Menu

Category “Blog”

Let Go of Who You Think Should Be and Become Who You Want to Be

By

“Do not become a stranger to yourself by blending in with everyone else.” ~Dodinsky

I spent many decades of my life trying to be person I was expected to be.

It was partly the kind of expectations our parents impose on us, but also those from society, combined with the worst ones of all: the expectations I had put on myself.

For example, the story of who “I should be” had told me that:

  • I had to be a hard worker, a great student, and an overachiever.
  • I had to be responsible.
  • I had to be serious.
  • I had to
…

Being Kind to Others Is Being Kind to Yourself

By

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~John Holmes

I moved to Vermont to work at a ski lodge the day after I turned twenty-two.

I had finished college six months earlier; September 11th had made finding a “real” job in my field pretty much impossible, and I was ready for adventure.

Somehow I had been hired to be the head waitress in the lodge’s basement eatery, where we served family-style meals every single morning and six nights a week.

I had no waitressing experience whatsoever; I’m pretty sure I was …

The Difference Between True Love and Love Addiction

By

“We often say ‘love’ when we really mean, and are acting out, an addiction—a sterile, ingrown dependency relationship, with another person serving as the object of our need for security.” ~Stanton Peele

When I was sixteen, I fell in love. At least I thought I did. I had all the symptoms—quickened pulse, butterflies, and a head so full of him that all my pain and all my problems magically disappeared when we were together.

I called this love.

And why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t any young girl? Isn’t that what love is—when you can’t live without each other, when you …

5 Questions to Ask Yourself If You’re in a Toxic Relationship

By

“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” ~Henry Ford

A few days ago, a close friend called me and asked for advice on whether he should end a toxic relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He still loved her as a human being, but he felt that she was using him for her own personal needs, such as a ride from the airport, and did not truly care about his well-being.

I thought back to my most recent relationship challenge.

A while back, I moved in with a group of close friends, after breaking up with …

How to End the Persistent Feeling of Emptiness

By

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~Buddha

Admit it…

Emptiness has taken over.

You think back to those exciting days when you had so much energy. You remember that burning feeling of raw energy deep down in your stomach. That shiver of excitement running through your body. When life was just alive with positive emotions running wild. It was incredible.

And you can’t help but think…

Where has it gone? How did I lose it? Will it ever come back?

You think if you keep moving, everything …

You Have Value (and You Can Be Happy) Regardless of Your Relationship Status

By

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

Relationships give us the opportunity to learn about ourselves though identifying with another. I’ll be the first one to admit that some of my relationships didn’t end on ideal terms. I’ve managed to stay in touch with a few partners over the years, but for the most part, they’ve fallen to the wayside.

Here’s how most of them played out: The initial phase was intoxicating, I was completely enamored with the other person, and likewise, they made me feel like the object of their …

There Is No Expert on You

By

“Believe nothing no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” ~Buddha

Sometimes it seems to me that we are collectively obsessed with expert advice.

In some cases, it makes sense to consult an authority.

When you’re planning for retirement, it’s smart to seek out a financial planner. When you’re starting a business, by all means, sit down with someone who’s done what you aspire to do. And when your dog gets sick, it’s probably smart to call your veterinarian instead of …

Rediscovering Yourself and Rebuilding Your Life After Loss

By

“He who sits in the house of grief will eventually sit in the garden.” ~Hafiz

My life has fallen apart around me.

I ended a five-year relationship with a man I thought I wanted to marry, quit a full-time office job with no further prospects, and moved back to my tiny hometown to live with my parents.

All of these transitions occurred within the same week.

I was twenty when I met my boyfriend, and he was twenty-eight. We spent every waking moment together, dating for four-and-a-half years and living together for two. This time was punctuated with moments of …

10 Things to Remember When You’re Struggling and Feel Stuck

By

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.” ~Buddha

I have always been ambitious, hardworking, dedicated, and driven, but I have also made some serious mistakes in my life.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do early on in my career, so I pursued several options in college. By the time I was finished with graduate school I had five Master’s degrees, but still wasn’t sure which career path to take.

I decided to get a job in accounting since that career paid well. I didn’t …

The Key to Loving Yourself, Other People, and Life

By

“Has it ever occurred to you that you can only love when you are alone?” ~Anthony De Mello

I was sitting in my therapist’s waiting room when I looked over at an assortment of books sitting on the coffee table. One caught my attention right away: The Way to Love, by Anthony de Mello.

“This looks like something I should read right about now.” I giggled a little with that thought.

I was, after all, sitting in a psychotherapist’s waiting room because he was the only thing keeping me from a nervous breakdown. My marriage was falling apart and …

Release Stress Through Mindfulness: 4 Steps to Emotional Freedom

By

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” ~William James

I’ve been meditating for many years, but there are still days when I feel like it’s something I need to tick off my to-do list.

On some days, particularly when I’m in the middle of a big project, it can feel hard to put even ten minutes aside for meditating. The driven voice in my head tries to convince me that this practice of pausing and connecting with presence is a waste of time.

It’s a compelling voice, particularly on days when it feels …

How to Let Go of Expectations and Pursue What You Really Want

By

“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations.” ~Jodi Picoult

I grew up with a lot of expectations—from other people in my life and from myself. I had to finish school, do my best, finish college, get married, have children, and be a success in everything I did.

My family was supportive; however, they never really pushed me to get active. I had to push myself, and I pushed hard.

I finished high school, then college with an associate’s degree, then my counseling license, and then my bachelor’s. I got married and had a …

Stop Fearing Uncertainty & Get Excited About Possibilities

By

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.” ~Osho

Once, during an AmeriCorps leadership retreat, I was asked to create a motto for my life, a mission statement for my future. I was handed a blank piece of paper and I was terrified.

At the time, my life was filled with uncertainty. My year of national community service was coming to an end. I didn’t know what my next job would be, let alone what my life’s mission statement should be.

As I sat, panic stricken, staring into my uncertain future and an empty …

When You’re Hiding Your Pain: Why It’s Worth Letting People In

By

“All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

We are all interconnected, and we all need each other. Our ability to see and be seen by each other creates a beautiful depth of connection that we are privileged to experience.

This has been a great …

You Deserve to Be Happy Now, Not Just When You Reach Your Goal

By

“We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.” ~James R. Ball

I was a binge eater. At night. Every night. No one would ever have guessed it because I was at a healthy weight. But I believed that my weight was too high a number, so I would try to fix it.

Each morning I would start afresh and eat like a svelte, sexy mouse. I vowed that this time would be different. But each night, to fill the voids I didn’t know were there, I would eat. And …

10 Steps to Access Your Goodness and Change Your Life

By

“Goodness is the only investment that never fails.” ~Henry David Thoreau 

A few years ago I found myself on the floor of my apartment with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, feeling miserable.

In fact, I had felt that way for a while. My four-year relationship had collapsed, work was losing its meaning, and I felt deeply misunderstood, unloved, and lonely. Money was tight; I was overweight, lethargic, and confused; and my future seemed blurry.

But then, something changed.

I decided to shift my perspective and see what my life would be like if I stopped beating myself up over “…

Why Positive Thinking Didn’t Work for Me

By

“See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” ~Dalai Lama

I was a perfectionist growing up, always trying to bang my flawed round-shaped self into a perfect square hole that couldn’t possibly contain me.

In my early twenties, I decided to focus on personal development—a positive thing, I assumed.

I figured if I worked on improving a little every day and nurturing a positive mindset, I’d feel a lot better about myself than I did when I got down on myself for my flaws. 

I didn’t take into consideration that I might become a perfectionist about positivity.

That …

Accepting the Loss of a Loved One and Finding Peace Again

By

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Meaningful relationships are crucial to our happiness. We need the human bond to feel connected and joyful, and we enjoy life much more when we share it with people we love.

There are times, however, when we are forcefully separated from our loved ones. Coping with loss can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to do. Everyone copes …

Share Your Privilege: Your Story Could Change Someone’s Life

By

“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” ~Brené Brown

I think most of us can reflect vividly on the turning point that brought us toward where we are today.

Often during these transitional periods, major life events push us to pursue the peace of mind we have always dreamed of having.

For me, this journey started my sophomore year in college. My father had just passed away from suicide, and subsequently I was diagnosed with major depression for the second time in my college career.

It wasn’t the most pleasant diagnosis to receive, but I was relieved that I now …

Why You Shouldn’t Wait For Others to Validate Your Decisions

By

“Do not let another day go by where your dedication to other people’s opinions is greater than your dedication to your own emotions!” ~ Steve Maraboli

One thing I’m great at is procrastinating. Another thing, overanalyzing every decision I make.

I can even question and try to reason which route I should take to walk the dog. It is truly outrageous, when I think about it.

This leads to paralysis through analysis, and inevitably a fear to commit to change. This is how I got stuck.

A few years ago I was feeling immobile and underwhelmed in my life. I …

15 Things You Can’t Control (and What You Can Control Instead) + Worksheet [FREE]Access Now
Access Now