fbpx
Menu

Category “change & challenges”

When Self-Help Hurts: How My Obsession Kept Me Stuck

By

“Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and trust that in this moment, who you are, where you are at, and what you are doing is enough. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe. Breathe and be patient with yourself and your process. You are doing the best you can to cope and survive amid your struggles, and that’s all you can ask of yourself. It’s enough. You are enough.” ~Daniell Koepke

I feel a bit like Frodo Baggins. I’m on this tireless, seemingly never-ending journey just …

How to Get Through Hard Times Without Hurting People We Love

By

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~Buddha

Just the other day, I had one of those moments with my husband, and not the kind of moment they write about in romance novels.

The world has been so different these last several months, and so many are feeling the effects of months of struggle, uncertainty, frustration, and limitations.

I consider myself to be someone who works to see the positive, finds the silver living in situations, and believes in the best of people, and that things can and will always get better. But lately, that has …

Perfectly Imperfect: How to Embrace Your Insecurities

By

“Cut yourself some slack. You’re doing better than you think.” ~Unknown

Your stomach is tied up in knots.

Another crisis has arrived, and everyone is looking to you to have the answers, to be the leader. You can’t blame them either because you think you should have all the answers. But you just don’t.

Though you look calm on the outside, inside you’re a tangle of nerves and anxiety, terrified someone will expose you as the fraud you feel you are.

In the past, you’ve been able to pull a rabbit out of a hat to save the day, …

What We Need to Grow and How It Can Happen in Just One Day

By

“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” ~Mike McHargue

I learned some of my biggest life lessons in grade 5.

I was an average student leaning to below average in my early elementary years. I came home with a steady flow of B’s, C’s and the occasional E’s in second language subjects. I was told that I wasn’t applying myself and, as every report card I ever brought home clearly stated, I talked too much.

At least that was the narrative as I came to understand it.

I …

How to Foster Gratitude If You Have a History of Childhood Abuse

By

“The pressure to be grateful kept me away from the more painful and real feelings of grief, anger, and abandonment. Growing up, gratitude was one more brick on the pile that kept all of the secrets of abuse in place. It was just one more thing that made me feel like being who I am, as I am, isn’t enough.” ~Vicki Peterson

The pathway to gratitude for a person with developmental trauma is not always straightforward.

You try your best and even purchased a journal specifically to try the ritual for yourself, but all you can think of to be …

The Power of Compassion: How to Make Do in an Unfair World

By

“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.” ~Nelson Mandela

Ever thought, “Life is so unfair!”

Is it, really?

Has life given you circumstances that keep you in a deep, dark hole of disadvantages that seem impossible to clamber out of?

Has life decided that you need to live in abject poverty and watch everyone in your life suffer from being denied everything a human needs to be human?

Has life put you in a position where you wouldn’t dare …

How to Survive Hard Times: 5 Lessons from Volunteering in a Hospital

By

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” ~Albert Einstein

Why do you want to do it? It was a question I was asked repeatedly by friends before I started my volunteering placement in a spinal injuries unit, the uncertainty in their eyes reflecting back their own fears around life-altering disability.

It was difficult to put into words what drew me to becoming a patient support volunteer. I was content in my job, had an active social life, hiked and swam every weekend, but still there was something missing. My own life felt sheltered, and I wanted to feel …

How to Hear Your Intuition When Making a Big Decision

By

“Your brain can play tricks, your heart can be blind, but your gut is always right.” ~Rachel Wolchin

Have you ever wondered why it can feel so incredibly difficult to make a decision? The pros and cons lists, the endless stream of thoughts talking us into it and then against it, the anxiety about potential disappointment, doing it wrong, or regretting it can leave us paralyzed with self-doubt.

I can very much relate to this cycle. In the past, I had extreme difficulty making decisions. I would become completely obsessed with all aspects of the process, seeking to talk …

Free Online Embodied Psychology Summit – Starts on the 22nd

By

Have you ever felt like you’ve rehashed your issues over and over, but you’re still far from healing? Maybe you’ve done talk therapy for years, and it’s helped to some degree, but it feels like you’ve been missing something you need to finally start feeling happy, free, and alive.

If this sounds familiar, I highly recommend the FREE ONLINE Embodied Psychology Summit, which starts in just a few days, on Wednesday the 22nd.

In this five-day event, you’ll hear from forty renowned teachers and therapists and learn to ignite the wisdom of your body to heal trauma, …

When You Feel Bad About Feeling Sad and Anxious

By

“You don’t have to be brave all of the time. You are not damaged or defeated. Have patience. Give yourself permission to grieve, to cry, and to heal. Allow a bit of compassion, you’re doing the best you can. We all are.” ~Unknown

Growing up, I received the message that everything had to look a certain way. It was only okay to feel positive emotions, and any expression of unruly emotions was totally unacceptable.

It wasn’t that anyone directly said this to me. I wasn’t given a written set of rules to follow. I wasn’t given any speeches or trainings …

How to Love a Lying, Cheating Heart

By

Brett’s name flits onto my screen with an incoming email.

“Call you right back,” I say, hanging up on a friend.

Last time I talked to Brett, the Obama family lived in the White House. Last time I thought of him? Last year, as Melania took her third crack at presidential Christmas décor, and I failed to muster enough spirit to fetch our pre-lit tree from the garage.

Brett’s message came in through the contact form on my website. He invited me to meet for coffee; full respect if I decline.

Four years ago, it was me who reached out …

Deconstructing Shame: How to Break Free from Your Past

By

“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

“I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I’ll never be good enough.”

“I’m not worthy of love.”

Sound familiar?

I hear phrases like this all the time in my work helping women walk through divorce. I heard it for years while I was working in women’s ministry. And it echoes back to me from my own experience. I’ve walked through a lot of broken stories from numerous aching souls.

These phrases all boil down to one core emotion: shame.…

How to Heal from Gaslighting and Stop Hurting Yourself

By

“Gaslighting by parents can extend way into adulthood, but it may have particularly harmed you during your childhood. Children need to learn to trust themselves, and when they’re taught that what they see, hear, or feel isn’t real, that can lead to a lifetime of self-doubt.” ~Suzannah Weiss

Some of us grew up in families where our feelings and what we were experiencing were denied or pushed aside, what some people call “gaslighting.”

What is that? When someone—often our caregivers/parents—sows seeds of doubt in our minds that make us question our own sense of personal truth and reality.…

When You Want to Get Back to Normal but Life Will Never Be the Same

By

“Don’t waste your time looking back on what you’ve lost. Move on, for life is not meant to be traveled backwards.” ~Unknown

When I was thirty-eight, I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer. During my treatment, one thought persisted: “I can’t wait until this is over and life goes back to normal.”

I clung to the belief that things would go back to how they once were, and all that needed to happen was for treatment to end. It gave me something to focus on that felt real during a time of disruption and uncertainty.

Unfortunately, when treatment ended …

The Anti-Anxiety Techniques That Prepare You for a Crisis

By

“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” ~Dan Millman

One of the paradoxes of learning to cope with anxiety is that it often means you’re prepared for chaos and crisis. When everyone else is thrown by the uncertainty, you’re strangely at home because it is not as far from your day-to-day lived reality as it is to their’s.

I often joke that at a time of crisis, people with anxiety are like early adopters of the iPhone; we’re like “See, this is exactly what I’ve been telling you about!!! It …

The Most Common PTSD Myths and Symptoms, and How to Cope

By

“The dark night of the soul is a journey into light, a journey from your darkness into the strength and hidden resources of your soul.” ~Caroline Myss

Growing up in a household with both parents, my grandmothers, and pets, people often assumed we were the picture-perfect family. I participated in dance classes, sports, and we also had a lot of extended family gatherings. We lived in a pretty nice neighborhood, went to good schools, and both of my parents worked and were educated.

But, from a very young age, I witnessed and experienced frightening events and images no child should …

I Am a Survivor, Not a Victim, and I’m Grateful for My Pain

By

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Emotional pain cannot kill you but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let your yourself heal.” ~Vironika Tugaleva

I was nine years old, sitting on the couch with my dad, watching a Very Brady Christmas (on my sister’s birthday, December 20th) when he first molested me. Terror, confusion, disbelief, and shame comingled to create a cocktail that would poison me for many years to come.

We grew up in a family that, from the outside, seemed …

How to Be Your Own Best Friend When You’re Grieving

By

“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ~Kristen Neff

Your best friend just lost her husband and her mother within five days of one another. Her husband was terminally ill. Her mother was eighty-six. You don’t know how she is going to get through this. You know that she was assuming that after her husband died, she would console herself by spending time with her mother. But that is not how it is going to work out.

Your best …

How to Welcome Uncertainty into Your Life and Release Your Worry

By

“Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.” ~Celestine Chua

Uncertainty can be the glue for anxiety if you allow it. One thing can snowball into another and soon you are looking at the road ahead, absolutely dumbfounded about which way to go. It shakes us to our core; it disrupts our security, our stable foundation and makes us feel unsettled, even a bit lost.

But can our lives change without uncertainty?

I don’t believe they can.

Two years ago, I found myself wondering: Is this all there is? The road I’ve been on is where I’ll stay; no …

How To Set Boundaries With Your Racist Relatives

By

As the Black Lives Matter movement gains traction across the nation and the world, many of us are being called to use the skills we’ve learned to improve ourselves⁠—such as speaking our truth, setting boundaries, and breaking the people-pleasing pattern⁠—to improve our communities, our countries, and our world.

Those of us who are allies are conveniently positioned to have conversations about racial justice with our family members, friends, and coworkers. However, historically, many of us have balked at these conversations out of fear of our own awkwardness, others’ anger, or the possibility of creating rifts in relationships.

In …