Idk if it’s about that, since she told me plenty of times and reassured me that she wants nothing to do with him, even if i wasn’t in the picture she’s done and she never goes back to her past once she leaves. But what else could it be? Maybe my insecurities are not calming down.

Yeah seems like spot on for me.. Even back when things were perfect between us, my mind would sometimes throw random scenarios that we would fight/argue, she would leave me or find someone else and how would i feel, what would i do and for minutes i would get upset/angry and distant (never told her anything about those random thoughts, only until december when we met), but would be fine within 3-5 minutes.
It always made me wonder why i do it. Same thing was happening with my father for example, i saw in my dreams that he passed, i woke up so shook, but then once it went away, it never bothered me again, as if my brain “experienced” it, processed it and now it’s gone, not gonna hurt me again.
It makes sense because after all this crying and grieving that i’ve done for this girl (while we’re still at it) now im numb and thinking of any relationship/future seems “off” to me right now. But i guess all this didn’t work with her, since i got attached anyway.
How do we turn this off and connect again, anita?