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How Our Addiction to Struggle Holds Us Back

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“Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.” ~Chuang Tzu

Do you feel, on some level, that your life is hard work? That you need to struggle in order to improve things in your world? Do you feel that you even need to struggle to reach a desired goal, to overcome adversity before achieving something worthy?

Our addiction to struggle is an impediment to us feeling the joy of quiet and the now, the place from which subtle and natural development can occur.

This addiction to struggling—the addiction to striving, always trying to achieve—used to hold me back from experiencing …

Why Life Is More Joyful When We Let Go of “Good” and “Bad”

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“Love is the absence of judgment.” ~Dalai Lama

If judgment is the act of labeling something as good or bad, then it seems we humans do it thousands of times a day. Those of us on a spiritual path even label judgment as a bad thing. We know that pain comes from judgment, but it’s such a part of our culture that there seems to be no way around it.

The Dalai Lama says, “Love is the absence of judgment.” And if that’s true, how do we get there?

From the time I wake up and ask myself if I …

We Have the Power to Choose

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“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne Dyer

When I was twelve years old I returned from a weekend at my aunt’s house, with my mom, to find my father dead in bed. I remember my mom’s screams causing many of our neighbors to come over to see what had happened.

The experience shut me down. I don’t know how else to put it. My father was young: fifty-three years old. It was a huge shock to everyone.

Apparently, he was too proud to get a pacemaker. He died of a heart …

How to Deal with Regret: 8 Ways to Benefit and Move Forward

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“Stay away from what might have been and look at what can be.” ~Marsha Petrie Sue

When I look back at some of the most painful moments of my life, I see myself sitting alone, feeling either immense shame or regret.

It’s bizarre how we can get so offended and angry when other people hurt us, and yet repeatedly choose to torture ourselves, far worse than they possibly could, through repeated mental rehashing.

For the longest time, my biggest regret revolved around missing out on life.

From a distance, people always thought I had everything going for me. Up close, …

Why Self-Compassion Is the Key to Being Our Authentic Selves

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I was raised in a family where outward appearance and reputation were important. Standing out was only encouraged if it was within the bounds of what was considered “normal.”

No one ever explicitly told me, “What other people think of you is more important than being your true self,” yet that’s what I learned to believe. It became my mission to be accepted by others, because I thought that only then would I be worthy of love.…

6 Ways to Triumph Over Self-Pity and Defeat Self-Loathing

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“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

Glancing at the ceiling, I waited for the prick as the nurse began to draw blood from my vein.

My mother, patiently sitting in the chair next to my hospital bed, looked at me with comforting and hopeful eyes. This was not the way we had envisioned spending our Saturday.

My mom and stepdad had drove hours up from home for the first time to visit my college for parents’ weekend.

I had spent the past weeks planning activities and college …

Simple Ways to Improve Our Relationships, Starting Today

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“My experience is that the teachers we need most are the people we’re living with right now.” ~Byron Katie

I never had a good relationship with my father when I was younger.

Sometimes he expressed his opinions in a rude way, sounding more like an attack than advice.

Many times he apologized after being rude, but I was too cold to forgive or listen.

The years passed, and I never made an effort to improve our relationship. It felt easier to deal with my mother. She was the one I always went to when I needed something, had a question, …

4 Lessons on Conquering Fear and Living the Life You Want to Live

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” ~Marianne Williamson

After lying on my apartment floor for an hour, I walked over to the mirror, leaned in, and looked into my eyes.  This was the moment I came face to face with the truth: I was afraid to stand up and be who I wanted to be in this …

Rediscover The Beauty Of Life Instead of Just Getting By

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“If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

As kids, we are beings of wonder. Spending hours inspecting blades of grass, hoping to discover lady beetles, rocking fairy wings or a cape at the shops because we feel like it, laughing for the silliest reasons, and finding unadulterated happiness in special treats, our favorite cartoon, or a game of hide and seek.

As teenagers, we often become too cool to find joy in the simplest things but still manage it hanging out with friends, falling in love …

5 Ways to Get Energized and Motivated When You Feel Lazy

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“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

Although laziness is common and a natural part of life, it has the potential to completely consume us.

I personally have times where laziness causes me to feel trapped. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to shake it off. I feel tired, fall asleep constantly during the day, sit around a lot and feel unable to be active, avoid doing anything productive, and put on hold things that I want to accomplish.

I believe there are two kinds of laziness. First, there’s …

Keep Your Eye on the Prize to Find the Courage to Keep Going

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“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt 

I will never forget June 20, 1999.

I experienced many firsts on that day: leaving my family behind, traveling by plane, and being surrounded by people talking a different language.

But that day wasn’t exceptional for those reasons alone; it also put me on a path of independence and self-discovery that has treated me well ever since.

My dream was simple in my teens: to live abroad and speak a foreign language.

I wanted this because of the …

Practice, Persevere, and Trust That You’re Making Progress

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“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~Johann Von Goethe

I am on a journey of trust. It’s been about trusting my body, knowing that it can take care of itself without the control of my mind.

For three and a half years, my body and mind have been enemies and I have been trying so hard, and knowingly, too hard, to get back to where I was at seventeen.

It all began when I had an episode of hyperventilation in January 2010, when I heard that my Granny, who was terminally ill, had just …

Live by Your Values and Everything Else Will Fall into Place

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“Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have.” ~Doris Mortman

As I sit here writing this, I am still in the middle of a huge shift in my life, a shift that has seen me move from living by other people’s values and expectations to identifying and living by my own.

The catalyst for change was a health scare when, on my thirtieth birthday, my doctor told me that I may have cervical cancer. Luckily, I got the all clear, but something had shifted and I realized how dissatisfied with my …

Conscious Choices We Need to Make to Attract Healthy Relationships

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“When you have a choice to make and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.” ~William James

I have been single for most of my life; sometimes it would seem by choice, and sometimes not. In that time, I have learned and experienced a lot. Some of the things I had thought I wanted changed, and some of the things I thought I didn’t want have become things I do.

Over the years I have tried various forms of meeting people, including the “bar method,” online dating, and approaching random strangers in public places. It’s not that I …

You Don’t Have to Let Your Anxious Thoughts Control You

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“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

As a child, anxious thoughts stopped me from doing a lot of stuff, so I missed out on sleepovers, parties, and scout camps some of the time.

Anxiety whispered in my ear that it was always better to avoid, and so it became easy to convince myself I didn’t really want to do whatever was on offer. I now recognize those thoughts and don’t let them influence my choices.

I remember as a teenager I went to a carvery …

Go Do: Let Go of the Past and Future and Live in the Present

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“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” ~Einstein

“Go do, you’ll learn to just let yourself fall into landslide. Go do, you’ll learn to just let yourself give into low tide. Go do!”~Jonsi

I recently heard from a friend whom I had not heard from in over two years. He sent me an email just to check in and see how I was doing, congratulate me on my recent marriage, which he had heard about, and let me know that he had faced some hardship over the past couple of years.

He had …

Sharing Yourself Without Worrying About Being Accepted

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“Happiness is really a deep harmonious inner satisfaction and approval.” ~Francis Wilshire

Acceptance.

This is a word we often toss around, but what does it truly mean? Perhaps the meaning of it ultimately resides within its beholder. I know I have certainly achieved my own understanding of what acceptance means to me and for me, and so far, this definition is ever evolving.

On November 6, 2013, I returned to the United States after having lived in Australia for two and a half years. I spent the majority of my time there studying and practicing yoga and teaching yoga and …

You Are Good Enough and You Have Nothing to Prove

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou

I sat on a big, cold stone on the beach next to Lake Ontario and watched as the waves lapped upon the shore.

To my right, there were swans and ducks floating on the water. The swans were graceful and beautiful as they glided along the shoreline, and the ducks were being their usual kooky selves.

It always made me laugh to watch them dive underwater, kick their webbed feet in the air, and wag their feathered bums back and forth. They were so natural, so unaware …

How to Know What You’re Really Feeling So You Can Feel Better

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“The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.” ~Unknown

Throughout my life, I thought of myself as someone who felt too much. I was very gregarious and could easily be consumed by moments of joy and celebration. But when I was alone, I could be overtaken by angry, self-destructive voices that would dominate my mind.

By senior year of high school, I was spending many hours of the day crying, and had taken to pinching and punching myself until I was black and blue.

I felt I needed …

Dealing and Healing After Loss: 9 Tips to Help You Get Through the Day

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“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you don’t know where to start, start anywhere. I keep telling myself that every time I am stuck.

Well, I’ve been a widow for year and a half, and I am twenty-four years old. Maybe that’s the way to start here.

My husband had cancer. We tried to enjoy the time before his passing as best we could, so he would die with memories, not dreams. And I guess that the fact that he died content is quite an accomplishment in our relationship.

But it doesn’t change …