am a person who likes, even needs, to process my emotional impact verbally. In other words, I really like to talk things out. (What else …

7 Tips to Travel Well on the Road and In Life

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“It is better to travel well than to arrive.” ~Buddha

I have this thing about road trips. I love them, can’t get enough of them. I could never step on another airplane for as long as I live and be perfectly fine with that—but I love having all the experiences that can only happen on the road.

Like my mom and I sleeping in our car in the parking lot of a closed motel on our way to Sedona, Arizona. We foolishly decided to forego the hotel strip outside of Phoenix and look for something more “quaint”—until, at three in …

On Making the Unreasonable Possible

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“You can do what’s reasonable or you can decide what’s possible.” ~Unknown

When I was in grade school  my teacher had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up. Honestly, at the time I had no idea.

I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to be but I knew I wanted to be doing something important, so I jotted down careers that, in my young mind, equaled success: doctor, lawyer, dolphin trainer, firefighter, astronaut etc.

Then life happened and all of a sudden I was twenty-four, working for the man, and in a serious relationship that …

Live Your Life Out Loud: 30 Ways to Get Started

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“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I will tell you, I came to live out LOUD.” ~Émile Zola

1. Live your life on purpose.

Not on “default.” Be Proactive. Make conscious and deliberate choices. When you don’t choose, circumstances choose for you and you are never leading: you are following or catching up—or worse, living in “default” mode.

2. Utilize your full potential.

Give what you’re doing your best and fullest attention. Be here now. Even if you’re not where you want to be, giving it half your effort doesn’t move you forward. Master …

Forget Yourself

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“When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.” ~Sue Patton Theole

Whether you’re talking to your mother or your coworker, odds are you don’t always give your complete attention, without formulating thoughts of your own. Even the most Zen person sometimes waits to talk instead of really listening.

It happens all the time.

As your sister recounts her afternoon and the hassle she encountered at the DMV, you feel the temptation to interrupt and one-up her—your afternoon was even crazier.

While your boyfriend tells you about his interview, you half-listen and half prepare your …

8 Ways to Stay Present & Focused in a Tech-Driven World

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“Be present. It is the only thing that matters.” ~Peaceful Warrior

Technology pervades our world. From cell phones and laptops to iPods and digital cameras, the average person owns an arsenal of gadgets that, in many ways, simplify life.

You can increase your productivity, connect with people quickly, and access information instantaneously—while documenting your every move via tweets and photos to upload to Twitpic or Facebook.

Which begs the question: At what point does technology stop enhancing life and start detracting from it?

When you feel tied to your phone and enslaved by your email, can you pull away, …

On Creating Positive Energy for Positive Change

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“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

You experience and create all kinds of different energies that affect how you feel and what you accomplish throughout your day. Some energies are powerful and easily recognizable, while others are more subtle and often only intuitively felt. I believe it is fair to say that everything is, in a sense, energy.

The things you say, the things you think, the things you do—even the things you don’t do—all produce energy that impacts you and the people around …

What Holds People Back from Doing What They Want

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“More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin.” ~Unknown

I’ve spoken with a number of people recently who are doing something that is “just okay” with their lives but who really want to be doing something else. They feel an urgency to break free and go for it, even though they haven’t defined “it.”

I think a lot of people, if not currently there, understand this. It’s in our nature to move toward greater expression. When we’re not moving in a forward direction, we question ourselves, wondering what we’re doing with our lives—and what we’re waiting …

Look Longer

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“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for a minute?” ~Henry David Thoreau

You’re riding on the subway, immersed in a book. You’re running in the park, lost in your iPod. You’re waiting in line at Starbucks, fixated on the menu.

Sometimes we act like we’re completely alone, even when  surrounded by lots of people. It’s like we’re following an unspoken rule that suggests we shouldn’t look at each other, at least not for too long.

It happens all the time…

You suddenly make eye contact with someone you don’t know and …

Accepting Blame and Asking for Forgiveness

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“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” ~Kimberly Howard

As a kid I was quite often “lĂ„ngsur.” LĂ„ngsur is a Swedish expression for being grumpy for a long time. Every time someone was mean to me, I sulked for hours, even days. This became quite tedious at times, especially since as soon as I became happy again, some new event triggered me to sulk again.

You get the picture.

I simply had such a hard time forgiving people.

It went the other way too. I found it hard to admit that something was my fault. At least out loud. Inside, …

On Learning to Cope with Conflict

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“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

I fell apart a couple of years ago, unable to cope with the strain I was under—a change in my lifestyle, loss of job security, a less-than-perfect relationship with a parent, bereavement, a painful physical injury, and slowly, through all of that, the blossoming of serious mental illness.

All the while, right up until this month in fact, I’ve been thinking and wishing: “I want all of this to go away, to have never been.”

I shut myself away—terrified of people’s …

7 Ways to Get Past Tough Situations Quickly

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“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.” -Charles Swindoll

One day everything seems great in your world—maybe not perfect, but overall things are going to plan. And then something happens.

You lose your job, or someone you love, or your home, or maybe even your health.

It isn’t fair. You don’t deserve it. You didn’t see it coming. You didn’t plan for it. You have so many feelings and frustrations you don’t know what to do first, or if you want to do anything at all.

It would be easier to sit around …

How to Let Go and Embrace an Uncertain Future

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“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

I used to love uncertainty. I wandered my way all around this country with little more than a suitcase and a journal. Committing to anything felt limiting, suffocating even.

One day I realized it wasn’t enlightenment that pushed me to embrace the unknown; it was a paralyzing fear of creating something certain. You can’t disappoint people when you don’t form relationships with them, and you can’t fail when you never start.

One day I decided to do the scariest …

Stop Doing

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“The only Zen you find on tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.” ~Robert M. Persig

We live in a fast-paced, achievement-oriented society. At the end of a busy, to-do-list-focused day, we often find ourselves mentally and physically exhausted and uncertain whether we’re actually moving in the right direction in “the pursuit of happiness.”

Perhaps this explains our fascination with all things Zen. It’s become a buzzword in pop culture, branding products that have little to do with peace and enlightenment—and oftentimes, represent ideas that are diametrically opposed.

Zen Dharma Teacher Rev. Lynn “Jnana” Sipe takes an …

On Getting Started When You Don’t Feel Ready

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“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

A few months ago I challenged myself with Adventure Boot Camp. I thought, “What would be more challenging than waking up at five in the morning and working out with a group of ladies for an hour, four days a week?”

And I have to say, it was tough! I couldn’t walk for three days.

But as the days progressed and my muscles acclimated, it occurred to me: I’m someone who can roll out of bed at  five in …

5 Pieces of Advice That Aren’t Cliches

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“It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted.” ~Aeschylus

Earlier this year I got some feedback from the ‘tween magazine I wrote for: “It sounds like good advice, but kids probably won’t do any of that.”

In my head it all sounded logical but I didn’t consider whether I’d have taken that advice as a kid. Or now, for that matter.

People do it all the time: look at a situation from a removed, non-emotional place and hurl suggestions that are far easier said than done. And sometimes, just plain unrealistic.

I’ve listed five …

5 Ways to Let Go of Resistance

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“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently I was on a phone call with Brad Yates. Although I know this to be true, when he said it, it made me reflect again. He said (and I’m paraphrasing):

“To the extent that we are not living our lives exactly as we want—with the love and friendships we want, the abundance we want, and the happiness we are seeking—it’s to that extent we are resisting it.”

It’s that word again: resistance. What does it mean? What do we do

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10 Tips to Balance Self-Interest & Sacrifice for a Wonderful Life

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“It’s really important to be able to receive love and receive compassion. It is as important as being able to give it.” ~Pema Chodron

Yesterday morning two of the correspondents on the news in Boston (where I’m home for the holidays) had an interesting conversation about the classic It’s a Wonderful Life.

One of them said he’s not a big fan of the movie, which instilled a sense of complete outrage in me.

How dare he take George Bailey’s name in vain! It’s such an inspirational film! From saving Harry’s life to finding Zuzu’s petals, every scene gets my …