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Letting Go of the Lies That Make Us Feel Bad About Ourselves

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“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Duer Miller

The man who I thought was my soul mate walked out on me fourteen years ago. He immediately remarried a lovely, beautiful woman who was everything I was not.

I am desperate to fall in love. I’m thirty-eight. I want a baby. I want a relationship. I feel alone.

A year ago, I fell unexpectedly in love with my photographer. Yes, star-struck romantics, it was just like the movies. Shy, awkward woman gets pictures taken for her brand-building website, and she is completely unraveled by his boyish …

3 Keys to Feeling Happy, No Matter What Happens

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“Look at what you’ve got and make the best of it. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” ~Proverb.

The year 2013 was the happiest of my life.

Not because it was the most perfect or problem free year. In reality it was as messy, sad, and as difficult as any previous year.

In October I looked at the last correspondence between my biological father and me for the first time since his suicide years before. I felt as devastated as the day he died. Healing is a much longer journey than I’d imagined.

Around …

Being True to Ourselves and Forgetting What Other People Think

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“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker

The day that I realized that I was trapped inside of my life was an ordinary day. I woke up, dressed myself, drove to work, and applied makeup to my assigned actors and actresses. It was a groundhog day filled with my usual routine as an entertainment makeup artist.

I settled into my chair on set and watched as the director directed and the cameramen captured the scenes on tape.

The vibration from my …

How Pain from the Past Can Be a Gift in the Present

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“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

Don’t hate your past. No matter what it contained or what it did to you, the past shapes who you are, not just for the things you felt damaged you but for the lessons you can take from it.

I love working with the people I call the world shakers. They’re the people who want to make a difference in the world so that they leave it in a slightly better way than they …

How to Really Live Instead of Merely Existing

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“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

“Come here and take Dora out to get some milk.”

With those simple words, I knew my father’s time was short. Not a man to ask for help, I knew that milk was just an excuse to get me to come to his side.

My father was a gruff, angry, bitter man who had sealed himself off from nearly everyone. I spoke with him at 7:00 am every Saturday morning for fifteen years. In those conversations he complained about …

How to Wake up Every Morning on Top of The World

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“You get peace of mind not by thinking about it or imagining it, but by quietening and relaxing the restless mind.” ~Remez Sasson

What’s the first thought that goes through your head when you wake up in the morning? Is it deliberate, or is it the default “Oh shi#$, it’s 6:00!”?

If that’s how you start your day, then it’s likely your day will be filled with anxiety and stress. It’s not exactly the most productive mechanism for getting things done.

Questions are quite powerful if used in the right way.

25 Ways to Be Good for Someone Else

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“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown

When I was a teenager, right around the time I knew everything, my mother used to tell me I only remembered the bad things.

When I told stories about my family, they didn’t revolve around family beach trips, barbecues, and vacations; they focused on painful memories and all the ways I felt my childhood had damaged me.

The same applied to friends and milestones in my life. I chronically remembered and rehashed the worst experiences.

In fact, straight through college I followed up every introductory handshake with a dramatic …

How to Start Feeling Confident, Worthy, and “Enough”

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“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

Low self-esteem is like a garden weed. Uproot it while it’s small, or face the consequences of an unruly mess down the road.

Its true, I have gone to extreme lengths to supplement my low self-esteem. Hair colors, tattoos, new hobbies, new jobs, moving in, moving out. I was always waiting for there to be “enough.”

Enough what? Enough things where I could rest, feel satisfied, and be “equal” to everyone else. However, even though I often got what I wanted, …

3 Vital Lessons on Living a Life That Won’t Lead to Regret

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“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brene Brown

Even though I’m a psychologist who has been working in the field of development and assessment for the last thirteen years, sometimes it still takes more than reading a theory in a book, or even seeing something work with a client, to make it real for me.

Here are three of the moments that have had the most impact on me and the way I live my life.

1. Each of us has the power to

…

How to Stop Limiting Yourself and Feel Fully Alive

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“You can only grow if you’re willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” ~Brian Tracy

I like my comfort zone and I hate it. It’s safe, but if I stay there too long it starts to feel like a cage. No wild creature is happy in a cage, and we’re all wild creatures at heart.

Sure, we like the reliability of being well fed, clothed, safe, and loved. It’s my theory though (formed just this second) that we are meant to hunt, to seek, to struggle, to engage with a world that offers no guarantees.

Like …

Why It Doesn’t Pay to Put Wealth Above Health (and 3 Tips to Get Fit)

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“Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” ~The Dalai Lama

It was three in the morning. The mean, destructive words that someone had said to me back in high school were replaying in my mind like …

How to Change a Life and Make the World a Kinder Place

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“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~John Holmes

Have you ever been stressed and cranky and having a terrible day when someone was unexpectedly kind to you?

When this happens, it lifts your mood and changes your state of mind. You want to hold on to that feeling of goodwill. Maybe even pass it on.

Everyday Kindness

The Dalai Lama said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

It is always possible, but it isn’t always easy. Sometimes acts of kindness for people in our lives can be more difficult …

Why It’s Okay to Be Self-Centered Sometimes

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“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.”  ~Herman Melville

I grew up with a faith that encouraged personal sacrifice for others. Putting myself before others or desiring what they lacked was sinful. So there I was, during my teenage years, trying to be a saint, completely unselfish when thinking or interacting with others.

I must admit that I was always in the equation.

If I gave advice to others, I did it for them but also for the good feeling of improving their lives. If I helped someone else solve their math …

Reclaim Your Power: Stop Waiting for Other People to Make You Happy

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou

My knees hit the pavement, unable to hold me up as I watched my entire life purpose drive away.

I had put my entire heart and soul into that relationship. I had sacrificed everything—my family, my friends, my career, my hobbies. And now I had nothing. What had gone wrong?

I lay there for a while, quite convinced that the pain and unhappiness was going to be the end of me. I wallowed in the misery of it all.

Then something touched my face. I brushed it …

Dare to Stand Out: 3 Ways to Let Your Unique Self Shine

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“If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness, and, therefore, your excellence.” ~Unknown

I can remember many times in my life when I was afraid to stand out.

When listening to a lecture or panel discussion at school, I always had questions to ask, but the moment I finally raised my hand, my heart would start palpitating and gravity would force my arm down.

The same thing happened in business meetings. I struggled to articulate my ideas, although I was sure they could have brought some …

Why We Stay Busy When We’re Not and The Benefits of Doing Nothing

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“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~Lao Tzu

How many times in a day do you tell yourself you are busy and have too much to do? In a week? In a month?

How many of those times are you actually busy doing “nothing”? You know the “nothing” that I am talking about—the nothing that means you are watching hours of mindless TV, roaming the internet, or playing a game that you can’t seem to tear yourself away from on your smartphone.

I’ve been there and done that, and I still do it sometimes. I know what …

Lessons from Hiking: 5 Ways to Live with Less Stress and More Joy

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“The experienced mountain climber is not intimidated by the mountain. He is inspired.” ~William Arthur Ward

I like to hike in the mountains. It is such an amazing relief from the day-to-day stress of my position as a healthcare executive.

Hiking settles my mind and puts the drama of my job aside. I am fifty-nine and have had my share of experiences, but I never feel more at peace and complete than I do on a trail in the mountains

I spent a week hiking with family in Maine this past summer. I was halfway through a certified coach training …

A Message for Anyone Who’s Been Abused and Has Kept It Inside

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TRIGGER WARNING: This content deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson

My uncle molested me from the time I was about four until I was in my early twenties. He held me too long and hugged me too tight. He would growl in my ear like an animal in heat, his warm, wet, often alcoholic smelling breath overwhelming me.

This is how he greeted me at every occasion. When I was really …

What All Great Relationships Have in Common

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“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years.

And before those ten years, we were college sweethearts and had been dating for over six.

When you know someone for that long, someone whom you are deeply and madly in love with, something funny happens:

Your collective thoughts, actions, and words become so tightly intertwined that you walk around believing you are one person.

As a result, you feel ten times taller. Like you can do anything. …

Think Like a 5-Year-Old to Start Living the Life of Your Dreams

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“Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.” ~Unknown

A little over a year ago, my brother and I decided to write a book together. At the ages of nineteen and twenty-nine, this was a really scary thing for us.

Neither of us considered ourselves “good writers,” and we especially didn’t think highly enough of our writing to imagine that we’d ever write a book.

I made C’s on most of my papers in high school and college and, quite frankly, my confidence in my writing was pretty low.

Each time I tried to sit down and write even a two-to-five-page paper, …