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3 Tiny Phrases That Can Help You Solve Big Problems

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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” ~Chris Mason Miller

I was faced with an impossible problem, so like all the great thinkers throughout history, I shut myself in the bathroom and vowed not to come out until I had solved the problem.

It had plagued me for two-and-a-half years, and for seven years—the length of time during I’d lost my voice for and had suffered from chronic tendonitis respectively.

Such was the consequence of an obsessive guitar habit, one that saw me practicing up to fourteen …

Releasing the Need for Certainty and Trusting Our Decisions

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“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

If you’re like me, you’re hard on yourself—and I mean hard.

You analyze your decisions and try to somehow calculate the results of your actions to feel a sense of certainty. Little did you know that searching for the certainty causes all of your insides to do flips and only causes more uneasiness.

What I always wonder is where did the need to know come from? I remember being a free spirit with no worries as a child (as …

Why We Don’t Need to Try So Hard to Be Happy

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“Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.” ~Chuang-Tse

Everywhere we turn these days we seem to be bombarded by it.

TV commercials try to lure you into buying their products on the promise they will give you it. Magazines scream it from the front pages via sultry images and sexy block titles. Gossip magazines practically have a mission statement that fame will guarantee it. Corporations equate money with it.

So what exactly is it? What’s this one common denominator that seems to be a worldwide obsession? Happiness!

There are thousands upon thousands of articles, seminars, webinars, TV …

When You’re Anxious to Finish: Being Patient with Your Passions

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“Patience is passion tamed.”~Lyman Abbott

It was 2:13am. My skin stuck to the bed sheets as I realized I was lying awake, listening to my belabored heartbeat. This was the first physical anxiety attack I had ever experienced—one that I hope won’t be repeated. And it happened only two nights ago.

Apparently, the past two years have been more intense than I realized. It’s quite obvious, really, when you see that I’ve failed to write much, for Tiny Buddha or my own blog, in that time.

I wish I could say that I’ve been too busy accomplishing goals, or …

Releasing Pressure and Expectations to Make Room for Life

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“For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.” ~ThĂ­ch Nhat HáșĄnh

My husband and I bought our first house two years ago. Expecting a child and excited to move on to the next stage in our lives, we listed all of the ways we would make the house perfect.

As first-time homeowners and parents, we assumed this list was manageable. Surely the house could be painted in a weekend! Of course we can get work done while the baby naps!

Indeed, it seemed manageable and, therefore, (to me) mandatory.

To …

How to Reach Your Goals Faster: A Simple Technique to Try Today

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“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and focus on what could go right.” ~Unknown

I used to think that getting to a goal only required tangible action. It was a simple equation:

  • Study hard in high school = getting admission to a good university.
  • Or, diet + exercise = losing weight.

Yet, life is not always that straightforward. It’s not always just about physical action.

Just a few years ago, when I was building my first business, there was something getting in my way, something that had nothing to do with the physical action I took. It was …

How to Overcome the Pain of Rejection

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“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker 

Hearing this word probably makes you think of not being good enough or not reaching certain standards. As unpleasant as it is, rejection is part of life, and my life is no exception.

From being the last to be chosen to join the volleyball team to receiving a college admissions response in the dreaded “thin envelope,” I quickly learned that not everybody thought the highest of me.

As years went by and I took …

When Things Go Right: Dealing with Success with Humility

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“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.” ~Herman Melville

Recently I experienced a triumph in my career. The details are not important and frankly, many people might even consider it a trivial accomplishment, but it was important to me.

Usually when things go our way there are two ways someone might react: humility or boasting. I decided to try something completely different.

Boasting isn’t really part of who I am. Raised to be humble, take praise with many grains of salt, I play down accomplishments. But, this course never seems to get …

Find Happiness Now Instead of Chasing It in the Future

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“You can only grow if you’re willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” ~Brian Tracy

I found myself at a crossroads last year. I had reached the end of my time in college, and I had no post-graduation commitments.

I was working at the time on my applications to medical school, as I have wanted to become a doctor for a long time. However, I knew that medical schools are inundated with qualified applicants every year, but only have a few seats to offer. Thus, my vision of myself as a doctor still seemed to be …

How to Turn Pain into Strength and Wisdom

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“The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.” ~Unknown

Some would say that when it rains, it pours—a fitting statement for the events that have recently taken place in my life.

In mid-September my life took an unexpected turn. My wife, to whom I had been married for only four months (having been together for six years prior), had been acting strangely toward me.

She was suffering from fits of depression that would range from her sobbing on the couch to sitting by the fireplace, drinking heavily while listening to songs that would make your heart …

The Best Way to Help Someone Who’s Grieving (Including Yourself)

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“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson

Yesterday marked the second anniversary of my stepmother passing away. I still remember that day vividly; I remember going to work like it was any other day, mulling over life, and then making my journey back home from work. As I walked into my apartment building …

The Stage of Grief You’ve Never Heard of But May Be Stuck In

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“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Since I was a little girl I have believed in the power of wishes. I’ve never missed a first star, a dandelion plume, or load of hay (load of hay, load of hay, make a wish and turn away) to express to the universe my deepest desires.

When I was fifteen and my dad was at the end stages of cancer, I …

The Most Powerful Way to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships

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“The heart is like a garden: it can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there?” ~Jack Kornfield

I was all set to float effortlessly through life on a cloud of peace. I was trained mediator, had a Masters Degree in Peace Education, led workshops on constructively managing conflicts, and had a lifelong interest in creating interpersonal understanding. Yet, here I was, ready to wring his neck.

I’ve found it’s always easier to help others solve their conflicts than it is to deal with your own—there’s none of that pesky “emotional intensity” or “personal baggage” …

Learning to Speak Up: You Deserve to Meet Your Needs

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“Ask for what you want. Give other people the opportunity to say ‘yes.’ Stop saying ‘no’ for them. “ ~Roger Ellerton

I never realized until very recently exactly how hard it’s been for me to speak up for my needs. To ask for what I require and want. I honestly don’t know how I’ve navigated through life.

Let me rephrase that: I’ve managed life by being very passive, ignoring my own desires. Then that small grain of resentment would build into frustration, and I would explode.

I became a fiery and angry woman. I expressed my needs in a destructive …

How to Stop Hurting When You Feel Like You’ve Been Wronged

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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” ~Christine Mason Miller

Several months ago my partner’s father (we’ll call him D) verbally attacked me. A couple weeks later it happened again, except this time it was more aggressive and more personal.

When I calmly told him that his behavior was unacceptable, he became angry and spent the next several months using every tool in his vast arsenal to put space between my partner and me.

And for a while it worked.

Suddenly I found myself constantly obsessed over …

The Benefits of Flying Solo: Why I Took Time to Myself After My Breakup

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“Don’t let past relationships ruin your future happiness. Scars remind us of where we’ve been, not where we are going.” ~Unknown

I believe that the breakdown of relationships can lead to some of the most powerful lessons we learn in life.

When someone who we’ve been close to suddenly steps out of our lives, it can leave a huge emotional void. It can conjure up feelings of loneliness, vulnerability, anger, sadness, fear, and hurt, and the natural reaction is to go on a desperate mission to fill that void.

My relationship recently broke down. It was my choice, and though …

How Forgiveness Enables Us to Stop Hurting Ourselves

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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

I was planning a seminar event with one of my good friends. (Let’s call her “Randi.”) It was a great match; she had event planning and design expertise, and great energy in front of an audience. I understood the structure of such an event, and I authored much of the content.

It was a powerful presentation and we were going to be a great team bringing the material to life. We spent months putting the seminar together: rehearsing, setting the date, booking the …

6 Secrets to Moving On From Serious Struggles

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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown

People who knew me ten years ago would probably expect me to be dead now. They wouldn’t expect me to have escaped my problems. They wouldn’t expect me to have stopped drinking, drugging, taking overdoses, and cutting my arms.

People who knew me ten years ago saw a scared shell of a girl, terrified of her own shadow and on a mission to self-destruct. They wouldn’t expect me to have turned my life around completely. They certainly wouldn’t expect me to …

Letting Go of Labels and Being Happy in This Moment

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“Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~Byron Katie

I was watching my go-to show, the one I turn to when I need a pick-me-up or peace, Super Soul Sunday. It’s the episode with Adyashanti, the spiritual teacher and author of Falling into Grace.

During the show, he said something so profound that it made me have what Oprah calls an AH-HA moment, so I ran to get my computer to put it into words!

I think Oprah was paraphrasing for him when she said, “When you tell a child a …

4 Faulty Beliefs That Cause You to Push Yourself and Do Too Much

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“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John De Paola

Do you ever work past the point where you know it’s time to stop? Where your body, heart, and soul are saying, “Ah, enough already,” only you can’t hear them because your mind is pushing you on?

And have you ever pushed to such an extent you become physically and/or mentally sick?

My hand is raised.

Working hard and pushing the boundaries can be stimulating and rewarding; the problem comes when there’s an imbalance for extended periods.

Meditation and silence are increasingly advocated …