Tiny Buddha

Category: happiness & fun

  • Why You’re Not Happy (Even If Life Looks Fine)

    Why You’re Not Happy (Even If Life Looks Fine)

    Do you sometimes see people running around enjoying life and wonder what you’re missing? Sometimes I used to think I must be a horrible person. I had so many things going for me, and I still couldn’t be happy. I would ask myself, is there something wrong with me? Am I a narcissist?

    Then sometimes I would decide I was just going to be happy. I would fake it until I made it and just accept that’s who I was. But it wouldn’t take long for me to feel overwhelmingly depressed.

    I had a little dark hole that would constantly pull at me, and I didn’t have the energy to keep ignoring it. My attempts to do so just made it scream louder, and then I really was in a mess. This, of course, made me feel worse because it would remind me that I must be crazy.

    As I worked through my healing journey, I discovered there are three key reasons why we can’t just muscle up and be happy. We need to work through these three obstacles to move from just surviving and having moments of happiness to thriving and living a life full of joy and inspiration. To living a life where we love who we are and what we are doing and have hope for the future.

    Life is never perfect, but it sure is a lot more enjoyable and fun when we love, enjoy, and fully experience the present moments we are in.

    So what are these obstacles? And what strategies can you use to work through them?

    1. Validate Past Experiences

    When you don’t fully validate and process painful past experiences, the energy of those experiences gets trapped and contained within your body.

    It takes consistent and continual emotional energy to keep the walls around those experiences high and the energy within contained. The energy and emotion inside are deep and strong, and to keep these feelings away from our consciousness. we can’t allow ourselves to experience any deep or strong feelings, even the good ones.

    Allowing yourself to pull down these walls and grieve all the deep and strong feelings inside will free your emotional energy to feel deep and strong happy feelings too.

    For me, this meant feeling and processing the sexual abuse I endured as a child.

    For years I convinced myself that I was fine and that it happens to almost everyone. I tried to minimize my experience and leave it in the past. The walls I had built to keep all the grief and pain of those experiences out of my conscious daily awareness drained me and prevented me from feeling life in real time. I was guarded, with very shallow access to my feelings.

    No one wants to go back and work through the pain of the past, but I discovered that doing grief work with my therapist allowed me to truly let go of the pain and thrive in the present.

    2. Let Go of the Need for Control

    When you’ve been hurt in the past, it is normal to want to curate a life where you can’t get hurt again. We create a sense of safety by ensuring our life is as predictable as possible. Any time someone in our circle acts in a way that is outside our control, we ensure they “get back in line” so we feel safe.

    For example, if your partner doesn’t immediately return your text, you might get upset and lash out about how disrespectful he is being. If your kids don’t seem to be as concerned about their grades as you think they should be, you might panic and shame them, saying they will be stuck working in fast food restaurants for the rest of their lives. We want everyone to act as we think they “should,” so our world feels nice and safe and predictable.

    Zoom out and look at this scenario… Could it be any more boring? No wonder it’s impossible to feel true joy and happiness. Joy and happiness come from the ability to be spontaneous, light, free, and unpredictable.

    I think a lot of people mistake feeling safe for feeling happy. Being in a constant search for safety keeps us in survival mode. Knowing you are safe with yourself no matter what allows you to move out of survival and into a higher consciousness that brings joy, pleasure… and happiness.

    It is true that many of us have very real pain from the past, and it is perfectly normal to want to protect ourselves from feeling that pain again by attempting to curate a life we can fully control. This is an unconscious decision we make out of self-protection.

    Choose to make the conscious decision to let go of control. Trust that you now have all the resources within yourself to feel safe, no matter what happens. Releasing the need to control will bring you the ability to feel joy, pleasure, and fun again.

    This one was difficult for me and took a long time to integrate. Because of my abusive childhood experiences, I overcompensated for my feelings of worthlessness and lack of safety with a drive for success and perfectionism to try to control how others perceived me.

    If my co-worker wasn’t pulling her weight, I would stay late and work weekends to ensure the work was done, and done well. If my husband wouldn’t spend time with me or plan dates, I would plan dates and put all the reservations in his name so it looked like he was investing in me and our relationship. If my kids were not interested in wearing outfits that I thought would make our family look perfect, I would bribe them with candy so we could look good and put together as a family.

    I thought that making myself and my family look like we had it together meant that we did, and we would therefore be happy. Man, this couldn’t be further from the truth, and it actually drove not just myself but everyone in the family system in the opposite direction.

    No one likes to be manipulated, and even if we can’t exactly identify that’s what is happening, we feel it. Honestly, I had a bit of an identity crisis as I let go of how I wanted life to look and embraced living and feeling life in real time. What I can say is that since I’ve let go of control, life has been full of more peace and joy than I knew possible.

    3. Look for Happiness

    What we look for, we will find. There is a reason we constantly hear people talk about gratitude. When we look for things we’re grateful for, things we enjoy or love, we create more of those things in our lives. We begin to see how much joy and happiness we already have.

    We so often completely overlook the goodness that’s all around us because we are preconditioned to see and experience all the things that are going wrong.

    This third step is caused by not working through the first two. When we haven’t validated our past painful experiences, we look for validation in all our current painful experiences.

    It’s like those experiences keep haunting us until we take the time to turn around and look at them. They cloud our ability to see the happiness we already have all around us. We can’t experience the innocence and joy in our children. Nor can we accept the love and connection our friends want to offer us or appreciate all the amazing things we are doing well at work.

    When we are stuck in the need for control, we look for all future outcomes that will help us to stay safe instead of looking for all the joy and pleasure that is already in our life. We don’t have enough bandwidth to do both, at least not all at once; so, for example, if we spend all our time subconsciously looking for ways someone else might hurt or abandon us, then we don’t have the energy left to look for joy and pleasure in our relationships.

    One day I had to make a choice. I decided I had had enough of being tired, frustrated, and miserable. I knew it would take a while for my circumstances to change, but that didn’t mean I had to stay stuck and feel isolated, frustrated, and lonely.

    I made the hard choice to look for happiness. At first, I would journal things I found happiness in, and over time it became more subconscious than conscious. It also helped to talk about it with a good friend, as we both challenged each other in looking for happiness.

    Sometimes I still struggle. If I haven’t been taking care of myself, this one is the first to slip. I start to slide back into an old pattern of looking for how life is screwing me over. I know that I’m better able to keep my mindset in happiness when I engage in self-care as often as possible.

    If enough is enough and you are ready to move on from feeling like you are just surviving life, implement the following three strategies to overcome the obstacles to joy.

    First, start journaling or processing your feelings about past experiences. It could be a good idea to do this step with a professional, depending on what you have been through.

    Next, start identifying how much control you have over your life and the people around you and see where you can loosen up the reins a little.

    I can almost hear you saying back to me, “But everything will fall apart if I let go!” Let it fall apart. You don’t want a partner and kids who live only to make you satisfied and “happy.” Let life get a little messy. They (and you) will be so much happier if they just get to be themselves, make mistakes, and develop connections out of genuine love and respect… not out of fear of failure or mistakes.

    This last one is pretty simple: start looking for joy. Get curious when you find it hard or upsetting to look for joy. Often, turning things around is simply a choice. Change your subconscious conditioning from looking for what is going wrong to looking for what is going right.

    These three steps will help you attract the people and experiences that will bring you everything you are looking for.

    Before you know it, your past pain will be a distant memory that doesn’t impact your day-to-day life. Instead, you will feel a sense of freedom and joy because you’ll be able to live life in the moment rather than in your head trying to predict outcomes, and because you’ll have reset your pre-conditioning to look for the good in life everywhere you go.

    This is what it takes to be one of “those people” who just seem happy and full of life. Which strategy will you try first?

  • 5 Simple Ways to Make JOY Your Job This Year

    5 Simple Ways to Make JOY Your Job This Year

    “Don’t wait for joy to find you, because you might end up waiting forever.” ~Unknown

    Eight years ago, my husband and I made a pact to make joy our job.

    We were in the middle of chasing little kids and careers, had a whole lot of stress (on the edge of burnout), and realized that something needed to change.

    The idea started small, with the premise that if we waited for joy to find us, we might wait forever. We figured that life was going to require us to do something different to see a different result. It took us a bit of time to experiment with what brought us joy and what didn’t (because it had been years since we prioritized joy at all), but the juice was worth the squeeze!

    There were some small but key things that helped us shift toward a more joyful life, and I’d like to share them with you now in hopes that you can make this your year of JOY!

    Here they are.

    1. Give yourself permission.

    As a good midwestern gal, I have always had the belief that if I work harder, faster, and stronger than others, I will see success. I’m here to tell you that’s true! However, while working toward specific goals (promotions, planning a wedding, buying a house, you insert the thing), joy can fall to the bottom of the heap.

    I get it. I always thought that I needed to be one step ahead before I gave myself freedom for fun, but that’s the wrong mindset to take on because life’s a moving target. You will never reach the finish line because life happens in the living of it (cliché but true).

    Give yourself permission to prioritize joy! Maybe it’s a date night or an hour to yourself, but whatever it is, you should give yourself permission to enJOY. A burnt-out version of you is no good to anyone else.

    2. Make a joy ideas list.

    Have you ever planned a night out and looked at your spouse or friend and said, “What are you in the mood for?” Their response: “I don’t care. What are you in the mood for?” Sometimes it takes just as long to decide what to do for fun as actually going out and doing it.

    For this reason, we started with a whiteboard in our bedroom (doesn’t everyone have a whiteboard hung up in their bedroom?), and jotted down things we used to do, things we wanted to do, and things we heard others talking about. It took us a few days to get a good joy ideas list going, but little by little we had inspiration for date night and beyond.

    Our thought was, with a whiteboard at the ready, we could dream up joyful ideas before we fell asleep and add more right after waking up, when our brains were rested and fresh. It worked!

    Some of our ideas included:

    • Go back to the restaurant we got engaged at.
    • Carve out a date night for yummy food.
    • Join a volleyball league to stay active.
    • Play “college”—eat the foods, do the activities, and go to the places we used to visit in college.

    Start making a list and checking off your joy items. You’ll be surprised how completing one joy item will spur more ideas and more joy. Here are some ideas to consider:

    • Be a tourist in your town. If you have a free afternoon, go out and do the things your town is known for! Try all the “bests”—ice cream, coffee, park, scenic views, you name it.
    • Create joy during meals. Spice up your meals with different types of cuisine and different meal locations (picnic in the living room). Also, a fun or fancy glass can bring joy to any table.
    • If you are short on time, exchange some screen time for a bit of joy and be sure to involve the kids! A few of the things we love to do are go on walks, play games, go on scavenger hunts, and play flashlight hide-and-seek.

    3. Carve out time on your calendar.

    This sounds easy, but it’s where people fall off the joy wagon.

    We’re going to Mexico in February! That’s what I often hear when I ask about joy. People give me the itineraries for their upcoming vacations (never mind that they might be six months away).

    If I asked you, “Where can you add joy tomorrow?” would you be able to do it? Or would you say something like, “After my next project at work, I’ll have more joy.” Or “Once my kids sleep through the night, I can have more joy.” Or “I don’t have time for joy tomorrow, I have too much going on.”

    Our minds are programmed to solve, achieve, and contribute, and that is a great thing…most of the time.

    Make sure you put the joy ideas and activities on the calendar—even if it’s just “take a walk” or “read a book.” Or at least save a block of time specifically for joy. Otherwise, time will slip by, and you will not have anything to show for it.

    4. Pick a theme.

    Sometimes it can be hard to think of something that is new and exciting yet takes little brain space and energy to put into action. My advice is to pick a theme. We have themed meals, parties, weeks of celebration in our house—you name it, we can theme it!

    We once celebrated a travel birthday for our friend’s daughter who took her first plane flight. We blew out candles on a cupcake to celebrate. We’ve had pretend holidays, tailgates for random sporting events, craft days, and even themed parties with friends.

    A theme is an easy way to give purpose to an afternoon, an event, or a week. If you are struggling to think of a theme, the internet has some great ideas.

    5. Invite other people to join.

    Our original joy list moved from bulleted ideas to a joy calendar, and the rest is history! We now create a monthly joy calendar, and our kids contribute ideas. One night a month my husband and I sit back and look at the calendar, almost like consultants to our own lives, and decide if we have enough joy. If we don’t think we have enough joy planned, we add some.

    It was a few months after we started to make joy our job when we started sharing the joy with friends and family. They started attending parties and joy activities, and I would get text messages saying, “Started our own joy calendar today! Thanks again.”

    Making joy your job will change your life! There will never be a perfect day or a perfect reason for more joy. Today is that day! Just start with permission, make a list, and go!

    Be sure to reach out when you create joy. I’d love to celebrate with you!

    Bonus tip:

    Joy is messy. Just do some small experiments. You will plan joy and it may not turn out the way you thought (kids will act out, sporting events may be cancelled, themes may turn out to be a bust), but be sure to keep going! Some of our funniest joy moments have come from our experiments (think failed cooking experiments and funny date night memories).

    Joy is your job!

  • 19 Things to Start Doing for Yourself in the New Year

    19 Things to Start Doing for Yourself in the New Year

    “And suddenly you know… it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings.” ~Meister Eckhart

    Did you know that 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail?

    That’s pretty crazy. Maybe you’re part of that statistic. Feeling eager, excited, and ready for change only to fall back into old patterns after a few weeks.

    This was me, year after year—striving for change but not managing to pull it through, but not last year.

    A few days ago I found a letter I had written to myself on New Year’s Eve in 2016, describing how I wanted 2017 to unfold. I described what I wanted to accomplish for my business, the kind of people I wanted to surround myself with, and most importantly, how I wanted to feel through it all.

    To my surprise, I noticed how much I actually had accomplished. Even though my letter was very ambitious (oops, went down that road again…), I noticed how my vision, focus, and intentions had placed me in the right direction throughout the year.

    In previous years, my focus had been on achieving things such as exercising three times per week, eating only healthy food, and quitting bad habits. You know, concrete results. This time, however, my focus was on working toward my vision of the future I desire while growing and enjoying myself in the process.

    In simple terms: making sure I was happy while working toward a compelling future. So, whenever I put down a goal, I also made sure to define how I wanted it to feel.

    For example, instead of deciding “I’m going to exercise three times per week” I wrote “I’m gonna love my body and take really good care of it by practicing yoga, dancing, or doing other activities I feel drawn to do.”

    To help stir your imagination for the New Year—so that you’re not pushed by pressure, but instead pulled by pleasure—I’ve listed nineteen things you could start doing.

    1. Start focusing on what you already have.

    It’s easy to focus on scarcity. To turn your focus toward what you currently don’t have in your life. In this social media-dominated, hyper-commercial, and filtered society, a state of lack can often get the best of us. But, as Oprah said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

    Abundance isn’t something you acquire. It’s something you tune into. So, start noticing, focusing on, and truly appreciating what’s currently in your life. This year, I’m going to focus on the people I love, the fact that I’m healthy, and knowing that I’m in charge of where I steer my life.

    2. Start using your imagination for creating.

    Imagination is a powerful thing. It can either show you the most catastrophic scenario or allow you to play, explore, and create in your mind. Your imagination can either be your greatest tool in turning your dreams into reality or your greatest roadblock.

    Use it to create, not destroy. Use it to stir faith, not doubt. Use it to become a force for good, both for yourself and those around you. For example, instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong if you start your own business, imagine how fulfilled you’ll feel and all the people you could help.

    3. Start living in the now.

    Often, we live in past or future tense. Often, we’re so caught up in what took place or what might happen that we lose sight of what is happening. Start living where life actually takes place: here and now.

    Use your senses to become present: feeling, hearing, seeing, tasting, and touching. Say yes to what you’re doing, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

    When you’re washing the dishes, make that the most important thing in your life. When you’re transporting yourself, make that the most important thing in your life. When you’re speaking to someone, make that the most important thing in your life.

    4. Start ignoring what others are doing.

    It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. To look at others and either judge, blame, or feel sorry for ourselves. But, we don’t grow green grass by focusing on our neighbor’s garden; we do it by nurturing our own.

    Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to someone’s greatest moment. Instead, choose to honor your life by creating, investing in, and caring for it. Simply, keep your eyes on your lane.

    5. Start being really honest with yourself.

    The only way to change something is to first acknowledge what is. To look at the situation exactly as it is but not worse than it is. To look your fears, limitations, and blockages right in the eye.

    What’s working and what isn’t? What do you want to do that scares the crap out of you? Give yourself credit for what’s working and then look at how you can change what isn’t. As they say, the truth will set you free. But first, it might hurt or piss you off.

    6. Start putting better labels on things.

    What glasses are you wearing? The optimistic, fearful, or I-cannot-do-this pair? How we experience life depends on how we choose to look at things. Losing a job can either mean a problem or a great opportunity. A breakup can either mean the end or the beginning of something new.

    Label things in a way that empowers you. Turn a traumatic event into a blessing in disguise, a difficult situation into a challenge, and an ending into a new beginning. Be the author of your experiences.

    7. Start telling empowering stories.

    Building on the previous point, notice what stories are currently running through your life. Maybe it’s about your parents, financial situation, or health condition. The stories we tell define us. Empowering stories create empowering situations.

    One story I used to tell myself was that “I wasn’t ready” to do things in my business, to launch products or workshops. Once I changed the story to “I’ll do the best I can and learn along the way,” taking action and expanding my comfort zone felt doable.

    Look at one area of your life you’d like to change. What is the story you tell yourself about this area? How can you tell a better, more empowering story?

    8. Start focusing on something greater than you.

    In life, we either show up for what we do, how we do it, or why we do it. Having the last one (“the why”) defined is what brings purpose and meaning. What’s your mission, change you want to see, or reason for pursuing something?

    Participating in something greater than yourself and being clear on why you’re doing it adds purpose. And if you don’t know what that something greater is yet, make it your mission to find out.

    9. Start acting like you care about yourself.

    Do you truly care about yourself? Do you act, speak, and treat yourself like the lovable and loving person you are? Because, here’s the thing: we cannot give what we don’t have. Just like we need to put our own oxygen mask on first when flying, we need to tend to ourselves first before we can tend to others.

    Know that putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Look at your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects. What do you need more or less of to feel good? Then, make it a priority to care for yourself (so that you also can give from a genuine place).

    10. Start trusting that others are doing the best they can.

    Trust that everyone is doing the best they can based on their experience, beliefs, and state. The person who cut you off in traffic might be in a rush to get home to a sick loved one. The person who didn’t deliver his project on time might be experiencing heartbreak. The person who was rude to you in the queue might be having a really bad day.

    You never know what someone else is going through. So, instead of making assumptions, trust that they’re doing the best they can. Lead from a place of compassion, not judgment, and you’ll spare yourself (and others) unnecessary pain, anger, and frustration.

    11. Start asking better questions.

    Questions such as: “What can go wrong?” or “What if I screw up?” simply don’t have a positive answer. Your mind will go looking for whatever answer you ask for, so start asking wisely. Sure, you can ask them to get clear on the worst-case scenario, but then make sure to shift focus.

    As Tony Robbins said, “Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” Instead, try asking questions such as “How can I make this a success?” and “How can I find the best solution to this situation?”

    12. Start caring about things that actually matter.

    If you care too much about things such as judgment and criticism, you’ll mostly keep yourself stuck and paralyzed—unless you find things to care more about.

    For example, do you care more about what others might think or living life true to yourself? Do you care more about negative comments or being a force for good in this world? Don’t numb your care; instead, care more about things that actually matter to you.

    13. Start trusting yourself wholeheartedly.

    Just like any other relationships, the one with yourself needs to be fueled, nurtured, and taken care of. When you feel curious, intrigued, or excited about something, trust that it’s happening for a reason. When you get red flags about a person or situation, trust that it’s also happening for a reason.

    Start acting like you trust yourself fully. Behave like you’re in full connection with your inner self and always guided. The more you act like you trust and believe in yourself, the more that will actualize for you.

    14. Start celebrating your obstacles.

    “Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path.” The first time I heard this Zen Proverb, I didn’t get it. How could obstacles be the path? This idea of obstacles not standing in the way but actually being the way sounded like alien language to me.

    But, here’s what I discovered: Desires are powerful. Life is always guiding us toward what we want, but in that process, blockages and fears will be surfaced so that they can be seen and/or healed. So, when you’re dealing with an obstacle like fear, don’t avoid it. Instead, push yourself to work through it. Every obstacle you face brings you one step closer to your dreams.

    15. Start gaining perspective on your problems.

    I once heard someone say, “The problem with problems is that we think we’re not supposed to have any.” Problems might not always feel great, but they propel us forward. They shed light on what isn’t working so that we can find, explore, and investigate better solutions.

    In moments of struggle, remind yourself that all over this planet, people are fighting for their survival. Acknowledge your problems but then shift toward finding a solution. What do you need to progress? Where and from whom can you gain clarity, confidence, and support to move forward?

    16. Start embracing your vulnerability.

    Vulnerability is scary. Yet, it’s the gateway to growth, change, and connection. It’s the last thing we want to show in ourselves, but the first thing we look for in others. We cannot shut out pain, shame, and disappointment without also blocking love, growth, and connection.

    So, have the courage allow your deepest and most fragile parts to be seen. Allow your heart to crack right open and something beautiful will happen: you’ll be able to transform difficult feelings into love, strength, and compassion.

    Last week, I met a girl in the co-working space where I work. It was the second time we met, yet I felt urged to suddenly share my at-the-time struggle of not feeling enough for my business and some people in my life. Apparently, she was experiencing the similar things. I left feeling relieved, empowered, and more connected to her than before.

    17. Start spending time with the right people.

    How are the people you spend most time with? Do they give you energy or drain you? Friendships and connections aren’t something static; they’re always in motion. Set a high standard for yourself and choose to only spend time with people you enjoy.

    Make sure to surround yourself with a tribe that reflects how you want to feel and be and what you want to do and have. If you don’t have that today, then make space for those people to come into your life.

    18. Start taking 100% responsibility for your life.

    The first time I heard this, I wasn’t comfortable. Yet, the minute I accepted it, I was empowered. To accept and take full responsibility for all areas of your life (even where you feel behind, mistreated, or wronged) isn’t easy. But, it’s the only way to change them.

    By taking responsibility, you bring your power back home to where it belongs: to you. So no matter how difficult it might seem, claim full responsibility for your life. You, not someone else, will get you where you want to go.

    19. Start creating the life you want now.

    It’s easy to postpone. To fool ourselves into thinking “Once my situation is different, I’ll act on my dream” or “Once I’m in a relationship, I’ll start loving myself.” But to live the life you desire, you’re going to have to create it now, not sometime in the future.

    Conditions or timing will never be perfect. So, instead, ask yourself, “If I had all the love, money, time, confidence, and knowledge I desire, how would I think, act, and feel?” Step into that version of yourself.

    Take Baby Steps Toward the Life You Desire

    To get to where you want to be, you have to start walking in that direction. Don’t see it as a sprint, but more as a marathon. How can you create a manageable and enjoyable year where, not pressure, but pleasure is leading the way?

    Don’t overwhelm yourself by setting too big goals or expecting things to be perfect. (They never are). Instead, choose to focus on one to three things from the list. Then once you feel comfortable with one area, move into another. Remember, consistency beats intensity.

    Let this be the year you set yourself up for success!

  • Why True Happiness Is Not Just About Reaching Your Goals

    Why True Happiness Is Not Just About Reaching Your Goals

    “Success isn’t about how your life looks to others. It’s about how it feels to you.” ~Michelle Obama

    Do you have goals? Why do you have these goals? What will change if you accomplish them?

    Will you be happy?

    Think about this for a second: You’ve already achieved goals that you said would make you happy.

    Pause.

    Think about that again.

    You’ve already achieved goals that you said would make you happy.

    Well, that’s a humbling reality check, isn’t it? So why aren’t you experiencing everlasting happiness and satisfaction?

    No matter the goal’s size, the reward level, or the amount of success achieved, it all passes in the blink of an eye.

    Wherever you go, there you are, my friend.

    Actress Emma Watson, known for her role in the Harry Potter series, said, “I’ve realized that the success I’ve been seeking is not the success I want. I’m no longer sure what my own ambitions are or what success even means.”

    Singer-songwriter Justin Bieber said, “I’m a person who has feelings and I’m sensitive. All these things that people think are wonderful, it’s like, I don’t even know what this means. I just want to be happy.”

    Entrepreneur and author Tim Ferriss said, “The 4-Hour Work Week was a runaway success, but it didn’t make me happy. In fact, it made me more stressed out and miserable than ever before. I realized that true happiness comes from doing work that you love, not from achieving external success.”

    In his autobiography Open, Tennis player Andre Agassi wrote about his realization after winning his first Wimbledon title: “I thought it would be the greatest moment of my life, but it wasn’t. I felt empty. Winning Wimbledon was just another step in the journey.”

    Musician John Mayer said, “I thought that if I had a hit record, I’d finally be happy. But then I had a hit record, and I was still the same guy with all the same problems. I had to learn that happiness comes from within, not from external achievements.”

    Every single one of these people struggled because their identity became tied to external validation.

    No longer were they pursuing their craft for the love and passion they once had; the unhealthy relationship with the goal made it an ugly means to an end that left them feeling directionless.

    If you want to remain happy, give yourself a process that creates enjoyment.

    It’s the progress we make toward the goal that makes us happy. It’s living up to our potential.

    It’s doing something that makes your life feel like it matters. It’s the decision to make something a priority in your life. This is the only thing that will change your life.

    There’s nothing you can buy or achieve that leads to everlasting happiness.

    Every job is a joke in comparison to raising a child. There’s not even a close second.

    Parenting cannot be mastered like a skill acquired by a mechanic because there is no set formula or blueprint for raising a child. Every child is unique, and the challenges and joys of parenting are constantly changing.

    Unlike a skill that can be honed through practice and experience, parenting requires adaptability, patience, and a deep understanding of each child’s individual needs and development. Every parent is navigating the journey of parenting without a definitive manual, learning and growing alongside their child.

    Put simply: Every parent is hanging on for dear life. You’re simply along for the ride.

    Yet, it’s given me the most joy I’ve ever had.

    And this is from a guy who once popped MDMA like they were candies from his grandma’s purse: there’s no delight more unspoiled than the cascade of dopamine that drenches your mind, a waterfall of ecstasy, tranquillity, and pleasure that quenches your thirst for happiness.

    But holy crap, the other side of that pill was a water slide straight into hell. The recreational use of ecstasy was my own means to an end. It left me hollow, nightmarishly depressed, and unwilling to cope because life felt black and white.

    Having a daughter brought color back into my life.

    I didn’t even want to be a dad until my mid-thirties. Mainly because I felt like a train wreck and, selfishly, I thought it would make me unhappy.

    Now I feel like every day has meaning. There is no end goal. There’s only the North Star of living up to my potential as a person and father. It feels like my life matters. I have a priority that’s bigger than myself.

    And it’s the sobering reminder that kids (and adults) don’t hear the words you say, they watch your actions.

    The shit you actually live and breathe.

    They see what you value by your behavior.

    When I decide to show up despite feeling depressed, I’m happy not because I’ve achieved something but because my action is a vote toward the person I want to become.

    That person, to me, is someone who doesn’t shy away from obstacles. That person sees value in being vulnerable. That person acts out of integrity because true alignment is the only thing that makes us happy. Why? Because that person takes action even when no one is watching. That person knows that happiness comes from within.

    Your journey might be riddled with self-doubt and past mistakes, but remember, happiness isn’t a destination; it’s found in our everyday choices and the actions we take.

    For starters, live by your values, every single day.

    Every morning, take a quiet moment to reflect on your core values as you sip your coffee or tea. Then, decide on one action you can take that day that mirrors those values. This isn’t about grand gestures but the simple, everyday decisions that sculpt the canvas of your life.

    Next, revel in the journey, not just the destination.

    Think of the celebrities and their revelations. It was never about the final accolade but the thrilling ride that got them there. It’s not the finish line that counts most, but the steps taken, the hurdles overcome, the growth experienced.

    So pick something you’re passionate about. Work at it, bit by bit, every day. Find joy in every small victory, every lesson learned. Relish the journey, not just the anticipation of the destination.

    Lastly, value relationships and personal growth over trophies.

    The most profound joys often bloom from genuine human connections and the growth we experience alongside them. Set aside some time each day, even if it’s just a few minutes, to connect deeply with a loved one, a friend, or even with yourself. The treasure lies not in the praises the world showers on you but in the smiles you share, the understanding you build, and the personal battles you conquer.

    It’s not just about achieving your goals; it’s about realizing your worth, showing up for yourself and the people you love, and recognizing that you and your choices matter.

  • How You Can Have More with Less: The Magic and Joy of Being Present

    How You Can Have More with Less: The Magic and Joy of Being Present

    “Don’t let this silly world trick you into starving your soul for material things. Cause someday you’re gonna be sitting out under the sun and realize how little you actually need to be truly happy.” ~Brooke Hampton

    It was early morning. The birds were chirping, the street sweepers were methodically clearing debris off the sidewalk, and the coffee vendor was chattily filling his customers’ cups with fragrant java from the dispenser precariously balanced on the back of his bicycle. There I was, taking a pleasant and serene walk while on my recent visit to India.

    As I took a turn into a small sideroad, I noticed two little girls running around and playing. At first, I didn’t take much notice. But then something grabbed my attention.

    The gleeful duo was scampering around chasing each other, squealing with delight, clapping their hands, laughing hard, and just plain enjoying each other’s company. Again, nothing extraordinary. But something was drawing my attention to them, and then I saw it.

    They were pretty much absent of what we would define as typical material needs.

    No toys to play with. No playground to run around in. Old, worn-out clothing. Disheveled hair. Not even any footwear while running around the street.

    My first thought was, how could they be so happy? Do they not feel despondent or envious of other kids that have more? Do they not feel worried about their futures?

    But none of that really seemed to matter. They were living life in the moment, completely and joyfully absorbed into their natural sense of play.

    My next rationalization was “they are just kids,” ignorant to the social and economic structures and norms. Oblivious to how the world really works.

    But then, I figured, we see this same level of psychic energy and consciousness in adults too.

    A climber could spend hours on a rock face and be completely absorbed with the challenge, the interaction between her fingers and the next rock outcrop, the changing weather patterns, and the ultimate goal—the top of the cliff.

    A violinist in an orchestra becomes the violin, completely engrossed with the activity of playing his part, but also being in absolute synchrony with the broader group.

    A painter could spend hours honing her painting, unaware of her immediate surroundings.

    So does this experience only come to fruition when the skills required are more refined or complex? Not really.

    Take a factory assembly line, where two workers are next to each other doing the same repetitive task over and over again. One may be carrying out their task in a mechanical fashion, while the other may be immersed in their curiosity, with a sense of perseverance to continually improve their skills and quality of work.

    Imagine two individuals standing next to each other at an art museum staring at a Rodin statue. One may be passing through and merely throwing a glance at the marble figurine. The other may be swept into a different realm, admiring the intricate contours and appreciating the level of difficulty and complexity of the art in front of her.

    How does this happen? Why are the experiences for the exact same activity so different for two individuals?

    I truly believe this is due to what I call the power of play.

    And the beauty and simplicity of this is that it can work with anyone, in any activity, in any situation, or in any environment.

    There are a few criteria we need to keep in mind to make an activity an optimal experience. Ask yourself these questions before you start any activity.

    Can I actually do it?

    The activity has to be achievable. In other words, you have the needed skill to complete it, or the ability and resolve to learn the skill.

    Can I focus on it with my everything?

    The activity should require your full concentration, and that’s usually possible when we are applying effort toward a goal and getting immediate feedback as to whether it is working or not. If not, we can find our concentration starting to wane.

    Does it move me into a different mental axis?

    This concentration and effort take us away from our day-to-day reality, and any negative connotations that may be encumbered with it—away from the worry, stress, anxiety, or fear that we may experience in our daily lives.

    Will I “be present” in my being?

    Our level of self-awareness is acutely sharpened, taking in all the ebbs and flows of our thoughts, feelings, and energy levels. This allows us to feel in control of our consciousness, our emotions, our life flow.

    Can I alter time?

    And finally, it changes the perception of time. Sometimes, say when playing an exciting game of tennis, time can swiftly fly by. Sometimes, like when we are excitedly learning some new dance steps, time and motion can slow down, and we appreciate these micro-moments.

    When we leap off the diving board and plunge into this state of play, we experience a great sense of enjoyment—a feeling that the psychic energy we have consumed was worth it and has resulted in a great outcome, one that can be savored for a long time to come.

    And that is how we can have more with less.

    If we can make small, discrete changes to meet these criteria, it can make a transformational difference in whether we immerse ourselves into the experience or are “just in it for the ride.”

    We can make every day, every activity, every experience, fulfilling and nourishing to our soul by simply being more present with what we’re doing and bringing more enjoyment to what we do. Pause and think about how you can make any activity more enlightening, and you will see it lightening your life as the heaviness melts away.

    Just like the two little girls that were completely involved and enjoying the experience of play together, savoring life together.

    They didn’t need anything more.

    PS: The next day I bought those little kiddos some footwear, and the way their faces lit up was such a joy to see!

  • 4 Happiness Tips from an Introvert Who Spent Years Trying to Change

    4 Happiness Tips from an Introvert Who Spent Years Trying to Change

    “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.” ~Jillian Michaels

    I’m an introvert. I need lots of time to myself to recharge after socializing with others, and I relish solitude, as it gives me the time and space to think and be creative. I’m quiet and can be shy on occasion, but I really enjoy spending time with close family and friends.

    Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with this part of my personality and focused a lot of energy trying to change it. However, the acceptance I have found over the last year has been life-changing, and I hope writing about my journey may help others find that acceptance sooner.

    Growing up, especially during primary school, I never really questioned who I was. I spent my childhood on an island off the West Coast of Scotland, and my memory of that time was mostly idyllic. Looking back, I can see how everything was in place for me to be the best version of myself.

    There was a big group of children where I lived, and after school my little brother and I would go home, get changed, and then meet up with everyone outside our house. We played with whoever turned up on the day. I was quiet, but no one ever really noticed, as we were all too busy playing.

    Although I didn’t realize it at the time, school was my place to recharge. I loved quietly working away and spending my time listening and learning. I didn’t feel any pressure to be social in school, as I had the group of friends at home, so being with others felt more relaxed and less draining.

    Unfortunately, that was to change. Just as I was about to start my first year at secondary school, we moved, and in an instant, all the friends I had grown up with were gone. My little brother, who was my best friend, also still had another year at primary school, so it felt like I had lost him as well.

    Furthermore, from the moment I started secondary school there was now a focus on me becoming more extroverted. This pressure wasn’t from other children but from the adults and the education system . Every report card would comment on my quietness and say that I needed to be more confident, more outgoing, more sociable.

    The daily comments  followed—”mouse,” “the quiet one,” “dark horse,” “it’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for.” Again, these were from the adults in my life, very seldom from my school peers.

    I learned very quickly that to survive in life I should aspire to be someone else. To be more extroverted and less introverted. To me, my introversion was a flaw, a weakness to overcome. I needed to change and push myself into situations and “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

    Secondary school was also a far more social and busier place, and it stopped being a place for me to recharge. I couldn’t get the time or space that I had flourished with during primary schooI. So I started using my time away from school to recharge, but for the teenager I was, this became very lonely.

    Nothing in my life suited the core person that I was. I felt so much shame around being introverted and a failure for not being able to adapt better. Through this time my inner critic grew to a deafening level, as did my anxiety.

    I was convinced that if I could just change this part of me, then I would make more friends, be more confident, progress career wise, and be a better version of myself.

    I spent the next thirty years trying to do just that. Although I have had many wonderful adventures and a very privileged life that I wouldn’t change, nearly every choice I made and career path I chose was in some shape or form a way to reinvent myself into being more extroverted. To be more confident and outgoing. To get away from the quiet person I was.

    Although I always started out well, I would eventually slip back into my old ways, feeling disappointed in myself for not being this better version of myself that I thought I should be. I’d then move on to try something else to this time succeed at the infamous change I craved so much. This cycle helped to feed my inner critic and anxiety, which followed me throughout my life.

    Then COVID and lock down came and, although devastating in so many ways, the pressure to socialize was taken away. I didn’t need to keep forcing myself to go to events, be sociable, or pretend to be anything. It gave me the time to see what it was to be comfortable being myself again.

    However, the moment lockdown was over, I instantly returned to my same pattern. I took on a new project to help become ‘a new improved me.’ But this time life took me on a different path. After a number of unexpected bereavements and the loss of my business, which I had worked so hard to establish, I also started to go through the menopause.

    I remember at the time it feeling like my heart had physically broken. So no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t return to how I was. I had no energy left to do any more changing. 

    Over this past year, I have gradually started to rebuild my life. It hasn’t been easy and it’s still a work in progress, but it is a life that suits me. It’s a life that celebrates my strengths and allows me to be who I am.

    I’m currently working in a job that has less responsibility than I have had in the past but that I really love. It also means I have time now to be creative through writing and painting, which brings me so much joy and peace.

    I am mindful that whatever new projects I am taking on, I am doing them because they’re right for me and they align with my personality and allow me what I need to stay healthy and happy. I’ve found that this in itself has helped me to grow holistically, without any pressure or negativity of not being good enough.

    My quiet times, which have in the past felt very lonely, have transformed to times for me to be creative, and the more I do this, the richer my life is becoming.

    I’ve realized that I’m not shying away from becoming “comfortable being uncomfortable,” and hopefully I will always continue to grow, but that my whole life can’t be uncomfortable because I’m not as extroverted as I feel I should be.

    Accepting that I am an introvert and allowing myself the time and space that I need has been so liberating. It has given me a fuller appreciation of life that I never thought possible and never felt like I deserved. So whether you are introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between, here are four suggestions that helped me rediscover who I am.

    1. Know your ‘core.’

    Take the time to find out who the ‘core’ you is. What are your values and passions, and what would you like your life to look and feel like? Are you more extroverted or introverted? Do you like taking on responsibility or a less pressured role? How do you re-charge? Find out what the ‘core’ of you is and celebrate that. Do everything that helps to nourish you and let the person you are truly shine through.

    2. Take a minute.

    Whenever I make a decision now, I take a moment beforehand to check that I’m going into it for the right reason. In the past, I did a degree in communication with the expectation that I would become more outgoing, one of the reasons I became a teacher was because I felt it would make me more confident, and when I went into  business, I thought it would make me more sociable. When none of these things happened, I felt that I had failed. Your path in life should help you to flourish as the person you are.

    3. Let go of expectations.

    Don’t let expectations from others, as well as yourself, mold you. There can be so much pressure to keep driving you forward, to keep pushing yourself, whether it’s to be more sociable, more confident, reach for the next promotion, next house, etc. But if you need to change who you are for it, then it can become more destructive rather than motivational.

    4. Accept yourself.

    You don’t need to change. By appreciating all the gifts you already have and letting them shine through, in whatever way suits you, you are already everything you need to be.

    Having shifted from a place of constant self-criticism to one of more acceptance has been such a transitional moment for me. By leaning into things that bring comfort, peace, and joy, I have had the opportunity to remember how it feels to be content and deeply happy.

  • 7 Comforting Thoughts That Helped Me Build Self-Confidence

    7 Comforting Thoughts That Helped Me Build Self-Confidence

    “Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.” ~Unknown

    I had done it again.

    I had managed to talk myself out of doing something because I wasn’t completely certain I would be successful at it.

    I was an expert at sidelining myself—keeping myself from going after the things I truly wanted. I knew, by heart, all the reasons I wasn’t good enough to achieve my goals in life. I had subconsciously decided that my own personal growth and success weren’t worth the risk of failure or rejection.

    As a result, I remained stuck, stagnant, and unhappy.

    Any time an opportunity came up, my initial feelings of excitement and motivation quickly gave way to a stream of thoughts filled with self-doubt, what-ifs, and fear of failure. In other words, an utter lack of self-confidence that stopped me in my tracks.

    This time, I had talked myself out of applying for a promotion at work. I wasn’t completely sure I was qualified for the job. I was afraid management would believe I was an idiot for applying.

    I was successful but bored in my current job, and wanted a new challenge. But what if I wasn’t selected? What would my co-workers think? What if I did get selected and failed at the new job?

    At the time, the potential pain of rejection or failure I could experience outweighed the very real pain of staying put in my boring, stagnant job. So that’s what I did. I didn’t apply for the promotion and instead chose to stay stuck in a job I didn’t like.

    Eventually, I admitted to myself that I was desperate to gain the confidence I needed to move forward toward my goals. I decided to try working on my mindset to build the confidence I craved. I had failed to take mindset and thought work seriously in the past, but thought it was worth a try.

    With time, effort, and guidance, I developed a strong sense of self-confidence. I grew to believe in myself, no matter what. Once I cultivated self-confidence, I dramatically shifted my career path.

    Confidence Versus Self-Confidence: What’s the Difference?

    Confidence is a feeling of certainty in your abilities based on your past experiences. Self-confidence is a feeling of security in yourself. A strong sense of self-confidence can help you pursue your goals, navigate social situations, try new things, and overcome challenges and failures.

    How I Built Self-Confidence: Choosing to Believe

    The most helpful thing I learned on my journey toward self-confidence is that believing my thoughts is optional. This means that I don’t have to buy into every thought my brain comes up with, and that I can choose thoughts that I want to believe instead.

    Beliefs are simply thoughts that we think over and over. By intentionally choosing and practicing a few key thoughts, I was able to build beliefs that cultivated a strong sense of self-confidence.

    If you have deeply engrained beliefs from past experiences, you might need to work on uncovering, examining, and questioning those beliefs before you’re able to adopt new ones. For example, if you grew up hearing that you’re a failure, you might have a hard time believing you can succeed at anything. Once you recognize the root of this belief, however, you’ll be free to work toward letting it go.

    This isn’t about “thought swapping” or forcing ourselves to think positively. It’s about recognizing when we’re feeding into old beliefs that don’t serve us and telling ourselves more empowering stories about ourselves, our worth, and our capabilities.

    Remember that this is a process—more like turning a ship, not flipping a light switch.

    Here are seven beliefs I developed, and why each is so powerful on the journey toward self-confidence.

    I am whole, worthy, and complete, exactly as I am today.

    Why it’s powerful: It eliminates the notion that I need to “fix” anything about myself and validates who I am in this (and every) moment. It helps me stop comparing myself to others, and places value on who I am as a person.

    I can handle whatever comes up.

    Why it’s powerful: It quells second-guessing and helps me trust myself to make the best decision I can in the moment. It quiets self-doubting thoughts and “what-ifs” that pop up in my brain.

    Not everyone will like me, and that’s okay.

    Why it’s powerful: It normalizes and neutralizes rejection. It quiets the need for external validation and reduces the temptation to worry about what others think.

    I choose to love myself, no matter what.

    Why it’s powerful: Self-love is no longer conditional on success, achievement, or social validation.  Fear of self-punishment or self-criticism for mistakes or failures is negated.

    I am worth the hard work it will take to achieve my goals.

    Why it’s powerful: It puts the focus on my inherent value. It removes the temptation to give in to distractions or take the easy way out when things get tough.

    I get to decide what failure means about me.

    Why it’s powerful: It rejects the notion that failure automatically means something negative about me. It provides the opportunity to make failure mean something that serves me in moving forward, rather than getting stuck or giving up.

    This circumstance won’t matter in a year.

    Why it’s powerful: It provides a long-term perspective on a disappointing or uncomfortable moment in time. It gives me permission to move forward from mistakes and failures.

    How My Life Changed After Practicing These Thoughts

    Once the thoughts above became beliefs, my relationship with myself shifted dramatically. I no longer felt the need to hold myself back. I was willing to reach outside of my comfort zone, try new things, and even fail.

    Truth be told, I never did apply for the promotion I had talked myself out of. Instead, I started my own business—a side hustle, at first. Eventually, I left my day job to run my business full-time, which took a lot more self-confidence than applying for the promotion would have.

    Self-confidence has impacted my life in so many ways, beyond starting my own business. It has helped me to overcome shyness, drastically reduce my tendency toward self-criticism, and keep pursuing my goals, even when things get tough.

    Putting New Thoughts into Action

    A final tip to adopt beliefs that build self-confidence is to take actions that support the beliefs you’re working to build. Thoughts generate feelings, feelings generate actions, and actions can reinforce thoughts. Taking actions that support the beliefs you’re working to build will help reinforce those beliefs.

    For example, if you’re working on adopting the belief that you can handle hard things, put yourself outside your comfort zone and give yourself an opportunity to stretch and impress yourself.

    Conclusion

    Self-confidence doesn’t come easily or naturally to everyone, but you can build it with time, effort, and patience. Practicing self-confident thoughts consistently is key. Practice self-confident thoughts each day by putting a reminder on your phone, a note near your computer, or even writing them in dry erase marker on your bathroom mirror.

    Start building your self-confidence by choosing one thought to begin practicing today. You can choose one of my thoughts above or create your own. Either way, your future self will thank you. Self-confidence is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

  • How to Live a ‘Good Life’ (Almost Every Single Day)

    How to Live a ‘Good Life’ (Almost Every Single Day)

    “If your vision of your life centers on your highest values, you will be aligned with your dharma far above everyday existence. Whatever the values are—love, creativity, service, spiritual growth, beauty, or whatever you choose—dedicating yourself to the highest values unites purpose and inner growth as nothing else can.” ~Deepak Chopra

    I wasted almost a decade of my life. Don’t make the same mistake as me.

    On my fortieth birthday, I found myself lying in bed, fully awake at 5 a.m., with a tightness in my throat.

    “A new decade,” I thought, without much excitement.

    Staring at the ceiling, I tried to remember what I had accomplished in the past ten years. As I searched in vain for any memorable moments to celebrate, panic began to fill my chest. “I wasted my thirties,” I thought. “One-eighth of a lifetime.”

    Have you ever felt that way, as if life has passed you by? That you’ve wasted some precious years that you’ll never be able to get back?

    Perhaps you got caught in the hamster wheel, being so busy with work and daily chores that you didn’t realize how quickly time was flying by. Maybe you’ve thought of traveling, writing a book, or learning to play the guitar but continually postponed your projects for a ‘someday’ that has never arrived.

    It doesn’t feel good.

    That morning, I realized I had made a mistake. I spent most of my thirties pursuing a single goal: building my business. It became an obsession that consumed all my time and energy to the point that I forgot to nurture my relationships, travel, or do anything else exciting.

    At forty, I had very few friends and no hobbies, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself.

    Later on, I discovered that this could have been prevented by doing one thing differently: by adopting a simple habit that ensures we live a good life almost every single day and avoid future regrets.

    That’s what I want to share with you.

    How Can We Live a Good Life Every Day?

    A few months after my fortieth birthday, I listened to a podcast with Hal Elrod, the creator of The Miracle Morning, in which he shared his perspective on how to live our best lives every day.

    His realization came on a specific day after spending time with his daughter, working a bit on his business (his life’s work), connecting with his wife, exercising, and eating healthy meals. As he wound down after dinner, he thought to himself, “Today was the best day of my life.”

    He then wondered why he had just had this thought since nothing truly special had happened that day—his child wasn’t born, he hadn’t gotten married, and he hadn’t booked any elite clients. So what was it that made the day so great?

    The day had been filled with all the most important things to him, his top values: his family, his relationship with his wife, living a healthy lifestyle, and inspiring people (his life’s work). He realized that living a good life, a regret-free life, comes down to living in alignment with our top values every day.

    It hit me. This was my solution to avoid wasting another decade: value-centered living.

    Here’s how we can implement this into our daily lives.

    Step 1: Identify your top five values.

    Your top values are what you consider most important and meaningful in your life. They come from your personal beliefs about what it means to live a good life.

    Below are a few questions to help you identify your top values:

    • What do you need in your life to feel fulfilled? Or, what’s missing in your life that you need to feel fulfilled?
    • How do you like to spend your time, and what would you like to have more time for?
    • What do you enjoy spending money on?
    • If your life ended right now, what would you regret not having done, accomplished, experienced, and become? And if you had one year to live, how would you spend your time? What would you focus on?
    • What would make you say you have lived a good life when you are 100 years old?

    I recommend identifying your top five values because if we center our life on just one main value, we risk feeling dissatisfied and even having regrets in the future because we won’t have nurtured the other things that are important to us.

    That’s what happened to me when I just focused on building my business (which is my value of doing meaningful work) and neglected the other areas of my life.

    Another example is a friend of mine who has two kids and highly values being a good mom. However, after a few years of taking care of everyone and not addressing her own needs and other desires—she stopped doing art, put her career on hold, and wasn’t taking much care of herself—she began feeling resentful toward her family. She was giving-giving-giving but not filling her own cup by honoring her other needs and desires.

    So focusing on just one of our values for a long time can create an imbalance in our life. That’s why step one of the value-centered living habit is to identify our top five values, not just the top one.

    Step 2: List actionable ways to honor your top values.

    Once you have identified your top five values, make them actionable by expressing them as verbs. For example, if one of your values is meaningful connections, you could phrase it as “connecting deeply and authentically.” Start each value statement with a verb.

    Next, specify more precisely how you can put each value into practice. For instance, for the value of connecting deeply and authentically, it could be:

    • Being fully present when interacting with someone—giving them my undivided attention
    • Listening with the intention to understand, not just to reply
    • Sharing my honest thoughts and feelings
    • Being open and vulnerable
    • Staying in touch with my closest friends and family by sending them messages and calling them regularly
    • Scheduling time every week for social activities

    Try writing at least five actions for each value. It’ll be helpful for step 3.

    Step 3: Do something daily to embody your top values.

    The last step is the value-centered living daily habit.

    Every morning, look at your list of actions you created in step 2, and decide what you’ll do to honor your top values.

    Personally, I write this in my journal. First, I write down my top five values as reminders, and then I write down what I’ll do to nurture each one that day.

    It doesn’t have to be complicated. For my value of meaningful relationships, I may just write a nice comment on a friend’s post. For self-care, I may go to a yoga class. For purposeful work, I may film a Tik Tok video.

    —

    This simple daily habit makes sure that we give attention to and nurture the most important things in our lives. Every single day, even if the day isn’t perfect, we are more likely to feel satisfied because we’re focusing on what matters to us.

    This simple practice has been a game-changer for me (thanks to Hal Elrod!), and I hope it can serve you too.

  • Choosing to Smile: When Life Is So Ridiculous You Can’t Help but Laugh

    Choosing to Smile: When Life Is So Ridiculous You Can’t Help but Laugh

    “The body heals with play, the mind heals with laughter, and the spirit heals with joy.” ~Unknown 

    Today, I want to give thanks for two of the special God-given gifts I feel grateful to possess: my sense of humor and my sense of optimism.

    Every time I’ve tripped and fallen or have been kicked down into the dirt during my life—when I’ve landed on my bottom, or my face, covered in muck, with bruises throbbing and scrapes stinging—I’ve always been able to crack a smile and let out a laugh. 

    In 2018, I found out that my husband of twelve years, with whom I had created four beautiful little lives, had been having an affair with a co-worker. He had left the family abruptly the year before, with no explanation. But on Valentine’s Day, of all days, the truth was revealed. 

    I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of it all. It was like something out of a Lifetime movie, except it was my life, and there were no cameras. Rather than succumb to the sorrow I felt, I chose instead to laugh at how ridiculous every Valentine’s Day would seem from that point on.  

    A few months ago, I was running late leaving an appointment, in the middle of this snowstorm, and was trying to load kids into my minivan. The side door got stuck, and in an attempt to pull it shut, I pulled the entire door off of the van.

    There I was, looking at my nine-year-old daughter, who was looking back at me, getting covered in big fluffy snowflakes, wide-eyed at the site of her mom holding the van door, and I just started to laugh.

    It was most likely going to be an expensive fix, and I had no idea how I was going to remedy the situation by myself, but I couldn’t help but laugh, again, at how silly it must have all appeared to someone looking in at the situation.

    I tried to get the door back on, if even temporarily, so I could move the van across the street and get the side with the broken door to the sidewalk, rather than out in the travel lane.

    I pulled across the street, in front of a local bar, and two of the men who were inside came out and mentioned that the door didn’t look quite right. They proceeded to help me zip-tie the door to the van seats, and we slowly tried to make our way up a slick, snow-covered hill.

    Thanks to physics, gravity, and nature, it wasn’t going to happen. So I laughed the entire gentle slide back down the hill. (No one was in danger, as we were the only vehicle on the road at that moment.)

    I could have broken down in tears and showed my kids how to fold under pressure. And although I know that sometimes tears are warranted, and it’s totally appropriate to show vulnerability and emotion, at that moment, I chose to laugh. And just keep trying. When I’d fail, I’d simply try something else, while I smiled.  

    Just last week, as I approached one of the busiest weeks, where I had committed to two public speaking engagements and to work a high-end wedding on the weekend, two of my four kids came down with the stomach flu…because that’s how life works. I laughed, shook my head at the timing of it all, pulled up my bootstraps, loaded up on anti-nausea meds, and went on with life.

    The laughter usually comes from a ridiculous thought that flashes across my mind. 

    A lot of times, that thought is simply how ridiculous a fall must have looked. Or even better, how ridiculous the events that led up to the fall were if you line them up sequentially! 

    Sometimes what makes me chuckle at it all is simply reciting, out loud, what just took place; a verbal account of the disaster, spoken out loud, can be the thing that inspires not only a shake of the head but also a palm to the face and an exasperated giggle. 

    I think there are people who look around, see the carnage, and cry…because, I mean, why wouldn’t you?! 

    But then there are the people, like me, who definitely want to cry at it all (and maybe in the still, small moments, we do) but who default to jokes and laughter. 

    We do this because laughing not only feels better to us than tears of pain and frustration, but it also helps lessen the impact of the hurt ripples that travel out from us, toward those who would empathize or sympathize with our plight. 

    The second thing I am grateful for is that I still have a sense of optimism, despite the number of times I have fallen or been pushed. 

    If you have the knowledge that it could always be worse, that lends itself to the jokes as well. 

    Sometimes you feel like your situation couldn’t possibly get worse, but your brain knows that there’s always lower to go, so that juxtaposition makes you laugh. And in that realization, there is hope—hope that you won’t go lower; hope that you will be able to get back up and rise above it. 

    Both those qualities, though, serve as perpetual lifelines that keep us from sinking too deeply in the muck—because it’s hard to sink when you’re surrounded by a thousand buoyant laughs.  

    I say all of this because I think people often mistake the choice to be positive and hopeful and to laugh with a lack of either emotional depth and grasp of a situation, or a lack of care. 

    To choose laughter and default to the positive takes tremendous concentration, effort, and care. It’s making a conscious decision to get up, smile, grow, and seek joy again. And when one is surrounded by negativity, it would be so easy to choose bitterness and despair instead. 

    So, I give a high five to those with a good sense of humor and optimism, and those who choose laughter. 

    Keep moving forward, with a smile. Even if you end up on your a$$.

  • 5 Ways to Explore the World and Feel Excited About Life

    5 Ways to Explore the World and Feel Excited About Life

    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”  ~Mark Twain

    In 2022, I wanted to quit my job and didn’t know why. I was about to embark on a six-week trip to a country I’d always wanted to visit—New Zealand—to work in sports TV production. I loved the people I worked with, the company I worked for, and the buzz I got from live TV. Still, it wasn’t enough. I needed to explore these feelings further.

    That word “exploration” was the key. It took me back to 2004, when I was in a hostel in Laguna Beach, an eighteen-year-old girl travelling alone. When I was growing up, I didn’t want to follow the traditional route of going to university just to find a corporate job, climb the career ladder, and retire with a good pension. The perfect path for many was not an option that excited me.

    I was travelling around the U.S. West Coast, hoping to find adventure and opportunities, but I knew I’d need to start seriously thinking about my future and next steps when I returned to London.

    I sat on Huntington Beach and spent some time thinking about what I wanted my life to look like. I wanted to work for a reputable company that could offer me travel opportunities. I couldn’t identify what I wanted to do with any precision, but I knew that was a good starting place.

    A few days later, on July 7, I was awakened in the early morning by a fellow Brit who informed me that terrorists had just attacked London. For the rest of the day, I was glued to the BBC, watching the tragedy unfold. In between the journalism, adverts depicted BBC correspondents working all over the world, and that’s when I thought the BBC might be the company for me.

    Several months later, I returned to London and applied to be a production team assistant for a BBC sister company. To my astonishment, I got the job. I was so excited! A new job, new people, and new opportunities.

    During my first week, I overheard my boss speaking on the phone with a friend in the BBC Sport division. She was preparing to travel to Germany to spend six weeks working on the FIFA World Cup. My mind exploded. That was the job I yearned for. I wanted to work in sports and travel to the most spectacular events on earth.

    I asked my boss if she could find out whom I could contact to get a foot in the door in that department. It wasn’t straightforward, but after several attempts and emails to their senior production manager, I was asked to come in for a coffee and informal chat.

    Fast forward eighteen years. I’ve travelled the globe to work on the biggest sporting events, from World Cups in South Africa and Brazil to the London Olympics, Euros in Poland and Ukraine, umpteen Formula 1 and Formula E races on five continents, sailing regattas off the coasts of Australia and the US, cricket in the Caribbean and New Zealand. And that’s just a partial list.

    Travel has shaped my life in so many ways. It has impacted my outlook on life, perspectives, relationships, and goals. It has taken me out of my comfort zone time and time again and allowed me to be inspired by new things.

    I have loved my job and still do, mostly, to this day. So it was a surprise to me when I felt the urge to hand in my notice.

    Truth be told, throughout my career, I’ve always been restless. I have consistently sought out new opportunities within the framework of my role. I’ve moved between companies, permanent contracts, temporary contracts, and freelancing. I’ve trained to become a teacher, left TV to work on sports documentaries, returned to TV, become a tutor as a side job, and set up my own business.

    It wasn’t that I was unhappy in TV production. I just love exploring and presenting myself with new learning environments. That eighteen-year-old in me who never wanted to follow the common path society can push us down still lives within me. And I wouldn’t change her for the world. If I’d never explored different paths, I never would have had the courage to create a lifestyle around my passions, purpose, and skills.

    Exploration is one of the greatest purposes of humankind. Everything we know about the world comes from those who explored before us. Discoveries in medicine, science, technology, religion, geography, space, and philosophy have changed the world for the better. They have led to greater equality of race and gender, alleviation of poverty, advances in health and education, tolerance and peace, and preservation of the environment.

    The world is constantly changing and developing because of our need to explore and continue learning, growing, creating, building, making, connecting, debating, and trying new things.

    So, if you’re feeling stuck and want more fulfilment in your day-to-day, it might be helpful to remember there’s a whole world out there to discover. Our time on Earth is finite. Life should be lived, explored, and enjoyed. Through exploration, you might just stumble across that sweet spot that lights you up and creates a new path for your future.

    Here are three reasons why I believe exploring and discovering new opportunities could be the recipe for a more fulfilled life:

    1. Exploration is a natural requirement for humanity.

    It is as necessary as warmth, love, food, and shelter. Exploration has been the driving force behind humankind since the dawn of time because it is at the centre of everything we do. We explore everything we do from the moment we are born through play, travel, work, speaking, writing, experimenting, singing, and interacting with each other. Let alone the preciousness of exploring the world through the eyes of our children.

    From religion to literature, politics to science, and design to philosophy, we are constantly asking questions and searching for new ways to develop our minds and abilities. There is no end to exploration. It is the driving force behind our survival as a race.

    2. Exploration creates more self-awareness, which I believe is a critical aspect of meaningful living.

    It allows people to understand their strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth. By becoming more self-aware, you can gain a deeper understanding of your passions, values, and goals, and can make more intentional choices about how you live your life.

    3. Exploration inspires us and gives us hope for a better future.

    There is a vast world outside waiting to be explored. It offers adventures to be experienced, endless possibilities, stories to be created, and dreams waiting to come true.

    Having a curious and hungry mind allows you to discover goals and options that will bring you more fulfilment and happiness. You can chase your dreams with the comfort of knowing that it’s possible to understand almost anything. By constantly learning, you see what’s possible for yourself and others and alter your perspective of the world.

    Exploration doesn’t have to involve big steps such as quitting your job, moving countries, or travelling the world seeking adventure. Instead, we can seek exploration in our every day, and the good news is there are plenty of opportunities to explore and seek purpose wherever you are in life.

    Here are five ways you can implement exploration into your everyday lifestyle immediately.

    1. Look at your passions and interests and find a way to get more involved in them.

    Whatever interests you—art, animals, baking, singing, decorating, driving, teaching, embroidery, music, or sports to name a few—find a way to go and explore how to implement this into your daily or weekly routine.

    This could be interning, volunteering your time, picking up a book, subscribing to a podcast, emailing someone who is successful in that field, or taking a class. Getting involved in this area will open up your creative channels. The key is to allow yourself permission and time to experiment.

    2. Be spontaneous and get out of the humdrum routine and predictability of your daily life.

    Play a different radio station on your way to work, choose a brand new restaurant or cuisine on the weekend, walk a different route around your park, order something completely different off the menu, or choose a different vegetable to cook with each week. There are always surprises and fascinations in store for us if we are open to exploring new ways; we never know what we will discover.

    3. Connect with new like-minded people.

    You never know what conversation might spark a new thought or perspective. You can find inspiration from one word, a smile, or an interaction that can change your outlook on a situation. For example, buying from a local business instead of a corporate chain allows you to get to know the owner and the story behind their product. Their story might just inspire your exploration journey.

    4. Even if you can’t pack a suitcase and fly to far-off destinations, that doesn’t mean you can’t transport your mind to them.

    Movies, documentaries, TV shows, and books can all transport you into new worlds and cultures. Next time you settle down with a good book or in front of the TV, why not choose a new genre and be open to learning new things?

    5. Your clothes are one way to show the world what you stand for and who you are.

    Fashion has a huge impact on your mindset, mood, and confidence. Experiment with different clothing, mix and match what you already have, and play around with what makes you feel most confident so you’ll want to get out in the world and explore.

    —

    We can open the door to exploration in everyday life. After all, the reason for your exploration is not to discover your life’s purpose. The purpose of your life is to live it!

    Exploration is a continuous journey toward self-improvement and personal growth that allows you to live a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to you. Don’t give up on exploring what you want and pursuing your dreams. Your life is what you make it, and it’s worth trying to make it what you want it to be. So go! Explore and discover. Embrace the journey and enjoy the ride!

  • You’re Never Too Old To Feel Inspired, Excited, and Alive

    You’re Never Too Old To Feel Inspired, Excited, and Alive

    “I do not want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.” ~Diane Ackerman 

    I’m in the business of watching people take risks. I observe them tackling challenges, fear, and discomfort, and sometimes, “making firsts” in their life.

    I observe a lot as a flight attendant, and sometimes wonder if my official title should rather be “Human Observer,” or “Social Experimenter.” It feels more accurate, or at least it’s the part that I typically enjoy the most. I’m also what’s called a “Death Doula” and hospice volunteer, both of which I consider to be more of a passion rather than a kind of “job” or “position.”

    I not only enjoy observing and assisting people through their living process, but also through their dying process. That includes everything in between. My interest in humans isn’t just with the young (who the media unfortunately tells us are the only “relevant ones”), but I rather have a special spot in my heart for the old and the dying.

    I experienced a rather benign interaction a couple of weeks ago, walking to my gate in the Salt Lake City Airport at the beginning of my work trip. As I was passing the TSA security area, a hunched elderly woman, slightly ahead of me, dropped all of her belongings. Her belongings included a small rollaboard and a large tote purse. Her bags were ripping at the seams with the items I’m sure she diligently chose ahead of time.

    My husband, who also happens to be a “Human Observer” with the same Human Observing company, was walking with me. The timing aligned perfectly—she dropped her bags, resulting in several items spilling out, and we, following right behind her, were ready to help pick up the pieces.

    It was just the interaction I needed at that time.

    As with any job, position, or career, it’s easy to feel “burnt out,” rundown, or simply uninspired, given the right circumstances. No matter how exciting your job or life may seem to other people, it’s your “normal,” but likewise, it’s your individual responsibility to keep that flame of inspiration burning.

    A similar idea can be true for what may seem like a “boring” life or “boring” job: it may be your ultimate passion and inspiration. Either way, life and circumstances ebb and flow. Sometimes you just need to get out of your own head and stop thinking about the same day-in, day-out rudimentary topics of your life.

    At the time, I had been feeling fairly lackluster. I’d been working more than normal and had barely had time to myself to contemplate and be introspective (which I desperately need on a regular basis), let alone time to even be home. This interaction changed things for me in that moment and has stuck with me since.

    It was clear that she was traveling solo. I helped pick up her dropped rollaboard luggage as my husband started helping with her tote bag. I noticed that some of the items that dropped from her bags were French language and culture-related books. She was disorganized, no rhyme or reason for any items’ place, and you could tell she used every inch of space possible.

    “I’m going to Paris for a month, and I’ve never traveled before! This is everything I’m bringing!” She exclaimed, her smiling face closely looking up at me. I’ll never forget her look—that wrinkled, rough face with a peeling nose, disheveled short hair, and haphazardly put-together outfit. She was ecstatic, and it almost seemed as if she had been waiting to tell someone—anyone—about what adventures she was about to embark upon.

    As my husband worked on putting some items back in order, quietly talking to himself (“these will just fall out again if we don’t put them here”), I told her how excited I was for her and how amazing it is that she is doing this—going for it. Her excitement radiated onto me, and I couldn’t help but feel absolutely elated for her.

    We exchanged some additional niceties, and we helped her find her departure gate. For the next several minutes after parting ways, I had the biggest, dumbest smile stuck on my face.

    I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall (plane “wall” or otherwise) throughout her journey—to see her sense of wonder and curiosity with everyone and everything she was to encounter. I think about her now, conscious of the fact that she’s exactly halfway into her journey.

    This entire interaction then made me wonder, “What was it in her life that served as the catalyst for this decision of hers?” What made her decide, “Yep, this is the time. I’m just going to go for it. What have I got to lose?” She didn’t look like your stereotypical “adventurer.” She wasn’t trying to be anyone but herself.

    In a modern world where the young, adventurous ones are on Tik Tok, YouTube, or Instagram, it was refreshing to see a normal, mature person just going for it. I see and experience examples of this kind of thing on a regular basis, but I guess I just wish that perhaps someone from a younger generation who may be insecure about the direction of their life could experience these things with me.

    As much as I’ve experienced those who are brave and taking up hobbies or doing things that inspire them, I’ve also seen the opposite: those who are afraid of the new. It seems as if people get settled in their ways and end up saying to themselves, “Welp, this is it. This is my life now.”

    But why do we do that? It seems so counterintuitive to how life should be: full of exploration and wonder. I don’t think this is a particularly new or modern concept. I don’t think it’s because of social media that more mature folks aren’t taking risks or taking up hobbies they genuinely enjoy.

    This is not to say that I think everyone should get on a plane and go to Paris. Traveling isn’t inspiring for everyone. For some, perhaps the exhaustion or the stress outweigh any benefit. To each their own. Perhaps your version of exploring curiosity or wonder is creating a garden, deciding to read more, finally getting into stand-up comedy, going outside more, or digging into that sourdough bread kit.

    Deciding to lead a life full of exploration and wonder doesn’t need to fit a particular theme. It’s getting out there (or staying in there) and doing what inspires you. It’s doing it for you—no one else. And sometimes it may take a catalyst against your will to make something happen.

    I can’t assume that it was something perceived as “negative” that happened to our Parisian friend that made her, for the first time ever, embark on a month-long trip across the world. But I find it fun to explore the possibilities.

    Many may also say they have a fear of “failure,” but what are we defining as “failure?” Does “failure” even exist if you’re actively enjoying yourself and not doing it for anyone else? You’re never too old to find inspiration—whether it be through a hobby, an activity, or through others. Our lives and deaths are constantly in cycle. That cycle is always in motion. You’ve got to keep moving.

    I think Ms. Paris, who I admire so, knew this. We didn’t need to have this particular conversation for me to know that.

  • [Free Online Event] The Dalai Lama Global Vision Summit 2023

    [Free Online Event] The Dalai Lama Global Vision Summit 2023

    Hi friends! I’m excited to share that the inspirational Dalai Lama Global Vision Summit 2023 starts next week.

    This FREE event takes inspiration from the Dalai Lama’s vision, kindness, humility, and wisdom to explore how we can navigate our increasingly uncertain world with compassion and virtue.

    If, like me, you’d like to help create a world with less pain and move love, this is a perfect opportunity to learn the skills and strategies you need make a positive difference.

    Sign up today for free to access 20 expert presenters and join thousands of people around the world who share your hope for humanity, in this incredible event happening next week, March 16-20th.

    Over five days, Lion’s Roar and Tibet House US are bringing together an esteemed panel of Buddhist teachers, experts, spiritual leaders, and activists to explore a wide range of key ideas spanning compassion, meditation, and wisdom—including the power of meditation to fuel societal change, ethical action, and how we can awaken compassion in ourselves and others.

    The Dalai Lama Global Vision Summit 2023 can help you:

    • Navigate personal and collective challenges with wisdom and insight
    • Connect with your heart through guided meditations led by some of the world’s leading Buddhist scholars
    • Experience the joy of a universal ethic rooted in compassion
    • Explore how to create a more united society through the power of compassion and virtue
    • Learn how personal transformation is the key to social transformation
    • Discover how we can work together to create a better future, world, and society

    “Thank you for the stellar speakers and such meaningful content. My happiness level has risen to new heights listening to each speaker. There is much to be learned and shared!”

    Marie, participant in The Dalai Lama Global Vision Summit 2020

    By signing up today, you’ll also get immediate access to a downloadable selection of teachings from Lion’s Roar’s exclusive publication ‘Vision of the Dalai Lama: Wisdom for a Compassionate World.’

    I hope you enjoy this transformative event!

  • Stop Waiting for Perfection and Fall in Love with Your Life Now

    Stop Waiting for Perfection and Fall in Love with Your Life Now

    I know, so cliché, right? I can practically hear your eyes roll. But hear me out.

    In a society driven by results, achievements, and ideals of perfection, there is a huge pitfall that I am becoming increasingly aware of—that we can be so focused on trying to achieve our “best life” that life itself could pass us by and we would have missed it. Missed the beauty of just being here.

    We’ve all heard the sayings “Slow down and smell the roses” and “Life is a journey, not a destination.” We hear these sayings and pass them off as embroidery on a quaint pillow, but what if we didn’t? What if life really is in the details?

    I mean, how many of us will ever actually attain the “perfect life” we are being sold? Are we just trapped in never-ending, self-defeating cycles of diets, bad habits, and perpetual “self-improvement”?

    What if we just paused for a second. Took a break from social media. Blocked out all the outside noise. Just got quiet. What would your inner voice, your subconscious, tell you?

    What makes you truly happy? What feeds your soul? Makes you tick? Even reading that back I realize I sound very “new age,” but what I mean is, aren’t we done with being told what will make us happy? And why does life have to be spectacular to be fulfilling? Can’t what we have just be enough?

    Recently, I lost my dad after a very short and aggressive battle with cancer. I didn’t see it coming. I thought he would go on forever.

    I had been estranged from my dad for a few years before he got sick. We had drifted apart for lots of reasons but mainly because he was never there for me. Our relationship was very one-sided and usually consisted of me running after him, wanting him to notice me, to give me the love and approval I so badly felt I needed from him.

    He wasn’t any of the things a father should be. He wasn’t reliable or safe or protective or even present, and I resented him for abandoning me when I was little.

    But when it came down to it, when I faced losing him, when I saw him in his hospital bed and he told me he “wasn’t long for this world,” all of that melted away and I longed desperately for more time.

    I wish I had let go of my expectations, my resentment, and my pride and just accepted him and salvaged a relationship with him. I loved my dad, and I wish I had spent more time just being with him. Now, that time has passed.

    His loss taught me something. Life is precious. We don’t have forever. We have now. This moment. We can choose to love our lives now.

    Don’t wait until you’re skinner, prettier, fitter, earning more money, famous, a millionaire. (Most of us will never be those last two things.)

    If your life is particularly hard right now and your needs aren’t being met, work to change what isn’t working. But don’t get so focused on what you want that you forget what you already have.

    Let’s stop wasting the precious time we have here with the people we love, who make our life beautiful.

    Appreciate all the little things that make you happy.

    For me, it’s coffee shops and lazy mornings, walks by the river or in nature, grabbing lunch with my friends or dancing the night away, cuddles on the sofa, spending time with my kids, those few precious moments with my partner in the morning before the day begins.

    These things are what make a life. While we are striving to “live our best life,” we run the real risk of completely missing the one we are already living.

    My one wish is that we all wake up and start appreciating the life we have right now. That we reject the notion that we have to have perfect bodies, perfect faces, perfect houses, families, relationships, to have a truly happy life.

    Wake up to the fact that we are being sold this lie purely so that we buy more stuff, work more hours, keep striving for the mythical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

    Love your life now. Fall in love with all the little things. Happiness doesn’t come from physical possessions. It comes from appreciating everything money can’t buy. You could already be living your “best life” without even trying.

  • The Power of Waiting When You Don’t Know What to Do

    The Power of Waiting When You Don’t Know What to Do

    “Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has the inner certainty of reaching the goal.” ~I Ching 

    Waiting has a bad rap in modern Western society. It’s not surprising that I had to look to an ancient Chinese text (the I Ching) in order to find a suitable quote to begin this article. We don’t like to wait! It’s far easier to find quotes on the Internet about “seizing the day” and making something happen.

    I’ve been an impatient person for much of my life. I wanted things to happen to me! I had a definite agenda in my twenties: finish college, start my career, get married, and have a family. So I declared a major and started knocking off my goals. When it was “time” to get married, I picked the most suitable person available and got on with it.

    I really didn’t know much about waiting. I thought it was something you did if you didn’t have courage or conviction. It was just an excuse not to take action. I know better now.

    What I’ve learned since then is that waiting is one of the most powerful tools we have for creating the life we want.  

    The ego, or mind, is very uncomfortable with waiting. This is the part of you that fairly screams, “Do something! Anything is better than nothing!” And, because we are a very ego-driven society, you’ll find plenty of external voices that back up that message.

    The mind hates uncertainty, and would rather make a mistake than simply live in a state of “not knowing” while the right course unfolds.

    There’s a term I love that describes this place of uncertainty: liminal. A liminal space is at the border or threshold between possibilities. It’s a place of pure potential: we could go any direction from here. There are no bright lights and obvious signs saying “Walk this way.”

    Liminal spaces can be deeply uncomfortable, and most of us tend to rush through them as quickly as possible.

    If we can slow down instead, the landscape gradually becomes clearer, the way it does when your eyes adjust to a darkened room. We start to use all of our senses. The ego wants a brightly lit super-highway to the future, but real life is more like a maze. We take one or two steps in a certain direction, and then face another turning point. Making our way forward requires an entirely different set of skills, and waiting is one of the most important!

    There’s a proper timing to all things, and it’s often not the timing we want (now—or maybe even yesterday). There are things that happen on a subconscious level, in ourselves and in others, that prepare us for the next step. Oddly, when the time to act does come, there’s often a sense of inevitability about it, as if it was always meant to be this way.

    Look back over your life and you’ll see this pattern. First, look at the decisions that you forced: how did those turn out? Then look for times when you just “knew” what to do, without even thinking about it. What happened then?

    The key to the second kind of decision is waiting for that deep sense of inner knowing.

    That doesn’t mean you’re certain that everything will turn out exactly the way you want it. Or that you don’t feel fear. But there is a sense of “yes, now’s the time” in your body that I liken to the urge that migratory birds get when it’s time to leave town. They don’t stand around debating whether to go, consulting maps and calendars. They just go when the time is right.

    We’re animals too—we have and can cultivate that inner sensitiveness that lets us simply know what to do when the time is right. But to do that we have to unhook from the mind. Thinking is useful up to a point, but we usually take it far beyond the point of usefulness!

    We go over and over various options, trying to predict the future based solely on our hopes and fears.

    We talk endlessly with others about what we should do, hoping that they have the answers for us (and, ideally, trying to get everyone to agree).

    We think about what we “should” do, based on any number of external measures: common sense, morality, religion, family values, finances, and so on.

    And then usually we add this all up and just take our best shot.

    A better way is to take stock of what you know (and, even more importantly, what you don’t know) and then… wait.

    If there’s some action that calls to you, even if it’s seemingly unrelated to the question at hand, do it! Then wait again for another urge to move. Wait actively rather than passively. That means: keep your inner senses tuned to urges or intuitions. Expect that an answer will come. As the I Ching says, wait with the “inner certainty of reaching the goal.”

    This is not the same kind of dithering and procrastination that come when we want to try something new but are afraid to step out into the unknown. If your intuition is pulling you in a certain direction and your mind is screaming at you to “Stop!” by all means ignore your mind.

    There’s a subtle but very real difference between the feeling of fear (which holds you back from doing something you long to do) and misgivings (which warn you that a decision that looks good on the surface is not right for you).

    In both cases, look for and trust that deep sense of inner knowing, even if your thoughts are telling you different. A friend once told me that her father’s best piece of advice to her was: “Deciding to get married should be the easiest decision of your life.” How I wish I had known that when I made my own (highly ambivalent) decision!

    My head was telling me that this was the sensible thing to do, and he was a good man. My gut, however, was far from on board. I still vividly recall the many inward debates I held about whether to marry him, and even the dreams I had that revealed my inner reluctance. Unfortunately, I went with my thoughts over my instincts.

    Now I know this: If you have to talk yourself into something, try waiting instead. More will be revealed, if you give it some time.

    Ignore that voice in your head that says you need to make a decision now. Don’t rush through life. Linger in the liminal spaces and see what becomes clear as you sit with uncertainty. Learn to trust your gut more than your head. Have faith that the right course will unfold at the perfect time. And then, when the time comes, just do it, as simply and naturally as the birds take flight.

  • 7 Lessons from My Father That Have Made Me a Better, Happier Person

    7 Lessons from My Father That Have Made Me a Better, Happier Person

    “A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.” ~Unknown

    I couldn’t understand his grateful mindset, especially given his obvious rapid decline. My dad was dying. None of us could reconcile a life without our mentor, hero, spouse, brother, uncle, friend, and champion of cheesy dinner table games.

    But it was coming, and we all knew it. Still, he’d tell us he’s “counting his blessings, not his struggles.” This from a man with a failing liver and ammonia on his brain.

    When that fateful morning arrived, my mom and I were in direct alignment with him. We’d stayed by his bedside all night, watching for any changes to his breathing. It seemed to settle—at least, the rattle was gone. Soon, we were also unable to breathe as we watched him slip away to his next chapter.

    He didn’t really look like himself, but he looked peaceful. I felt an immediate panic that I’d left unanswered questions on the table. About his past. About my grandparents that I never knew. About how to maneuver through an uncertain future… Do we lock in for the longer-term mortgage rate? Do we renovate the house now, never or in a few years? Do we pull our kid out of school for an epic family adventure?

    Dad would know these things.

    Despite my aching heart, I’ve realized over the last few months that my dad left us with a legacy of Golden Rules. These will pop into my head randomly, but sometimes I wonder… It seems whenever I long for his wisdom, I hear his voice whispering:

    “Count your blessings, not your struggles.”

    Easier said than done, right? But we can all find something to be cheerful about. My dad weathered deep pain in his last month of life. His leg cramps were the worst! It was torture to see him suffer, but more torturous to witness his declining cognitive function.

    Because my dad was a capable, super-human of a man. He built companies from nothing, organized events to support our city, and could relate to anyone he ever met. To watch him struggle with his phone, and to hear his slurred, slowed-down speech, killed me. And yet… Even ten days before his last day on earth, he continued to believe he was lucky.

    “If it weren’t for my liver disease, I wouldn’t have all these check-ins by my grandkids!” 

    “If it weren’t for the ammonia on my brain, I wouldn’t have had all this extra time with you, Sammy.” (I’d taken a leave of absence from my serving job to be more available.)

    His courageous outlook inspires me to do better. Instead of lamenting my long list of grievances, I can choose to focus on the good in my life. I’m healthy. My kids still think I’m cool. My husband supports my new business gig. I’ve let my gray grow in and have been told it’s not “that cringy.” I believe in myself. I have a lot to be grateful for.

    “You can’t teach a lamb to bark.”

    For years, I tried to mold my youngest daughter into the person I thought would be her best self. I fought her incessant quest to be online, even though she had some prodigious knack for beating all the levels in her games. I pushed playdates on her, because they seemed “age-appropriate” and a “better use” of her time when all she wanted was to be alone.

    I’d lecture her on speaking up; I’d answer for her whenever adults put her on the spot; I’d correct her sometimes quirky behaviour; I’d badger her for not opening up to me.

    The list goes on.

    One day, for reasons related to my nephew and not my daughter, my dad politely informed the family that “you can’t teach a lamb to bark.” It took us a beat, but then it sunk in.

    My kid is an introvert. She should not be shamed into behaving more gregariously. My kid likes gaming, and she’s good at it. Why should I take that away from her if we have some healthy boundaries in place? She doesn’t want to be forced into social situations just because other kids her age want that. My kid is a lamb. I should not expect her to bark.

    “Sit on an emotional email for a day or two.”

    This rule saved my bacon countless times over my sixteen-year career in finance. In the heat of some frustrating situation—often defied by any sense of logic—I’d craft seething emails to send to our head office. In my rookie years, I sent some of them and regretted the fallout immediately.

    Having an emotional response to disappointing news is a natural reaction; it’s part of our humanity to feel. But he would always say, “Sammy, imagine your email is printed on the front page of the Globe & Mail [our national newspaper]. Make sure you’ve digested everything first and given yourself the space to think critically.”

    His technique led to dozens of phone calls rather than heat-infused emails whose tone could potentially be misinterpreted. Or I’d sit on them and just never hit send, later realizing, my knee-jerk reaction would have set off a chain of even more difficult situations I’d rather avoid.

    Then there were those that I would send. I’m proud of them… because I was able to express myself from a place of patience, time, and space. Our initial reaction to things does not always end up as the final say.

    “No amount of past trauma can hold you back if you can forgive and find purpose.”

    As a young boy, my dad was molested by a close family member for years. He repressed this abuse, until one day, the world he built to hide his unconscious pain crashed down on all of us.

    The details are difficult to relive. He was accused of some terrible things. He lost his high-powered position in finance. He’d been living a double life, fighting a sex addiction that had manifested out of his childhood trauma. Something none of us, including him, knew anything about. I was eighteen at the time. I thought for sure my mom would leave him. I remember thinking we would lose the house, and that there could be no way through this.

    When his hidden truth rose to the surface, he began to dig into his past and we watched him fight to keep the family together; rebuilding, restoring, and recovering. In his quest to prove himself worthy, he took on a new purpose. He was not going to let his past define him. He was going to forgive. And he was going to help other male survivors of sexual abuse.

    It was hard for us to watch him speak so candidly about his addiction and past. But the more open he was in his speaking engagements, the more courage he passed onto others who’d been suffering in silence. To witness my father rise above and advocate so passionately has taught me the greatest life lesson around: we have more power than we realize.  

    If we don’t like the chapter we’ve written, we can start a new one. We can make productive choices to use our pain in the service of others. We do not need to stay victimized.

    “Just say the truth.”

    If I had a dollar for every time I pulled my dad’s sleeve and asked, “What should I say to this person, Dad?” I’d have a lot of extra dollars! It used to annoy the Bejesus out of me, because his blunt reply seemed to come without any actual consideration.

    One day early in my career, I was in “a slump.” I hadn’t managed to secure any prospect meetings in weeks and was feeling lousy about myself. Desperation exuded out my pores. I did have one appointment coming in, though; he was a friend of a friend. But I thought for sure he’d already have his financial ducks in a row. He was a doctor, after all.

    About an hour before the meeting, the sweat stains began to show through my tailored navy blazer. What could little old me possibly do to help this guy? I was certain our mutual friend had called in a favor to get him to meet with me.

    “Dad, what do I even say to him?”

    “Just say the truth.”

    “That I’m a rookie and nervous to meet him?”

    “Yup.”

    “Not helpful, Dad.”

    As it turned out, I went with his whole “say the truth” guidance, which seemed to immediately disarm this nice man. And as that turned out, he gave me a chance to review the plans he had in place. I wound up saving him money and replacing his unreliable ‘parachute’ with a more airtight solution.

    My relationship with this client eventually morphed into a specialization in looking after physicians’ insurance needs. He told me it was my down-to-earth nature and zero “know-it-all” attitude that led him to trust me.

    Since then, I come back to this favorite line of Dad’s anytime I begin to concoct an excuse for backing out of plans. It’s easier to say it like it is: “I bit off more than I can chew; can we reschedule?”

    “You can’t steal second without leaving first.”

    That was my dad’s shortened version of the Frederick B. Wilcox quote, “Progress always involves risk; you can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.” Dad loved a good baseball analogy!

    I’ve applied this to my life countless times when mulling over whether to take a chance. I used it when I was twenty-four, after being dumped by my fiancé just months before our wedding. Ended up dragging my sad ass to the city we were going to start our lives in, without having secured a job. I told myself I was young and had nothing to lose. That I’d figure it out. And I did.

    I used it when my husband and I opted for expensive fertility treatments. We knew it was a crapshoot, but we wanted another child. On the other hand, the money we had set aside made us feel secure. Thank God we took that chance. Our little Saffron was born nine months and two weeks later.

    The highest stakes use of this mantra came when I began to dread going into work several years ago. I felt like a hamster on the treadmill, always under pressure and in hot pursuit of a carrot I could never reach. If it wasn’t my insomnia, the leaking left eye and chronic stomach aches were enough to tell me something needed to change.

    I’d had dreams for the future, but no real battleplan. I knew, however, if I sold my business, I’d have a little runway to try my hand at reinventing myself. Still, I clung tightly to security. I was the main breadwinner and couldn’t be so foolish.

    I ended up walking away, deciding life was too short to hate my Monday through Friday for another fifteen, twenty years. Others had managed to reinvent themselves. Surely, I could, too.

    That chapter in the Book of Sam is still unfolding, and I don’t consider my reinvention reckless. I consider it vital to my life force. If I’d kept my foot on first base, I’d still be there… looking off in the distance at second… wondering if I could make it. That wondering would haunt me. I’d rather know I tried than skip it altogether.

    “Don’t wait until funerals to tell people they’re special.”

    More than a decade ago, a friend of ours lost his battle with cancer. He was a legend in the business and a close pal of my dad’s. He lived in another city, and though we’d meet for focus groups once a year, we regretted not having the chance to tell him how special he was.

    When Randy died, Dad took immediate action. He invited some clients over for a dinner at his and my mom’s home, motivated to seize the day. At first, I thought it was bizarre he’d bought these wigs and weird hats at some costume store, insisting we all don something ridiculous while we ate our meal.

    But when that client was killed in a plane crash a few months later, I finally got the message. We cannot wait to let someone know they matter.

    On December 2nd, 2019, I walked into a so-called ‘networking’ event thinking, “Just a few more of these and then this career and I are done!” Instead, it was a surprise retirement party,” hosted by my dad, in honor of me.

    I was floored. Instead of thinking about himself and the impact my leaving would have on his succession plan, my dad got busy concocting a farewell party. He flew in my sister from out west. Colleagues from down east. Clients were there. He managed to assemble every special person in my life, and I spent the evening listening to people tell me that I mattered.

    It was like a reverse funeral. Let’s call it, the death of my career… cheered on by those I loved and had helped in my years as a financial advisor. I could cry thinking about the effort he put into this special evening.

    If my dad were alive right now, I think he’d be proud to know these lessons have sunk in. But just like you, I’m a work in progress. I’ll be needing his guidance as I continue to walk my new path. So, to all the dads that have shown up for their children, thank you. Not everyone has had this blessing in their life.

  • Unbecoming the Old Me: How I’m Finally Discovering That Life Can Be Fun

    Unbecoming the Old Me: How I’m Finally Discovering That Life Can Be Fun

    “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” ~Albert Einstein

    I woke up one morning and realized that I had no idea who I was. I realized that over the past thirty-something years I had been everyone but myself.

    I was like a chameleon molding into the people that surrounded me. Not wanting to make noise or cause disturbance to others or trigger my own inner wounds.

    My goal was being whoever I thought the person around me wanted me to be. To be accepted, loved, and liked by others. I realize now that I was searching for something external to validate what I needed to give myself. I needed to learn who I was. I needed to like, love, and get to know myself.

    Once you discover that you do not like yourself and that you don’t even know who you are or what you like, change starts to happen. You start to identify areas where you were using people and things to fill a void that only you can fill. Alcohol to numb the pain, sex to feel less alone, to feel valuable. Helping others and fixing external problems so you don’t have to look at yourself.

    I had no clue this is what I was doing. Honestly, I thought I just wanted to help people. Turns out I was projecting externally what I needed to be doing internally. We tend to do this without any awareness. If you find yourself constantly nurturing or encouraging other people but, on the inside, you feel alone, sad, or wondering if this is all life has to offer, you may be doing this as well.

    Pay attention to what you constantly give to others. It’s likely that’s what you need to give yourself. Pay attention to what you say to others because you likely need to say that to yourself. 

    The journey to discovering myself has been a long one. It has been a fun one and a difficult one. I have explored different activities and hobbies—reflecting back on activities that I enjoyed as a child and bringing those back into my life; trying new things that I have always been curious about or wanted to try. I have kept the ones that bring me joy and peace and eliminated the ones that lower my energy.

    I have also done this with people, jobs, and my own thoughts. The voices in my head have been the most challenging to discard. But after years of consistently working with them, my inner dialogue is finally much nicer.

    Yes, the criticism does still arrive, but I see it for what it is and get curious about it. I ask if what my negative inner voice says is true. Ninety-nine percent of the time it is not. I see what it is trying to teach me.

    I often will ask myself: Who said that to you and when? Oddly enough, my thirty-year-old self’s belief system was one I built as a kid, when I concluded that I wasn’t good enough and I was only valuable when I had something to give someone. It’s really funny when you realize you are an adult body carrying around beliefs you developed as a child, with zero awareness. 

    I also had to take the time to reflect on how my actions and thoughts were playing a role in my life. I had to make the decision to basically do the opposite of what I had been doing to get different results.

    For example, instead of waiting for the people around me to start respecting and prioritizing me, I had to start respecting and prioritizing myself. I had to identify my wants, honor my needs, and set boundaries in relationships.

    Instead of sleeping in, I had to start getting up early before my son so we could have a pleasant morning versus running out the door. I had to nurture myself at the beginning of the day before the world had a chance to pull at me.

    Instead of holding my truth in, I had to muster up the courage to speak it. To share my feelings, rock the boat if I had to, and trust I wasn’t “being crazy.”

    Instead of tiptoeing around everyone and trying to please them, I had to understand that this is not even possible.

    Instead of hating myself, I had to start loving myself.

    Instead of being closed off, I had to open my heart—to myself, others, and the world.

    Instead of remaining stuck, I had to start taking baby steps to discover who I am and who I want to be. Like spending time in silence in nature so I could hear my inner voice, making art, saying positive words to myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth, and meditating for just three minutes a day.

    Before I started doing the opposite of what I had been doing, I had no clue that life could be fun. I am here to tell you that life really can be fun, you’re not alone, and by taking one small step you can begin to transform your life into something you didn’t even know was possible for yourself.

    It does take courage, compassion, consistency, and commitment, but if you start today, when you look back in a few years you will not even recognize yourself or your life.

    If you start to believe bigger than your beliefs about yourself and this world, magic will start to happen.

  • A More Colorful Approach to Meditation—Creating Your Way to Peace

    A More Colorful Approach to Meditation—Creating Your Way to Peace

    Have you ever felt so absorbed in the moment that you lost track of all your worries?

    For me, it’s often something creative that gets me into a peaceful state of flow—writing, painting, or scrapbooking, for example.

    Creativity is often the gateway to inner calm, assuming you’re able to focus on the process instead of striving for perfection and judging your work. If you combine creativity with mindfulness and meditation, you can bypass the inner critic and tap into the magic of pure presence.

    That’s the idea behind Master Peace Box: a monthly art subscription box that pairs with a virtual, meditation-infused workshop. It’s the perfect way to zen out through guided calming, creative experiences. 

    The beauty of combining meditation and art is that you’re able to ease your stress and anxiety and connect with your true self—who you really are under the layers of limiting beliefs, fears, and judgments.

    Then you’re able to express yourself without any of the usual blocks that might hinder your creative potential. It’s a way to channel your emotions, convey thoughts you can’t put into words, and heal your deepest wounds, and it’s incredibly cathartic.

    You can experience all these benefits whether you’re an experienced artist or just starting out—you just need to be willing to give it a try.

    Master Peace can help you do it. They offer full supply kits, or the option to follow along at home with your own supplies.

    Membership benefits include:

    • A new art class each month
    • Guided meditations
    • All the supplies you’ll need sent to your door (or a suggested supply list if you opt in for the virtual class access membership)
    • Money back guarantee
    • The ability to pause, cancel, or skip anytime

    As a special offer for Tiny Buddha readers only, the first 100 people who sign up will get 50% off their first month for any membership with the discount code TINY.

    To sign up and claim your 50% off, click here.

    To learn more about the Master Peace Box, head here.

    This month, Master Peace is teaming up with Solstice Handmade for a lovely, earthly watercolor class. Members will get a gorgeous supply box, a comprehensive class led by Solstice Handmade, and a special Master Peace meditation to round out the experience. It’s a chance to root down, learn a new skill, flow, and release.

    I hope you enjoy this month’s adventure into creative peace and bliss!

  • 7 Self-Reflection Questions to Create Your Own Happiness This Year

    7 Self-Reflection Questions to Create Your Own Happiness This Year

    “Self-reflection is necessary to dig beneath our own layers and visit the inner crevices of our heart and mind to develop an understanding of life.” ~Unknown

    This year, I’ve not set New Year’s resolutions nor planned to completely “reinvent” myself or my life.

    The past three years have brought up many unresolved issues, emotions to release, and wounds to heal. It’s been quite a rollercoaster ride, and I want to be gentle with myself.

    Instead of setting resolutions, I sat down with a simple moleskin journal and pondered a few questions to create my own happiness this year based on what matters most to me.

    I’d like to share bits of this process with you—seven questions—to help you achieve the same in your life. Because, let’s face it, we deserve it!

    You may grab your journal or any notebook and a cup of your favorite beverage (mine was a mocha latte), play a music playlist that inspires you, and take some time to reflect upon your life and how you want it to look and feel like moving forward.

    1. What is meaningful to you?

    Or, put another way, what gives your life meaning right now? I say “right now” because it can change over time.

    My mom and I were reflecting on the past three years the other day, sharing how certain things have lost their importance and meaning while other aspects of our lives have become almost vital.

    Conversation topics, activities, and even certain relationships are not fulfilling anymore. As we talked, we realized we’ve been grieving them quite painfully for the past couple of years.

    For example, I’ve become more sensitive, and shallow relationships don’t satisfy me anymore. I want deep and honest conversations and heartful connections. I seek fewer distractions and spend more time in contemplation.

    Although change can be painful, it always opens doors to new horizons. It’s not that nothing has meaning anymore, but that not the same things do, and it’s to us to find what those are.

    So, what is meaningful to you right now? Nurture it.

    2. What’s your most critical need?

    Last year, I realized the importance of regularly identifying and addressing unmet needs as a form of self-care. So, after experiencing mild to moderate feelings of depression for several months—and finding comfort in neither meditation nor bubble baths (nor red wine)—I dug deeper to discover the source of my unhappiness.

    The search began with a question: “What do I need (really) right now?”

    At that time, I was craving social connections and laughter. Once I became aware of it, I started taking the necessary actions to fulfill those needs and soon felt better.

     What’s your most critical need?

    Once you’ve identified it, you could ask yourself, “What’s preventing me from meeting that need today? And how could I start attending to it?”

    3. How would you like to feel this year?

    In the end, we’re all seeking to feel good. “Good” can come in many flavors, like at peace, alive, or loved. Your favorite flavor may change from day to day, but there’s likely one feeling you crave more than others in this season of your life.

    What is it?

    Mine is playful. I’ve been too serious for too long, and my soul is calling for a good laugh.

    What about you?

    Once you’ve identified your top one to three feelings, you may ask yourself, “When do I tend to feel that way?” Think of the past week, month, and even several years, and identify the moments when you experienced those feelings. Try to replicate those moments (or similar ones) more often.

    4. What are your top three priorities this year?

    Greg McKeown wrote in Essentialism, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”

    Essentialism, as described in the book, is to do fewer things—the most important ones—and do them better. Less in quantity, more in quality.

    It’s about being clear on your priorities and designing your life around them. Doing so makes you feel more satisfied and at peace with yourself and your life. You also experience less stress and overwhelm because your life isn’t cluttered with activities that drain your energy.

    So, where do you want to focus most of your attention and energy this year? Think of no more than one to three aspects of your life.

    If you have difficulty identifying your priorities, another question I ask myself every few months is, “If my life came to an end right now, what would I regret not having done, experienced, accomplished, and become?”

    Almost every time I reflect on this question, the first answer to arise is “not having attained a higher level of consciousness.” And every time, it reminds me to make more room in my schedule for my spiritual practice rather than filling it up with work. It helps me get my priorities straight.

    5. What are your top three goals?

    I used to ignore setting clear goals because having measurable targets to attain made me feel more anxious than excited. ‘That’s until I realized I was going in circles.

    Year after year until my mid-thirties, I found myself in the same place I was the previous year, especially with my creative projects. I wasn’t making any progress, and it got frustrating.

    Eventually, I understood and accepted the value of setting goals: it gives our minds a clear direction to move toward. It helps us to stay focused and avoid constantly getting distracted and sidetracked.

    As Yogi Berra famously said, “If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.”

    Setting too many goals is rarely effective and can feel overwhelming and stressful. However, I find that having three main ones and perhaps a few smaller objectives is a good number.

    So, what are your top three goals this year?

    6. What are three actions you’ll take to achieve each of these goals?

    That’s the most practical question of the lot, and it invites us to be proactive and think of how we can start tackling those goals.

    I’m very “Vata”—the creative personality type of Ayurveda. Vata is heady, gets easily distracted, and constantly changes its mind. It wants to take all paths and often ends up getting nowhere.

    Defining my priorities, setting goals, and defining three actions to start accomplishing those goals helps me stay focused on what matters and avoid wasting time and energy on what doesn’t. Plus, clarity reduces stress, and it’s a powerful antidote to procrastination. You’re more likely to do something if it’s clear in your mind.

    What three actions will you take to tackle your goals for this year?

    7. What are twelve new things you want to try, learn, or explore?

    Every year, I choose twelve experiments—things I’m curious to try and explore—one for each month. I started doing this a few years ago, at a time when my life felt sort of bland and uninspiring.

    So far, I have attended a cacao ceremony, had a reading with a medium, tried Deepak Chopra’s 21-Day Abundance Meditation challenge, participated in a laughter yoga class, tried ecstatic dancing, had a Quantum Healing Hypnosis session, and experimented with a bunch of other things.

    Doing experiments is a great way to discover new interests that could become passions. It also allows you to meet new people and uncover aspects of yourself—like desires and personality traits—that you didn’t even know existed. Overall, it makes your life richer!

    You just have to pick twelve experiments and assign each to a month of the year. Then, after each experiment, ask yourself, “Did I like it? Do I want to do it again?”

    —

    I hope you’ll find value in some of these ideas and that they’ll inspire you to create your own happiness.

    May this year bring you experiences that make you come alive or give you more of the feelings your soul craves the most in this season of your life.

  • New Year’s Resolutions Simplified: It’s as Easy as 1, 2, 3

    New Year’s Resolutions Simplified: It’s as Easy as 1, 2, 3

    You and I will probably come across a hundred articles about New Year’s resolutions in 2023 … again. And, if you and I are like the majority—the well-intentioned, regular people who genuinely want change—we will aspire to big things and later get frustrated and give up on the list we made … again.

    But what if we kept it really simple this time? What if we didn’t have to make an endless list and be reminded, by looking at it, of all the things we may fail at again?

    What if we made it as easy as one, two, three?

    Let us do that instead, shall we?!

    1. Make “one” your magic number. Count to one each day, starting now, not from January 1st—NOW! What is the one thing you want and will do today?

    One email or paragraph you will write, or one chapter you will read, or one person you’ll reach out to. Who is the one lucky person you will text or call to tell them how you miss or appreciate them? Or how encouraged you feel by knowing them or how you want to ask forgiveness from them? Who is the one person you can write to or call to laugh about that one fun memory that you only share with them?

    I personally made a commitment to write or call or pray for a person whenever they cross my mind, that same day; I do not wait. There is a reason, I believe, we are reminded of people, and life is so fragile. I don’t want to miss an opportunity and regret not uplifting someone who could have been encouraged, or speaking kindness to someone who could have benefited from it.

    What’s one thing you will do today to move toward a healthier and happier you?

    Maybe it’s just one set of squats while you are washing the dishes; one jump rope you will order and one minute of jumping you’ll do when it arrives; one glass of beer or coke or a sweet drink you’ll replace with water or tea or decaf coffee just once today. Which one item will you change in your menu today for something that is better for your body?

    What is the one happy song you will listen to in the car or on a quick walk that you will take today? What is the one shop you will drive to, parking really far away, so you can get extra steps walking back and forth?

    2. Remember that there are two significant ways that your brilliant mind registers and remembers everything: through words and images.

    Paint clear, vivid, beautiful pictures for your mind of what it is that you want. Think backward; create an image of what your completed accomplishment looks like to you and make it as detailed and as exciting as you possibly can.

    See yourself having arrived at the healthy weight you want, you fitting into an outfit of your desires, hearing your friends and strangers complimenting you on how radiant and healthy and great you look, thinking about how you love taking care of your body inside and out.

    See yourself having completed your degree, project, letter, book, task, whatever. See yourself walking across the stage, people wanting to buy your product, welcoming your project, asking you to give your presentation again, asking you about and enjoying the summary of what you read or learned.

    Imagine yourself buying that house you have painted in your mind and furnishing it and having friends over and laughing and resting in your comfortable space every day!

    See yourself in a relationship you just repaired or found and are enjoying. See how good it is for you and the other person; see and hear the uplifting conversations you are having and the fun activities you are enjoying together. Dream in pictures!

    When talking to yourself, use words that are kind, uplifting, life-giving, generous—not the opposite. Speak in the same way you would to someone you love and care about; someone whose success would make you as happy as your own; someone you want to see happy, encouraged, loved. Talk to yourself in your mind and out loud like that each day and see what happens.

    3. Imagine yourself as a triangle.

    One side is your mind, connected to the second, your heart, connected to the third, your amazing body, with the entire space inside filled with who you really and most profoundly are—your spirit.

    All of you needs to be cared for, attended to, and nurtured. Pay attention to what each part needs and requires. How is it lacking? What is it missing? What one thing can you do today to nurture each part?

    I nourish my spirit through prayer and silence daily, which fills me with focus, strength, and insight, and I always pray for at least one person outside of my family as well. Walking is what helps care for my body during this season of life.

    —

    So there you have it: one, two, three.

    When you get to the end of your day today, be sure to congratulate yourself on that one thing you did, that step you took, and look forward to doing it again tomorrow. Be your cheerleader and encourager and then, over time, you’ll see that change you’ve been looking for.

  • FREE Global JOY Summit! Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and More…

    FREE Global JOY Summit! Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and More…

    Hi friends! I’m excited to invite you to the upcoming Global Joy Summit, a FREE online even running from November 13th to 16th.

    This is an amazing opportunity to be inspired by the contagious joy and timely message of the Dalai Lama and the late, great Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and learn from 30+ renowned joy scientists, spiritual teachers, changemakers, and artists.

    The lived experiences of these two global icons, and self-described “mischievous brothers,” serve as a profound example of the power of joy in the face of adversity. They teach us that joy is an essential key to meeting the many ordinary and profound challenges we now face, individually and collectively.

    The summit will include a free screening of Mission: JOY—the laugh-out-loud funny documentary that shares the magical friendship, practical wisdom, and historic final in-person meeting of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu—as well as inspiring and practical sessions with 30+ speakers.

    The summit will explore:

    • Practices to transform stress, anxiety, grief, depression, despair, isolation, challenging emotions, and difficulty 
    • Practical tools to cultivate well-being, connection, love, compassion, and joy
    • The relationship between joy and sorrow (they’re not opposites)
    • Joy as a “clean fuel” to power transformative action
    • Ubuntu, interconnection, and compassion as essential keys to healing our planet and creating a good future
    • A special keynote with His Holiness the Dalai Lama
    • Live interactive workshops and musical performances 

    More than ever, the world needs each of us to tap into the innate love, compassion, and joy that the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu remind us are at the core of our beings.

    Come for one session or all and join the celebration and exploration. 

    You can sign up for free here.

    I hope you enjoy this joy-filled event!