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Fostering the Right Attitude: Know Who You Are

ā€œI urge you to try not to get hung up in the mentality that says ‘I hope I donā€™t lose him (or her),’ but foster the attitude that says ‘He should be appreciative of having me in his life.'”

I read these words in the midst of a downward emotional spiral, and they grounded me almost immediately.

I was fifty-three when I read Marieā€™s words. I was in the eighth year of my relationship with my husband and realized that I had become a shell of the woman I was when I first met him. Amidst all the compromises I’d …

8 Ways to Turn Disappointment into Meaningful Success

“Don’t let today’s disappointment cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dream.” ~Unknown

Have you ever looked back on your life, exactly a year ago, and felt amazed by how much has changed?

Last year at this time, I’d only just started this site and I was competing in a blogging contest. Ignite Social Media, the marketing company behind the mood supplement SAM-e, had come up with a clever crowdsourcing campaign to generate awareness for the product.

In the beginning of the fall, they advertised a contest to win a dream blogging job. The winner would get a six-month contract to write …

Where We Place Our Attention

“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention.” ~Thich Nhat HanhĀ 

Let’s think for a second about emptiness. Why is a cup of tea useful? For its decorations? Noā€”it’sĀ  useful for its emptiness, for the space where we can pour tea.

When we let go of all the things that are cluttering our minds, we become like that tea cup, and we are able to use that space to focus on what matters: giving attention to people, here and now.

Society considers money, praise, and rewards important. However, attention speaks clearer than everything else. Why does …

30 Things to Appreciate About You

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

Depending on where youā€™re from, you may celebrate Thanksgiving today. You might get together with your family over a massive gravy-drenched feast. You might celebrate with a chosen family of friends, with traditional food, vegan fare, or a nontraditional fast food spread.

Regardless of who surrounds you today or what meal you all share together, youā€™ll likely reflect upon your blessings, as we tend to do at this time of year.

You might announce them elocution style as you all take turns at the …

7 Simple Ways to Create Thanksgiving Every Day

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.” ~Unknown

Tomorrow as many people celebrate Thanksgiving Day with their loved ones, fully enjoy the day and take it all in.

This day is traditionally a time to be with families, friends, and loved ones. It focuses around sharing a meal and enjoying precious time together.

Here in London, I have never been to a Thanksgiving dinner, but I just love the whole concept behind this day of appreciation, sharing, and togetherness. Maybe in time, notwithstanding all the …

Living in the Moment: A Catā€™s Tale

“If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Frazzled! Doesnā€™t that word seem to apply to how we feel so much of the time? Take this morning for example.

Iā€™m dashing about the flat and running late for work. Iā€™m drinking a cup of tea while drying my hair. I have to put the washing away and hang a new load out. I mustnā€™t forget to feed the cat and pick up lunch before I get to the office.

Then I see himā€”the cat sleeping contentedly on the bed.

Once I …

Desperate to Be Seen: Learning to Shine a Steady Beam

“If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

While in the process of “re-branding” my business, Iā€™ve been reading a lot about business marketing. One of the articles that I really loved contains an analogy of a lighthouse for a business model, but to me, it speaks of so much more. It’s really a life model.

The example highlights how a lighthouse doesnā€™t run up and down the coast, anxiously seeking any boats in the water. It doesnā€™t cast its beam north and south, right and left, desperate to be seen. …

Our Shared Fears & 5 Ways to Overcome Them

“Fear is inevitable, I have toĀ acceptĀ that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” ~Isabel Allende

In life, we experience two kinds of fear: real fear and psychological fear. Or, as I prefer to think of the latter, ego-fear.

In the words of Immanuel Kant, the ego is ā€œour precious little self.ā€ Or as Eckhart Tolle calls it, ā€œthe voice in the head.ā€ It isnā€™t who you really are, but the you that you think you are.

Each day, what you see in the mirror is the reflection of your physical being, and within, you may get glimpses …

How to Develop a Strong Morning Practice to Start Your Day Well

ā€œSmile, breathe, and go slowly.ā€ ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Your mornings set the tone for the rest of the day. We all know this. If you get off to a bad start, oftentimes the rest of your day follows suit.

The best way to combat this is to come up with a meaningful morning practice that acts as a buffer between getting up and starting your day, and puts you in the right headspace to go out and face the world. (Or do whatever it is you do, on a day-to-day basis.)

It gives you a space in the morning where …

5 Ways to Masterfully Navigate Life Challenges

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~Pema Chodron

In my twenties I had dreams that I could fly. Literally. In my mind’s eye, I had a vision of myself dancing in the air. I thought if I were an animal, I would be a graceful eagle soaring through the skies.

Never mind I am just shy of six feet tall and aerodynamically inept. I had a dream and I was going to follow it. Hence, I called the local circus teacher to pursue the hobby of aerial acrobatics.…

Being out of Your Comfort Zone: Opening up & Pushing Boundaries

“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” -~Pema Chodron

These past few years, Iā€™ve focused on education and passing the required exams to get into university. I had my mind set on where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I didnā€™t do well on my exams, so that didnā€™t quite pan out, but Iā€™m happy.

Iā€™m now studying for a bachelorā€™s degree in biology with the hope of later furthering it into research. Iā€™m also located just around the corner from where I originally wanted to be. So all in …

Staying Friends When You Wanted More

ā€œDonā€™t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take action and your feelings will change.ā€ ~Barbara Baron

Paul and I had been acquaintances for eight years. When I opened the door to his office one afternoon to offer our usual casual hello, an alchemical change packed a walloping charge through my body.

When had my coworker become a handsome man with whom I suddenly wanted to share more than impersonal cafeteria trays in a crowd?

Iā€™m not sure what flipped the switch for me, but Iā€™d already cheered him when he ran two marathons, listened when his wife …

Better Together: We Are Not Alone

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” ~Helen Keller

My patient, John Done, rolled in by ambulance from his home in rural Oregon. As his story unfolded I understood why the nurses and ER doctors in the room were slack-jawed and shaking their heads, and I understood why I had been called to see what the nurse called a “DIY’er.ā€

I have been a surgeon for over ten years and had never been consulted for a case of do it yourself surgery. John had had a belly button hernia sticking out a couple of inches …

The Art of Receiving

“Appreciation is an excellent thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us, as well.” ~Voltaire

Halloween is the coming attractions preview of the holidays. Those little witches, ghosts, and goblins will soon morph into angels, wise men, and reindeer, and the candy you gave in October will give way to more expensive gift-giving in December.

While the old proverb tells us it is better to give than receive, countless people bemoan the absence of grateful receivers. Thank you letters seem to be a relic of the past and expressions of gratitude are often drowned out in a …

5 Tips to Accept Your Weaknesses: The First Step Toward Growth

“Growth begins when we begin to accept our weaknesses.” ~Jean Vanier

I went out with my mom this Sunday, a beautiful, sunny, fall day in San Francisco. As we sat on a bench looking out over the bay and ate our vegetarian spring rolls, she reminded me of an incident that happened when I was a teenager when she and I had traveled to the Grand Canyon.

In a nutshell, I had gotten irate over a family that was feeding the ground squirrels French fries right next to a sign that said ā€œDonā€™t Feed the Squirrels.ā€ I went up to …

Baby Steps: A Simple Guide to Doing Something New

ā€œIt is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.ā€ ~Proverb

Two years ago, after hearing Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project, talk about setting up oneā€™s own blog, I went home and did just that. It had been something I had thought of doing, one day, when I would get over my ā€œfearā€ of technology and decide I can do this.

Her talk made it sound so easy that I sat down and went for it. And I did it; I set up my own …

Navigating Loss: Dealing with the Pain and Letting Go

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” ~Pema Chodron

I remember when I first read the pathology report on my patient, Mr. Jackson (name changed), my stomach flip-flopped. “Adenocarncinoma of the pancreas,” it said.

A week later, a CT scan revealed the cancer had already spread to his liver. Two months after that, following six rounds of chemotherapy, around-the-clock morphine for pain, a deep vein thrombosis, and pneumococcal pneumonia, he was dead.

His wife called me to tell me he’d died at home. I told her how …

9 Ways to Cope When Bad Things Happen

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

Have you ever experienced times when you go through just one bad thing after another? When it seems like the world is out to get you? When things go wrong no matter what you do?

You are not alone. Bad things happen to all of us too, including me. I experienced a small set back recently which I want to share with you.

Not too long ago, I was working on my upcoming eBook. ItĀ was my #1 priority project at that time and I …

On Making Positive Choices for a Happy, Empowered Life

“Life is a choice.” ~Unknown

I’ve recently realized that life is a never-ending stream of choices, even when you think you don’t have many options.

Some look insignificant on their own but somehow manage to contribute to a massive whole. Others can feel overwhelming, and you don’t always realize when you make them what the consequences will beā€”how they’ll shape your life story.

The biggest decision Iā€™ve made in the past six months is to return to university and complete the MA Creative Writing course I began two years ago. Itā€™s almost a choice I never madeā€”a life I never …

Be Happier with Your Life: 6 Ways to Let Jealousy Guide You

“Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” ~Unknown

My friend Kayla and I ran a student organization together at our graduate school. One day, we were sitting at the local cafƩ, talking about plans for the organization. Kayla had an idea for a major creative project she would drive and lead.

The idea was fabulous, and I didnā€™t like it. I didnā€™t like the idea of her doing this fabulous thing, though I couldnā€™t quite put my finger on why. Over our coffees, I shared this concern and that. It wasnā€™t in line with …