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I’m Kelly and I’m a Heroine Addict: Why I Get My Fix from Fixing People

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“Self-will means believing that you alone have all the answers. Letting go of self-will means becoming willing to hold still, be open, and wait for guidance for yourself.”―Robin Norwood, Author of Women Who Love Too Much

My drug of choice is not the kind of heroin one shoots in their veins. My drug is the kind of heroine that ends with an e—the feminine version of hero.

When I help someone, and they are grateful for the gifts I offer, my brain fizzes with a cocktail of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, resulting in a “helper’s high” I ride …

Eating Too Much While Working from Home? How to Solve Emotional Snacking

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“We eat the way we eat because we are afraid to feel what we feel.” ~Geneen Roth

Sometimes I feel like asking me, a recovering overeater, to work from home is as unreasonable as hoping a sex addict will pen a report from the lobby of a brothel.

Snarky email? Feel annoyed. Get Penguin bar from cupboard.

Meeting over? Feel relief at no longer being on camera. Eat Wagon Wheel from cupboard.

Worked hard today? Need a reward. Wait, who ate all the kids’ lunchbox treats? Never mind, people, all good: I found the cheese.

This was me when …

20 Powerful Quotes to Help You Deal with Difficult Relationships

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Relationships are never easy, especially relationships with family.

Some people seem to always push our buttons, making it hard not to react emotionally. Others trigger our deepest wounds, leaving us questioning our worth or sanity. And sometimes, without even realizing it, we’re the ones creating unnecessary conflict and drama.

We take things personally that aren’t really about us, assume the worst in people and act accordingly, and fight to be heard and understood while refusing to hear or understand the other person.

I know I’ve done all these things before, and I always wish later I’d responded more skillfully. With …

Two Exciting Updates (Including a FREE Life-Changing Event Next Week)

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Hi friends! I’m thrilled to share that Suzanne from Generation Mindful is hosting a FREE online event from January 2nd-4th—the Reparent Yourself Online Summit.

I’ve been a huge fan of Generation Mindful since I had my two sons. I only felt comfortable having children after discovering that it’s possible to parent without shame, pain, or fear—and that this is actually the key to raising confident, emotionally resilient children.

Since then, I’ve devoured everything I can find on positive parenting, and Generation Mindful has been a lifesaver during those challenging moments when I’m feeling emotionally triggered …

The 3 Ms That Help Me Cope with Seasonal Depression

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“The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” ~Carl Jung

My two-year-old son looked up at me with his big, blue, beautiful eyes.

He wanted me to play. I took a toy car in my hand and rolled it along the wooden living room floor we were both sitting on, making an enthusiastic VROOM as I did it. He smiled. He appreciated my effort at sound effects.

The streetlights standing on the road outside our living room window were already glowing warmly, even though it was barely 4:30 p.m. and the sky was …

The Major Aha Moment That Helped Me Stop Fixating on Fixing Myself

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“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~Maya Angelou

My newest friend ended our three-month-long friendship on a July day when I’d just returned from a dreadful summer vacation. Her Dear Jane email read, “It’s not you, it’s me.” The lever had been pulled, I was dumped, and I thought, “Ha!” I’d spent the last three months trying to help her fix her problems. I knew she had more problems than me.

But then an anxious, obsessive thought loop began. What did it really mean? How could it not be about me?

This wasn’t the first …

Mindful Forgiveness: 4 Steps to Unlock the Healing Power of Your Mind

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“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

The key to healing is learning to let go of negative thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness will allow you to be aware of your thoughts and feelings; forgiveness will help in letting them go.

Simple as it is in theory, putting it into practice may be harder.

Mindfulness, being aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment, is not that difficult. But the trick is to do it amidst …

5 Surefire Signs You Grew Up with an Emotionally Immature Parent

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“There’s no such thing as a ‘bad kid’—just angry, hurt, tired, scared, confused, impulsive ones expressing their feelings and needs the only way they know how. We owe it to every single one of them to always remember that.” ~Dr. Jessica Stephens 

All children look up to their parents from the moment they enter this world. They have this beautiful, pure, unconditional love pouring out of them. Parents are on a pedestal. They are the ones who know what’s best! They are the grownups showing us how to do life!

We don’t think for one moment that they could be …

How I Reframed Letting Go So I Could Move on from My Painful Past

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We are truly free when we let go of the thought that the past could or should have been any different than it was. This is so hard.

The challenge is born from our desperate need to validate our feelings and experiences. It often feels like we are invalidating ourselves if we let go of the thought that the past should have been different. We have been through hell, experienced things most people don’t know about, and it initially feels so devastating to think of just letting it go like it never happened. Where is the justice in that?

I …

7 Books for Your Holiday Gift List (and Enter Win a Free MacBook Air)

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Hi friends! I imagine many of you, like me, are still finishing up your holiday shopping, and what better present to give someone than the gift of insight, peace, joy, and healing? The seven books below are some of my recent favorites, and I’m sure they’d be a wonderful addition to your loved ones’ libraries—or your own!

All for Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space by Matt Kahn

It makes my heart so happy to see that Matt Kahn’s All for Love is a #1 bestseller because I truly believe the world would be a better place if we …

The Agony of Anxious Attachment and How to Attract Better Relationships

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“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene

There are four attachment styles including anxious, avoidant, anxious/avoidant, and secure.

Attachment theory teaches us that the way in which we attach ourselves to our romantic partner mimics the relationship we had with our primary caregivers growing up.

So, if you were like me and had parents who were not physically or emotionally present, you grew up feeling a void within yourself and always worrying if you were lovable. Because …

When People Are Mean and Refuse to Admit It or Apologize

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“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” ~Robert Brault

I’ve always tried to distance myself from people who are rude, overly aggressive, and mean. But sometimes we become tied to people who might not have our best interests at heart.

One summer I became involved with a coworker who was at a bad spot in his life. I thought I could help him through this tough time, but just like a swimmer drowning in a pool, he grabbed on and ended up drowning me when I reached out and tried to save him.

After …

If You Really Want to Change the World: 4 Ways to Be Kind

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

I’ve now reached the age in my life when every so often, I get an email or text informing me that someone I know has died. Some of the people who have passed away have been former supervisors or teachers from high school. Others have been the parents of friends or elderly members of my church.

At one time, the news that someone had died was shocking to me. Now it’s nearly a …

How I’ve Redefined Success Since ‘Failing’ by Traditional Standards

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“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~Christopher Reeve

When I was a child, I wanted to save the world. My mom found me crying in my bedroom one day. She asked what was wrong, and I said, “I haven’t done anything yet!” I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could try to make a difference.

At fourteen, I joined a youth group that supported adults with disabilities. We hosted dances and ran a buddy program. I helped with projects at state institutions and left saddened by the conditions for the residents. I planned to work at a state …

Why Trauma Doesn’t Always Make Us Stronger (and What Does)

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“Literally every person is messed up, so pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it.” ~Hannah Marbach

You’ve probably heard this before: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” A beautiful saying, based on what Nietzsche wrote in one of his books (Twilight of the Idols). It always makes me feel like life can’t go anywhere but up. Forward and up.

According to Nietzsche, suffering can be taken as an opportunity to build strength. No matter the pain, sickness, or trauma you experience, you will come out stronger for it—as long as you take the …

What Most People Get Wrong About Singles and 6 Messages You Might Need

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“In a world that treats a forty-one-year-old single woman like a teenager who didn’t get asked to prom, I think it’s extremely important to recognize the unique wisdom of a solitary life—a wisdom that develops slowly over many years, that is fundamentally different from that of, say, the person who was between boyfriends for a year when she was twenty-six.” ~Sara Eckel

I was twenty-three and had just told a woman I was casually dating that I’d never been in a long-term committed relationship.

Her response was this: “Wow, really? I mean, you’re attractive, so why haven’t you?”

Having spent …

A Gentle Reminder to Anyone Who’s Struggling This Holiday Season

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“It’s okay to want to be alone. It’s okay to take time for yourself.” ~Kate Allan

It’s the holiday season, the most wonderful time of the year, they say, but it’s not for all of us. For those of us coping with the loss of a loved one, family estrangement, loneliness, financial difficulties, or health struggles, the holidays can be one of the hardest times of the year.

For some of us the holidays can feel as if we have been cast out in the cold. As if we are forced to look through a window of a happy, …

How I Knew It Was Emotional Abuse: The Subtle Signs I Almost Missed

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“I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you’re strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t.” ~Tiffany Tomiko

A few weeks after breaking up from what I thought was a loving relationship that in reality was sliding into an emotionally abusive one, I had a dream.

In it, I was hiding from a group of dangerous people, but could see the footsteps of one of them coming toward me. Suddenly they saw me, and I pleaded to them, “Please, don’t kill me,” and they turned and left. When I emerged, I could see the victims all …

How I Got Sober and What I Now Know About the Impacts of Alcohol

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“Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you’ll never be again.” ~Anonymous

May 13th, 2011. I finally surrendered to the fact that I had a drinking problem and desperately needed help. The comments from acquaintances, the concern from friends, the complaints from my flatmates, the intensity of my depression, the conversations with my therapist—they all culminated in the decision that I had to break the chains from my liquid abuser.

It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, one that entailed waving goodbye to the life that I had led before and diving into a …

4 Things I Needed to Accept to Let Go and Heal After Trauma

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post references sexual abuse and may be triggered to some people.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

My family immigrated to the U.S. from India when I was sixteen. Being Indian, my traditional family expected me to have an arranged marriage.

At twenty-two, as a graduate music student, I fell in love with an American man. When my family found out about our secret relationship, they took me back to India and …