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How to Comfort the Grieving Without Saying “Sorry for Your Loss”

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“Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.” ~Buddha

“I’m sorry for your loss” is a perfectly acceptable response
if I’ve told you I’ve lost my phone. In that instance, I can appreciate the sentiment, empathy, and authenticity of the phrase. It’s my loss and my loss alone. I know you can put yourself in my shoes and internalize what it would feel like to be without this critical device and, as such, the words carry weight.

When I tell you my parents are dead, though? Maybe not …

What Forgiveness Really Means and Why It’s the Ultimate Freedom

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I used to loathe the word “forgiveness.”

What it meant to me was that someone could hurt me, lie to me, or even abuse me, say “sorry,” and I was supposed to pretend like nothing happened. If I didn’t, they would say to me, “I thought you were a forgiving person,” or “What? I already said I was sorry.”

It felt awful, outside and inside.

I had one relationship that I knew very well wasn’t good for me and I wanted out of, but my misunderstanding of what the word “forgiveness” meant kept me stuck there for a very long …

5 Hidden Fears That May Be Secretly Sabotaging Your Life

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“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.” ~Robert Tew

I like to say I don’t regret much in life, because I know I’ve always done the best I could and have learned from every experience. But I’d be lying if I said I haven’t considered what my life might be like now if I’d overcome certain fears sooner.

For years I shut people out because I feared I might ruin relationships if I opened myself up to them. And there was a good reason for that—I’d damaged many relationships in the …

Embracing Aging: I Want to Be Shiny from the Inside

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“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Yesterday my son called me from college and asked about my day. I told him about my morning, which entailed celebrating my friend’s birthday with her daughter.

My friend passed away almost two years ago. Her daughter reached out to me a couple weeks ago and asked if I would share my morning with her to honor her mom. What a privilege and honor. Hands down YES to that.

The celebration was full of smiles, laughs, tea, stories, tears, yoga mats, birds, fresh …

The Tremendous Pain and Beauty of Letting Things Die

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“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ~Joseph Campbell

My husband Jake and I sit in anguish on our beautiful new linen couch, inches away from each other, yet worlds apart. Hours of arguing have left us at another impasse, the stalemate now a decade long.

I look around in despair at the beautiful life we built together, petrified by the decision I know I have to make. My partner, my friends, the country I live in, the ground beneath my feet—all on the brink of collapse.

I stare at the ceiling in heartache. What will …

6 Reasons We Ignore Our Needs and How to Stop

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“If you feel that you are missing out on fulfillment and happiness, but cannot put your finger on why, perhaps there is something deeper going on. Believe it or not, anyone can develop an unconscious habit of self-deprivation. Usually, this habit begins in childhood.” ~Mike Bundrant

For all my adolescence and over a decade of my adult life, I was what men (and I’m guessing some female friends as well) would refer to as “emotionally needy.” And some did. To my face. With a sense of condescension and judgment.

They were right. I was clingy, insecure, and fragile. I needed …

How My Wellness Passion Was Actually Destroying My Health

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“Your body holds deep wisdom. Trust in it. Learn from it. Nourish it. Watch your life transform and be healthy.” ~Bella Bleue

It didn’t fit. I zipped, tugged, and shimmied, but the zipper wouldn’t budge. I was twenty-three, it was my college graduation, and the dress I had bought a month ago would not zip.

As I stood there crying in the mirror, riddled with exhaustion, anxiety, vulnerability, and sheer overwhelm, I wondered what was happening to my body. In just one month I had gained thirty pounds. I was having one to three panic attacks a day. Everything …

Are You Paying Attention to the Beauty of this World?

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“’I got saved by the beauty of the world,’ she said to me. And the beauty of the world was honored in the devotion of her attention. Nothing less than the beauty of the world has become more present, more redemptive, for more of us in the encounter with her poetry.” ~Krista Tippett, on interviewing poet Mary Oliver

The act of paying attention seems rather simple. Simply being aware of life happening all around us. And yet most of us are what we might call asleep at the wheel. We perform daily tasks and engage ourselves in human interactions without …

Embracing Equality: How to Stop Putting People on Pedestals

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“The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often also political, nationalistic, racial, religious, and other collective identifications. None of these is you.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Growing up in a patriarchal and hierarchical society, I learned to see certain people as superior to me and therefore placed them on pedestals: teachers, authority figures, managers
 This behavior transformed me into a quite reserved, almost submissive version of myself, in contrast to my outspoken feminist persona outside of …

How to Start Speaking Up: Find Your Voice and Be Heard

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“Your voice is the most potent magic in existence.” ~Michael Bassey Johnson

In a noisy, crowded world, in a culture that promotes service to others and putting others’ needs before our own, how do we find the courage to share our own voice?

I’ll admit, I’m still navigating this journey. There are times when a writer can write from a place of knowing. A place where they feel like they have something figured out and want to share it with the world. This is not one of those times.

This is a sharing of information from a place where I …

Finding Happiness When Your Big Dreams Didn’t Come True

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“Everyone who gives up a serious childhood dream—of becoming an artist, a doctor, an engineer, an athlete—lives the rest of their life with a sense of loss, with nagging what-ifs.” ~Glenn Kurtz

Childhood dreams are a funny thing, aren’t they?

Our adolescent years are filled with nearly unlimited imagination of what we can achieve growing up. Some people become doctors, presidents, and professional athletes, so why can’t we? It just depends on hard work and occasional lucky breaks to get where you want.

Reality slowly starts to set in as you grow into your teenage and adult years. Maybe those …

4 Things You Need to Know About Your Hurting Inner Child

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“She held herself until the sobs of the child inside subsided entirely. I love you, she told herself. It will all be okay.” ~H. Raven Rose

The first time I heard about inner child work was in a random article I found on the internet.

It caught my attention because I was struggling to develop loving and compassionate feelings toward myself. Although I understood the role of limiting beliefs and unhealthy habits in my healing process and how to overcome them, I couldn’t feel love and empathy for myself.

Most of the time, I was either very harsh toward myself …

The Powerful Realizations That Helped Me Heal from Chronic Illness

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“No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do.” ~Dr. Paul David Tripp

Living with chronic illness can seem like an insurmountable challenge. I felt completely broken and helpless. Amidst my tumultuous journey, I found that mindset is critical to restore vitality.

For years I dealt with debilitating fatigue, severe joint pain, vertigo, loss of balance, and sleepless nights. I pleaded for help over and over, usually in tears. Oftentimes, people blamed my physical symptoms on my mental health. “You need to get more sleep.” “You are probably …

What Toxic Shame Feels Like: 9 People Share Their Experiences

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“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” ~Carl Rogers

My heart races as I raise my hand, eager to contribute yet terrified of the attention it brings. When the teacher picks me, the entire classroom turns toward me, putting me in the spotlight. I feel exposed. Shame floods over me like hot lava, twisting my stomach into knots and flushing my face with heat. I try desperately to stop it, but the throbbing intensity only grows. 

I mutter words I can barely comprehend, feeling like a stranger in my own

…

Insights and Advice from a Former People-Pleaser

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“I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” ~Herbert Bayard Swope

In December 2023, my people-pleasing ways were spiralling out of control.

I found myself experiencing extreme levels of stress in my muggle job, which involves supporting a senior team and helping run a business. I would be on high alert, overly sensitive to any perceived criticism, and unable to relax and get out of my head. A classic chronic stress response.

One night I realized: I’m trying so hard to please so …

How to Get to the Amazing Life on the Other Side of Your Fears

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“As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others!” ~Marianne Williamson

Have you ever felt trapped by fear, unable to break free from the shackles of insecurity and doubt? It’s a shared experience that often holds us back from living authentically and pursuing our true passions.

Fear comes in many forms—fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown. Yet, at its core, fear is a prison of our own making, constructed from limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.

But what if I told you that confronting your fears could lead to liberation? What if

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3 Simple Words to Help You Feel Present, Grounded, and Nourished

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“The little things? They’re not little.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

Remember Halloween, 2018? No? We wouldn’t, either, except that it happens to be the day our mindfulness journey—and our lives—changed forever.

First, some background. We (Deborah and Willow) met when our boys played on the same fifth-grade soccer team. We connected quickly through our shared love of books, writing, dogs, hiking, and strong coffee.

Something else we had in common: We were both failed meditators. To be honest, we were a bit embarrassed that we couldn’t make a mindfulness practice stick.

Thank Goodness We WEREN’T Paying Attention 

Now, back to the story. …

How I Broke Free from My Toxic Need to Achieve

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“If it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.” ~ Ivan Nuru

“Honey, we’re gonna call you an ambulance.”

The woman on the other end of the phone at the hospital call center sounded stern as I lay on my bathroom floor in my robe, writhing in pain, barely able to speak.

I never knew you could hyperventilate from pain, I remember thinking.

It was December, and I’d just returned home from a stressful international work trip with jet lag and exhaustion as my souvenirs. The sensitive, introverted parts of myself I normally shoved under the …

Hope for the Grieving: You Will Make It Through

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“No darkness lasts forever. And even there, there are stars.” ~Ursula K. Le Guin (the Farthest Shore)

Everyone with a close relationship with their mother has felt it at some time or other or expects to feel it in the future. That dreaded moment when you will have to say goodbye to them. For some of us, it happens early in life, through illness, a parting of the ways, or other transitions; for me, it began in my mid-fifties, and even though I had plenty of time to ponder it, I wasn’t prepared.

I was always very close

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How to Find Tiny Miracles, Even During Hard Times

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“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~Albert Einstein

In my cancer journey, miracles showed themselves every step of the way.  Large and small, some of more significance than others. But all amazing, leading me to heartfelt gratitude for each and every one.

In my most trying times, I held on to the focus of what was going right. I was putting into practice my learnings from positive psychology. That’s not to say I wasn’t terrified of my cancer diagnosis …

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