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Category “love & relationships”

Are You Settling for Less Than You Deserve in Your Relationship?

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“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” ~Alexander Graham Bell

It was around six years ago that I faced the moment of truth. I was sitting on my meditation pillow, having spent the last few moments in deep contemplation about my current state of affairs. I was satisfied with practically every area of my life except for the one that meant the most to me—my love life.

About five months prior, my relationship with my boyfriend …

How to Hold a Broken Heart (So You Can Get Through It)

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“Sometimes this broken heart gives birth to anxiety and panic, sometimes to anger, resentment, and blame. But under the hardness of that armor there is the tenderness of genuine sadness 
This continual ache of the heart is a blessing that when accepted fully can be shared with all.” ~Pema Chodron

I remember a few years ago when I was going through a bad break-up. It wasn’t the longest relationship of my life or even the deepest. But it had so much potential and it ended in the most cursory of ways.

Already a few drinks deep, I FaceTimed …

How to Start Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Your Needs

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“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” ~Tony Gaskins

I highly value being loyal, honest, empathetic, and supportive. I am also partial to advocating for the underdog. As a result, I have historically attempted to be a ‘hero’ in situations of difficulty, tension, conflict, or stress.

I take pride in being the person who others can turn to for support, guidance, and empathy after an upsetting experience.

When a friend was going through a troublesome period, I literally dropped everything to race to her and give her a hand. …

How to Regain Confidence After Someone Puts You Down

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou 

Have you ever been the recipient of put-downs, snide remarks, or hostile language?

If you have, your confidence may have suffered a significant nosedive.

I once attended a summer music camp for young musicians. I was studying the piano and enjoyed playing classical music, but I always had a deep fear of performing in front of others, especially other highly skilled musicians.

Desiring to overcome this crippling fear, I decided to audition for an upcoming recital. To my surprise, the audition went smoothly, and I qualified to …

3 Steps to Making an Intimate Relationship Work

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“True closeness respects each other’s space.” ~Angelica Hopes

It was a Friday, the workweek had ended, and I was excited for my boyfriend to come home. (Okay, I’m talking about an ex-boyfriend—these steps took me time to implement
)

I’d gone grocery shopping and had two steaks to grill, with asparagus and a bottle of wine chilled.

I heard the garage door and the dog ran to meet him. I knew he would drop his briefcase and come to the kitchen to give me a hug. Then, he would take off his shoes and find the couch to decompress for …

25 Loving, Supportive Things to Tell Yourself Today

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“Identify one supportive phrase you wish you heard more growing up. Every time you pass by a mirror today, look at yourself and say that.” ~from Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges

When I was a kid, an authority figure once told me, “If I was your age, I wouldn’t be your friend.”

I tried to act like I didn’t care so I wouldn’t give that person the satisfaction of knowing how deeply they hurt me.

But it hit me hard, and it stayed with me for years. Someone who was supposed to like me didn’t, so why would anyone …

When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them

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“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou

I remember first hearing these words in my early twenties. I heard them. I just didn’t follow them. Hence, I brought myself a whole lot of painful lessons and needless suffering because I always wanted to give people a second chance, and a third, and a fourth 
 You get the picture.

I was the girl who always saw the “potential” in people. The person they “could” be, with a little love and nurturing from yours truly. I considered myself to be one of the most …

How to Meet Your Needs and Make Others Happy at the Same Time

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“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ~Buddha

We all want to be liked. It’s programmed into our DNA and throughout our lives the message is drummed into us loud and clear: put other people first, don’t blow your own horn, and above all, never be selfish.

Our society conditions us to tend to everybody else’s needs while ignoring our own, as if this is somehow a virtuous and noble vocation.

But what if I told you that you could take care of your own needs …

Now Is the Time to Appreciate Each Other and Enjoy Life

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“If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So don’t be afraid. Be alive.” ~Sarah Dessen

It was beginning to get dark. Lightning streaked across the cloudy sky above the ocean. The full force of the wind took the breath out of me as my eyes squinted from the heavy rainfall.

Waves rolled in to crash down in front of me, as if the ocean was screaming at me.

“Turn around, human. Go home!”

“Maybe I should,” I thought. …

Why Rejection IS Sometimes Personal (but Not About Your Worth)

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s not about you. It’s about them. It’s their loss. Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean anything.

Well-intentioned people have told me these things many times to soften the blow of rejection. And I wanted so badly to believe them, but how could I?

When someone doesn’t want you, it’s hard not to take it personally. They don’t want you. It must mean something about you, right?

When five college theater programs rejected me, when guy after guy ditched me, when countless potential friends avoided me, …

How to Stop Letting Other People’s Opinions Guide Your Life

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“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer

Do you feel it too?

That discomfort rising inside when someone imparts their clever wit on you. Not just any kind of wisdom, but the one that makes you feel small, in a here-you-go, punch-to-the-stomach kind of way.

A covert little criticism implying that you might not be doing something right or may have the wrong ideas.

Your first reaction is disbelief. Followed by denial. How can they be so rude to come out with such a comment? Why can’t they be more tactful or careful with …

How We Create Problems for Ourselves (And How to Stop)

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“If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” ~Ram Dass

I just returned from a four-day trip with my family. It was my own family of four (my husband and two kids), plus my mom, my two sisters, and my brother-in-law.

It was great. We get along well and have fun together.

And, it was four days with family.

It’s a funny thing
although you grow up with your siblings, listening to and being influenced by your parents, you all end up so unique—different from each other and different from the adults who raised you.…

Confessions and Lessons from a Former Approval Addict

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“It’s not your job to like me. It’s mine.” ~Byron Katie

I’m short. I’m stumpy. My nose looks like a pig’s. My inner thighs touch when I walk. My gums show too much when I talk. I have to change the way I look. Maybe then you’ll like me.

I obsess. I overanalyze. I get caught up in my head. I dwell on things I should let go. I can never simply go with the flow. I have to learn to be laid back. Maybe then you’ll like me. 

I’m shy. I’m anxious. I’m dependent on reassurance. I ask for …

When We Hold onto Relationships That Hurt Us

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“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown

Human beings are genetically programmed to desire love. Embraces are as important to us as food and water.

Perhaps that’s why when we find someone—the wrong someone—we’re often too blind to see it.

We feel it and yet we hide it away, write it off as an odd case of commitment phobia or just a hiccup in our new relationship, oblivious to the fact that were heading into a future of sleepless nights, constant worrying, and consistent phone checking.…

9 Tips for Anyone Who Dates Emotionally Unavailable People

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“When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” ~Maya Angelou

After having been a rebound girl the summer of 2013, I swore I would never get involved with another emotionally unavailable man who had baggage and was a poor communicator.

I thought I was a pro at all of the tell tale signs. Until I met X in 2015.

He came on very strong in the beginning, telling me he deleted his dating app after our first date, that he turned down other dates because he didn’t want to waste time with other girls, and showed me in more …

7 Reasons Your Breakup Is A Beautiful Thing

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“Watch for big problems. They disguise big opportunities.” ~Ritu Ghatourey

After many years of being the “dumper” in the relationship, I then spent many years being the “dumpee.”

Even after I had worked through all of that karma that I had instilled upon myself, when it came time for my last breakup, it was finally a mutual decision. Still, it left me feeling lost and incomplete.

I had never felt happier with any other man, and at the same time, I knew I deserved better. We both loved each other so much, but we found ourselves growing apart.…

A Tiny Act of Kindness Can Help Someone in a Big Way

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I started working in the food industry when I was just twelve years old.

I couldn’t drive, stay out past 11:00pm, or do algebra, but I could easily fill a bag with bagels at a business owned by a close family friend. And so I did, every weekend.

It was a simple job, working the dozen counter. I didn’t even have to ask people how many they wanted (thirteen, a baker’s dozen—that’s just good business!) I only had to ask what kind they wanted, then hand it to them, make change, and send them off with a “Have a nice …

How to Mend a Broken Friendship (Even if You’re Not on Speaking Terms)

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“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~Mother Teresa

I kept thinking about how many years had passed by. Did I really waste four years by not contacting my best friend?

You see, I had a falling out with my close cousin. Growing up together since childhood, we became best friends—more like brothers through the years.

That was until we had a huge disagreement. We didn’t speak for what seemed like forever.

Admittedly, I was the one to blame. Though at that time, I didn’t see it that way.

When someone means a lot to …

Authenticity May Feel Risky But It’s Worth It

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“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

Growing up I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute I would be on top of the world and the next I felt overwhelmed by anxiety. I didn’t know how to share my difficult emotions in a healthy way with my friends and family, so I started suppressing them instead.

I realized early on that it felt safe to hide my feelings, because no one could judge me if I kept them to myself. I believed …

The Key to Freedom: Minding Your Own Business

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“The day you stop racing is the day you win the race.” ~Bob Marley

Let me take you back to the beginning of my day, how I used to do it.

Flicking through my Facebook newsfeed, clicking on profiles, scrolling through comments, monitoring social interactions, checking how many likes my last post or profile picture got. Then I’m going to my therapist, to talk about how worthless my own life is, how inadequate I feel.

I’m not saving the world, pursuing my passion, making friends, or traveling. Neither am I getting married or engaged nor having children—and I do …