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Finding Love Now Without Searching for It

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“Even in the loneliest moments I have been there for myself.” ~Sanober Khan

My life coach once suggested I give myself the love I needed, which saddened me profoundly. Was that not supposed to be the job of “the love of my life,” whom I would find one day? In fact, I had not met anyone who completely gave up on the idea of finding love, no matter how long they had been single.

Why though?

I myself was happily single for years and yet deep down, there was still that expectation of finding love one day.

Recollecting my moments …

Take the Love Pledge (You Could Win a Copy of Tiny Buddha’s New Love Book)

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Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it! Today is a perfect day to take the Tiny Buddha love pledge if you haven’t already. Over 1,200 people have taken it over the last ten days.

I created this pledge to help us all be more loving, to others and ourselves. After you take the pledge by entering your email address here, you’ll be entered to win one of three free copies of Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges, which includes stories and daily activities to help us all give and receive more love.

Tiny efforts can make …

Your Kindness Could Help Someone Find Hope in the Darkness

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“Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” ~Scott Adams

I was ten years old and growing up in a home that I can only describe as hellish. Among other things, our father forced us to stand against the wall for long periods of time until we shook from exhaustion. On one such day, he sent me to McDonald’s to buy him a cup of coffee.

I was happy to get out of the house and escape my punishment momentarily. As I headed to McDonald’s, I wondered what …

7 Small Changes that Can Increase Your Happiness Overnight

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“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

I used to be constantly depressed.

After dropping out of college, I worked three jobs a day to help make ends meet. At the same time, my classmates were graduating from college and getting much higher paying, cushier jobs.

I lived in a tiny apartment that had cockroach problems. I constantly complained and could not find the motivation to do anything. I thought about giving up. It was only when I started making these small changes that I started to feel happier.

1. Embrace religion and/or spirituality.

…

You’re More Valuable Than You Think

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“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown

On a summer night in Hicksville, Long Island, I swung the bat and drove a double down the left-field line. I broke up the pitcher’s no-hitter, and he was one of the best pitchers in the league. I felt completely at home. I was myself.

On another summer night in Vergennes, Vermont, I stumbled back to the fence tracking down a fly ball. I speared at it with my glove, then watched it bounce off of my hand and go over the fence for a grand-slam home …

5 Reasons We All Deserve Forgiveness

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“To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds.” ~Wayne Dyer

When we have been deeply hurt or betrayed by a friend, loved one, or even an acquaintance, it can be incredibly difficult to let it go and forgive them. Some acts seem almost unforgivable, but really not much is.

My belief …

How to Stop Pushing and Stressing About Your Goals

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“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” ~Steve Maraboli

I’ve encountered many people who live by the belief that in order to be successful, one must “go out and make things happen.” I used to feel the same until I realized that we don’t actually have control over most aspects of our lives.

We can attempt to make things happen, but doing so doesn’t guarantee anything—it only develops yearning, which leads to suffering.

Take my recent job search, for example. I spent nine months looking for a job. I applied …

10 Ways to Seize the Day and Achieve Greater Work-Life Balance

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“Seize the day, trusting little in the future.” ~Horace

Don’t you hate it when you think of the perfect comeback to someone’s comment way too late? One that really sticks out for me happened a couple years ago.

I was midway through a cross-Canada speaking tour, sharing about my journey with cancer and what it taught me about work-life balance and embracing life’s simple pleasures.

After giving my talk to a Rotary Club in Alberta, one of the audience members approached me.

“You know what balance is?” he gruffly demanded, jabbing a finger at me. “Working hard the first half …

How Non-Attachment Can Benefit Your Relationship

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“You only lose what you cling to.” ~Buddha

I remember one of my first mindfulness classes that pertained to impermanence. I went home in a bit of a slump.

Nothing is permanent; everything ends; “This too, shall pass.” It was quite a shock to the system.

After getting over what, on surface level, seemed to be incredibly dire, I realized that this could be incredibly liberating.

Enter the principle of non-attachment, a notion that has the potential to aid in the evolving nature of day-to-day life.

Rather than clinging to things—relationships, jobs, material goods—hoping that they will last forever, or …

Breaking the Pattern of Painful, Unhealthy Relationships

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“Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.” ~Byron Katie

As I was listening to other women talking in my support group for battered women, I had a life changing moment.

I caught a glimpse of myself and where I was at in life. It was a defining moment that turned around how I felt about myself and changed the cycle of my relationship with men.

“I played a role in my abusive marriage; my ex-husband was treating me how I was treating myself.”

His anger and how he showed it belonged to him; …

How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

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“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” ~Brene Brown

I’ve always had a temper for as long as I can remember. It would show up at the most innocuous times—when playing a board game with my family, at the dinner table, or sometimes right in the middle of a shopping mall.

At the time I had no idea why I would get so frustrated, so red-in-the-face with pure rage and an intense feeling of absolute helplessness. Even more puzzling was the triggers to these episodes.

Usually it involved losing at something as …

Crash Course: 3 Ways to Bounce Back When Things Go Wrong

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“Change the changeable. Accept the unchangeable. And remove yourself from the unacceptable.” ~Denis Waitley

A few months ago, I had a car accident. Not a fender bender in a strip mall parking lot or a spinout on a winter slickened road. I drove into the wall of an apartment building a few hundred feet from my home. At two o’clock in the afternoon.

It’s still impossible for me to explain what happened. I had just started to ease my car over a set of train tracks and was about to make a sharp left turn into my alley when the …

4 Life-Changing Lessons for People Who Struggle with Anxiety

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“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” ~Epictetus

Sweaty. Hot. Shallow breathing.

Thoughts barreled through my mind like a never-ending freight train. I couldn’t keep up. It was everything all at once, blurred into nothing in particular.

I felt like I was about to jump off a cliff, nervous anticipation building into panic. My head was spinning. My hands trembled.

Choking down a gulp, I forced the tears back that wanted to cascade down my cheeks in sobs. There would be time for that …

How to Rekindle Your Passion for What You Do

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“I would rather die of passion than of boredom.” ~Vincent van Gogh

I rolled my eyes when a new set of emails popped up in my inbox. Will the messages ever stop? I remember the early days of the Internet, when it was actually a thrill to receive a new message.

What used to be exciting had become not only boring, but downright annoying.

That’s when I realized that what I considered my “treasures” had become burdens over time.

And while it wasn’t a big deal to see my old favorite pair of jeans in the donation pile, I became …

How to Stop Taking on Other People’s Fears and Live Freely

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“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

You wake up in the morning, it is sunny outside, and you are grateful for this brand new day. You are enthusiastic to get it started. You take a deep breath and go outside; then you see some gum in your street.

Will you pick it up and stick it to your T-shirt, or maybe even have a little taste of it? Of course not!

Please excuse the gross opening, but bear with me for a second.

So many of us have done something just like that, …

4 Mistakes That Are Built into Your Brain

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“Cognitive bias is the biggest self-imposed obstacle to progress, not only for oneself but in the end, for all mankind.” ~Unknown

On a beautiful Pittsburgh morning in 1995, McArthur Wheeler decided to rob a bank. Not just one bank, but two. McArthur had a secret plan, one that he thought would make him exceptionally successful. It involved something very sour, a lemon.

McArthur had just recently discovered the “invisible ink,” a substance commonly used in elementary science class. Lemon juice, when used as ink on paper and dried, only appears visible when heated. Unfortunately for McArthur, his ingenious plan involved …

How Accepting the “Bad” Can Lead to Joy and Growth

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“The main affliction of our modern civilization is that we don’t know how to handle the suffering inside us and we try to cover it up with all kinds of consumption.” ~Thich Nhat HáșĄnh

Since I was little, I’ve been taught to avoid what’s “bad” and move toward what’s “good.”

Growing up, my mom would work day and night not only to support me and my little brother with the basic necessities, but to give us a “good” life.

She loved us, so naturally she wanted to support us and to give us happiness, and …

4 Ways Introverts Can Super-Charge Their Happiness

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“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.” ~Susan Cain

Do you get ticked off too?

I mean, when people say you’re awkward, naive, and anti-social.

Your feelings get bruised, and then you find yourself drowning in a sea of unhappiness.

All you want is to be normal. To be accepted and to fit in. The more social you try to be, the more uhappy you get.

You’ve worn all the right masks to be normal, but it seems all your efforts aren’t good enough.

Well, I know that feeling all too well, unfortunately.

How Trying

…

4 Things to Remember When Life Feels Hopeless

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“However long the night, the dawn will break.” ~African Proverb

Were there times in your life where it felt anything that could go wrong went wrong? That was me five years ago.

In a span of nine months, my marriage to a partner of eight years broke down, I lost four family members to unexpected deaths, and I suddenly found myself hurtled from living the dream life to being jobless, penniless, and homeless.

To say life knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement.

Each time I picked myself up, another blow would send me sprawling toward a …

Why Embracing Painful Feelings is the Key to Happiness and Freedom

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“In our struggle for freedom, truth is the only weapon we possess.” ~Dalai Lama

I often ask myself what led me to that place of feeling like I didn’t deserve to love myself.

When I look back to my youth I remember feeling hopeless. My mom, my hero, was sick a lot, and I could tell she wasn’t happy. And my dad didn’t always know how to act around a sensitive little girl.

There was a “funny” story told at family gatherings about how after seeing the movie Mary Poppins, I would sit for hours in my little red …