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The Stage of Grief You’ve Never Heard of But May Be Stuck In

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“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Since I was a little girl I have believed in the power of wishes. I’ve never missed a first star, a dandelion plume, or load of hay (load of hay, load of hay, make a wish and turn away) to express to the universe my deepest desires.

When I was fifteen and my dad was at the end stages of cancer, I …

The Most Powerful Way to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships

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“The heart is like a garden: it can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there?” ~Jack Kornfield

I was all set to float effortlessly through life on a cloud of peace. I was trained mediator, had a Masters Degree in Peace Education, led workshops on constructively managing conflicts, and had a lifelong interest in creating interpersonal understanding. Yet, here I was, ready to wring his neck.

I’ve found it’s always easier to help others solve their conflicts than it is to deal with your own—there’s none of that pesky “emotional intensity” or “personal baggage” …

Learning to Speak Up: You Deserve to Meet Your Needs

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“Ask for what you want. Give other people the opportunity to say ‘yes.’ Stop saying ‘no’ for them. “ ~Roger Ellerton

I never realized until very recently exactly how hard it’s been for me to speak up for my needs. To ask for what I require and want. I honestly don’t know how I’ve navigated through life.

Let me rephrase that: I’ve managed life by being very passive, ignoring my own desires. Then that small grain of resentment would build into frustration, and I would explode.

I became a fiery and angry woman. I expressed my needs in a destructive …

How to Stop Hurting When You Feel Like You’ve Been Wronged

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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” ~Christine Mason Miller

Several months ago my partner’s father (we’ll call him D) verbally attacked me. A couple weeks later it happened again, except this time it was more aggressive and more personal.

When I calmly told him that his behavior was unacceptable, he became angry and spent the next several months using every tool in his vast arsenal to put space between my partner and me.

And for a while it worked.

Suddenly I found myself constantly obsessed over …

The Benefits of Flying Solo: Why I Took Time to Myself After My Breakup

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“Don’t let past relationships ruin your future happiness. Scars remind us of where we’ve been, not where we are going.” ~Unknown

I believe that the breakdown of relationships can lead to some of the most powerful lessons we learn in life.

When someone who we’ve been close to suddenly steps out of our lives, it can leave a huge emotional void. It can conjure up feelings of loneliness, vulnerability, anger, sadness, fear, and hurt, and the natural reaction is to go on a desperate mission to fill that void.

My relationship recently broke down. It was my choice, and though …

How Forgiveness Enables Us to Stop Hurting Ourselves

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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

I was planning a seminar event with one of my good friends. (Let’s call her “Randi.”) It was a great match; she had event planning and design expertise, and great energy in front of an audience. I understood the structure of such an event, and I authored much of the content.

It was a powerful presentation and we were going to be a great team bringing the material to life. We spent months putting the seminar together: rehearsing, setting the date, booking the …

6 Secrets to Moving On From Serious Struggles

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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown

People who knew me ten years ago would probably expect me to be dead now. They wouldn’t expect me to have escaped my problems. They wouldn’t expect me to have stopped drinking, drugging, taking overdoses, and cutting my arms.

People who knew me ten years ago saw a scared shell of a girl, terrified of her own shadow and on a mission to self-destruct. They wouldn’t expect me to have turned my life around completely. They certainly wouldn’t expect me to …

Letting Go of Labels and Being Happy in This Moment

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“Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~Byron Katie

I was watching my go-to show, the one I turn to when I need a pick-me-up or peace, Super Soul Sunday. It’s the episode with Adyashanti, the spiritual teacher and author of Falling into Grace.

During the show, he said something so profound that it made me have what Oprah calls an AH-HA moment, so I ran to get my computer to put it into words!

I think Oprah was paraphrasing for him when she said, “When you tell a child a …

4 Faulty Beliefs That Cause You to Push Yourself and Do Too Much

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“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John De Paola

Do you ever work past the point where you know it’s time to stop? Where your body, heart, and soul are saying, “Ah, enough already,” only you can’t hear them because your mind is pushing you on?

And have you ever pushed to such an extent you become physically and/or mentally sick?

My hand is raised.

Working hard and pushing the boundaries can be stimulating and rewarding; the problem comes when there’s an imbalance for extended periods.

Meditation and silence are increasingly advocated …

Overcoming Excuses and Believing in What You Can Do

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“Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” ~Mark Victor Hansen

I still remember how I felt crossing the finish line after my first 10K race. I was elated. I felt like I could conquer anything.

I realize that for all you marathon runners, 10K may not seem like a big deal. But for me, it was monumental. Up until the two years prior to running my first race, the only running I did was in gym class (and only after trying anything I could think of to get out of …

Embracing Change When It Challenges Your Identity

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“The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” ~Ralph Blum

During the worst years of my life, yoga saved me.

My life was a wreck. I was working seventy to eighty hours a week at a job that took everything from me and made me a monster. My relationship was disintegrating. I was hopped up on espresso shots and sugar. I paraded myself as the self-appointed queen of happy hour.

But the hour a week I spent on my mat put it all into perspective.

That single hour turned into several, and somewhere, somehow, …

A Simple Way to Avoid Hurting Other People

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“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” ~Dalai Lama

The most straightforward advice I can suggest to make real concrete changes in your life is to practice causing no harm to anyone—yourself or others.

Try it for a day. Or two. How about a week? You will probably find that it’s harder than you think. Before you know it, someone has triggered you, and either directly or indirectly, you’ve caused harm.

I am a successful psychotherapist and conscious woman, and I’m also committed to transparency. No more hiding behind the therapist’s veil for me. The one that …

How to Create a Happy Future by Accepting the Present

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“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Imagine if every night you wrote the script for your tomorrow.

You’d tuck it under your pillow and when you woke up, it would begin unfolding just like you envisioned.

The man or woman of your dreams would appear in the Whole Foods aisle you were perusing.

A check for a million dollars would show up in your mailbox, with a note reading “have fun.”

Your friends and family would call you to tell you how great life …

When You Think You Need to Know More to Be Good Enough

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“All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne

I’m constantly looking for answers—in books, in yoga classes, in meditation. Everywhere I go I meet people, new and old, and I’m constantly asking questions. I thrive on learning new opinions, spiritualities, lessons, and facts. Relentlessly, I’m always searching for more.

Aren’t we all looking for the answers?

How am I going to leave the position that I’ve held for most of my life and start a new job, in a new company? Raise our first child (or puppy!)? Take care of our aging parents? Start teaching yoga …

Let Go of Regret by Making a Promise to Yourself

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“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

Regret can be such a paralyzing emotion, yet it is also universal. At some point in our lives, in one way or another, we each wrestle with regret.

Regret seems to rear its ugly head most when it comes to relationships. It happens when a relationship ends and we feel as if we could have done something more. This feeling intensifies when the other person decides that a second chance is not worth the fight. Most of all, we face with regret once it sets in that the past …

Learn to Love Yourself by Doing Something Good for Yourself

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~BrenĂ©Brown 

I was happiest when I didn’t know my weight, and that was ironically when I was at my heaviest, which was in high school.

I was slow to take on the self-loathing and body image issues that plague so many young kids. I rarely felt bad about myself, partly because I had a loving family and a …

More Is Not Always Better: Being Grateful for What Is

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“It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratitude that makes us joyful.” ~David Rast

Every New Years Eve I make a list of resolutions that I never keep up with and it just makes me feel guilty every time I don’t. Lose ten pounds, get more involved, go to the gym, develop better relationships.

Every year I aspire to be more, do more, get more, never living within the present moment.

My stress to do more comes into play in every aspect of my life. The stress of joining more clubs comes from the competitive environment of …

60 Things to Be Grateful For In Life

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“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” ~Cynthia Ozick

How often do you pause to appreciate what you have in life?

When I was young, I took things for granted. I believe many other kids did so, as well. After all, we were young and we didn’t know what life could be like on the other side.

One thing we took for granted was education. In my country, it’s compulsory for all kids to go to school, so it was a given. We never thought about how lucky we were to be educated.…

Using Your Monkey Mind to Redirect Negative Thoughts

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“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I grew up in what I like to call The Box of Daughter: a rigid structure of rules about values, beliefs, thinking, feeling, and behaving, set forth for me by super-religious parents who grew up in boxes of their own.

For a large part of my life, my thinking bounced around within the confines of that box—worrying the old worries, thinking the old thoughts, feeling the old pain, and acting out pretty much the same compulsions time after time—stuck in ever-repeating loops of monkey …

Now is Not Forever: Weathering Uncomfortable Feelings

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“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~Alan Watts

I recently found myself ruminating about a difficult situation at my new workplace. Considering my high-flying, achievement-oriented personality, the recipe for my malcontent was predictable: A supervisor had disagreed with me, and I left work that day feeling melodramatic and like I wanted to quit
 that day.

I thought, “I am so misunderstood. No one ‘gets’ what I am doing. I am not cut out for teamwork. Why do I hate working so much? I thought …